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!DOCTYPE html>html langen-US>head itemscope itemtypehttps://schema.org/WebSite>meta charsetUTF-8 />meta nameviewport contentwidthdevice-width, initial-scale1 />title>The Mrs/title>meta namerobots contentmax-image-preview:large />link reldns-prefetch href//fonts.googleapis.com />link reldns-prefetch href//s.w.org />link reldns-prefetch href//v0.wordpress.com />link reldns-prefetch href//c0.wp.com />link relalternate typeapplication/rss+xml titleThe Mrs » Feed hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/feed/ />link relalternate typeapplication/rss+xml titleThe Mrs » Comments Feed hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/comments/feed/ />link relcanonical hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/ />		script typetext/javascript>			window._wpemojiSettings  {baseUrl:https:\/\/s.w.org\/images\/core\/emoji\/13.1.0\/72x72\/,ext:.png,svgUrl:https:\/\/s.w.org\/images\/core\/emoji\/13.1.0\/svg\/,svgExt:.svg,source:{concatemoji:https:\/\/themrsschell.com\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-emoji-release.min.js?ver5.8.10}};			!function(e,a,t){var 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classhome blog header-full-width content-sidebar genesis-breadcrumbs-hidden genesis-footer-widgets-hidden itemscope itemtypehttps://schema.org/WebPage>div classsite-container>nav classnav-secondary aria-labelSecondary itemscope itemtypehttps://schema.org/SiteNavigationElement>div classwrap>ul idmenu-menu-bar classmenu genesis-nav-menu menu-secondary>li idmenu-item-368 classmenu-item menu-item-type-custom menu-item-object-custom current-menu-item current_page_item menu-item-home menu-item-368>a hrefhttp://themrsschell.com/ aria-currentpage itempropurl>span itempropname>Home/span>/a>/li>li idmenu-item-198 classmenu-item menu-item-type-post_type menu-item-object-page menu-item-198>a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/about/ itempropurl>span itempropname>About/span>/a>/li>li idmenu-item-195 classmenu-item menu-item-type-taxonomy menu-item-object-category menu-item-195>a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/category/faith/ itempropurl>span itempropname>Faith/span>/a>/li>li idmenu-item-194 classmenu-item 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classwrap>div classcontent-sidebar-wrap>main classcontent>article classpost-481 post type-post status-publish format-standard category-uncategorized entry aria-labelDeconstructing Myself itemscope itemtypehttps://schema.org/CreativeWork>header classentry-header>h2 classentry-title itempropheadline>a classentry-title-link relbookmark hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/2021/10/deconstructing-myself/>Deconstructing Myself/a>/h2>p classentry-meta>time classentry-time itempropdatePublished datetime2021-10-05T15:21:36-04:00>October 5, 2021/time> - span classentry-comments-link>a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/2021/10/deconstructing-myself/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /p>/header>div classentry-content itemproptext>p>I have so many ideas of what I want this post to be but I don’t know where to start. /p>p>How do I find the words to describe a high-risk pregnancy and amazingly beautiful birth experience that both redeemed parts of me and broke me down into tiny pieces?/p>p>How do I put into words motherhood that has been so beautiful and sanctifying, simultaneously creating rubble out of who I was and rebuilding me into someone I only partly recognize?/p>p>How do I express trying to tell what is postpartum depression and what is the continuous trauma of living through a global pandemic? /p>p>How do I quantify the deep pain of being basically abandoned by the community we thought we had, of essentially being left alone through that high-risk, stressful pregnancy and then in the aftermath as we transitioned to a family of six?/p>p>How do I explain the confusion and heartbreak that is realizing that so many things you were taught from a young age and bought into because you thought they were truth were really forms of oppression and misogyny, even in the church? /p>p>How do I write about the crazy contrast of both the deep confidence and knowledge of myself this season has brought against the feeling of being totally unmoored because my belief system and the church I thought I believed in I am seeing as a lot of lies and things added to the Word of God?/p>p>I was going to try and write about only one topic at a time, but they are honestly all so deeply intertwined for me that it’s impossible. The last 18 months have brought so many times of realizing what I really want and believe and feeling so confident in making big moves in life. But alongside them have come an equal number of times where I feel the waves are crashing over my head and I am simply trying to stay afloat, having no capacity to process the areas where it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under me./p>p>Trying to break down the parts of me I built trying to be what other people wanted/expected of me, whether at very personal levels or based on church beliefs/societal expectations. Spending a lot of time with God and just figuring out what brings me joy and where He wants me and what He calls me to. Analyzing every reaction and response to try and figure out the reason I react that way and is it really me or something that needs to be broken down and rebuilt. And honestly spending a lot of time grieving the loss of these “neat and tidy” belief structures that gave me a list to check to determine if I was living as a “Godly woman/wife/mother”. When you realize you can essentially be whoever you choose to be, within some basic boundaries God has in His Word like love Him and love others well, it’s both extremely freeing and also terrifying. Realizing I don’t have to be who anyone else expects me to be, I just need to be who He made me to be, but feeling like I have no idea who that woman is. /p>p>So that’s where I’m at right now. And that’s why I have written any further in the grief series, I am deep in the middle of a lot of confusion and grief myself. /p>p>And to be clear, I haven’t lost my faith in the Lord, when I say deconstructing I may mean walking away from the church (denominational, human led church), but I don’t mean walking away from the Lord. And I think that’s ok. We need to not treat deconstruction like such a negative thing. There is an entire generation of evangelicals going through the same thing. We were taught to believe what was taught and not question, to follow their version of God and to know the Bible but not really equipped to study the Bible and determine who God really is. It’s a hard, painful road to be on. For some it will end in a reconstruction of their faith, and for others maybe not. All I know is the more compassion and understanding and open arms and room for questions we can give, the greater chance they have at seeing the true Jesus and coming back to Him. I’m tired of the judgement and the sense of superiority like we’re better because we know this and the othering that happens in the church. Jesus gave us two commandments: love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength; and to love our neighbors like we love ourselves (basically care for them well). Let’s get back to that./p>figure classwp-block-image size-large>a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/376-WB.jpg>img loadinglazy width1024 height444 srchttps://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/376-WB-1024x444.jpg alt classwp-image-482 srcsethttps://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/376-WB-1024x444.jpg 1024w, https://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/376-WB-300x130.jpg 300w, https://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/376-WB-768x333.jpg 768w, https://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/376-WB.jpg 1500w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/figure>/div>footer classentry-footer>p classentry-meta>span classentry-comments-link>a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/2021/10/deconstructing-myself/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span>br />span classentry-categories>Filed Under: a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/category/uncategorized/ relcategory tag>Uncategorized/a>/span> /p>/footer>/article>article classpost-451 post type-post status-publish format-standard category-faith category-uncategorized tag-faith tag-grief tag-suffering entry aria-labelChristians, Grief, and Suffering: What Should Our Response Be? itemscope itemtypehttps://schema.org/CreativeWork>header classentry-header>h2 classentry-title itempropheadline>a classentry-title-link relbookmark hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/2021/07/christians-grief-and-suffering-what-should-our-response-be/>Christians, Grief, and Suffering: What Should Our Response Be?/a>/h2>p classentry-meta>time classentry-time itempropdatePublished datetime2021-07-28T10:06:41-04:00>July 28, 2021/time> - span classentry-comments-link>a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/2021/07/christians-grief-and-suffering-what-should-our-response-be/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /p>/header>div classentry-content itemproptext>p>We as Christians, at least in the evangelical environment in which I grew up and am still involved in, have a very complicated relationship with grief and suffering. While we say that e know this is something that is to be expected as the result of living in a fallen world, in the already/not yet state of waiting for the Lord’s return and redemption of the physical world, we seem extremely reticent to acknowledge grief and suffering, join in with those experiencing it, and give it the space it deserves. Is this what Jesus asks of us? Would this be His response? I am going to walk through some examples that I have personally dealt with and look at these questions./p>p>I grew up attending several churches would predominately focused on the “mountain top” experiences only, and if you had bad days or experienced grief, suffering, hardship, or loss, you were made to feel that this was a result of your lack of faith. I remember sitting in a service where people were relating the amazing things God had revealed to them and how good He was and all the blessing they were living in. I sat there thinking of the hard days I frequently experienced, the not even feeling capable of getting out of bed or feeling totally overwhelmed by life (what I would later learn was depression and anxiety), and thinking that I couldn’t relate to their experience at all. I was scared to share what I actually dealt with because I was scared I would be told that my faith was weak and my struggles were a result of that. The thing was, even in that difficult time, I could stand there stating with all my heart that God was good and I knew that He was with me in those times and it was by His grace that I was functioning. I remember thinking that these people were either lying about what their life was like, or lived such a small existence in a “Jesus bubble” that they hadn’t encountered true suffering or grief. Their resistance to acknowledging the true ups and downs of life led to me feeling like an outsider and inhibited my ability to form true community with them. Thankfully, the Lord kept it from impacting my faith in Him./p>p>A few years later, when Ben and I were struggling to get pregnant with our first child, I again felt this sense of being “othered” due to our struggle. Too many people couldn’t relate to having issues getting pregnant and few were willing to try and understand what we were going through. I had others turn it into a “suffering olympics”, trying to say that my struggle wasn’t as big a deal because at least I had never been pregnant and lost a baby. Too many people compared it only to what they had or had not experienced, instead of trying to simply be there for us or try to empathize with us./p>p>Thankfully, two years after that, when we lost our second child to miscarriage, we were surrounded by a community who joined with us in celebrating and acknowledging that child’s life, as short as it was. They allowed me to feel what I needed to, took me out for coffee to ensure that I didn’t just sit at home alone in my grief, and provided meals for our family while we grieved. Many of these women had never experienced miscarriage themselves, but they knew that they could still be the hands and feet of Jesus to us. This was the first time I had ever felt uplifted in my suffering. It was a beautiful experience and the Lord used it to keep me strong in my faith in Him amidst the deep pain and loss. Then a month later when I became pregnant with our third child, they were still there, acknowledging how scary it must be to be pregnant after loss, allowing me to share as I needed to. They let me grieve the loss while celebrating the blessing of this new child, without trying to tell me to get over the loss because we had now been given a new child./p>p>Sadly, I have experience pretty severe postpartum depression and anxiety after all 3 of my births. This seems to be something that is hard to find good support for. I’m not sure if it’s that we simply don’t talk about it enough, which is for sure a failing, or what. But it’s easy to feel like something is wrong with you when you are experiencing such suffering at what should be one of the best times in your life. What I have found at least, is that it’s hard to find people who are willing to TRULY know you, those who actually mean it when they ask how you are doing, who will come clean your house, pray with you, and hold you while you cry. This makes it very difficult to feel like you can authentically share what is going on in your life, when you’re questioning the legitimacy of someone’s question; do they really want to know or are they just making small talk? This also puts all the effort on to the person who is suffering; to have to be the gatekeeper over what they share, instead of being cared for and given an environment in which they feel comfortable being real and vulnerable./p>p>I know this all got mixed together, because it’s hard to list examples without also listing then the things that were done well for me and the failings I see in our response as Christians to these things. So I am going to make a list of things we as Christians, me included, do not do well when encountering someone experiencing grief, suffering, struggle, and hardship:/p>ul>li>We aren’t willing to step into the suffering with the person/li>li>We use cute little Christianese phrases to try and make them and ourselves feel better about it because we are uncomfortable with the grief/li>li>We aren’t educated on a Biblical response to grief and suffering and thus don’t know how to handle it/li>li>We aren’t willing to work to relate to someone with experiences other than ours/li>/ul>p>Over the next several weeks I am going to write detailed posts on each of these so that we can learn together ways to overcome these issues. I can say from experience that it is a privilege to enter into people’s suffering with them and help them bear that burden. It is not easy, but we are called to do it and should thus learn how to do it as well as we possibly can. /p>p>/p>/div>footer classentry-footer>p classentry-meta>span classentry-comments-link>a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/2021/07/christians-grief-and-suffering-what-should-our-response-be/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span>br />span classentry-categories>Filed Under: a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/category/faith/ relcategory tag>Faith/a>, a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/category/uncategorized/ relcategory tag>Uncategorized/a>/span> span classentry-tags>Tagged With: a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/tag/faith/ reltag>faith/a>, a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/tag/grief/ reltag>grief/a>, a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/tag/suffering/ reltag>suffering/a>/span>/p>/footer>/article>/main>aside classsidebar sidebar-primary widget-area rolecomplementary aria-labelPrimary Sidebar itemscope itemtypehttps://schema.org/WPSideBar>section idtext-3 classwidget widget_text>div classwidget-wrap>			div classtextwidget>center>img srchttp://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Blurb.png />br />a href target_blank relnoopener>img srchttp://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/MediaFB.png />/a>a hrefhttp://instagram.com/mrsschell target_blank relnoopener>img srchttp://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/MediaIG.png />/a>a hrefhttp://www.pinterest.com/mrsschell/ target_blank relnoopener>img srchttp://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/MediaPin.png />/a>a href target_blank relnoopener>img srchttp://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/MediaPip.png />/a>/center>/div>		/div>/section>section idcategories-3 classwidget widget_categories>div classwidget-wrap>h4 classwidget-title widgettitle>Categories/h4>			ul>					li classcat-item cat-item-15>a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/category/faith/>Faith/a>/li>	li classcat-item cat-item-1>a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/category/uncategorized/>Uncategorized/a>/li>			/ul>			/div>/section>section idlinkcat-2 classwidget widget_links>div classwidget-wrap>h4 classwidget-title widgettitle>Blogroll/h4>	ul classxoxo blogroll>li>a hrefhttp://makeitandloveit.blogspot.com/>Make It and Love It/a>/li>li>a hrefhttp://markofbeauty.blogspot.com/>Mark of Beauty: God's Unveiled Glory Shining Through Brokenness/a>/li>li>a hrefhttp://thedomesticwannabe.blogspot.com/>The Domestic Wannabe/a>/li>li>a hrefhttp://goodwifeinthekitchen.blogspot.com/>The Good Wife/a>/li>li>a hrefhttp://futuredomesticgoddess.blogspot.com/>The Life of A Future Domestic Goddess/a>/li>li>a hrefhttp://workingwomansguidetodomesticsuccess.blogspot.com/>Working Woman's Guide to Domestic Success/a>/li>	/ul>/div>/section>section idarchives-4 classwidget widget_archive>div classwidget-wrap>h4 classwidget-title widgettitle>Archives/h4>			ul>					li>a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/2021/10/>October 2021/a>/li>	li>a hrefhttps://themrsschell.com/2021/07/>July 2021/a>/li>			/ul>			/div>/section>section idtext-4 classwidget widget_text>div classwidget-wrap>			div classtextwidget>center>img srchttp://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/200x200Button.png />br />copy & paste code br />textarea stylewidth: 220px;>center>a hrefhttp://www.themrsschell.com target_blank relnoopener>img srchttp://themrsschell.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/200x200Button.png />/a>/center>/textarea>/center>/div>		/div>/section>/aside>/div>/div>/div>footer classsite-footer itemscope itemtypehttps://schema.org/WPFooter>div classwrap>p>Site design by a hrefhttp://www.aubreykinchdesign.com/ target_blank>Aubrey Kinch Design/a> & development by a hrefhttp://www.oliveandivydesign.com target_blank>Olive & Ivy Design/a>/p>/div>/footer>/div>script typetext/javascript srchttps://c0.wp.com/c/5.8.10/wp-includes/js/wp-embed.min.js idwp-embed-js>/script>script srchttps://stats.wp.com/e-202445.js defer>/script>script>	_stq  window._stq || ;	_stq.push( view, {v:ext,j:1:9.9.3,blog:10854926,post:0,tz:-5,srv:themrsschell.com} );	_stq.push( clickTrackerInit, 10854926, 0 );/script>/body>/html>

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