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2013-12-03
72.32.185.175
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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/marriage/ reltag>marriage/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/missing/ reltag>missing/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/spent-moments/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6199 --> div idpost-6190 classpost-6190 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-change tag-life tag-moving tag-sean tag-surreal> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/surreal/ relbookmark>Surreal/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/surreal/ title2:16 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2017.02.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>seeking,br />thinking,br />deciding,br />planning,/p>p>closing,br />discarding,br />selling,br />purging,/p>p>visiting,br />hugging,br />sharing,br />promising, /p>p>preparing,br />packing,br />loading,br />cleaning,/p>p>and thenbr />comes now…/p>p>filled withbr />nothing leftbr />undone. /p>p>so one last look,br />more hugsbr />goodbye. /p>p>then leaving,br />driving,br />moving on. /p>p>so real.br />surreal. /p>p>2017.02.15/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/change/ reltag>change/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/moving/ reltag>moving/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sean/ reltag>sean/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/surreal/ reltag>surreal/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/surreal/#comments>6 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6190 --> div idpost-6185 classpost-6185 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-intentions tag-personal-development tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/best-intentions/ relbookmark>Best Intentions/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/best-intentions/ title1:14 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2017.01.07/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>We are,br />each of us,br />exactlybr />who we are,br />in spite ofbr />ourselvesbr />and who webr />try so hardbr />to be. /p>p>~ cj 2016.01.05/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbest-intentions%2F&titleBest+Intentions titleBookmark this post : Best Intentions on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 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span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/intentions/ reltag>intentions/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/personal-development/ reltag>personal development/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/best-intentions/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6185 --> div idpost-6183 classpost-6183 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-childhood tag-cold tag-frozen tag-love tag-relationship tag-skylark> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/skylark/ relbookmark>Skylark/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/skylark/ title1:11 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2017.01.07/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I wonder if you rememberbr />with the warmth that I do,br />how you and the skylarkbr />never failed to savebr />my heart and mebr />from the frozen,br />pitch black winterbr />the rest of my world was. /p>p>~ cj 2017.01.07/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fskylark%2F&titleSkylark titleBookmark this post : Skylark on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/childhood/ reltag>childhood/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/cold/ reltag>cold/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/frozen/ reltag>frozen/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/skylark/ reltag>skylark/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/skylark/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6183 --> div idpost-6176 classpost-6176 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-chirping tag-crickets tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/live-crickets/ relbookmark>Live Crickets/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/live-crickets/ title5:26 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2016.12.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Fifteen cents for a live cricket, caught in a pet store cage with other chirping crickets./p>p>A live cricket, unwittingly doomed to being bought by someone who has that necessary fifteen cents, on behalf of a bigger creature caught in another cage, who’s going to eat that live chirping cricket./p>p>I wonder if, after the exchange of this pittance for their chirping bodies, those crickets get excited in their new brown paper bag home, believing they’re finally free./p>p>Fresh Air! Light! Not so much constant chirping!/p>p>I am almost overwhelmed by a deep urge to buy them all, and set them free outside./p>p>I immediately know what I’d say, as I watched them hop away./p>p>Live Crickets, Live!/p>p>But I don’t do it./p>p>It isn’t for fear they’d get eaten anyway, out in the wild, or get squashed on the highway of cars speeding by./p>p>I don’t do it, because then I’d feel to blame for the next batch of chirpers purchased to replace the ones I’d set free./p>p>I don’t want to be part of that cycle, so I turn away./p>p>Just then, I hear a woman ask for some of those fifteen cent live chirping crickets. The woman’s daughter starts up her own chirping about the hungry snake caged at home waiting./p>p>I turn around, and whisper quite loudly “Live Crickets, Live!”, and wonder if they can hear me over everyone’s chirping./p>p>And then, instead of setting them free, I only set myself free, hoping I’m not unwittingly doomed like they are, to being eaten by something bigger, or squashed on the highway ahead./p>p>What else can I do? I settle for writing this, wondering again if anyone can hear me over everyone’s chirping./p>p>~ cj 2016.12.22/23/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Flive-crickets%2F&titleLive+Crickets titleBookmark this post : Live Crickets on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/chirping/ reltag>chirping/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/crickets/ reltag>crickets/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/live-crickets/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6176 --> div idpost-6174 classpost-6174 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-love tag-mistake tag-relationships tag-soulmate> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/mistaken-identity/ relbookmark>Mistaken Identity/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/mistaken-identity/ title4:57 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2016.12.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>You thought that I’d found my soulmate.br />My whole heart believed I had, too.br />But then you chose another,br />so I had to let gobr />of believing my soulmatebr />was you./p>p>~ cj 2016.12.23/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fmistaken-identity%2F&titleMistaken+Identity titleBookmark this post : Mistaken Identity on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/mistake/ reltag>mistake/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/soulmate/ reltag>soulmate/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/mistaken-identity/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6174 --> div idpost-6153 classpost-6153 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-writing> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/answers-questions/ relbookmark>Answers & Questions/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/answers-questions/ title7:32 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2016.09.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Every time you’ve come intobr />and exited my life,br />I’m left standingbr />at the freshly-locked doorbr />stunned and filledbr />with no answersbr />to any of my questions/p>p>you come close, get yours, then leavebr />while I stand open-mouthedbr />your words, my questionsbr />and my inevitable tearsbr />competing to choke me/p>p>this time, thoughbr />without an answer from youbr />i have all the answersbr />to any question i ever had/p>p>2016.09.15/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fanswers-questions%2F&titleAnswers+and+Questions titleBookmark this post : Answers & 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-love/ relbookmark>I Love/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-love/ title11:45 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2016.01.11/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I chose, on purpose, during my darkest times, that love was the path I wanted to travel./p>p>I’ve chosen this over and over, even though choosing that wasn’t always easy. I knew how hard it would be. I knew I would lose as often or even more often, than I won./p>p>But I spent too much of my life around others who didn’t risk, who lived in fear, who didn’t know how to love./p>p>They were in constant pain, too. They weren’t avoiding pain by choosing to wall their hearts off. They just suffered another kind of constant pain, without any of the joy that love brings./p>p>I love with my whole heart, and when the love ends, no matter the reason it ends, I’m devastated with my whole heart, too./p>p>I just sink into both of them fully. There is a gift and a beauty in both the love and the pain./p>p>I wouldn’t want to live my life any other way, even when the moments of loss and pain make me feel like my heart is being ripped out./p>p>The moments of joy, and the amazing warmth of connection carry me through to the other side of my darkest moments, when I can reopen myself to new love again./p>p>And that love I lost? Those memories? They are still in my heart, waiting for me to heal, so I can enjoy them./p>p>Eventually the pain those memories bring up at first, gets replaced by the warm glow of the beauty they held when I was part of their moments./p>p>I want to look back on my life and no matter what else has happened and no matter what else I’ve done or not done, I want to be able to say “I loved deeply, and I was loved in return.”/p>p>~ cj 2016.01.11/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fi-love%2F&titleI+Love titleBookmark this post : I Love on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span 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tag>Essay/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/meaning/ reltag>meaning/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-love/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6136 --> div idpost-6132 classpost-6132 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry tag-dear tag-death tag-love tag-missing tag-photo tag-poetry-2 tag-sophie-sue> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/torn/ relbookmark>Torn/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/torn/ title2:42 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2016.01.05/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/image.jpeg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/image-1024x1024.jpeg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6133 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/image-1024x1024.jpeg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/image-150x150.jpeg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/image-300x300.jpeg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>Torn in twobr />missing you. /p>p>~ cj 2016.01.05/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Ftorn%2F&titleTorn titleBookmark this post : Torn on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/dear/ reltag>dear/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/death/ reltag>death/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/missing/ reltag>missing/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photo/ reltag>photo/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sophie-sue/ reltag>sophie sue/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>span>Comments Offspan classscreen-reader-text> on Torn/span>/span>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6132 --> div idpost-6114 classpost-6114 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-poetry tag-flowers tag-heartbreak tag-love tag-moon tag-photos tag-poetry-2 tag-sophie tag-sunsets tag-time> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/heartbreak/ relbookmark>Heartbreak/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/heartbreak/ title11:26 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.12.11/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image.jpeg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image-1024x1024.jpeg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6116 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image-1024x1024.jpeg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image-150x150.jpeg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image-300x300.jpeg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>br />The greatest heartbreak of my life is thatbr />no matter how much time I am givenbr />to love what I love,br />it will never,br />can neverbr />be enough. /p>p>~ cj 2015.12.10/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1.jpeg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1-1024x1024.jpeg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6117 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1-1024x1024.jpeg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1-150x150.jpeg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1-300x300.jpeg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1.jpeg 1080w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image2.jpeg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image2-1024x1024.jpeg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large 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classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div> /div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/flowers/ reltag>flowers/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/moon/ reltag>moon/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photos/ reltag>photos/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sophie/ reltag>sophie/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sunsets/ reltag>sunsets/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/time/ reltag>time/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/heartbreak/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6114 --> div idpost-6151 classpost-6151 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-writing> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/goldilocks-and-the-three-heartbreaks/ relbookmark>Goldilocks and the three Heartbreaks/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/goldilocks-and-the-three-heartbreaks/ title4:55 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.09.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>One kind of heartbreak hurts so much I can’t see through my tears to write about itbr>Another kind of heartbreak isn’t worth the botherbr>The third kind of heartbreak is just the right amount to drive me straight to my paper with pen.br>Here I ambr>with my pour-age/p>p>2016.09.15/p>p>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fgoldilocks-and-the-three-heartbreaks%2F&titleGoldilocks+and+the+three+Heartbreaks titleBookmark this post : Goldilocks and the three Heartbreaks on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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title11:05 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.08.24/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I haven’t lived here in a long time./p>p>I *strong>haven’t/strong>* lived here in a long time.br />I haven’t lived here in a *strong>long time/strong>*. br />I haven’t lived *strong>here/strong>* in a long time.br />I haven’t *strong>lived/strong>* here in a long time.br />*strong>I/strong>* haven’t lived here in a long time.br />*strong>I haven’t lived here in a long time/strong>.*/p>p>I want to live where I am for a long time./p>p>I want to *strong>live/strong>* where I am for a long time.br />I *strong>want/strong>* to live where I am for a long time.br />I want to live *strong>where I am/strong>* for a long time.br />I want to live where I am for a *strong>long time/strong>*.br />*strong>I want to live/strong>* where I am for a long time.br />*strong>I want to live where I am for a long time/strong>.*/p>p>I haven’t lived for a long time,br />but I’ve wanted tobr />want to livebr />where I ambr />for a long time. /p>p>~ cj 2015.08.24/p>p>em>“You will always have some excuse not to live your life.”/p>p> –Chuck Palahniuk/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fwant-to-live%2F&titleWant+To+Live titleBookmark this post : Want To Live on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/rebuilding/ reltag>rebuilding/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/transition/ reltag>transition/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/want-to-live/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6097 --> div idpost-6087 classpost-6087 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-fear tag-love tag-mac tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/inside-me/ relbookmark>Inside Me/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/inside-me/ title10:16 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.08.18/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/image-1024x1024.jpg altPowder Mill Pond width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6091 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/image-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/image-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/image-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>div>When I am filledbr />with the largenessbr />and largessebr />of you,/p>p>intense,br />in my space,br />inside,/p>p>not even the skinniestbr />whisper of a space remainsbr />anywhere in mebr 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/fear/ reltag>fear/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/mac/ reltag>mac/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/inside-me/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6087 --> div idpost-6073 classpost-6073 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry tag-dream tag-heartbreak tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-storm> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/storm/ relbookmark>Storm/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/storm/ title12:38 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.07.12/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/image-683x1024.jpg altimage width640 height960 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6076 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/image-683x1024.jpg 683w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/image-200x300.jpg 200w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/image.jpg 1080w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>div>A bad dreambr />woke me this morning./p>p>In it,br />you announced,br />without yourbr />“hey there”br />kind warmth,/p>p>“We need to talk.” /p>p>My fear froze me,br />and my pounding heartbr />held me stillbr />in a placebr />I never want to be,br />listeningbr />to a strangerbr />dressed up as you. /p>p>The clouds that explodedbr />in the air behind your wordsbr />blackened my sky,br />and struck with suchbr />blinding forcebr />that it threwbr />my whole beingbr />helplessly forward, /p>p>bringing with itbr />the small miraclebr />of breaking mybr />fear frozen spell. /p>p>Once I wasbr />the smallest bit free,br />I fled to a placebr />where I hopedbr />this new stranger,br />full of swirling words,br />wouldn’t destroybr />what remained of me. /p>p>That’s where Ibr />found myself,br />wrapped in thebr />broken-hearted morningbr />of dream-damaged awake,br />a shaking survivorbr />of a violent fear storm. /p>p>~ cj 2015.07.12/p>/div>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fstorm%2F&titleStorm titleBookmark this post : Storm on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent 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post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/dream/ reltag>dream/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/storm/ reltag>storm/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/storm/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6073 --> div idpost-6056 classpost-6056 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-long-distance tag-love tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship-status tag-sunrise> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/glorious/ relbookmark>Glorious Hope/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/glorious/ title1:42 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.06.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/image-1024x683.jpg altimage width640 height427 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6057 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/image-1024x683.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/image-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/image.jpg 1500w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>br />The sun still rosebr />on the day he and Ibr />had to say goodbye,br />confusing me. /p>p>She must not have seenbr />the painful stormbr />raging in my heart,br />or she would have hiddenbr />her shining facebr />behind blistery,br />broken-hearted clouds. /p>p>Or maybe she exactly knew,br />and showed up to remind mebr />that hope of a glorious dawnbr />was still fully alive…/p>p>…the kind that will fill the skybr />with all the colors of heart warmth,br />lighting every morningbr />of a life of daysbr />when he and I don’t havebr />to say goodbye anymore. /p>p>~ cj 2015.06.21/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fglorious%2F&titleGlorious+Hope titleBookmark this post : Glorious Hope on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/long-distance/ reltag>long distance/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship-status/ reltag>relationship status/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sunrise/ reltag>sunrise/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/glorious/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6056 --> div idpost-6048 classpost-6048 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-independence tag-limbo tag-love tag-need tag-poetry-2 tag-waiting> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/waiting/ relbookmark>Waiting/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/waiting/ title4:45 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.06.17/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Waitingbr />for no onebr />to come home./p>p>~ cj 2015.06.16/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/waiting-for-no-one.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/need/ reltag>need/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/waiting/ reltag>waiting/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/waiting/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6048 --> div idpost-6036 classpost-6036 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-sky tag-sunset> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/witness/ relbookmark>Witness/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/witness/ title5:23 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.05.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150409-IMG_0518.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150409-IMG_0518-1024x1024.jpg alt20150409-IMG_0518 width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6038 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150409-IMG_0518-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150409-IMG_0518-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150409-IMG_0518-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>br />I would achebr />if a daybr />slipped into nightbr />without notice./p>p>So here I standbr />at the ready,br />hoping I ambr />prepared enoughbr />to bear witness forbr />whatever,br />if anything,br />appears./p>p>Always,br />almost always,br />I am delightedbr />by the sky’sbr />gifts of unique./p>p>Over,br />daily over,br />I acceptbr />that I will neverbr />fully capturebr />the glory,br />especially notbr />at days’ endings./p>p>How can I,br />when the world,br />my whole worldbr />so oftenbr />gets filled to the brimbr />with stunningly coloredbr />delicious magnificence?/p>p>But I must try.br />I am drawn,br />compelledbr />from my core./p>p>So here I am,br />my eye to my lens,br />waiting,br />patiently waiting,br />determined to dobr />my humble best./p>p>And then?br />The sun!br />There it is,br />burning throughbr />thick darkness,br />a force of fiery,br />a last momentbr />sneak appearance./p>p>Unstoppable brilliance,br />radiantly rallyingbr />before it hunkers downbr />under a goodnightbr />horizon./p>p>As I capturebr />whatever I can,br />my breath draws in sharply,br />and I am filled again,br />yet again,br />forever again,br />with the giddy wonderbr />of bearing witness tobr />such exquisitebr />gloriousbr />gorgeous./p>p>~ cj 2015.05.21/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150513-DSC_7716.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync 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height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttp://cjromb.com/witness/feed titleFollow this post : Witness comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sky/ reltag>sky/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sunset/ reltag>sunset/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/witness/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6036 --> div idpost-6016 classpost-6016 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-frost tag-poetry-2 tag-words> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-poem-begins/ relbookmark>A Poem Begins/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-poem-begins/ title1:04 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.04.13/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a poem begins as a sensebr />of something off kilter,br />a moment bursting withbr />lost and confused,br />a deep need to havebr />some unfleshedbr />and often painful saybr />that my voice doesn’t darebr />speak out loud. /p>p>the words force their waybr />from my fingertips,br />tumbling out of hiding,br />immediate, insistent,br />jostling for position,br />organizing themselves as they go,br />until they are eachbr />satisfied with where they’ve lined up,br />and proud of what they stand forbr />in community with the others. /p>p>my eyes are compelled to read thembr />over and over,br />until I cannot missbr />what I was missing,br />until I’m worn out with so much morebr />than enough of my feelings,br />until the peace of knowingbr />they’ve done their bestbr />settles in./p>p>Then I leave them behindbr />to speak in my steadbr />so I can returnbr />to breathing again…/p>p>…until a poem begins./p>p>~ cj 2015.04.13/p>p>em>Inspired by this quote from Robert Frost/em>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/IMG_8201.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/IMG_8201.jpg altIMG_8201 width640 height471 classalignleft size-full wp-image-6017 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/IMG_8201.jpg 640w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/IMG_8201-300x221.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fa-poem-begins%2F&titleA+Poem+Begins titleBookmark this post : A Poem Begins on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/frost/ reltag>frost/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/words/ reltag>words/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-poem-begins/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6016 --> div idpost-6003 classpost-6003 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry tag-breakup tag-endings tag-goodbye tag-heartache tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships tag-sunsets> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-magic-is-gone/ relbookmark>The Magic is Gone/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-magic-is-gone/ title12:40 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.04.12/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05181.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05181-1024x1024.jpg alt20150409-IMG_0518 width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6009 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05181-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05181-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05181-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>my breath catchesbr />behind the risingbr />lump in my throatbr />choking off allbr />my best words,br />leaving them stuckbr />and flailingbr />for air./p>p>I am helplessbr />to do anythingbr />but blurt and stammerbr />and spit outbr />the few that remain.br />And when they run out,br />I re-queue and repeatbr />them again./p>p>I struggle to thinkbr />on my feet,br />to movebr />and reach,br />trying my bestbr />to hold onbr />to every lastbr />meaningful thread./p>p>But there’s morebr />weighing on mebr />than I have strengthbr />to carry.br />I feel my kneesbr />fail my legs,br />and threaten tobr />buckle./p>p>All that gorgeous lightbr />fades so quicklybr />I have barely the timebr />to gasp and tear up./p>p>I utter wordsbr />I hope I never recall,br />and sink downbr />where I stood strongbr />just a sunset before./p>p>Then it ends,br />the magic is gone,br />and the darkbr />muscles in./p>p>~ cj 2015.04.12/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_0528.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_0528-1024x1024.jpg alt20150409-IMG_0528 width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6010 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_0528-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_0528-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_0528-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05391.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05391-1024x1024.jpg 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.entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/endings/ reltag>endings/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/goodbye/ reltag>goodbye/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartache/ reltag>heartache/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sunsets/ reltag>sunsets/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-magic-is-gone/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6003 --> div idpost-5977 classpost-5977 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-21-and-done category-mm category-poetry tag-breakup tag-healing tag-heartache tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-miracle-of-healing/ relbookmark>The Miracle of Healing/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-miracle-of-healing/ title8:01 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.04.03/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I have to lookbr />quite closely nowbr />to find the seambr />where you carelesslybr />cut me to the bone./p>p>You cracked me wide open,br />letting my guts spill out,br />exposed to your toxic dirt./p>p>Still hungrybr />to hurt me,br />your greedy handbr />reached in to grabbr />what remainedbr />of my heartbr />nearly ripping it outbr />of my tender chest./p>p>Finally,br />somehow finished,br />you left me for deadbr />and sauntered off,br />seeking others./p>p>And although it tookbr />more than a littlebr />sweet time to heal,br />I’ve grown back together,br />stronger from your wounding./p>p>So here I am,br />alive and bursting with well,br />bearing eager witness tobr />the precious joy I foundbr />on my journeybr />back to life./p>p>Your poisonous selfishbr />no longer infects me,br />and finally,br />freely,br />I can feel lovebr />in another’s touch,br />without beingbr />painfully sensitive./p>p>Only a tinybr />pink ribbonbr />scarbr />remains./p>p>And sometimes,br />like today,br />it itches,br />but I am not bothered./p>p>Instead, I smile,br />and remember learningbr />as a little girlbr />that itching is just part ofbr />the miracle of healing./p>p>~ cj 2015.04.03/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fthe-miracle-of-healing%2F&titleThe+Miracle+of+Healing titleBookmark this post : The Miracle of Healing on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/21-and-done/ relcategory tag>21 And Done/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/healing/ reltag>healing/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartache/ reltag>heartache/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-miracle-of-healing/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5977 --> div idpost-5985 classpost-5985 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-breakup tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/take-good-care/ relbookmark>Take Good Care/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/take-good-care/ title7:03 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.04.03/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Take Good Care,br />I told you,/p>p>and I left,/p>p>becausebr />your heartbr />wasn’t there,/p>p>and you didn’tbr />take good carebr />of minebr />when it was./p>p>~ cj 2015.04.03/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/take-good-care/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5985 --> div idpost-5959 classpost-5959 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-hands tag-head tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-plea-from-management/ relbookmark>A Plea From Management/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-plea-from-management/ title4:54 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.03.30/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Dear heartbr />what are you feeling,br />that you’d beat my chestbr />with your fists like that,br />when he has yet to kiss me? /p>p>And oh my,br />then there’s you,br />Miss busy brain.br />I thought at least you’dbr />have some sense,br />but ’tis not appearingbr />even close to the case. /p>p>Instead you’ve spent daysbr />overheating your space,br />whirring and stirring thoughtsbr />of all he and I could dobr />and might be,br />as if you had some rightbr />to knock me off my own feetbr />like this,br />so soon,br />and without fair warning./p>p>I see how the two of youbr />have dragged the rest of mebr />unwittingly along,br />when I wasn’t looking. /p>p>Today I discoveredbr />you’d given me awaybr />through my eyes,br />making them spill overbr />with missing him tears,br />when we hung up the phone.br />Why would you do this to me?br />I’ve only been nearbr />the kindness in his eyesbr />a few times. /p>p>My eyes aren’t the only part of mebr />you’ve got under your spell,br />my heart and head.br />You’ve tingled my spine,br />and you’ve made my ears ring, too.br />Did you think I wouldn’t notice? /p>p>And more than once you’ve warmed,br />well,br />the two of you know quite wellbr />what you’ve warmed.br />And now that I’ve brought it up,br />you shrug my shoulders,br />and turn my cheeksbr />a blush bright shade of pink? /p>p>Since he showed up at my door,br />a momentary guestbr />meant to be herebr />for only a week,br />you’ve let my face,br />without a bit of restraint,br />nearly split from all thisbr />non-stop grinning./p>p>You started thisbr />while he was herebr />and you haven’t let up a bit,br />having a raucous partybr />laughing yourselves sillybr />when he calls./p>p>Where are you going?br />I’m not done talking to you yet.br />There’s more I needbr />to get off my chest./p>p>Once my palms got slightly sweaty;br />and I know you’re the ones behindbr />making my legs go rubbery weakbr />when he softly said goodbyebr />the other day./p>p>And heart,br />don’t be coy.br />I can see you trying to tripbr />my head into fallingbr />over my heels. /p>p>But then, worst of all?br />You’ve opened my mouthbr />and removed every filterbr />I had in place,br />leaving my words to spillbr />into his earsbr />nearly unhindered,br />wide open exposingbr />who I ambr />and what I already feelbr />for him. /p>p>Were you trying to be clever?br />Or are you really thisbr />hopelessly high school? /p>p>I’m wise to the two of you,br />and I’m begging youbr />to just settle down.br />I’d like to point out,br />in case you hadn’t noticed,br />that he doesn’t live here,br />and, like us,br />he’s starting life over. /p>p>There is no need tobr />overwhelm me,br />you two./p>p>Hm./p>p>I see./p>p>There’s no use in mebr />wasting my breath on you,br />is there./p>p>The evidencebr />proves quite clearlybr />that I’m not getting throughbr />to either one of you./p>p>It’s abundantly apparentbr />that neither of you carebr />a single witbr />that I’ve only just met him./p>p>How can I tellbr />you’re ignoring my pleas,br />my reckless heartbr />and defiant mind? /p>p>Because just now,br />while I’m pleading with youbr />to show some restraintbr />and take care of me,br />you mocked my authoritybr />by making my handsbr />write 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classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/hands/ reltag>hands/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/head/ reltag>head/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-plea-from-management/#comments>6 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5959 --> div idpost-5942 classpost-5942 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-breakups tag-memories tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-will-miss/ relbookmark>I Will Miss/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-will-miss/ title1:10 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.02.25/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I will miss/p>p>The hikes that would have left us breathless,br />under the dark skies our eyes would have adjusted to;br />the planes we might have boarded,br />to exciting destinations eagerly awaiting our arrival. /p>p>I’ll missbr />the pictures we wanted to shoot,br />the music we’d listen and dance to,br />and all those wonderful things we were going tobr />learn from,br />and were excited to teach, each other./p>p>And, too, I’ll missbr />the holidays we would have shared,br />with our families,br />who would have met;/p>p>the delicious meals we wanted to cook for,br />and the treats we wanted to feed to, the other. /p>p>There will be silencebr />instead of the laughsbr />we’d have shared,br />and for sure would have treasured. /p>p>What funbr />all those blue skies,br />gorgeous sunsets,br />and sometimes stormy weather…br />cool summer swimsbr />and hot fires…br />oh what fun that all would have been. /p>p>I already missbr />the tantalizing tendernessbr />that was going to tingle our skin,br />and the rest of each other’s bodiesbr />we were eager to explore. /p>p>I’ve missed outbr />on the glancesbr />we’d have sharedbr />as we fell in love…/p>p>…all that giddy fun ofbr />the future we might have had,br />on the promise of a ridebr />you wanted me to just get onbr />and go with…/p>p>I will miss all of whatbr />could have beenbr />because of what happened instead. /p>p>And that I will not miss./p>p>~ cj 2015.02.25/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/breakups/ reltag>breakups/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/memories/ reltag>memories/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-will-miss/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5942 --> div idpost-5932 classpost-5932 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-21-and-done category-mm category-poetry tag-breakup tag-dignity tag-heartbreak tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships tag-self-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/never-ever/ relbookmark>Never Ever/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/never-ever/ title9:50 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.02.18/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>No one gets tobr />treat mebr />like you did,br />again,br />and over again. /p>p>Not even,br />especially not,br />never, ever again,br />you./p>p>~ cj 2015.02.18 /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/image.jpg altimage width500 height371 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5936 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/image.jpg 500w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/image-300x222.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px />/a>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-transformation/ reltag>self-transformation/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/never-ever/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5932 --> div idpost-5927 classpost-5927 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-sunset> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/sublime/ relbookmark>Sublime/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/sublime/ title10:49 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.02.16/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a 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height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttp://cjromb.com/sublime/feed titleFollow this post : Sublime comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sunset/ reltag>sunset/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/sublime/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5927 --> div idpost-5904 classpost-5904 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-music-2 category-poetry tag-music tag-piano tag-poetry-2 tag-sigh> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/sigh/ relbookmark>Sigh/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/sigh/ title2:12 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.02.05/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I sigh when I’m soothed,br />so softly satisfied. /p>p>I sigh, pulling inbr />needed breathbr />to ready for what’s next. /p>p>Or I sighbr />to shake awaybr />what I don’t need anymore,br />and maybe justbr />never did./p>p>I sigh when I’m smiling;br />I sigh when I’m resigned to my tears. /p>p>I sigh,br />tip over,br />sink into,br />just where I am./p>p>My sigh createsbr />space,br />a span,br />a breath,br />an expansion of time;br />a way to have a tad longer threadbr />to the moment I don’t want to let go,br />or to give me the air to push forward./p>p>Sometimes when I sigh,br />my lungs fill with beliefbr />that it’s exhaled from me for one reason.br />But when the sigh passes,br />and I breathe to the next,br />I see it was about somethingbr />quite contrary else./p>p>Often I sigh when I am out enjoying the sky.br />And perhaps I am only indulging in fancy,br />but there are moments my whole beingbr />feels the sky sighing with me./p>p>I am not sure why I’m sighing now.br />But whatever the next moment brings,br />I will be grateful for the sighbr />that gathered the breath of this one./p>p>~ cj 2015.02.05/p>p>This is just the inkling of a beginning of a new song./p>p>iframe loadinglazy width100% height450 scrollingno frameborderno srchttps://w.soundcloud.com/player?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F189657099&visualtrue&auto_playfalse&hide_relatedfalse&show_commentstrue&show_usertrue&show_repostsfalse>/iframe>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fsigh%2F&titleSigh titleBookmark this post : Sigh on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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div idpost-5895 classpost-5895 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-dancing tag-fear tag-life tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/far-better/ relbookmark>Far Better/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/far-better/ title3:04 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.01.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Far better it isbr />to trip and fall,br />then to feed fearbr />all your strength,br />leaving you too weakbr />to try dancingbr />to the music at all./p>p>~ cj 2015.01.21/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Ffar-better%2F&titleFar+Better titleBookmark this post : Far Better on 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on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/dancing/ reltag>dancing/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/fear/ reltag>fear/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/far-better/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5895 --> div idpost-5879 classpost-5879 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-dogs tag-essay-2 tag-heartbreak tag-master tag-pain tag-sophie> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-am-her-master/ relbookmark>I Am Her Master/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-am-her-master/ title11:31 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.01.06/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>This isn’t a poem. It’s not even an essay, really. I haven’t written much lately, because I knew if I did, my tears would cloud my vision, and my whole chest would clench into a ball. I knew it would hurt to breathe, and I would hate the moments I spent doing it. It’s a good thing I don’t have to see to type, because I was right about how I would feel; I was spot on about what would happen if I opened up and let this out./p>p>I have been struggling for awhile over sweet Sophie Sue, my doggie. She’s been struggling ever since she was attacked by my other dog, Maggie. I ended up putting Maggie to sleep. Maggie’d had several strokes. She’d also gone blind and deaf. She’d been growling for a few weeks, and I will forever regret that I didn’t realize something was amiss sooner, before she did something horrible to Sophie Sue./p>p>I will admit, Maggie was always a troubled animal. I will also admit, that a selfish part of me felt like I gave her a good life in spite of it, and now I felt like Sophie and I deserved to just be able to hang out together, without all that trouble. /p>p>I had no idea what was in store for me, or for Sophie. It’s been a helluva ride. She got infected, her immune system went into overdrive, the sedation made underlying kidney disease bloom out in the open, she got constipated, and got an enema that made her poop blood for a week. She stopped eating, she was shaking and limping. Her veins started collapsing from too many IVs. I almost lost her; I came so very close. But then? I didn’t./p>p>Her kidney’s are failing, and no one knows how long she has. But she’s finally a little stable now, and certainly doing much better than she was. Her kidney blood numbers aren’t in normal range, but they’re better. I have no idea if this will go on for a day or a week or a few months. My world has narrowed to my daily care of her; pills and subcutaneous fluid…making sure she gets up, moves around, goes out, and enjoys when she’s awake. /p>p>It’s given me a lot of time to reflect, and staying here, hunkered down, has given me time to really get things in order for whatever is next in my life. I didn’t make next year’s plan at the end of the year like I usually do, because how can I? Should I plan based on having her? Or plan based on her being gone? /p>p>This situation has been a priceless lesson in appreciating limbo, in staying present to the moments I have. But still, my heart is broken, and I don’t want to think about what’s next. /p>p>This crisis also caused me to focus on my connections with others. It’s made me see clearly who’s in my corner, and who’s not. In the middle of all this, I leaned on someone I really needed to lean on, someone I considered close and important to me…only to discover in a way I could no longer ignore, how fragile the connection was – it couldn’t at all take the weight of my leaning./p>p>So in the end, on Christmas of all days, I decided to just step away from that person, letting the whole situation go the way it had been trying to go for awhile. I thought letting go would cause me paralyzing pain for awhile, but if there’s any blessing at all in this trying time, it’s that I was already in so much pain, it didn’t matter if I had to take on more. I’ve been so consumed with Sophie, and then so busy getting my life in some kind of moving-forward order, that I haven’t had the heart or head space to pay front and center attention to that situation or that pain. So by the time I’m through aching from all this, and through the other changes I’m making right now, I’m pretty sure I’ll be past mourning for the loss of that connection, too. It’s already been far easier to stay clear of than I’d imagined it would be, and I’m already feeling like I’ve dodged a bit of a pretty sure bullet by letting it implode when it did./p>p>So…back to the real content of this post…I haven’t been writing, because the pain of all this has been so intense that I’ve been running to my piano to soothe me instead./p>p>A few days ago, though, my vet said something to me that rattled me, unexpectedly, to my core. She said “Sophie sure is lucky to have you.” And since then, I can’t stop thinking: “Is she?”/p>p>And for SURE I didn’t want to write about that, but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep it in. I could feel it bubbling and oozing under the surface. I also knew writing about it wasn’t going to change a thing about it for me. In fact, the black and white of writing, has torn yet another piece off my already ripped up heart. I can’t focus on it, or let myself feel it fully enough to write a carefully crafted poem or essay, so this is what I’m putting out instead, and at least I’ve started getting it out./p>p>I hope you know, too, that I am always so grateful for those of you who take the time to read what I’m thinking about and sharing here, especially now./p>p>**********************************br />I am my doggie’s master. I own Sophie Sue. I’m in charge, in every meaningful way, of what happens to her each day, of what she eats, what medicine she takes, and what she does. I choose where she goes. Wittingly or un, I choose how much pain she tolerates, and for how long. My choices determine how safe she is in my car, my yard, my house, around other animals or people. /p>p>I have a good deal of power over how long she lives. I am in charge of choosing to put her to sleep or of choosing to keep her alive until nature makes that irreversible decision for me. She doesn’t get to decide anything much at all about her life, other than basic instinctual responses. /p>p>The truth is, I’ve always harbored some small delusion in the back of my head that somehow Sophie had chosen to be here, has picked me out as her special person, has graced me with her beautiful presence, when she could have graced another. That isn’t true, though, and I know it. I bought her; that’s why I have her. I bought her, after the breeder took her back from the people she’d originally sold her to. And she would have been the same with anyone else as she is with me, if they treated her well. I’ve always felt so honored to have her, but the truth is, she doesn’t have the ability to go anywhere, and she never has. She has to stay with me, because I own her. I am her master. /p>p>It doesn’t feel right to have power over another creature, especially now, and especially over her. /p>p>I’ve had many moments during her life when I’ve felt un-redeemably horrible about the things she’s had to bear because of my other dog’s attacks, and because of her immune disorder. I haven’t felt worthy many times, of having her in my life like I do./p>p>It hurts that I can’t ask her what she wants, or get her to tell me how she feels. I have to guess when it’s not clear. It aches every single moment when I know for sure she’s hurting. I can’t avert my eyes, I can’t avert my thoughts. When her ears are pulled back, or she limps, my mind, my heart, go to dark places of empathetic pain. The deepest parts of my heart drown in remorse-filled guilt over everything I’ve done wrong by accident or ignorance; guilt and pain I can’t shake when I’m awake or when I’m asleep. /p>p>I lose sleep worrying about each moment I can’t tell how she is. I constantly twist the worry over that big final decision I’m terrified I’ll have to make, into knots that torture my stomach. I let it grow so much mass that it turns into rocks weighing down my heart. It is so loud, that it threatens to drown out the joy of the moments I do have with her, and I have to constantly guard against it. /p>p>Should I let her go? I can’t make myself stop thinking about it. Why am I doing this to her? Am I “doing” something bad to her? And why can’t I stop thinking like this either?/p>p>I monitor everything she does. Is she wagging her tail? Sitting up in the car? Snuffling the bushes? Snoring without shaking? Is she having a good enough day today? She’s sleeping a lot more, and participating in her life a lot less. /p>p>Is she just going through a rough patch the past few months because of her age and all she’s been through recently? A rough patch she’ll come through if I’m patient? /p>p>After the vet said this, it crossed my mind that even if she comes through it, it’s not like she’s going to get to the other side of it, and exclaim “Wow, Mom, thank you for sticking with me! It was all worth the trouble!” She doesn’t get the reward for dealing with this. /p>p>I do. /p>p>Only me. /p>p>All me. /p>p>Two days ago, this hit me with a pummeling force. Glaring, brutal recognition came crashing in on me, and I can’t stop thinking about it. /p>p>This is for me. /p>p>What I’m doing to her, what she’s going through. /p>p>It’s for me./p>p>Not her. /p>p>What does she get for this? She gets to exist. But then my cruel brain reminds me that she doesn’t care if she exists. She doesn’t know. She is who she is each moment, because that’s just who she is. The beauty of her is how zen to the moment she is. She doesn’t plan or regret. She doesn’t set intention or have goals. She just has instincts. She exists. Until she doesn’t. And she doesn’t care when ceasing to exist happens, because she doesn’t understand what it means to exist. She just does it./p>p>When she wants the window down in my car, she paws the door, and it goes down. When she wants to pee, she goes outside. When she wants to be pet, she paws me. When she wants a door open, she paws the door. She eats when she’s hungry, and poops when it’s gone through her system. She doesn’t think about how her morning was. She doesn’t reflect on a particularly good bit of steak she just ate. /p>p>She’s not aware of yesterday or tomorrow. She’s not even really in touch with today. And she doesn’t care if she stops being here tomorrow or 3 months from now, at midday on a Tuesday. She simply cannot care./p>p>But I can. And I do. Desperately./p>p>I don’t know what to do about how I feel; I want her. I want her here. For me. She is my woobie, my buddy, my pal, my company in my silent house. I want to pet her and snuggle her and hang out with her and listen to her snore and hold onto her tail when she’s in the seat next to me, and see her round the corner looking for me. I want to look in her beautiful brown eyes, and laugh at where she sticks her face or how her ear curls against her little bed basket. /p>p>I want to take photos so I never forget, and she never leaves my sight. I want to post photos of her so my friends smile, and take her places so strangers smile. I want to see her wag her tail. I want to experience her looking for and finding me…and then plopping down nearby./p>p>I’m the one who will know if she isn’t here. I’m the one who will miss her with my whole broken heart. The quality of my life will be significantly reduced without her tail wagging and her sweet snoring and her soft snuggly heart-filled body covered in fur./p>p>As it turns out, I will do a lot to keep her in my life. I will take her to the vet nearly every day for almost 2 months. I will give her pills, and IVs and subcutaneous fluid. I will cook her lamb, and hamburger and noodles and rice. I will get her fajita meat and play-doh cookies. I will buy her a coat and diapers and training pads. I will make sure a heater is pointed on her, there is always food available, and her water bowl is always full./p>p>I will monitor her and medicate her, because I cannot stand when she suffers. I will compliment myself for hanging in there with her. I will be angry at myself when I make a mistake. I will sweat every little detail of her care and her condition. I will call a vet on Christmas Eve, at 10:30pm, when something’s gone wrong with her. And I will show up on Christmas morning so he can take care of what went wrong. /p>p>But are the vets really taking care of her? Well, I suppose they are. But now I’m being honest with myself. Who they’re really serving, by taking care of her, is me. She is my neurosis, my psychosis. I am not hers./p>p>I know when the vet said “She’s lucky she has you”, she meant it as a compliment. She appreciates how much I love Sophie and how much I want to see her get better. /p>p>But is Sophie really lucky she has me? Sometimes she limps. Sometimes she shakes. She’s pretty tired. Every day, twice a day, I stick a needle in the skin on her sweet back to leave a bubble of fluid under it. I stick no less than 10 assorted pills in the back of her mouth in a day./p>p>Of course she’s tolerant of it. Of course she doesn’t fuss about it. I anthropomorphize this and assign her the human traits of patient and sweet. I tell her she’s a good girl over and over, and caress her like she’s my child. But she doesn’t have a choice, does she. She can’t say “What do *I* get for what I’m going through, Mom?” She’s not going to whine and cry and say “Let me go, would you!?” /p>p>I want to thank her for the gift of her life being in my hands. I want to thank her when I have to stick a needle in her, or stuff a pill in her mouth. I am so grateful when I coax her to eat or come with me when I leave, and she does it. I appreciate that she is bearing all of this for me. /p>p>But she isn’t really doing that by choice, is she. She exists to please me, without a say in the matter. I am her master./p>p>I got her a collar when I first bought her. It said “Who rescued who?” That says it all. I didn’t rescue her. She rescued me. /p>p>All I can do for now, is take care of her as best as I can, so her tail wags as often as she can happily wag it. And I hope with my whole heart that I can master being a good master; the kind of master who will honor her for serving me by letting her go when being here for me hurts her more than she should have to bear./p>p>~ cj 2015.01.06/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fi-am-her-master%2F&titleI+Am+Her+Master titleBookmark this post : I Am Her Master on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/dogs/ reltag>dogs/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/master/ reltag>master/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/pain/ reltag>pain/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sophie/ reltag>sophie/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-am-her-master/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5879 --> div idpost-5858 classpost-5858 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry tag-heartbreak tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-safe> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/be-safe/ relbookmark>Be Safe/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/be-safe/ title4:48 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.12.01/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/IMG_7699.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/IMG_7699-1024x1024.jpg altIMG_7699 width500 height500 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5860 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/IMG_7699-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/IMG_7699-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/IMG_7699-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px />/a>Oh my heart’sbr />dearest pain,br />no need to worry,/p>p>I’m safer here,br />running far,br />driving fast,br />going wherebr />I’ve never been,br />and don’t yetbr />know the way./p>p>I’m safer herebr />on my own,br />worlds awaybr />from wherebr />you try to bebr />my make believebr />hero./p>p>I’m safer here,br />even whenbr />completely lost,/p>p>and I’m safer thanbr />I’ve ever beenbr />when I’m on,br />or I’ve beenbr />put out ofbr />your mind./p>p>Be Safe?/p>p>Tsk, tsk,br />no need to tell mebr />such a thing,br />and no need to worry,br />nor pretend you do./p>p>I’m doing exactlybr />what I needbr />for my heart and I tobr />Be Safe…/p>p>…from you./p>p>~ cj 2014.11.29/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbe-safe%2F&titleBe+Safe titleBookmark this post : Be Safe on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 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classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/safe/ reltag>safe/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/be-safe/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5858 --> div idpost-5847 classpost-5847 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-writing tag-breakup tag-heartbreak tag-limbo tag-music tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/leaving-limbo/ relbookmark>Leaving Limbo/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/leaving-limbo/ title4:05 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.12.01/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>iframe loadinglazy width100% height450 scrollingno frameborderno srchttps://w.soundcloud.com/player?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F178696627&visualtrue&auto_playfalse&hide_relatedfalse&show_commentstrue&show_usertrue&show_repostsfalse>/iframe>/p>p>This was never Limbo to me,br />and as my heart heals,br />I discover the will tobr />refuse thatbr />lie of a labelbr />I let you usebr />far too longbr />to describe howbr />you left mebr />holding and hangingbr />while I painfullybr />tried to bend backwards. /p>p>But I see how refusingbr />to give it this labelbr />or any other,br />does not makebr />getting out from under itbr />less awkward and clumsybr />or painfully real. /p>p>Whatever it wasbr />I am leaving this gamebr />even if I fall trying,br />even if I move so slowly,br />you hardly notice I’vebr />cleared this,br />until I’m finallybr />standing tallbr />on the other side ofbr />your unbending bar. /p>p>~ cj 2014.11.26 /p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fleaving-limbo%2F&titleLeaving+Limbo titleBookmark this post : Leaving Limbo on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent 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no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/limbo/ reltag>limbo/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/music/ reltag>music/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/leaving-limbo/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5847 --> div idpost-5844 classpost-5844 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry tag-heartbreak tag-meat tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tender/ relbookmark>Tender/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tender/ title8:29 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.11.26/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>you cannotbr />cutbr />and cutbr />and cut,br />again andbr />over again,br />feastingbr />without regard,/p>p>and thenbr />expect tobr />come backbr />and find morebr />tender meatbr />to filet frombr />my raw naked bones. /p>p>~ cj 2014.11.25/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Ftender%2F&titleTender titleBookmark this post : Tender on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/meat/ reltag>meat/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tender/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5844 --> div idpost-5837 classpost-5837 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry tag-heartbreak tag-life tag-poetry-2 tag-stuck> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/still-stuck-sitting-still/ relbookmark>Still Stuck Sitting Still/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/still-stuck-sitting-still/ title8:13 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.11.26/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image-300x300.jpg altimage width300 height300 classalignleft size-medium wp-image-5841 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image.jpg 2000w sizesauto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px />/a>so many things we could have said,br />I could have said. /p>p>so many ideas for how to get throughbr />this moment. /p>p>and yet,/p>p>we are still here,br />I am still here,br />still sitting here,br />here sitting still,br />still stuck and stunnedbr />into silence/p>p>not able to move. /p>p>~ cj 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classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/stuck/ reltag>stuck/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/still-stuck-sitting-still/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5837 --> div idpost-5804 classpost-5804 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-blog-post-2 category-music-2 category-writing tag-blog-post tag-drowning tag-life tag-music tag-ocean tag-self-transformation tag-water tag-waves> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/waves/ relbookmark>Waves/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/waves/ title12:42 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.10.28/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Last Friday, I went to composition lessons. My teacher gave me a book. The idea was to listen to the CD, and learn to play the music, with a focus on noticing the patterns. Then the goal was to take some of the music I’ve composed, and see if I could change it into some of these patterns./p>p>She came up with this, after I shared how I’d started my very first composition…by taking a pattern from the end of a Mozart piece I was playing, and creating something new./p>p>Last Saturday, I accidentally double dosed myself with ADD meds. And likely coincidentally, last Saturday, I played piano for 8 hours. /p>p>I played some of the songs in the book, and I had a blast with them. But then, instead of doing something with one of the patterns, what happened instead, was I created this song. And while I was creating this song, I was doing a lot of other things I’ve never done before so purposefully. /p>p>Here are just a few of the new things from that day. I wrote music out for the first time ever. I purposefully created patterns. I strongly imagined what I wanted the music to be about, instead of playing and letting the music tell me what it was about./p>p>When I shared a rough iPhone recording with a girlfriend, and didn’t tell her what I’d imagined, she completely guessed and described exactly what was in my head. (She should get a gold star for that!)/p>p>The links here are better recordings than she suffered through. I used my Zoom recorder to create them, and they were created after a few more days of playing this song. /p>p>The song is still rough, but so are the waves. They are created in the moment, with an ocean of force behind them, washing over us. They’ll drown us if we’re not careful, but they can save us, too. They can carry us into the shore when we’ve gotten out too deep, if we don’t fight them./p>p>SLOWER VERSIONbr />iframe loadinglazy width100% height450 scrollingno frameborderno srchttps://w.soundcloud.com/player?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F174103902&visualtrue&auto_playfalse&hide_relatedfalse&show_commentstrue&show_usertrue&show_repostsfalse>/iframe>/p>p>FASTER VERSIONbr />iframe loadinglazy width100% height450 scrollingno frameborderno srchttps://w.soundcloud.com/player?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F174103898&visualtrue&auto_playfalse&hide_relatedfalse&show_commentstrue&show_usertrue&show_repostsfalse>/iframe>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6470.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6470-300x225.jpg altIMG_6470 width250 classalignleft size-medium wp-image-5807 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6470-300x225.jpg 300w, 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entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/blog-post-2/ relcategory tag>Blog Post/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/music-2/ relcategory tag>Music/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/blog-post/ reltag>blog post/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/drowning/ reltag>drowning/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/music/ reltag>music/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/ocean/ reltag>ocean/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-transformation/ reltag>self-transformation/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/water/ reltag>water/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/waves/ reltag>waves/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/waves/#comments>8 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5804 --> div idpost-5794 classpost-5794 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-gogordy tag-house tag-lonely tag-poetry-2 tag-rooms> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/lonely-has-to-sleep-elsewhere/ relbookmark>Lonely Has To Sleep Elsewhere/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/lonely-has-to-sleep-elsewhere/ title11:53 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.10.28/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6548-e1414514655482.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6548-e1414514655482-225x300.jpg altIMG_6548 width225 height300 classalignleft size-medium wp-image-5795 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6548-e1414514655482-225x300.jpg 225w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6548-e1414514655482-768x1024.jpg 768w sizesauto, (max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px />/a>This past Friday,br />I moved into my smallest bedroombr />and gave my big roombr />to a weekend guest. /p>p>Too many roomsbr />to choose from./p>p>I could have slept inbr />one with a larger bed,br />but it was so neat in there.br />I didn’t want to mess it upbr />with me,br />and all that follows me./p>p>My smallest room reminds mebr />of my first apartment./p>p>I had a big green bedroom,br />much larger than my childhood room./p>p>And I had another tiny side roombr />with windows,br />and barely enough room for a bed./p>p>I never went in the big roombr />except when I passed out drunkbr />one night./p>p>And I have the fondest memoriesbr />of the sunny small one.br />It was even blue,br />like my little room is now,br />so that’s the one I chose./p>p>I thought “This bedbr />will be too small”,br />as I climbed inbr />when I’d had enough ofbr />my day./p>p>I slept there that night,br />and anotherbr />and the nextbr />and so on./p>p>It’s been four nights now,br />and my guest leftbr />after three./p>p>But I haven’t movedbr />back upstairs to thebr />big room,br />and I’m not going to./p>p>I’ve slept betterbr />on that bedbr />in my smallest roombr />than I have anywhere elsebr />in many years./p>p>That small room,br />that single bed,br />they are perfect./p>p>And given a moment of thought today,br />there’s no doubt about whybr />this has always suited me,br />thenbr />and now. /p>p>There is only enough roombr />for GoGordy,br />my doggies,br />and me. /p>p>Lonely has to sleep elsewhere./p>p>~ cj 2014.10.28/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Flonely-has-to-sleep-elsewhere%2F&titleLonely+Has+To+Sleep+Elsewhere titleBookmark this 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/lonely-has-to-sleep-elsewhere/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5794 --> div idpost-5781 classpost-5781 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry tag-horse tag-love tag-photography tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-think-you-knew/ relbookmark>I Think You Knew/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-think-you-knew/ title12:44 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.08.28/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image-1024x1024.jpg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5782 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image.jpg 1492w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>There you were, a curious spirit standing apart from the others, watching me. /p>p>When I noticed you, you came towards me immediately, bright eyes shining with hope. /p>p>We’d only just met, yet you chanced getting closer, wanting to catch my scent, wanting to trust I meant you no harm. /p>p>You tipped your head wondering, and then you leaned in, deciding to believe. /p>p>You made it easy to lean in too, and I couldn’t stop myself. I kissed your velvety sweetness and sighed. I stayed near, my eyes closed, my whole face grinning from breathing near you. /p>p>The two of us stood still in that sparkly sun moment, enjoying pure pleasure, learning each other. /p>p>I felt myself shimmer in all the best ways. /p>p>I knew, and I think you knew, too. There was nothing else I could do. I reached inside, and gently handed my heart to you. /p>p>I tipped my head with wonder at the curious spirits we both were, coming in close, full of bright hope, and trusting it was safe to fall in shimmery love. /p>p>After awhile, I had to turn from that sparkly sun moment. 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/horse/ reltag>horse/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-think-you-knew/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5781 --> div idpost-5711 classpost-5711 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry category-writing tag-care tag-friends tag-healing tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships tag-self-transformation tag-self-worth> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-am-2/ relbookmark>I Am/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-am-2/ title1:29 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.08.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image1.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image1-1024x1024.jpg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5762 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image1-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image1-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image1-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>Take Care,br />he wrote./p>p>I am,br />I replied./p>p>Finally,br />I am,br />I thought./p>p>Finally,br />starting now,br />I hopebr />I am./p>p>Then, I addedbr />Thank you./p>p>I added itbr />but I don’t know why./p>p>Perhaps it will bebr />a final tip of the hatbr />to my heart killing habitbr />of pain-denial polite,br />formed flawlesslybr />by a lifetime ofbr />failing tobr />Take Carebr />of me./p>p>Then,br />from my heartbr />I did think/p>p>Thank you./p>p>Thank Youbr />to the hearts who dobr />Take Carebr />of mine/p>p>They carried mebr />to the moment whenbr />he wrote/p>p>Take Care,/p>p>and I wasbr />able to saybr />from mybr />finally healing heart/p>p>I am./p>p>And from now on,br />I will,br />I must,br />I am resolved to/p>p>always/p>p>Take Carebr />of who/p>p>I am./p>p>~ cj 2014.08.15/p>p>em>Thank you Christine, Cynthia, Mary Jane and Amy for your care this week. 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a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/care/ reltag>care/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/friends/ reltag>friends/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/healing/ reltag>healing/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-transformation/ reltag>self-transformation/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-worth/ reltag>self-worth/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>span>Comments Offspan classscreen-reader-text> on I Am/span>/span>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5711 --> div idpost-5703 classpost-5703 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-music-2 tag-essay-2 tag-language tag-piano tag-resolve tag-self-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/resolve/ relbookmark>Resolve/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/resolve/ title11:33 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.08.10/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>iframe loadinglazy width100% height450 scrollingno frameborderno srchttps://w.soundcloud.com/player?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F162539229&visualtrue&auto_playfalse&hide_relatedfalse&show_commentstrue&show_usertrue&show_repostsfalse>/iframe>/p>p>Resolve./p>p>Such a perfect fit./p>p>conflict, solution, strength, determination, grit/p>p>a noun, a verb, a new favorite word I’ve added to my growing list of powerful words I’ve fallen in love with/p>p>It’s not likely a coincidence that it followed on the heels of the last word I fell in love with – matter./p>p>This song showed up at a moment in my life when I’m realizing I’m going to need a lot of resolve to resolve who I want to be with where I’ve come from and what I’ve been through./p>p>I can hear my composition lessons showing up in it./p>p>I can hear my life in it, too./p>p>…the pull to resolve something discordant into something more harmonious, without losing its interesting element./p>p>Such a perfect fit./p>p>Resolve./p>p>~ cj 2014.08.10/p>p>em>I’ve also created a Facebook page for my piano compositions. a hrefhttp://bit.ly/fbcjplays target_blank>em>http://bit.ly/fbcjplays/em>/a>/em>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Screenshot-2014-08-10-11.15.08.png>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-full wp-image-5705 altScreenshot 2014-08-10 11.15.08 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/music-2/ relcategory tag>Music/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/language/ reltag>language/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/piano/ reltag>piano/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/resolve/ reltag>resolve/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-transformation/ reltag>self-transformation/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/resolve/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5703 --> div idpost-5695 classpost-5695 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-21-and-done category-mm category-poetry tag-breakups tag-divorce tag-heartbreak tag-marriage tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/disregarded-matter/ relbookmark>Disregarded Matter/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/disregarded-matter/ title11:12 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.08.07/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140522-IMG_0214.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140522-IMG_0214-1024x682.jpg alt20140522-IMG_0214 width640 height426 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5700 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140522-IMG_0214-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140522-IMG_0214-300x200.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>There are two kinds of people who don’t matter enough to themselves.br />One of them gives a whole heart away without regard to the cost.br />The other treats that person’s heart with the same disregard./p>p>What a pain-filled matter love becomes for that disregarded heart./p>p>~ cj 2014.08.06/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fdisregarded-matter%2F&titleDisregarded+Matter titleBookmark this post : Disregarded Matter on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/21-and-done/ relcategory tag>21 And Done/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/breakups/ reltag>breakups/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/marriage/ reltag>marriage/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/disregarded-matter/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5695 --> div idpost-5664 classpost-5664 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry tag-heartbreak tag-love tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-same-sky/ relbookmark>The Same Sky/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-same-sky/ title3:33 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.27/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image-1024x1024.jpg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5666 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image.jpg 1912w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>You are alive,br />growing,br />a leaf,br />a branch,br />a ring at a time,br />stubbornly rootedbr />in an earth ofbr />your choosing. /p>p>I see nowbr />that I wasbr />but a colorful streakbr />of dusk-time funbr />splaying and twistingbr />through the same sky,/p>p>changingbr />from whitebr />to yellowbr />to pink,/p>p>helplesslybr />spinning,br />crying,br />look at mybr />colorful love,/p>p>trying to touch you,br />giving my allbr />to distract youbr />from falling darknessbr />neither of usbr />wanted to face. /p>p>I entered,br />then exitedbr />your life,/p>p>my heart-lightbr />dissipating,/p>p>my colorful lovebr />disappearingbr />from your sight,br />imperceptiblybr />at first,br />but thenbr />unmistakably./p>p>the essence of whatbr />I was to you,br />a light showbr />for a moment of life,br />fading into nothingbr />that really matteredbr />to the whole ofbr />your groundedbr />lifetime. /p>p>Oh for mebr />to have stayed,br />but that isn’tbr />what the worldbr />could give me./p>p>I am not a tree,br />and you do not wantbr />to be with a trail of colorbr />that streaks through the airbr />on wings made of clouds. /p>p>When night fellbr />it was clearbr />the best we had donebr />was make each otherbr />more beautifulbr />and interestingbr />for the momentbr />we were inbr />the same sky. /p>p>~ CJ 2014.07.27/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image1.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image1-1024x1024.jpg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5667 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image1-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image1-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image1-300x300.jpg 300w, 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-same-sky/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5664 --> div idpost-5632 classpost-5632 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry category-writing tag-breakup tag-heartbreak tag-life tag-loss tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-time tag-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-moment/ relbookmark>A Moment/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-moment/ title3:49 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a momentbr />when a thing was saidbr />and another was felt/p>p>time stopped/p>p>so an ear could hearbr />and an eye could see/p>p>so a heart could openbr />firmly and fully/p>p>and let what is truebr />in that momentbr />and perhaps always wasbr />soak all the waybr />into the middle/p>p>let everything thenbr />and everything nowbr />soak in/p>p>let all that could neverbr />and all that would neverbr />and all that wasn’t waiting tobr />be/p>p>soak deeplybr />into the middle/p>p>where there wasbr />no time left/p>p>where it wasbr />no longer timebr />to ignore/p>p>the moment had come./p>p>it was a painful moment./p>p>it was a perfect momentbr />for a door to closebr />finally and firmly/p>p>salty and floodedbr />lost in a momentbr />but not for long/p>p>because a moment laterbr />when eyes adjustedbr />it was clearbr />the door closedbr />finally and firmlybr />wasn’t trapping a heartbr />inside walls/p>p>that closed doorbr />had finally and firmlybr />left behindbr />a dark world of waiting./p>p>and now in a momentbr />new ears could hearbr />new eyes could seebr />a new pathbr />flooded with lightbr />flooded with allbr />that was perfectbr />in that moment/p>p>a heart opened upbr />to all it could feelbr />was waiting to be/p>p>and it was in that momentbr />as a heart opened upbr />finally and fullybr />ready for allbr />that was waiting to be/p>p>it was in the momentbr />time started again./p>p>~ cj 2014.07.23/p>p>em>I’ve written two versions of this piece. Here is the other version: a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/2014/07/23/a-longer-moment/ target_blank>A Longer Moment/a> /em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fa-moment%2F&titleA+Moment titleBookmark this post : A Moment on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-moment/feed titleFollow this post : A Moment comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/loss/ reltag>loss/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/time/ reltag>time/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/transformation/ reltag>transformation/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-moment/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5632 --> div idpost-5590 classpost-5590 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry category-writing tag-breakup tag-heartbreak tag-live tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships tag-time tag-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-longer-moment/ relbookmark>A Longer Moment/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-longer-moment/ title3:45 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a moment/p>p>a momentbr />when a thing was said/p>p>when a thing was saidbr />and another was felt/p>p>when a thing was saidbr />and another was feltbr />time stopped/p>p>time stoppedbr />so an ear could hear/p>p>time stoppedbr />and an eye could see/p>p>time stoppedbr />so a heart could open/p>p>time stoppedbr />firmly and fullybr />so a heart could openbr />and let what is true/p>p>let what is truebr />in that moment/p>p>what is truebr />and perhaps always was/p>p>let what is truebr />soak in all the way/p>p>soak all the waybr />into the middle/p>p>let everything thenbr />soak into the middle/p>p>and everything nowbr />soak in/p>p>all that could neverbr />and all that would neverbr />and all that wasn’t waiting tobr />be/p>p>soak deeplybr />into the middlebr />where it wasbr />no longer time/p>p>into the middlebr />where there wasbr />no time left/p>p>to ignorebr />the moment had come./p>p>it was a painful momentbr />it was a perfect momentbr />for a door to closebr />finally and firmly/p>p>finally and firmlybr />salty and flooded/p>p>salty and floodedbr />lost in a moment/p>p>lost in a momentbr />but not for long/p>p>not for long becausebr />a moment later/p>p>a moment laterbr />when eyes adjustedbr />it was clear/p>p>a moment laterbr />it was clearbr />the door closedbr />finally and firmly/p>p>the door closedbr />wasn’t trapping a heart /p>p>it wasn’t trapping a heartbr />inside walls/p>p>it was clearbr />that closed doorbr />had finally and firmlybr />left behindbr />a dark world of waiting./p>p>and now in a momentbr />new ears could hear/p>p>in a momentbr />new eyes could seebr />a new pathbr />flooded with light/p>p>a new path floodedbr />with all that was perfectbr />in that moment/p>p>in that momentbr />a heart opened up/p>p>opened upbr />to all it could feel/p>p>to all it could feelbr />was waiting to be/p>p>and it was in that momentbr />as a heart opened upbr />finally and fullybr />ready for allbr />that was waiting to be/p>p>it was in that momentbr />time started again./p>p>~ cj 2014.07.23/p>p>em>I wrote a shorter version of this piece. 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/div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5590 --> div idpost-5575 classpost-5575 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-heartbreak tag-love tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/impossible-destiny/ relbookmark>Impossible Destiny/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/impossible-destiny/ title5:13 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>There is so much distancebr />between where I am,br />and where I dream of being. /p>p>And I may never get there. /p>p>But maybe,br />but maybe,br />you’ll hold mebr />for tonight. /p>p>So I can dreambr />I’m there again /p>p>and maybe,br />and maybe,/p>p>hold tight to how it felt,br />with so little distancebr />between where I wasbr />and you./p>p>~ cj 2014.07.21/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fimpossible-destiny%2F&titleImpossible+Destiny titleBookmark this post : Impossible Destiny on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/impossible-destiny/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5575 --> div idpost-5573 classpost-5573 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-family tag-love tag-pain tag-poetry-2 tag-recovery tag-shame> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/gender-relations/ relbookmark>Genderational Relations/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/gender-relations/ title5:09 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>A lifetime of men who couldn’t see who I was /p>p>because a lifetime of womenbr />blinded them and shamed their broken hearts/p>p>because another lifetime of menbr />couldn’t see who they were/p>p>and on and on it goes /p>p>while I lie awake in the darkbr />so alone/p>p>wondering about the womenbr />my shame has leftbr />my own boy blind to/p>p>because a lifetime of men couldn’t see who I was. /p>p>~ cj 2014.07.21/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fgender-relations%2F&titleGenderational+Relations titleBookmark this post : Genderational Relations on Delicious >img 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srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/family/ reltag>family/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/pain/ reltag>pain/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/recovery/ reltag>recovery/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/shame/ reltag>shame/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/gender-relations/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5573 --> div idpost-5560 classpost-5560 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-gordy tag-home tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/truly-home/ relbookmark>Truly Home/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/truly-home/ title5:04 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.10/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a year ago todaybr />I stood in my brother’sbr />driveway,br />barely able tobr />stand waitingbr />to see you comebr />round the corner. /p>p>be safe,br />but hurry, hurrybr />nearly hoppingbr />up and down,br />cuz I didn’t wannabr />wait anymore. /p>p>then suddenly,br />just like that,br />no more waiting./p>p>my childhood friend,br />my heart’s companion,br />there you were,br />curly red hair,br />shining in the sun,br />big wide grinbr />squeezing your eyesbr />nearly closed./p>p>there you truly were,br />standing next to your truck,br />standing next to me. /p>p>a bridge instantlybr />built in our eyesbr />spanning our livesbr />between years ago,br />tears ago,br />scuffed up recess,br />and that moment of now,br />when we feltbr />simply beside ourselvesbr />together again. /p>p>I was so tired that nightbr />but wide-eyed awake./p>p>I couldn’t sleepbr />especiallybr />not in that chairbr />stuffed fullbr />with memories of my dadbr />who had diedbr />a mere year before. /p>p>no matter howbr />comfortable it wasbr />to recline,br />there was no peacebr />in it for me. /p>p>and there you werebr />unbelievably lyingbr />in the same roombr />with no spacebr />for anyone elsebr />in the worldbr />on that couch /p>p>but maybe me?/p>p>if barely that. /p>p>but I trustedbr />you’d make room for mebr />I trustedbr />if I came to you,br />you wouldn’t let mebr />fall over the edge/p>p>so in the dark of the nightbr />I snuck overbr />and found your armsbr />wide openbr />and your heartbr />pounding like mine. /p>p>my well placed trust,br />my heart sweetly cared for,br />you held me tightlybr />in that skinny spacebr />even after sleepbr />won you over./p>p>and now wide-eyed awakebr />and scuffed up againbr />from our recessbr />I wish I could saybr />wait wait /p>p>I’m in no hurrybr />for thatbr />year-ago nightbr />to be over /p>p>I am simplybr />beside myself withbr />my heart stuffed fullbr />of our memories/p>p>standing herebr />nowhere nearbr />standing next to you/p>p>with no way to crossbr />that beautiful bridge/p>p>to that dark nightbr />in a skinny spacebr />and those heart poundingbr />moments safe in your arms,br />where for once in my lifebr />I knew what it felt likebr />to be truly home. /p>p>~cj 2014.07.10/p>p>em>Ode To A Grown Up Gordy/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Ftruly-home%2F&titleTruly+Home titleBookmark this post : Truly Home on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/gordy/ reltag>gordy/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/home/ reltag>home/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/truly-home/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5560 --> div idpost-5494 classpost-5494 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry category-writing tag-dreams tag-life tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-sky tag-wings> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/on-a-wing-and-a-dare/ relbookmark>On A Wing And A Dare/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/on-a-wing-and-a-dare/ title7:01 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.06.22/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2-1024x1024.jpg alt20140616-IMG_5314-2 width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5529 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2.jpg 2000w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>br />I cried out to the sky one beautiful evebr />how do I get from this heavy momentbr />to the one where I’ve made my dreams true,br />when so much debris is piled on my path?/p>p>The sky sighed, oh dear, my troubled angel,br />why fight your way to earth-grounded dreamsbr />with rusty tools, digging, and a broken-down plow,br />when you can lift up your eyes to dreams that live highbr />and breathe in the air like you’ve been blessed to do./p>p>Climb onto my wings and trust I know wherebr />your highest dreams wait. They are ready for youbr />once you choose to look up and dare to believebr />you don’t need to dig; you can fly./p>p>~ cj 2014.06.22/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545-1024x1024.jpg alt20140618-IMG_5545 width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5537 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545.jpg 2000w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fon-a-wing-and-a-dare%2F&titleOn+A+Wing+And+A+Dare titleBookmark this post : 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>How to Avoid Getting Burned:/p>p>Reduce your sensitivity, orbr />Reduce your exposure./p>p>Sounds easy,br />Feels impossible./p>p>~ cj 2014.06.20/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fhow-to-avoid-getting-burned%2F&titleHow+To+Avoid+Getting+Burned titleBookmark this post : How To Avoid Getting Burned on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/uprooted/ relbookmark>Uprooted/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/uprooted/ title5:20 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.06.17/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>What isn’t planted deeply enough, tended to with plenty of loving care, and carefully sheltered from possible harm, is ripe for uprooting or being blown away in the winds of a storm. /p>p>How much can be weathered may not be obvious before it gets hit, but there’s no mistaking the damage from what was missing once the storm has come through. /p>p>Only foolish hearts leave what they love exposed to the elements, ignoring the warnings of weather, while banking on luck to survive. /p>p>~ CJ 2014.06.17/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140615-IMG_4807.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140615-IMG_4807-682x1024.jpg altuprooted trees width640 height960 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5479 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140615-IMG_4807-682x1024.jpg 682w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140615-IMG_4807-200x300.jpg 200w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140615-IMG_4807.jpg 2000w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fuprooted%2F&titleUprooted titleBookmark this post : Uprooted on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/damage/ reltag>damage/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/storms/ reltag>storms/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/trees/ reltag>trees/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/uprooted/ reltag>uprooted/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/uprooted/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5463 --> div idpost-5424 classpost-5424 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 category-poetry category-writing tag-essay-2 tag-life tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-self-discovery tag-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/staying-still-in-front-of-a-hill/ relbookmark>Staying Still In Front Of A Hill/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/staying-still-in-front-of-a-hill/ title6:11 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.05.27/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2.jpg alt20140522-IMG_0129-2 width1000 height1000 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5430 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2.jpg 2000w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2-1024x1024.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px />/a>br />I am staying still in the dark silence,br />alone,br />looking at nothing but an up hill,br />covered by an empty sky./p>p>After so much disappointment,br />I am not sure I believe anymorebr />what I’ve always believed;br />that what matters,br />what’s beautiful in life,br />must live just on the other side of where I am now; /p>p>and that I will absolutely find it,br />if only I have the strength to let go of my fear,br />if only I have the will to keep searching./p>p>It is so very late,br />and I have grown tired of all this hunger,br />and the loss I’ve suffered on my journey. /p>p>I am sick of working this hardbr />to reach what I think is the top of a hill,br />only to find myself wiped out,br />and staring angrily at so much waste,br />or incredulously at yetbr />another blasted hill./p>p>So I hesitate.br />Who can blame me?br />Me, full of let’s go and always on the move;br />I stay still where I am.br />I am weary./p>p>And this feels like such a big hill, why now?/p>p>I hesitate.br />And I keep hesitating./p>p>I stay still for so long, I fear I can not move again.br />I stay still for so long, I suspect I’ve given up.br />I stay still and I waitbr />and I wait. /p>p>What else is there to dobr />when I am this weary and so lost? /p>p>I stay still and quiet in the dark,br />and I am afraid of this,br />but I will confess,br />I start to prefer staying still/p>p>I stay still and quiet in the dark,br />and although I am afraidbr />of what will become of mebr />if this is true,/p>p>I will confess,br />that I begin to prefer staying still/p>p>…so I stay still and I watch./p>p>I stay still for so long,br />that my eyes adjust,br />and I begin to see in the dark. /p>p>Do I see?…I blink…I do see! /p>p>Is it possible?br />What matters, what’s beautiful,br />is right here, all around me?/p>p>How did I miss this?br />But Wait.br />What if I am playing a game on myself?br />What if there’s not really beauty,br />What if I’m choosing to believe I’ve found what matters,br />because it is easier than moving again./p>p>I am not sure what to do with these thoughts,br />so I stay still some more./p>p>I stay still for so long,br />that my heart opens to the possibilitybr />that the reason it’s beautiful where I am,br />the reason I think what matters is right here,br />is specifically because that’s what I’ve decided to believe./p>p>If I believe it’s beautiful, it is.br />If I believe I have what matters all around me, I do.br />My happiness doesn’t depend on anythingbr />other than deciding to find meaning and beauty,br />to truly love, exactly where I ambr />even when I’m standing in front of a big old hill./p>p>I have finally, finally foundbr />what I’ve been searching for all this time,br />by staying still until I acceptedbr />what was always right there for me to see;br />that what matters is what I decide matters./p>p>As I stand here, in the silencebr />alone,br />it doesn’t seem so dark anymore./p>p>And I even think I have the strength to move. /p>p>So I have decided to climb the hill in front of me after all.br />But not as before, because I was searching.br />Not as before, because I believed I had nothing where I was,br />but instead, because I have nothing to lose./p>p>I already have what matters under my feet,br />in my heart and all around me,br />because that’s where I’ve decidedbr />to find beauty in my life./p>p>Up the hill I go,br />without all the weight of that longing.br />Up the hill I go,br />just for the grand adventure of seeingbr />what’s on the other side./p>p>Hey, maybe I’ll get lucky,br />and find another beautiful hillbr />to stay still in front of for awhile./p>p>~ cj 2014.05.27/p>p>em>Here’s the uncropped wide version of the same photo/em>br />a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129.jpg alt20140522-IMG_0129 width1000 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5431 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129.jpg 3000w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-1024x682.jpg 1024w sizes(max-width: 3000px) 100vw, 3000px />/a>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fstaying-still-in-front-of-a-hill%2F&titleStaying+Still+In+Front+Of+A+Hill titleBookmark this post : Staying Still In Front Of A Hill on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/staying-still-in-front-of-a-hill/feed titleFollow this post : Staying Still In Front Of A Hill comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/transformation/ reltag>transformation/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/staying-still-in-front-of-a-hill/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5424 --> div idpost-5410 classpost-5410 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-forgiveness tag-improvisation tag-jazz tag-life tag-music> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/how-to-have-a-jazzy-life/ relbookmark>How To Have A Jazzy Life/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/how-to-have-a-jazzy-life/ title3:38 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.05.27/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Jazz is all about musical improvisation. Only one mistake is possible, and that mistake is made when the players fail to take a next step, play the next bar, find that next beat that blends the step taken just before, into the one chosen next./p>p>Great jazz and perfect improvisation are created by taking whatever is played by another, or by ourselves, and making the very best of it, even when it’s tricky to do. It is not created by stopping the show, or by standing back and pointing it out as something negative. Nor is it created by running away from it, or roasting it in the harsh light of judgment. /p>p>Whatever has happened, whatever has been done, it is all made perfectly correct by how it is treated, by how it is incorporated into the experience./p>p>If we want a beautifully unique piece of music, or a richly textured life-path full of wisdom, the ideal choice is to take what we’ve judged doesn’t fit; what we weren’t expecting or didn’t want, what wasn’t in our plan, and find a way to shine a favored light on it. /p>p>If we give every surprise a chance to perform as the perfect pivot point, an exquisitely wonderful turn of events, in a way it wouldn’t have been able to do if we’d pushed it off to the side and dismissed it, or spent our time hating its existence, there won’t be any mistakes for us to regret, and we’ll see there’s nothing to forgive. /p>p>Creativity is beautifully employed when we open the space in front of ourselves and others around us, to focus on the fun of designing what’s next, in light of what’s already been played. /p>p>And the sooner we perfect the skill of improvising, the more time we’ll have to dance to the mistake-free jazzy music we’re making out of the surprising way life inevitably plays out. /p>p>~ cj 2014.05.27/p>p>em>It isn’t lost on me that improv is often comedic in nature – isn’t that what humor is all about?…doing something fun with what wasn’t fully expected. And who wants to listen to a boring, predictable piece of music, jazz or otherwise. Obviously not me./em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fhow-to-have-a-jazzy-life%2F&titleHow+To+Have+A+Jazzy+Life titleBookmark this post : How To Have A Jazzy Life on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 category-writing tag-choices tag-essay-2 tag-life tag-love tag-photography tag-relationships tag-sunset> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go/ relbookmark>Should I Stay or Should I Go?/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go/ title10:33 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.05.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10.jpg altimage width2000 height2000 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5393 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10.jpg 2000w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10-1024x1024.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px />/a>/p>p>Such a quandary; when to stay put and sit in peace to wait, and when to leave, because too much reasonable time has passed. /p>p>It is my single greatest challenge, especially when it’s something my heart cares deeply about. Is the best yet too come? Or am I being a fool watching life go by?/p>p>I’ve been punished greatly for waiting too long, and I’ve missed out on special moments for leaving too soon. /p>p>The night I took this photo, I was pondering this very topic, as the sunset faded to blue and grey. /p>p>I decided to go, but then, as I was putting my cameras and tripods away, I looked one more time at the horizon. And that’s when I saw the most beautiful rose colored clouds appear, just below some gently feathered grey ones. I was grateful I’d waited and looked./p>p>Tonight I stayed out a little longer than I normally do, too, and again, I was rewarded. /p>p>Those two nights? Perhaps I can add two more tick marks in favor of waiting, because of them. But beautiful as they were, I am no closer to solving my quandary. /p>p>When to stay put, and when to pack it up and move on; I’m not sure I’ll have the answer before my own sun goes down. /p>p>Perhaps it doesn’t matter, as long as my time is filled with beautiful moments that my heart cares deeply about. And perhaps that’s what hope is all about – that whether i stay or choose to go, I keep on believing the best is yet to come. /p>p>~ cj 2014.05.21/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11.jpg altimage width2000 height2000 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5394 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11.jpg 2000w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11-1024x1024.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px />/a>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fshould-i-stay-or-should-i-go%2F&titleShould+I+Stay+or+Should+I+Go%3F titleBookmark this post : Should I Stay or Should I Go? on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://digg.com/submit?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fshould-i-stay-or-should-i-go%2F&titleShould+I+Stay+or+Should+I+Go%3F&bodytext%0D%0A%0D%0ASuch+a+quandary%3B+when+to+stay+put+and+sit+in+peace+to+wait%2C+and+when+to+leave%2C+because+too+much+reasonable+time+has+passed.+%0D%0A%0D%0AIt+is+my+single+greatest+challenge%2C+especially+when+it%27s+something+my+heart+cares+deeply+about.+Is+the+best+yet+too+come%3F+Or+am+I+being+a+fool+watching+life+go+by%3F%0D%0A%0D%0AI%27ve+been+punished+gr titleDigg this post : Should I Stay or Should I Go? 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#post-5256 --> div idpost-5240 classpost-5240 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 tag-essay-2 tag-focus tag-lightning-bolt tag-photography tag-present tag-reminder tag-self-development tag-storm tag-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/lightning-bolt-reminder/ relbookmark>Lightning Bolt Reminder/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/lightning-bolt-reminder/ title1:53 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.05.14/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>There I was, on my back deck last night, commenting to the sky about the lack of a visible moonrise… okay fine… I’ll admit, I was complaining … and while I was at it, I’d brought up and was swirling around how hard it was to get good lightning shots the previous night… (it was REALLY hard!) Anyway…I was doing this while I was taking photos of what WAS there last night./p>p>It was actually pretty interesting as well, even before what happened next. But admittedly, I was doing far more complaining than focusing and being grateful for what was there./p>p>Mother Nature in her own unique way, apparently decided it was time for my pissy attitude to change, so this lightning bolt is what she showed up with. /p>p>Not only was it time for me to stop whining about the past (even if it WAS only the previous night). I also apparently needed to be reminded (once again), that there is ALWAYS something interesting and beautiful and wondrous going on around me, even when it’s not what I initially thought I was going to see, hear, or experience. /p>p>I’m a lot more likely to notice it and find value and happiness in it, if I’m open to focusing on and appreciating the present, rather than wasting my energy and time complaining about what happened before or isn’t going according to my desires./p>p>Over the past month I’ve really been gaining an appreciation for the things that fall apart, or don’t go according to my plans. Nothing like the metaphor of a lightning bolt as a shocking reminder, eh? And what I really treasured is not only did she ‘fork’ over the lightning bolt, I was lucky enough to capture it with my camera. Perhaps looking at it next time I’m complaining will make me sit ‘bolt upright’ and pay attention. (I couldn’t resist the groaner puns.)/p>p>~ cj 2014.05.13/p>p>div idattachment_5241 stylewidth: 2010px classwp-caption alignleft>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync aria-describedbycaption-attachment-5241 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2.jpg altLightning Bolt Reminder width2000 height2000 classsize-full wp-image-5241 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2.jpg 2000w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2-1024x1024.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px />/a>p idcaption-attachment-5241 classwp-caption-text>Lightning Bolt Reminder/p>/div>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/focus/ reltag>focus/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/lightning-bolt/ reltag>lightning bolt/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/present/ reltag>present/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/reminder/ reltag>reminder/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-development/ reltag>self development/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/storm/ reltag>storm/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/transformation/ reltag>transformation/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/lightning-bolt-reminder/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5240 --> div idpost-5235 classpost-5235 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry category-writing tag-fear tag-life tag-lights tag-photography tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/light/ relbookmark>Light/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/light/ title10:42 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.05.08/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>One light came on,br />as another faded.br />As life turned out,br />there was no reasonbr />to fear the dark.br />~ cj 2014.05.08/p>p>a 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url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/fear/ reltag>fear/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/lights/ reltag>lights/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/light/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5235 --> div idpost-5212 classpost-5212 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-essay-2 tag-life tag-today> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/what-today-wants/ relbookmark>What Today Wants/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/what-today-wants/ title6:58 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.05.06/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Blocked? Am I blocked if I have nothing to say about what happened in my head, in my heart, in my life, today? /p>p>Perhaps using my words is not what today had in mind. /p>p>Maybe today has heard enough of my voice lately, and wants to hear my music or watch me take photos instead. /p>p>Or today may want me to spend it with friends, catching up with their lives and they mine./p>p>What if today is exhausted from all the busy in my head, and simply wants nothing more than to be a day lived in silence…/p>p>…A day spent resting and reflecting…a span of 24 short hours, that I use to remember how beautiful it is to be alive breathing./p>p>I am not very good sometimes at listening to what today wants to be. But I am getting better at this with every new today that shows its face. /p>p>So after awhile spent considering it, I’ve decided today feels like it’s quite set as one I soak in for what it is, without saying a thing about it at all. At least not for today. /p>p>(PS Don’t let on that I wrote this. I’m gonna pretend I’m blocked…for today 🙂 )/p>p>~ cj 2014.05.06/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fwhat-today-wants%2F&titleWhat+Today+Wants titleBookmark this post : What Today Wants on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/today/ reltag>today/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/what-today-wants/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5212 --> div idpost-5145 classpost-5145 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 tag-dark tag-essay-2 tag-life tag-moon tag-photography> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/finding-my-way-in-the-dark/ relbookmark>Finding My Way In The Dark/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/finding-my-way-in-the-dark/ title4:35 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.04.17/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9724.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9724.jpg altBlood Moon Total Eclipse - 2014.04.15 (9724) width600 height600 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5146 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9724.jpg 1000w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9724-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9724-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px />/a>br />Finding my way in the dark…/p>p>Such an appropriate metaphor for me right now./p>p>This photo is a single long exposure of the Blood Moon total lunar eclipse on 2014.04.15. /p>p>To do this, I put my camera on the manual bulb setting, start the exposure, cover the lens, move the camera, take my hand off the lens, move the camera again…etc…I do it all in one shot, no adjustment editing allowed. /p>p>The game for me is to get it as even as possible exposure-wise and as even as possible moving across the frame. I have to keep the target in focus, too…all without being able to see what I’m doing through the viewfinder. /p>p>In other words, I’m finding my way in the dark. /p>p>Usually I have to move pretty quickly, too. And sometimes there are ‘extra special challenges’…In this case, the manual focus on my lens broke that day! /p>p>I’m not perfect; as you can see, the left-most instance of the moon isn’t as light as the rest. But I’m definitely getting better at doing this with moon photos./p>p>I’m not perfect at this in my life either, but hopefully I’m getting better at finding my way in the dark there too, even when I have to move quickly, and even if there are extra special circumstances./p>p>~ cj 2014.04.17/p>p>em>Here are a few other examples from that night of me playing around with the moon…/em>/p>p>div idattachment_5147 stylewidth: 1010px classwp-caption alignleft>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9726.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync aria-describedbycaption-attachment-5147 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9726.jpg altBlood Moon Total Eclipse - 2014.04.15 - Leaving a Trail width600 height600 classsize-full wp-image-5147 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9726.jpg 1000w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9726-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9726-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px />/a>p idcaption-attachment-5147 classwp-caption-text>Leaving a Trail/p>/div>/p>p>div idattachment_5148 stylewidth: 1010px classwp-caption alignleft>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9745.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync aria-describedbycaption-attachment-5148 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9745.jpg altBlood Moon Total Eclipse - 2014.04.15 - Olive the Moon width600 height600 classsize-full wp-image-5148 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9745.jpg 1000w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9745-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9745-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px />/a>p idcaption-attachment-5148 classwp-caption-text>“Olive” the Moon/p>/div>/p>p>div idattachment_5149 stylewidth: 1010px classwp-caption alignleft>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9722.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync aria-describedbycaption-attachment-5149 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9722.jpg altBlood Moon Total Eclipse - 2014.04.15 - Skipping Ahead width600 height600 classsize-full wp-image-5149 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9722.jpg 1000w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9722-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9722-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px />/a>p idcaption-attachment-5149 classwp-caption-text>Skipping Ahead (time of shot is actually 3:20am, not 2:20am)/p>/div>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Ffinding-my-way-in-the-dark%2F&titleFinding+My+Way+In+The+Dark titleBookmark this post : Finding My 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/moon/ reltag>moon/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/finding-my-way-in-the-dark/#comments>10 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5145 --> div idpost-5096 classpost-5096 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/intersection/ relbookmark>Intersection/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/intersection/ title3:32 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.04.13/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I am /p>p>a moment of sweet pitybr />in a parking lotbr />on a Saturday night;/p>p>a half day ofbr />homeworkbr />with a friendbr />who’s learningbr />what I used to love;/p>p>a place to staybr />the night before a racebr />I am not attending;/p>p>a stranger’s homebr />for a month,br />but only to sleepbr />after long daysbr />he’s spent workingbr />in town,/p>p>and then /p>p>on the way out,/p>p>nice to meet you,br />thank you,br />goodbye,/p>p>and good luckbr />with your endeavorbr />to be a destination again./p>p>I ambr />a neighborbr />called to discussbr />where to put a fencebr />I don’t want,br />so I am safebr />from intersectingbr />with her angry dogs./p>p>And /p>p>I ambr />a meal onbr />a weeknightbr />where I am askedbr />why he should explain,/p>p>when it was mebr />who caused the collisionbr />by mistaking myselfbr />for a destinationbr />in his life./p>p>How did I miss that/p>p>I ambr />no one’s destinationbr />like I used to bebr />when I was youngbr />and loved. /p>p>I becamebr />no one’s destinationbr />when I couldn’t takebr />the pain anymorebr />of beingbr />the favored destinationbr />for somebody else’sbr />damage./p>p>I didn’t realizebr />my refusalbr />would changebr />my entirebr />construction./p>p>How did I miss thisbr />when everyone elsebr />clearly sees/p>p>I ambr />an intersectionbr />in the lot…br />with their fence…br />at that restaurant…/p>p>…even in my own empty home./p>p>I ambr />an intersection,br />for them,br />for him,br />for you./p>p>And nothing goodbr />comes from stoppingbr />for longbr />in the middle ofbr />one of those./p>p>~ cj 2014.04.13/p>p>em>I went to a book reading this week. After the reading, I asked the poet who’d read, how long she worked on her poems. Two, three months, she said. (It showed. They were rich, textured, beautiful!)/p>p>Not 10 minutes, not an hour, or at most, half a day like mine./p>p>She says she is not shy about getting them out there, and then revising them later. /p>p>When I was writing this, many other ideas for writing about intersections and destinations were colliding in my brain before I’d even published it. When that starts happening, normally I just save the piece in draft and don’t publish it, thinking I’ll come back to it later. /p>p>But intersecting with her this week has inspired me to go ahead and publish this. I’ll save the other ideas for another piece or I’ll edit this one later./p>p>Thanx for caring enough to read what I write. 🙂 I’m glad my world has intersected with yours.br />/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fintersection%2F&titleIntersection titleBookmark this post : Intersection on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/intersection/#comments>9 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5096 --> div idpost-5071 classpost-5071 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-essay-2 tag-kindness tag-life tag-patience tag-photography tag-self-development tag-self-worth> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/giving-me-permission/ relbookmark>Giving Me Permission/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/giving-me-permission/ title6:52 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.31/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I take photos of things other than the sky; I do! But for now, I like taking sky photos best. /p>p>So I let myself take them, as much as I want, whenever I want. /p>p>It is my gift to me, to try to make amends for all the years I spent denying me. /p>p>The truth is, I almost always give myself permission to do what I like, even when I don’t understand why I’m doing it…perhaps ESPECIALLY then. I rarely try to manage it, or push myself into doing something I don’t want to do./p>p>What I’ve learned by doing this, is that if I give in to myself kindly and authentically enough, if I silence my own naysayer, eventually what I’m truly up to inside, reveals itself./p>p>And that’s when I get the important gift of understanding me and learning my own value./p>p>I trust that if I give myself permission like this enough, I will never fall into the hole of an unhappy life full of denying me again./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.29/p>p>em>Plus, I’ll have a bunch of sky photos, and maybe even some bad-ass photography skills!/em>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image13.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image13-1024x1024.jpg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5076 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image13.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image13-150x150.jpg 150w, 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.entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Back thenbr />it was easy to convince myselfbr />that I mattered./p>p>But contrary evidencebr />presented itselfbr />over and overbr />that I didn’t./p>p>So when I couldn’tbr />convince myself anymore,br />I walked awaybr />from all that mattered to me./p>p>And now,br />not that it mattersbr />anymore,br />to anyone,br />maybe not even me,br />it’s pretty easy tobr />convince myselfbr />that I don’t./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.30/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fmattering%2F&titleMattering titleBookmark this post : Mattering on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 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classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/belonging/ reltag>belonging/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/mattering/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5064 --> div idpost-5007 classpost-5007 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-death tag-dying tag-family tag-friends tag-life tag-love tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/being-present/ relbookmark>Being Present/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/being-present/ title3:54 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.27/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/IMG_2774.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-full wp-image-5009 altIMG_2774 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/IMG_2774.jpg width1024 height683 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/IMG_2774.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/IMG_2774-300x200.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>br />Although it seems there’s much to attend to,br />while being present for the one who is leaving,/p>p>there’s not a thing to attend to that matters as muchbr />as being present to the one who is leaving./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.26/p>hr />p>For a moment, I thought this was all I had to say on the matter. And it is, of course, perfectly fine to stop reading right here. But I couldn’t stop here, because when I thought I was done, it turns out I’d only just started. /p>p>You see, when I thought I was done, it suddenly became very important to me that you and anyone else who reads this knows: It was not by accident that I used “being present for” in the first part, and “being present to” in the second./p>p>Perhaps it seems trivial. The wording is quite similar; and it would be easy to interchange them:br />‘being present for’br />‘being present to’/p>p>…but they are quite different in my heart. /p>p>To me, ‘being present for’ is what one does for another. When a loved one is dying, and leaving us behind, there seems no end to what needs attending. We care, we show up. And even though we may be completely lost inside, because they are leaving, we make ourselves extremely busy being present for them. It doesn’t feel like there is much else we can do./p>p>But when I think of ‘being present to’ someone who is dying, I imagine needs ceasing to exist, or at least my notice of them. All that attending busy-ness loses its importance. I picture becoming an empty vessel with a wide open space inside, where someone I care about feels welcome and heard. Being present to them is honoring all that they’ve been, and all that they are in that moment, as they are doing the hard work of leaving. It feels like a deep understanding in me that, even when they are gone, they will always be a part of me and everyone they’ve touched. I want to allow myself to experience the essence of them, even when I am afraid, or I’m not sure I can stand the pain of it./p>hr />p>I meant to end this piece after I explained my different meanings for those two phrases. But then, for fun, I looked up the etymology of the word “present”. Perhaps it is just late, far past any reasonable bedtime, but each variation, and how they could all mix together, felt profoundly beautiful and rich in symbolism; perfect for writing about right here, while I’m writing about being present. /p>p>So I continued…./p>p>A ‘present’ can be a noun, an object, a ‘gift’. Pronounced another way, it is the act of giving something to another. /p>p>I smiled when I thought “I can present a present.”/p>p>And I can present myself to someone to be present for them./p>p>Or I can give them the gift, the present, of being present to them./p>hr />p>And then I realized, I wasn’t done with what was on my mind, so I tried being present to this moment of writing. And I gave in to where my mind wanted to go…back to the memory of the night I learned how to be truly present to another. Even though I tried not be present to it, that’s really what this piece wants to be about./p>p>So here it is…here is the heart of it./p>p>When my dad was dying, at first I was very busy being present for him. I wanted to fix this; I wanted to help like I had so many other times. At least I could make him comfortable by attending to his needs. I felt like doing something was what I had to offer, and I did as much as I could. But very quickly, I understood, I wasn’t going to be able to fix this. He was really leaving me. Suddenly all this attending didn’t really matter that much. I felt empty. And lost./p>p>Later, in the dark of that night, heart-sick, sitting in the chair next to him, watching him breathe, I tried something different, because there wasn’t anything to do for him. I tried to put myself in his place. What was it like to be in his bed, in his wasted, broken body, having to do this hard work of leaving? How would he find the strength? What was he feeling, what was he thinking? Was he aware, and was he afraid? /p>p>I crawled into bed with him to get close, because I wouldn’t have many more chances to be near him. And then I saw his eyes were open! /p>p>Hi Dad, I love you./p>p>I love you, too, he said. /p>p>Am I your favorite daughter?/p>p>I’ve asked this question for years. He’d usually say some version of “You’re my only daughter.” So I’d press him. But am I your FAVORITE daughter? Sometimes the answer was “Sometimes”. Eventually I could get him to at least say “Of course, don’t be ridiculous.” Occasionally, he’d give in and say “Sure”, like he did when I was a little kid, and he wanted me to stop bothering him./p>p>But this time, for the first and only time ever, he quietly answered/p>p>Yes./p>p>I made sure I was looking straight into his eyes when I was talking to him, even though he was looking at the ceiling. /p>p>Once I felt able to hold back my tears, I continued./p>p>I am sorry this is happening to you. I wish I could fix this, Dad. Is there anything I can do for you? /p>p>He was quiet for a long time…so long that I leaned way in his face to make sure he was still awake. And breathing./p>p>No, he finally said. /p>p>He went quiet again, and I thought he was done talking./p>p>But then he saidbr />You’re here, and that’s enough./p>p>He was right. I WAS there; I was completely present to him. And I understood in that moment, being present to him was exactly enough./p>p>I stayed there, looking in his eyes. I thought about all that he’d hoped his life would be. And I thought about all he’d been through…growing up in the depression, going to war, his serious illnesses, his broken back, how he’d beaten cancer…twice. I thought about all that he’d sacrificed for me and my brothers, the demons he’d fought, the weaknesses he hated in himself. I thought about his disappointments, his fears, the forever heartbreak of losing his wife so young. I thought about what a smart man he was, what a savant he was with words, how meticulous and fastidious he was, how kind he was to everyone who took care of him. I thought about all the things he liked, camping, fishing, being with his brothers, hearing from mine. All that he was flooded into me, and I understood him. I felt the heart, the essence of him. And I truly, finally, let go of everything I thought I needed…closure, his understanding, answers, apologies. All of it./p>p>I had no idea how long we’d been looking at each other like that. He’d been unreachable in the past day or so, even with his eyes open. But I spoke again, hoping he’d at least hear me./p>p>Thank you, Dad. Thank you so much for everything. /p>p>A long pause./p>p>You’re welcome./p>p>Awhile later, when part of me hoped he was now sleeping, I saidbr />I’ll never forget you./p>p>You’d better not, came the reply./p>p>I laughed a little, and I kissed his forehead./p>p>I saidbr />I’m tired, can I sleep here with you for a little while?br />Such a long pause this time./p>p>And thenbr />Oh, sure./p>p>In that moment, I realized he was present to me as well. /p>p>For the rest of the time he was leaving, I tried to be as present to him as I could. I absorbed everything I could about him, I held his hand and quietly looked in his eyes as often as I could. I tried to make sure he knew I was completely there as far as I could go on his journey with him./p>p>Like I’ve said before in other things I’ve written, he was holding my hand so tight that last night, it hurt. And when I got up to get his meds (be present for him, attend to him), I let go of his hand. And that’s when he left me, and living without him here began./p>p>I am so grateful that I slowed down and really talked to him, held his hand, looked in his eyes, tried to be present to him. His gift of accepting that from me, the memory of those last days with him, is still a part of me, even though he’s gone./p>hr />p>As I finish this up, I finally see what I was meant to see from writing this piece. My Dad wasn’t the only one who got a present when I was present to him. I did./p>p>I got the rich gift of those last days, and I got the gift of knowing how to be present to another. /p>p>It isn’t always easy, when it seems there is much to be ‘present for’, much to attend to, to every day. But now, because of the gift of that time, I remember more than I did before, that there is nothing to attend to that matters as much as being present to those who are a part of me, while they are living./p>p>Being present to another is honoring all that they’ve been, and all that they are in that moment, as they do the hard work of living. I want to allow myself to experience the essence of them, even though sometimes I am afraid, or it is painful. Those who are close to me have touched me deeply, and they will always be a part of me. The gift I want to give them in return is to be an empty vessel with a wide open space inside where they feel welcome and heard by me…I want to be present to them. /p>p>And, although I have more I want to write about the gifts of “being present to”, ’tis enough for now, because I have other things to which I must attend. 🙂/p>p>~ cj 2014.03.27/p>p>em>P.S. Here’s the etymology I found for “present”/p>p>a hrefhttp://www.etymonline.com/index.php?termpresent target_blank>http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?termpresent/a>/p>p>present (adj.)br />c.1300, “existing at the time,” from Old French present “evident, at hand, within reach;” as a noun, “the present time” (11c., Modern French présent) and directly from Latin praesentem (nominative praesens) “present, at hand, in sight; immediate; prompt, instant; contemporary,” from present participle of præesse “be before (someone or something), be at hand,” from prae- “before” (see pre-) + esse “to be” (see essence). Meaning “being there” is from mid-14c. in English. As a grammatical tense, recorded from late 14c.br />present (v.) Look up present at Dictionary.combr />c.1300, “introduce (someone or something) formally or ceremonially;” also “make a formal presentation of; give as a gift or award; bestow,” from Old French presenter (11c., Modern French présenter) and directly from Latin praesentare “to place before, show, exhibit,” from stem of praesens (see present (adj.)). From late 14c. as “exhibit (something), offer for inspection, display;” also, in law, “make a formal complaint or charge of wrongdoing.” From c.1400 as”represent, portray.” Related: Presented; presenting.br />present (n.1) Look up present at Dictionary.combr />“this point in time” (opposed to past and future), c.1300, “the present time,” also “act or fact of being present; portion of space around someone,” from Old French present (n.) from Latin praesens “being there” (see present (adj.)). In old legalese, these presents means “these documents.”br />present (n.2) Look up present at Dictionary.combr />c.1200, “thing offered, what is offered or given as a gift,” from Old French present and Medieval Latin presentia, from phrases such as French en present “(to offer) in the presence of,” mettre en present “place before, give,” from Late Latin inpraesent “face to face,” from Latin in re praesenti “in the situation in question,” from praesens “being there” (see present (adj.)), on the notion of “bringing something into someone’s presence.”br />/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbeing-present%2F&titleBeing+Present titleBookmark this post : Being Present on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent 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Stumblers/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://twitter.com/home/?statushttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbeing-present%2F titleTweet this post : Being Present on Twitter >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttp://cjromb.com/being-present/feed titleFollow this post : Being Present comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/death/ reltag>death/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/dying/ reltag>dying/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/family/ reltag>family/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/friends/ reltag>friends/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/being-present/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5007 --> div idpost-4983 classpost-4983 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 category-writing tag-childhood tag-children tag-friendship tag-photography tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/dirty-girls/ relbookmark>Dirty Girls/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/dirty-girls/ title3:13 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I absolutely loved watching this scene play out Saturday morning at a restaurant where I was eating breakfast and talking with one of my best friends. (Pictures at the bottom)/p>p>These two little girls were in a play area outside the window. From a distance, the one looked pretty girly. Pink parasol, pink shirt, little skirt. Even her nails were painted to match. /p>p>The other girl, not so much. She was sitting right in the dirt, up against the fence in her tomboy clothes. She wasn’t really paying much attention to the other girl’s efforts to get that parasol open all the way. Instead, she seemed to be watching the other kids in the playground. /p>p>When you look a little closer, you can see the parasol girl wasn’t just dressed pretty. She was also pretty filthy and scraped up, muddy legs, bruises, dirty shoes. The other girl was drinking something and had an unattended dribble of it on her face./p>p>The girls were hanging peacefully in the same space, but they weren’t really talking to each other. I didn’t know if they knew each other before that morning, but it seemed like they did./p>p>Eventually the little parasol girl mostly succeeded, and propped that parasol on her shoulder. The other girl looked up at her. The parasol girl showed her something or said something, and then she walked away. /p>p>The little girl sitting in the dirt didn’t try to go with the parasol girl. Instead, she just watched her leave. And then she cocked her head a little more towards the rest of the playground, going back to watching all the other kids. /p>p>Maybe she was busy with something else inside her head, or maybe she didn’t have the heart to deal with whatever teasing might happen if she went over to play with the others. Maybe she just liked watching from where she was./p>p>I looked like that kind of little girl, sitting in the dirt. /p>p>I never owned a pink parasol. I did have dolls and Barbies. But they spent most of their time in the trees, waiting for rescue from emergencies only one of those Tonka trucks I wanted to play with could handle. /p>p>I didn’t paint my nails, I chewed them, even when they were full of dirt. I chewed and picked my lip, too. My shins were filthy, scraped, bruised and scabbed looked like that parasol girl’s, but they were as skinny as toothpicks. And most of the time, I wouldn’t let anyone see them. /p>p>I had a hard time sitting still, so I don’t know how long I would have sat in that dirt. But my head was always full of thinking, and I didn’t often get too close to any of the rest of the girls. When I did, I was always looking for the kind of girl who didn’t notice how dirty and beat up her shins were. I was always hoping for the kind of little girl who would take a break from the rest of the kids to come over and hang out peacefully in my space, even if she was doing her own thing./p>p>And I wouldn’t have even minded her having a pink parasol, cuz that hang-onto handle would have been handy helping the Tonkas rescue those useless dolls from their tree-stranded tragedies./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.23/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image7.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image7-1024x1024.jpg altopening parasol width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4980 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image7.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image7-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image7-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image3.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image3.jpg altblocking her face width640 height590 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4976 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image3.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image3-300x276.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image5.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image5.jpg altpropped parasol width640 height831 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4978 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image5.jpg 788w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image5-230x300.jpg 230w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image4.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image4.jpg altshowing off her parasol width640 height870 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4977 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http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image8-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image-1024x1024.jpg altClose up Looking up width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4973 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image9.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image9-1024x1024.jpg altlooking away zoomed out width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4982 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image9.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image9-150x150.jpg 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altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/childhood/ reltag>childhood/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/children/ reltag>children/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/friendship/ reltag>friendship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/dirty-girls/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4983 --> div idpost-4965 classpost-4965 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/no-bone-picking/ relbookmark>No Bone Picking/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/no-bone-picking/ title7:10 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I’m not close enough to your bonesbr />to even notice if there’s meatbr />to pick off them./p>p>You’re not my kind of dish anyway.br />I like the sweet,br />the salty, the creamy.br />I love to savor and enjoy./p>p>I don’t get near the tough cuts,br />and I run so fastbr />from anything that smells rotten now,br />that I’m never close to those kinds of bonesbr />for long enough to notice what’s there./p>p>So if there’s meat being picked off your bones,br />perhaps someone a little closer to homebr />should be suspect./p>p>May I offer you a mirror?br />And then, as I was saying,br />I must run./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.21/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fno-bone-picking%2F&titleNo+Bone+Picking titleBookmark this post : No Bone Picking on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/no-bone-picking/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4965 --> div idpost-4880 classpost-4880 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/waving-goodbye-and-crying/ relbookmark>Waving Goodbye And Crying/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/waving-goodbye-and-crying/ title6:54 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.20/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>When we were little, we’d leave my grandma and grandpa’s house, and they’d stand in the doorway, waving goodbye, always smiling./p>p>My whole childhood, it was my grandpa and grandma, waving goodbye to my mom and dad and us kids, all of us grinning like crazy./p>p>But then my mom died, and then my grandpa died, too. I was left with the memory of the last time I’d waved goodbye to them. /p>p>And for the rest of the years, it was my dad, and my grandma. And for the rest of the years, waving goodbye wasn’t a time for smiling. /p>p>My dad didn’t like my grandma. She was mean to him for marrying my mom. So they didn’t visit each other anymore after my grandpa died, even though they lived very close. They’d waved goodbye to each other forever and pretended they didn’t care. But I saw them both at least every year./p>p>em>Waving Goodbye To My Dad/em>br />Each time I visited my dad, he did the same thing my grandma and grandpa always had. He stood in the doorway and waved goodbye when I left. Sometimes he even did this when I went to visit my grandma for the day. We’d make a joke about it, but inside, I wasn’t smiling./p>p>But my Dad wasn’t like my grandma; he was soft and couldn’t hide it. When I left to travel back home, he always cried when he was waving goodbye. /p>p>When I was a little girl, I’d found him near death twice, so for the rest of his life, I was afraid every time I waved goodbye, I’d never see him again. So even grown up, I always cried, too./p>p>Some years ago, I went through all of his life things with him, helped him pack up, sell his home, and move into a new place. It was time, but when we pulled away from his house, my childhood home, it was so hard to wave goodbye to it, that we both cried./p>p>I visited him for several years after that. He was happy in his new place, for the first time in all the years since my mom had died, and although I was sad when I waved goodbye, it was a little easier not to cry. /p>p>But then, the year after I’d broken my own back, he broke his, too. And he needed me. So I went up there five times, taking care of him, rescuing him, checking up on him. He was so sick that year, with one thing after another, that it took all I had in me to squelch my anguish, and wave goodbye each time I left. The time I had to leave him in the nursing home for rehab was nearly unbearable. But I had to go, and there was nothing for me to do, so I promised him I’d see him again, and my whole heart hoped hoped I was telling the truth./p>p>I’d cry for days, even after I was home, filled with good reasons for being afraid I’d never see him again. /p>p>At the end of that year, he was doing better when I visited him. And when I left, he hugged me goodbye, and whispered in my ear “Thank you; you saved my life.” That time, we both cried so hard, we couldn’t even wave./p>p>Almost two years ago now, my worst fear came true, in the midst of so many other of my worst fears coming true. I got a call that my dad was dying. So my son and I went to be with him, to take care of him. He held my hand so tight at the end it hurt. We said I love you to each other as much as we could. And when he died, I told him I’d miss him forever. /p>p>In the viewing room, when I got to see him that last time, I played piano for him, and for me. And then, for both of us, I waved goodbye one last time./p>p>em>Waving Goodbye To My Grandma/em>br />Then, there was only my grandma./p>p>My grandma wasn’t easy to love, but as I got older, her and I grew closer. I taught her it was okay to say I love you, and I miss you. And when I visited, and I left, she would wave goodbye. One time, she even cried./p>p>A few years ago, she couldn’t see anymore, and she kept on falling. So not long before my Dad died, she move into a new place./p>p>I visited her there the day of my dad’s funeral with the rest of the family. It was the first time I’d seen her that visit, because I’d been with my Dad. She asked if I could come back alone, but I couldn’t. We had to get on the road; we’d been gone so long. So I waved goodbye, and I promised I’d come back, and like with my dad, my whole heart hoped I’d told the truth./p>p>So many things happened the year my Dad died, and I didn’t get to see her again until the next June. It took a long time sitting there with her, before she knew who I was. She asked when I was going to come back, but she forgot what I said. She remembered to wave goodbye just a little, though. And she smiled, but I knew what was coming, and I cried./p>p>I didn’t want that to be the last time I waved goodbye to her, so I went back a month later. She had just turned 102. I’m not sure she knew me, but she touched my face and my hair. She thanked me for saying happy birthday. When I left, though, I’m not sure she even knew I’d been there./p>p>Two days later, I held her hand, too, just like I’d held my Dad’s. I told her I’d love her, and I’d miss her forever. And then she wasn’t there to wave goodbye anymore, either./p>p>So now there is no one to stand in the doorway for me, waving goodbye to the child I was and the grownup I am. There is no one to visit and no one to cry or smile, missing me when I leave. I am not afraid I won’t be able to wave goodbye one more time, because they are already gone. I am left with “I love you” and “I miss you” forever in my heart. /p>p>em>Waving Goodbye To My Son/em>br />And now it is only me, and my beautiful son./p>p>When he visits, I hug him as hard as I can. I’ve lost him before, but I don’t want to lose him again, now that he’s back in my life. I tell him I love him, and I can’t wait til the next time. Oh, my, how I treasure the man that he is. /p>p>I am like my grandma. And I am like my dad, too. I try not to be afraid I won’t see him again, but he’s all I’ve got. So sometimes I am. /p>p>And when we part, my son and I, because I’ve spent my whole life waving goodbye and crying, that’s what I do./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.20/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fwaving-goodbye-and-crying%2F&titleWaving+Goodbye+And+Crying titleBookmark this post : Waving Goodbye And Crying on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/waving-goodbye-and-crying/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4880 --> div idpost-4875 classpost-4875 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry category-writing tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-sky> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-best-ever/ relbookmark>The Best Ever!/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-best-ever/ title12:14 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.20/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Nearly every day,br />often more than once,br />I stand outsidebr />with my camerabr />pointed at the sky./p>p>I’m taking photosbr />of everythingbr />I possibly can./p>p>Sometimes there’sbr />so much beauty,br />I need two cameras!/p>p>And at least oncebr />every time,br />but probablybr />a hundred times,br />my whole heartbr />is filled with awebr />and whispers,br />or says out loudbr />and sometimesbr />shoutsbr />This is The Best Ever!/p>p>I can only imaginebr />how many timesbr />I’ve written, said,br />shared, thoughtbr />some variation of…/p>p>…this is amazing,br />insane, crazy,br />gorgeous, ridiculous,br />beautiful,intense,br />stunning,spectacular,br />amazing, stellar,br />wild, perfect,br />incredible/p>p>There has neverbr />been a betterbr />sunsetbr />sunrisebr />moonsetbr />moonrisebr />cloud groupingbr />sky glowbr />storm/p>p>Ever./p>p>Maybe I’ve said thatbr />as many timesbr />as there are stars!/p>p>All of my friendsbr />most of my acquaintancesbr />and plenty of strangersbr />have heard this from me, toobr />because they all need to know./p>p>I try to water it downbr />just a littlebr />so they don’tbr />stop believing me,/p>p>so I’ll saybr />This isbr />“one of”br />The Best Ever…/p>p>but it’s my little secretbr />how many are includedbr />in that group calledbr />“The Best Ever”./p>p>A few timesbr />I’ve thoughtbr />I’m going to stay inbr />and work,br />sleep,br />hang out,br />or be inside somewherebr />doing other things,br />because I was, after all,br />just out therebr />with my camera pointing upbr />at another sky that wasbr />The Best Ever./p>p>If it’s all greybr />Or conversely,br />when there’s not a cloudbr />to be seen anywhere,br />I’ll look out and trybr />my very best to convince mebr />to do something elsebr />because surely it won’t bebr />The Best Everbr />today./p>p>And that moon?br />Well, every month,br />he does the same thingbr />doesn’t he.br />He wanes and waxes,br />goes half and fullbr />and starts over as new./p>p>I try to believebr />I’ve already capturedbr />The Best Ever moon, too./p>p>But I know better,br />because when I look throughbr />all the photos I havebr />of sunsets, sunrises,br />moonsets and moonrises,br />cloud groups,br />sky glows, and storms,/p>p>I clearly seebr />no matter what time of daybr />or what was in the sky/p>p>every single momentbr />was completely unique/p>p>just like every single momentbr />of my life./p>p>So whenever Ibr />try to tell myselfbr />just stay in,br />I go out./p>p>And it’s alwaysbr />the right thing to dobr />because tonight’s sunsetbr />and just now,br />the moonrise?/p>p>Yep,br />once again, it wasbr />The Best Ever!/p>p>~ 2014.03.20/p>p>em>I would have posted The Best Ever here, but you can see the problem with that, right!?/p>p>Instead, you can see some of my sky photos on Instagram: a hrefhttp://instagram.com/cjromb titleInstagram - CJROMB target_blank>http://instagram.com/cjromb/a>br />or on Facebook a hrefhttp://facebook.com/OverMyHeadPhotos titleFacebook - OverMyHeadPhotos target_blank>http://facebook.com/OverMyHeadPhotos/a>/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fthe-best-ever%2F&titleThe+Best+Ever%21 titleBookmark this post : The Best Ever! on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sky/ reltag>sky/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/the-best-ever/#comments>9 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4875 --> div idpost-4858 classpost-4858 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-healing tag-poetry-2 tag-recovery tag-self-development> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/there-is-no-such-thing/ relbookmark>There Is No Such Thing/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/there-is-no-such-thing/ title11:11 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.18/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I’m not broken enough anymorebr />to believe I can fix me,br />by fixing what is broken in you./p>p>I’m not lost enough anymorebr />to believe I’ll find my waybr />by telling you how to headbr />where I think you should go./p>p>It’s not that I’ve fixed myselfbr />And it isn’t that I’ve found my way/p>p>Instead, I’ve finally learnedbr />the only way to get overbr />being broken and lostbr />is to stop believingbr />that anyone,br />including me,br />is./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.18/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap 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classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/healing/ reltag>healing/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/recovery/ reltag>recovery/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-development/ reltag>self development/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/there-is-no-such-thing/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4858 --> div idpost-4821 classpost-4821 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-abuse tag-mean tag-poetry-2 tag-self-discovery tag-teachers> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/mean-teachers/ relbookmark>Mean Teachers/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/mean-teachers/ title10:44 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.14/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>The most meaningfulbr />lessons I’ve learnedbr />from mean teachers /p>p>are the onesbr />they didn’t meanbr />to teach me./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.14/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fmean-teachers%2F&titleMean+Teachers titleBookmark this post : Mean Teachers on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/abuse/ reltag>abuse/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/mean/ reltag>mean/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/teachers/ reltag>teachers/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/mean-teachers/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4821 --> div idpost-4839 classpost-4839 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-writing> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/living-to-laugh/ relbookmark>Living to Laugh/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/living-to-laugh/ title2:14 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.12/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Somewhere in 2009 or 2010, I saw the YouTube video “Jizz in My Pants”. My (now ex) husband and I had gone to dinner at my son’s place, and my son shared this video with us. It’s the silliest video; have you seen it? OMG, I laughed sooo hard!/p>p>iframe loadinglazy width560 height315 src//www.youtube.com/embed/4pXfHLUlZf4 frameborder0 allowfullscreen>/iframe>)/p>p>By then, over a million people had watched it, and the response video “Puke In My Mouth.” /p>p>iframe loadinglazy width560 height315 src//www.youtube.com/embed/DJsQcnB6GC0 frameborder0 allowfullscreen>/iframe>)/p>p>When I saw this video, I was going through a pretty intense, unhappy time in my life. I was working a ridiculous number of hours (80-96!) trying to save a business structure and a marriage that couldn’t be saved. I was hyper aware that this was the first time I’d laughed about anything in awhile. Me, not laughing. Holy crap, what had happened to me? My own laughter felt so awkward, it kept ringing in my ears; I couldn’t stop thinking about it./p>p>The very next day I suddenly realized the brilliance of that video, of Lonely Island, of comedic ventures in general! FAR more people agreed on what’s funny, than they agreed on pretty much anything else. At a minimum, they at least agreed they liked to laugh!/p>p>That’s the day I decided Laughter was the intersection of humanity I wanted to play in. At least if I got run over, I’d go down with a grin on my face./p>p>It took me quite a few years to extricate myself from the unhappy place I was in. I went through some pretty nasty bouts of anger, sobbing heartbreak, desperation and stay-in-bed depression between then and now as I dug in deep to sort my life out. But once I started processing all that, I found when I WAS laughing, it was pure and complete. I noticed I was child-like unaware of anything in those moments, except the hilarity. As long as I was laughing, it didn’t matter whether I’d created it for myself or found it somewhere else./p>p>I genuinely, whole-heartedly laugh a LOT now; I’m guessing it’s fairly obvious from a small amount of time on my Facebook page, or interacting with me. I truly don’t mind laughing alone at all. In fact I stood outside in the dark tonight laughing at a photo I’d taken of the moon that looks like a silly face. It’s okay if I’m the only person who thinks something is funny, too, but it’s far more fun when I’m not the only one laughing! /p>p>There was a piece on a hrefhttp://trbq.org/ titleThe Really Big Questions target_blank>The Really Big Questions/a>, which aired on NPR tonight. The show was about people sharing with others. (I’m not sure which podcast contains what I’m referring to, but they were both wonderful…well worth listening to!)/p>p>a hrefhttp://trbq.org/trbq-podcast-3-the-joy-is-in-the-giving/ titleThe Joy Is In The Giving target_blank>The Joy Is In The Giving/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://trbq.org/trbq-podcast-4-sharing-with-strangers/ titleSharing With Strangers target_blank>Sharing With Strangers/a>/p>p>They’ve done experiments where they share money with people. One group is supposed to buy things for themselves. The other group is supposed to buy things for others. Then they survey them to see who’s the happiest. The people who have bought something for others report being the happiest. People who share have a higher sense of happiness and satisfaction in general. Money isn’t what I want to share with people, though. Instead, what I wanna share with people who cross my path is a smile. If we have a laugh? Even better! If I had a part in someone else laughing? I light up from head to toe when they tell me about it. And, to my core, I appreciate and value the people who make me laugh./p>p>The day I found a hrefhttps://www.facebook.com/georgehtakei target_blank>George Takei’s page on Facebook/a>, he became an instant hero for me. Surely you’ve seen it? I haven’t been to it yet without laughing about…well, without laughing about nearly everything ON it!/p>p>What a treat to find such an excellent role model, and what a fun article someone wrote about him on Your Tango! a hrefhttp://www.yourtango.com/2014209910/oh-my-10-reasons-we-love-adore-george-takei-lgbt titleOh My - 10 Reasons We Love George Takei target_blank>http://www.yourtango.com/2014209910/oh-my-10-reasons-we-love-adore-george-takei-lgbt/a> That’s where I found my sparkly new, favorite quote. It PERFECTLY sums up what I think about life and laughter:/p>p>em>“It’s really hard to hate someone for being different when you’re too busy laughing together.”/em> ~ George Takei/p>p>It gets to live in my heart right next to another daily repeated favorite I’ve been using to measure against whatever’s going on in my life: “Anything or anyone that does not bring you alive, is too small for you.” ~ (David Whyte – Sweet Darkness) – (To see a copy of this poem, go here: a hrefhttp://kathleenflenniken.com/blog/?p1642 titleSweet Darkness - David Whyte target_blank>http://kathleenflenniken.com/blog/?p1642/a>)/p>p>To me, when I’m laughing is when I feel most definitively alive./p>p>Thank you George, for the gift of laughter you’ve given millions of people, and for how much you’ve inspired me in the process./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.12/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/living-to-laugh/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4839 --> div idpost-4797 classpost-4797 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-healing tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-relationships tag-self-development> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/whole-enough/ relbookmark>Whole Enough/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/whole-enough/ title9:10 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.02.09/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I am not whole in the waybr />I view you to be. /p>p>I cannot yetbr />sitbr />stillbr />and allow/p>p>simply being /p>p>to wash over me. /p>p>Although I can,br />I do not like to standbr />on my own,br />isolated,br />uncomfortable,br />alone. /p>p>I do not like it,br />even though I receive gifts from itbr />every time.br />Gifts are therebr />when I experience and accept,br />and gifts are therebr />when I wiggle, squirm, cry, rebel. /p>p>I am uncomfortably easybr />with those who are searchingbr />in the way I am that day./p>p>And when I dare to look,br />I cannot missbr />how deliberatelybr />I sometimes choosebr />to be with thosebr />who declare it all foolish,br />because they won’t dare to look./p>p>I am not yet ablebr />to get all I need from inside myselfbr />even though I see it is there,br />just on the other side of now. /p>p>But in those momentsbr />when I am not angry with mebr />for failing to be whole,br />I am slowly falling in lovebr />with who I am discoveringbr />myself to be. /p>p>I am richly textured and openly colorful.br />I am often fearless and chase wildly afterbr />any chance to learn and experience, /p>p>even when it aches deeplybr />and especially whenbr />it might make me laughbr />until my sides ache. /p>p>I am starting overbr />unexpectedly,br />and I am learningbr />to embrace itbr />with gusto./p>p>I am alive,br />and full of hope. /p>p>I am trying my bestbr />every momentbr />of each day to bebr />present andbr />whole. /p>p>And yet,br />I feel unsteady,br />and I apologize for my clumsinessbr />at life, /p>p>because I have all that,br />I am all that,br />and I am clearly on my way…./p>p>but I don’t feel wholebr />like I view you to be. /p>p>I do see it right there, though,br />just on the other side of now,br />because I am at least whole enoughbr />to know these two things: /p>p>No one is completely whole,br />even when I view them to be./p>p>And I am whole enough for nowbr />because I know this. /p>p>~ cj 2014.02.09/p>div classshareinpost>ul 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/healing/ reltag>healing/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-development/ reltag>self development/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/whole-enough/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4797 --> div idpost-4794 classpost-4794 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-21-and-done category-poetry tag-bed tag-divorce tag-heartbreak tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/that-was-easy/ relbookmark>That Was Easy/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/that-was-easy/ title10:44 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.02.04/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Such a simple answerbr />to the coldnessbr />on that side of the bed. /p>p>I have a heated mattress pad. /p>p>This morning it occurred to mebr />to switch that side of it on,br />and then slide my hand over there,br />imagining the heat comesbr />from someone I deeply love,br />someone who’s onlybr />momentarily missing. /p>p>I did that. /p>p>I didn’t have to wait very long./p>p>Now the coldness is gone. /p>p>~ cj 2014.02.04/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/21-and-done/ relcategory tag>21 And Done/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/bed/ reltag>bed/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/that-was-easy/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4794 --> div idpost-4791 classpost-4791 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-brave tag-clouds tag-poetry-2 tag-sky tag-video> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/brave/ relbookmark>Brave/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/brave/ title3:55 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.02.02/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/trim.8AA68B44-32E8-4958-924B-0E964F5A4468.mov>Click to see short video clip of blue sky, white cloud, tree-filled stills./a>/p>p>It’s easy for me to be brave, when my chin is up, and I’m looking at the sky. /p>p>~ cj 2014.02.02/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbrave%2F&titleBrave titleBookmark this post : Brave on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/brave/ reltag>brave/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/clouds/ reltag>clouds/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sky/ reltag>sky/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/video/ reltag>video/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/brave/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4791 --> div idpost-4787 classpost-4787 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 tag-clouds tag-heart tag-photography tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/sincerely/ relbookmark>Sincerely/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/sincerely/ title2:13 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.02.02/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/image-1024x682.jpg altimage width640 height426 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4788 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/image-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/image-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/image.jpg 1800w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>br />Blown away by the moment this breeze blew through./p>p>~ cj 2014.02.02 /p>p>(photo taken on 2014.01.31)/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li 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span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/clouds/ reltag>clouds/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heart/ reltag>heart/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/sincerely/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4787 --> div idpost-4770 classpost-4770 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-writing tag-instagram tag-life tag-life-lessons tag-photo tag-self-awareness> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/big-and-little/ relbookmark>Big and Little/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/big-and-little/ title1:46 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.01.29/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140125-IMG_6720.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140125-IMG_6720-682x1024.jpg alt20140125-IMG_6720 width640 height960 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4771 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140125-IMG_6720-682x1024.jpg 682w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140125-IMG_6720-200x300.jpg 200w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140125-IMG_6720.jpg 2000w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>It’s surprisingly hard to tell the difference between what’s big and what’s little in some moment. /p>p>Figuring it out is a matter of gaining perspective, getting some distance or passing time. (Photo from 2014.01.25)/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbig-and-little%2F&titleBig+and+Little titleBookmark this post : Big and Little on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttp://cjromb.com/big-and-little/feed titleFollow this post : Big and Little comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/instagram/ reltag>instagram/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life-lessons/ reltag>life lessons/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photo/ reltag>photo/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-awareness/ reltag>self-awareness/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/big-and-little/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4770 --> div idpost-4758 classpost-4758 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-childhood tag-damage tag-friend tag-friendship tag-heart tag-love tag-punishment> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/good-boy/ relbookmark>Good Boy/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/good-boy/ title4:35 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.01.26/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>frightened boybr />kneeling in obediencebr />until your freckled knees bledbr />while they committed their sinsbr />to your tender bare flesh/p>p>biting your lipsbr />and hating your tearsbr />and headingbr />rightbr />straightbr />to hellbr />everybr />singlebr />timebr />for doubting God’s planbr />and their right to hurt you./p>p>over and over they lashed youbr />you damn little bratbr />filling your sassy mouthbr />with lava-grit soapbr />and pulling your earsbr />until you shut-the-hell-upbr />with that begging for mercybr />and listened for oncebr />to the righteous wrongsbr />of their anger/p>p>you sacrificial black lambbr />you’d better just take the whippingsbr />they judged you had comingbr />and let them pummel you into pietybr />with their insatiable blame./p>p>they were forced to slap you in secretbr />and shame you in publicbr />because how could you be so naughtybr />you hardened heart heathenbr />that you deserved thisbr />for making them hatebr />their own wretched lives/p>p>and then look what you didbr />you little man-babybr />you lost control of yourselfbr />when they made you wait/p>p>why didn’t you gobr />when they told you tobr />and where did you come up withbr />such a piss poor excuse/p>p>all you have to saybr />for your sorry self isbr />that for oncebr />for just a few momentsbr />you dared to forget and have fun?/p>p>how stupid could you have possibly been./p>p>how many times do they have to beat some sense into youbr />beforebr />youbr />catch onbr />that you’d better never let that happen againbr />you bad bad boy./p>p>you swear you don’t know the reasonsbr />your prayers go unansweredbr />but you promisebr />with everything you havebr />forever and everbr />to try harder next time./p>p>And by God,br />you’re a man of your word,br />so you’re going to spendbr />everybr />momentbr />of the life you were givenbr />if that’s what it takesbr />to learn how to bebr />that good boybr />and that good manbr />they know damn good and wellbr />you’ll never be./p>p>and that’s where you arebr />my childhood friend,br />when I find you againbr />a long lifetime later/p>p>kneeling under the weightbr />of everyone else’s woundsbr />while your own heart bleedsbr />from paying for all those sinsbr />you’ve learned the hard waybr />must somehow be your faultbr />waiting patiently forbr />some sign of forgivenessbr />for all you couldn’t possibly have done wrong./p>p>and trying every moment,br />just like you promisedbr />to be thatbr />good boybr />they’ve damaged you so muchbr />you don’t even realize /p>p>youbr />alreadybr />alwaysbr />were./p>p>~ cj 2014.01.26/p>p>em>My lifetime later friend,br />I will hold you in my heartbr />with everything I havebr />forever and everbr />because that is all you will let me dobr />to make up for what has gone wrong./p>p>You are the most “good boy” manbr />I have ever met.br />And I am gratefulbr />that for once, you dared to forgetbr />and chose me to have fun with,br />even if only for a moment./p>p>I can never forgive thembr />for what they did to youbr />and I hope someday you heal enoughbr />from a lifetime of the punishing damagebr />they did to your tender heartbr />that you can believebr />you deserve to be always loved.br />/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fgood-boy%2F&titleGood+Boy titleBookmark this post : Good Boy on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent 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comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/childhood/ reltag>childhood/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/damage/ reltag>damage/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/friend/ reltag>friend/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/friendship/ reltag>friendship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heart/ reltag>heart/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/punishment/ reltag>punishment/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/good-boy/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4758 --> div idpost-4733 classpost-4733 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-color tag-colorblind tag-photography tag-self-awareness tag-vision> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/color-blind/ relbookmark>Color Blind/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/color-blind/ title9:28 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.01.18/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/we-do-not-see-things-the-way-they-are.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/we-do-not-see-things-the-way-they-are.jpg altwe do not see things the way they are width450 height450 classalignleft size-full wp-image-4750 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/we-do-not-see-things-the-way-they-are.jpg 450w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/we-do-not-see-things-the-way-they-are-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/we-do-not-see-things-the-way-they-are-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 450px) 100vw, 450px />/a>/p>p>I spent a little time last year with a friend who was colorblind. /p>p>“That’s a sad affliction”, I’d think, while I was photographing a gorgeous cloudless sky. /p>p>“I hate that he’s missing out on the beautiful colors of this”, I’d feel, when I’d take a picture of a bright yellow flower./p>p>I became rather fascinated with his colorblindness, I will admit. I realized he didn’t know what he was missing, but I wondered endlessly about what he DID see. /p>p>We talked a good deal about it; my curiosity was a bit incessant. He was open to telling me about it, and each time it came up, we had a willing, interesting exchange. /p>p>When I witness skies like the ones in the photos below, my heart twinges for someone who is blind to the colors I see. But I did begin to see patterns and shapes faster, because of those conversations, and that’s added dimension to the colors I saw before./p>p>When I was thinking about being colorblind, it occurred to me that there is much we don’t see, don’t even know about. /p>p>I am rather fascinated with how people, including me, miss so much about our world and the people in it. I know I can be quite blind to my own true colors. /p>p>I will admit that when I realize I am seeing things differently than another, or I begin to see something I didn’t see before in myself, my curiosity is strongly piqued. /p>p>What a joy when I find another who’s open to having a willing, interesting exchange. When someone is unwilling to have that exchange, so we can learn about each other, my heart twinges for what is missed./p>p>I’m grateful to my friend for the conversations about colorblindness. I notice things I didn’t see before. I appreciate everyone in my life who engages in conversations about things I’m not seeing or want to see, too. It’s added a rich dimension to my life that has definitely enhanced the color of it./p>p>~ cj 2013.01.17/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140116-IMG_3612.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140116-IMG_3612-1024x682.jpg alt20140116-IMG_3612 width640 height426 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4734 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140116-IMG_3612-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140116-IMG_3612-300x200.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8179.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8179-1024x682.jpg alt20131008-IMG_8179 width640 height426 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4266 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8179-1024x682.jpg 1024w, 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/color/ reltag>color/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/colorblind/ reltag>colorblind/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-awareness/ reltag>self-awareness/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/vision/ reltag>vision/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/color-blind/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4733 --> div idpost-4719 classpost-4719 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-blog-post-2 category-writing tag-blog-post tag-choice tag-happiness tag-holiday tag-new-year tag-positive-living tag-self-development tag-self-worth> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/pos-itive-sayings/ relbookmark>POS-itive Sayings/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/pos-itive-sayings/ title4:54 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.01.02/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140101-IMG_8495.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140101-IMG_8495-1024x805.jpg alt20140101-IMG_8495 width640 height503 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4720 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140101-IMG_8495-1024x805.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140101-IMG_8495-300x236.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>“It’s hard to be satisfied with life if you’re not satisfied with yourself.”/p>p>When you read it, it seems so simple, so true. Impossible to take action on, yet ridiculous if one doesn’t get its obvious message – quit being dissatisfied with yourself. It begs the question – should I be dissatisfied for being dissatisfied with myself? What are all these self-help books for, if I’m already satisfactory?/p>p>After I got done thinking that about this particular saying, something bigger crossed my mind. What crossed my mind is that it doesn’t matter how many of these I see or read or print or share with my friends or write about, if nothing tangibly changes for them or for me./p>p>We can read all we want about letting go of anger, fear and sadness, loving ourselves, taking risks, opening up, etc. but until we change our minds and take tangible action, until we actually just LET go of the fear, sadness, and anger, until we HONOR ourselves, GIVE ourselves A BREAK, LOVE ourselves, RISK getting hurt, OPEN our hearts, STAND our ground, NOTHING is different. /p>p>Or maybe we DO change, because as another saying goes “The only thing that is constant is change.” Maybe what happens is that we go down one of two paths./p>p>On the first path, maybe our opinion of ourselves goes down. We judge ourselves even worse than we judged ourselves before. We participate in our own isolation and feelings of low self-worth because not only are we angry, fearful, sad, closed, alone, and down-trodden, we must like it that way, right? That’s what we say to ourselves, because otherwise, wouldn’t we be DOING something? I mean here’s everything we NEED, and we’re not budging an inch. What is WRONG with us, doomed to live around all these happy people when the world WE live in sucks. And it’s trying to actively kill us with all this positive stuff we can’t seem to ever be fully on board with?!/p>p>OR/p>p>Maybe each one of these is another brick in a road, another light on our path, another member of a swelling choir, a beautiful chorus enlightening us, waking us up, filling us with the air of love and life so that when we’ve heard enough, we finally open our own mouths and join the swell of the song, moving forward, taking a chance, hoping those around us will keep us from going over the cliff edge. Perhaps we become the example that helps the next person who’s been spending time reading success stories, happy sayings, self-help books, talking to their friends, listening to positive podcasts, or printing out and pinning up happy sayings, like /p>p>“It’s hard to be satisfied with life, if you’re never satisfied with yourself.”/p>p>In the last 48 hours, although I think the decision has largely been coming for awhile, I chose which path I am now going to stay on. I might trip and get trampled or get a sock stuffed in my off-tune-singing mouth, but I’m on it./p>p>Happy New Year to anyone and everyone who reads this. 🙂/p>p>~ cj 2014.01.02/p>p>em>P.S. pos-itive – I separated pos out of positive because POS also means Piece of Sh*t. haha. I made myself giggle with that one…soooo easily entertained.br />P.S.S. – Yes, I’m sure I’ll still be writing pain-ridden, suicide-sounding, desperately heartbroken poems and essays…cuz writing them makes me happy. 🙂/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fpos-itive-sayings%2F&titlePOS-itive+Sayings titleBookmark this post : POS-itive Sayings on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/blog-post-2/ relcategory tag>Blog Post/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/blog-post/ reltag>blog post/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/choice/ reltag>choice/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/happiness/ reltag>happiness/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/holiday/ reltag>holiday/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/new-year/ reltag>new year/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/positive-living/ reltag>positive living/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-development/ reltag>self development/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-worth/ reltag>self-worth/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/pos-itive-sayings/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4719 --> div idpost-4685 classpost-4685 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 tag-essay-2 tag-photos tag-sunset> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/simply-rich/ relbookmark>Simply Rich/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/simply-rich/ title12:53 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.12.22/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Such a beautiful sunset, rich in simplicity. A few sweet details, more than enough to make it memorable./p>p>It was what I needed most…pure, clean, easy to be present for./p>p>I focused on what it was giving me, literally and figuratively. /p>p>And I let it move me through, from where I was then, to where I am now, grateful for its simple, colorful company at the end of a day I’m not entirely sad has set./p>p>~ cj 2013.12.22/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131221-IMG_5868-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-large wp-image-4686 alt20131221-IMG_5868-export srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131221-IMG_5868-export-1024x682.jpg width640 height426 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131221-IMG_5868-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131221-IMG_5868-export-300x200.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131221-IMG_5958-export.jpg>img 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photos/ reltag>photos/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sunset/ reltag>sunset/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/simply-rich/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4685 --> div idpost-4641 classpost-4641 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry category-writing tag-caring tag-cold tag-ice tag-photos tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/shattered/ relbookmark>Shattered/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/shattered/ title3:50 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.12.09/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1988.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-medium wp-image-4642 alt20131208-IMG_1988 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1988-300x200.jpg width300 height200 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1988-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1988-1024x682.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px />/a>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2009.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2009-300x200.jpg alt20131208-IMG_2009 width300 height200 classalignleft size-medium wp-image-4656 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2009-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2009-1024x682.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px />/a>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1993.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-medium wp-image-4654 alt20131208-IMG_1993 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1993-300x200.jpg width300 height200 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1993-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1993-1024x682.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px />/a>/p>p>Beautiful,br />but so very coldbr />when I touched it./p>p>Misleading,br />it turned outbr />to be nearly hollow./p>p>Everythingbr />inside itbr />drained outbr />as soon as Ibr />tipped it a little./p>p>I took some photosbr />so I would remember,br />then shattered it,br />and went in searchbr />of somethingbr />solidbr />and warm./p>p>~ cj 2013.12.09/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2044.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2044-1024x682.jpg alt20131208-IMG_2044 width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4655 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2044-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2044-300x200.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>em>/p>p>This is a block of ice that I pulled out of a little gulley created by the rain in a tarp. It was frozen on the outside, but still full of icy cold liquid on the inside. It was heavier than I expected, so I accidentally poured it all over myself as I was setting it up on the ledge. Icy cold, and now a perfect analogy. /em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fshattered%2F&titleShattered titleBookmark this post : Shattered on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/caring/ reltag>caring/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/cold/ reltag>cold/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/ice/ reltag>ice/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photos/ reltag>photos/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/shattered/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4641 --> div idpost-4606 classpost-4606 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-21-and-done category-poetry category-writing tag-bleeding tag-divorce tag-heartache tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-relationships tag-wounds> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/bleeding/ relbookmark>Bleeding Freedom/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/bleeding/ title1:39 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.12.03/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I picked at myself,br />mercilesslybr />digging ragged nailsbr />deep into my flesh,br />an endless cyclebr />of scratches and scabsbr />and scars./p>p>I needed something,br />anything,br />to dig into mebr />deeper than you did./p>p>I made everything bleed,br />little places,br />small cuts,br />secret soresbr />you could not see,/p>p>and gaping gashesbr />you callously ignored,br />even when they turnedbr />everything whitebr />to unbleachable red./p>p>I tried to protectbr />my sensitive skinbr />with an armor of anger,br />but it was too softbr />to defend mebr />from yourbr />heartless slashings./p>p>And when it all stungbr />more than I could bear,br />I fled from you,br />stifling my sobsbr />in triangular corners,br />while you judgedbr />my salty tearsbr />to be unworthy lies./p>p>You busied yourselfbr />handing downbr />searing sentencesbr />that compelled mebr />to be who I couldn’t./p>p>My painful pleasbr />fell foreverbr />on the deaf earsbr />of a man-boy whosebr />helpless pitybr />for his momma’sbr />manipulative tearsbr />and unreasonable reasonsbr />had long agobr />weathered his skinbr />into impenetrablebr />callousness./p>p>All those yearsbr />covering the soresbr />we ripped in me,br />unable to resistbr />new wounding orbr />fend offbr />toxic infection./p>p>I served my timebr />as best I could,br />my skin tearingbr />and wearing so thinbr />there was littlebr />left to gouge,/p>p>until one daybr />stinging frombr />a nasty gashbr />I knew would kill mebr />if I stayedbr />in this filth,/p>p>I crawled intobr />my corner,br />unable to stiflebr />my oceanbr />of salty sobs./p>p>I hid in that dark,br />digging mybr />ragged nailsbr />into what was leftbr />of my flesh,br />trying to makebr />something,br />anythingbr />dig into mebr />worse than you had./p>p>And like a miracle,br />I found a waybr />to make the tiniest cut,br />with such perfect precision,br />that itbr />finallybr />bled out my heart,/p>p>and freed me./p>p>~ cj 2013.12.03/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbleeding%2F&titleBleeding+Freedom titleBookmark this post : Bleeding Freedom on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent 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Stumblers/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://twitter.com/home/?statushttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbleeding%2F titleTweet this post : Bleeding Freedom on Twitter >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttp://cjromb.com/bleeding/feed titleFollow this post : Bleeding Freedom comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/21-and-done/ relcategory tag>21 And Done/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/bleeding/ reltag>bleeding/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartache/ reltag>heartache/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/wounds/ reltag>wounds/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/bleeding/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4606 --> div idpost-4580 classpost-4580 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-mirror tag-poetry-2 tag-self tag-transition> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/looking-glass/ relbookmark>Looking Glass/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/looking-glass/ title8:22 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.28/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Ah, it’s been such a long timebr />since I’ve seen you here.br />How are you?br />How have you been?/p>p>Oh, good, good.br />Just fine.br />Going well.br />In fact, thingsbr />are lookingbr />magnificently up./p>p>I feign earnestbr />and glance upwardbr />as if magnificentlybr />were actually up therebr />shining down on me./p>p>I must be going nowbr />I chirp./p>p>I hear this comebr />from my mouth,br />as I begin to slide awaybr />averting my eyesbr />to the sidebr />so I don’t catch myself./p>p>The Chirp & Slidebr />I think.br />I should make up a dance.br />and off my thoughts race,br />beating me out the door./p>p>But I won’t let me go./p>p>I stand in my waybr />and lean straight intobr />my own line of sight./p>p>And then I continue to speakbr />while glaringbr />rightbr />atbr />me./p>p>Oh, is this so?br />Do tell me more.br />What have you been up to?br />I’m curious wherebr />you’ve been keeping yourself./p>p>I looked for a spell,br />but couldn’t find you./p>p>Well, that’s the question,br />isn’t it.br />What have I been doing?/p>p>I begin to thinkbr />I’ve cornered myself,br />which makes abr />prickly sweat rise./p>p>I don’t want to liebr />like I’ve been doingbr />for so long./p>p>So I pause./p>p>And I decidebr />I’ll tell the truth./p>p>Why not?br />I shrug.br />There’s a good chancebr />I won’t hear,br />or if I do,br />most likelybr />I won’t care./p>p>You see…br />here’s the thing…/p>p>…I squirm.br />…I clear my throat./p>p>yes, yes, do go on./p>p>Well,br />I’ve been so very busybr />spending nearly every momentbr />for quite some time now,br />especially it seemsbr />again latelybr />just doing whatbr />little I can…/p>p>And then I quickly whisper…/p>p>…(not to give up.)/p>p>I try not to slouchbr />as if some dignitybr />will help this along/p>p>and then,br />while I stand therebr />helplessly failingbr />to contain myself,br />some foolish braverybr />blurts out the rest…/p>p>…but I’m very oftenbr />nearly certainbr />and to be honestbr />unspeakably frightenedbr />that it’s going to takebr />far more to stop myselfbr />from itbr />than I have left to give./p>p>And then I fleebr />from the truthbr />I just toldbr />while I’m still frozenbr />in the looking glassbr />eyes widebr />mouth open,br />from the shock ofbr />the truth I just heardbr />coming from me./p>p>Perhaps I shouldn’tbr />have asked./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.28/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Flooking-glass%2F&titleLooking+Glass titleBookmark this post : Looking Glass on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/mirror/ reltag>mirror/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self/ reltag>Self/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/transition/ reltag>transition/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/looking-glass/#comments>8 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4580 --> div idpost-4575 classpost-4575 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-lonely tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-cant-do-this-alone/ relbookmark>I Can’t Do This Alone/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-cant-do-this-alone/ title3:39 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.27/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I thought I’d do anythingbr />to be happy with you,br />rather than being Alone. /p>p>What I really want, though,br />is just to be happy, /p>p>and there’s nothingbr />I can do Alonebr />to be happy with you./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.27/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fi-cant-do-this-alone%2F&titleI+Can%E2%80%99t+Do+This+Alone titleBookmark this post : I Can’t Do This Alone on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent 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idpost-4556 classpost-4556 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-children tag-friends tag-life tag-play tag-poetry-2 tag-wish> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-wish-for-you/ relbookmark>My Wish For You/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-wish-for-you/ title2:30 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/IMG_6226-export.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/IMG_6226-export-682x1024.jpg altSisterhood at Zilker width400 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4557 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/IMG_6226-export-682x1024.jpg 682w, 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/children/ reltag>children/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/friends/ reltag>friends/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/play/ reltag>play/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/wish/ reltag>wish/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-wish-for-you/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4556 --> div idpost-4547 classpost-4547 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-clouds tag-journeys tag-life tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/peace-filled-grace/ relbookmark>Peace Filled Grace/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/peace-filled-grace/ title2:19 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131114-IMG_8161.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131114-IMG_8161-1024x682.jpg alt20131114-IMG_8161 width600 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4548 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131114-IMG_8161-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131114-IMG_8161-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131114-IMG_8161.jpg 1500w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>Peace-filled grace carries you gentlybr />across my evening sky./p>p>A glow shines from your colorful heart,br />soft, undeniable./p>p>Shaped in each momentbr />by what can be seen,br />and by what never will,br />you appear,br />as you float by,br />to be at ease with it all./p>p>No worry about the coming dark,br />even though, for now,br />you’re on your own./p>p>Soon enough,br />my eyes will lose sight of you,br />and I cannot know what is nextbr />on this journey for you./p>p>Maybe you’ve been here before,br />and you’ve come back nowbr />to show me how to travelbr />with peace-filled gracebr />and a colorful glow in my heart,/p>p>…at ease with it all,br />even when I’m on my own,br />and I cannot know what is nextbr />on this journey for me./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.15/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fpeace-filled-grace%2F&titlePeace+Filled+Grace titleBookmark this post : Peace Filled Grace on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/clouds/ reltag>clouds/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/journeys/ reltag>journeys/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/peace-filled-grace/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4547 --> div idpost-4540 classpost-4540 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-affection tag-connection tag-friendship tag-love tag-proposal tag-relationship tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-proposal/ relbookmark>My Proposal/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-proposal/ title1:46 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.13/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>No one else is going to let us carry on, like this, together,br />so let’s just carry on together, like this, without them./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.13/p>div 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-proposal/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4540 --> div idpost-4522 classpost-4522 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-lonely tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-am-lonely-tonight/ relbookmark>I Am Lonely Tonight/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-am-lonely-tonight/ title10:09 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.11/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I am lonely tonight,br />will you stand here for me?br />So I can sketch you in colorsbr />of the sunset and sea./p>p>I’ll tell you a storybr />or write a breaking heart poembr />if you’ll sit here with mebr />so I’m not all alone./p>p>I’ll share some sweet chocolatebr />and pour us glasses of winebr />so we can raise a fond toastbr />while you’re make-believe mine./p>p>Let’s wait until dark,br />before we walk on my land,br />so you won’t see my tearsbr />while you’re holding my hand./p>p>I’ll find some matchesbr />and get candles litbr />while we pad our talesbr />with interesting bits./p>p>I’ll laugh at your jokesbr />and always show you a smilebr />I’ll be who you want,br />if you’ll stay for awhile./p>p>I’ll make a firebr />And we’ll watch it burnbr />While I open my heartbr />for little return./p>p>I’ll play my pianobr />in the glowing red light.br />This song is called Longing,br />and it’s perfect tonight./p>p>I’ll invite you upstairsbr />to my deck for the viewbr />Then quietly askbr />May I lay down with you?/p>p>I’ll look shyly awaybr />so you can’t awkwardly seebr />how I dread lonely nightsbr />spent with no one but me./p>p>I’ll prove that I’m worthy,br />while I continue to grin,br />if you’ll kiss my mouthbr />and forgive me my sin./p>p>I’ll give myself upbr />and get down on my kneesbr />And I’ll let you touch mebr />however you please./p>p>The release that I give youbr />will soothe you to sleep,br />and you can rise in the dawn,br />with no promise to keep./p>p>As you drift off to dreambr />you’re holding me tight,br />while I lay awake achingbr />Cuz I am still lonely tonight./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.11/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fi-am-lonely-tonight%2F&titleI+Am+Lonely+Tonight titleBookmark this post : I Am Lonely Tonight on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://twitter.com/home/?statushttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fi-am-lonely-tonight%2F titleTweet this post : I Am Lonely Tonight on Twitter >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-am-lonely-tonight/feed titleFollow this post : I Am Lonely Tonight comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/lonely/ reltag>lonely/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-am-lonely-tonight/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4522 --> div idpost-4404 classpost-4404 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-essay-2 tag-life-lessons tag-moon tag-photography tag-photos tag-self-development tag-self-discovery tag-slowing-down> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/ relbookmark>My Man In The Moon/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/ title3:31 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.10/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1020.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1020.jpg alt2013.10.20 - Won Moon of the Day on 2013.11.10 width450 height450 classalignleft size-full wp-image-4470 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1020.jpg 640w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1020-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1020-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 450px) 100vw, 450px />/a>br />What I felt when I took this photo is still with me when I look at it now./p>p>First thing in the morning, the sun was rising while the full moon was setting. The sunrise was beautiful to be sure, and for a moment, I felt torn between the two. But only for a moment./p>p>I admire the sun and all the beautiful performances it puts on, dancing across the day stage of the sky, playing with the clouds from sunrise to sundown. But I can’t look directly at it without being blinded. I can’t see in the glare, so I miss things. And if I stay too long in it, I get burned. I end up connecting with the clouds instead of the source of their light, because I know I can never get close to it. /p>p>When faced with the choice, it didn’t take long to reason it out. I knew I’d have more time with the sun that day. And I quickly realized I’d have far more opportunities for sunrises than I would for moments where the full moon was departing at the same time like this./p>p>So…the moon. Ah, the moon; I’d made my decision. I turned to face him, a mysterious man I’ve always been attracted to, but with whom I’d only recently made friends. He has a singular, striking beauty. And there he was in that moment, showing his wide open face. /p>p>You’d think he put on a fairly standard show each month, colors limited by his outside light source, because he gives off none of his own. I always imagined him as having just a few faces, a few phases. Up at night, down in the morning. Once in awhile I’d see him in the middle of the day, and call him Paper Moon. But I wouldn’t let myself ponder his presence. ‘Thumbnail Moon’ was my nickname for him when he was crescent. Sure, I’ll admit, when he was full a few times? I let my guard down, and howled at Barton Springs Pool, with the others that loved him./p>p>If I looked at him for more than a few moments, I always found myself filled with the ache of longing for something I’d likely never experience. I was envious of the fortunate few who got to approach him in the past and jealous of the even fewer who got to touch. It made my heart pound to imagine, so I resisted these thoughts, and I put him out of my mind./p>p>But in my new life, I am committed to the pleasure of focusing on what attracts me. And one night, there he was. So I looked. And I gave in to my attraction./p>p>By learning how to take photos when he’s around, I slowly started getting to know him. And for the past few months, I’ve been indulgently enthralled with him. Perhaps you’ll understand why, and see what a perfect fit he is for my life, if I spend the time telling you who he is to me, and what I’ve learned from him./p>p>There is so much more to him than I imagined. Even though he’s closer to me, he’s not as predictable as the sun. He doesn’t blind me by shining in my face. Instead, he plays a gentle game, always delightfully fun. And I find it deliciously tantalizing that he’s going to require some time to get to know. /p>p>Maybe he doesn’t get to be the one who determines when it’s day or night, but he rises and sets on his own terms. /p>p>And while he’s at it, he changes what he looks like, too. /p>p>Sometimes he’s out in the middle of the day, split in half and seemingly transparent. /p>p>Other times he glows so bright at night, I can turn off my headlights on the last few roads home and still see my way clearly, despite the shadows he casts through the trees. /p>p>I like when he seems to wrap clouds around himself like a warm brownish blanket. /p>p>A few days ago, he looked like he was exhaling as he was falling to the ground. /p>p>I enjoy him when he’s misty mysterious, barely showing his face, and appearing in spurts in my photos, as if he’d hopped across the sky. /p>p>I even love him when he’s moody, scowling behind dark clouds. And of course I understand completely when he disappears during a storm. /p>p>And more than anything, my heart skips a beat, when I catch him, as I did in this photo. There he was, kissing the sky goodbye, sneaking out like a blushing lover, in the first light of dawn./p>p>One of the things I love about the moon is that I can see not only who he is, but what else he illuminates with his gentle glow. Sometimes it takes a bit to see what he’s willing to show me, but if I look long enough with my eye, or my camera, it always appears. What shows up is always interesting and often quite surprising. /p>p>I value how, most of the time, he uses his light to enhance other things around him, rather than overpowering them. He doesn’t force his way through things, or burn what stands in his way. In fact, often his light makes ordinary things shine with a unique beauty I wouldn’t have noticed they had, without him highlighting it for me./p>p>Occasionally he’s so bright, he washes out the surrounding stars, and I can’t see much else. But I love those moments, too, because he shares the stage with other things that walk out in front of him, using his brightness to create silhouettes of things like clouds or birds. And it grants me an opportunity to play along, because I can put what I’d like to see in front of him…branches, or maybe buildings…and I can see just their shape./p>p>I photographed him once recently, when he politely shared the sky with Venus. They looked like they were walking together towards the horizon, illuminating everything around them on their way out. What a gentleman he was; he let her go first. I grinned at that thought./p>p>Getting to know him has opened up a beautiful new world for me. At first, I thought perhaps I would read about him to learn more; I like to learn. But isn’t he, by revealing his mysteries slowly teaching me not to race to the destination? By learning by observing him, I can enjoy the journey. /p>p>Then I thought perhaps I would start a journal to analyze him; I like to understand. Where does he rise in the sky, what does he look like each time, when does he show his face? I like answers. But why analyze him and take away all the mystery? /p>p>So I decided to just leave things as they are, to go at their own pace. Like I’m learning to appreciate in other areas of my life, I’m going to sit back and appreciate the mystery of him. I will delight in the memorable moments, like I had taking the photo at the top of this post…moments when he gently, slowly, patiently and sometimes surprisingly, reveals himself and his world to me./p>p>May I say more about the photo at the top of this piece? I’d gotten up early to see him leave with the rise of the sun. I was pretty sure he was going to be there, because I’d had the delightful surprise of seeing him there the previous day. And there he was. Sure he’s mysterious, but I told myself perhaps he couldn’t resist an encore, knowing how much I’d enjoy seeing him again./p>p>It became an easy choice to turn my back on the sun. I stood facing him, with all my attention. I held my breathe, hoping with my whole heart the bird flying all around would do me the favor of crossing his handsome face before he set. As you can see he did, and fully prepared, I took his picture. And then I took more, enjoying each moment I had with him immensely, as he gracefully and quietly said goodbye for the day, allowing the sun to finish blazing its way onstage./p>p>That was a treat of a morning I won’t soon forget. Right at midnight last night, I found out this photo is the second one of my moon photos that won a Moonlight of The Day feature on Instagram. While I was sitting there basking in the fun glow of it, the brightness of the parallels between my life and the moon rose in my awareness like a full moon coming up over the horizon./p>p>I realized that while I’m slowly getting to know the moon, and learning how to photograph him, that I’m also learning the value of slowing down and paying attention to other things in my life that I’m attracted to and care about. Doing this in both areas is revealing things to me that I was moving too fast before to see./p>p>Waiting patiently for revelations, coming to slow understandings…learning, for the first time, how to walk, or even just stand still in the face of it, instead of running all the time…the graceful beauty, the gentle intimacy, the warmth without getting burned…the explorations that are possible when there is no fear of a harsh light glaring down…have all been extraordinary parts of the path I’ve been on lately./p>p>And I’ve been stunned by the generosity of others willing to reflect light in the way the moon does, so I am able to see existing silhouettes or have an opportunity to create my own. Those moments, these lessons, that generosity, like the moment I took this photo, are unforgettable. /p>p>My Man In The Moon has been gently and beautifully revealing what’s there for me to see. When I believe, and I patiently wait, it’s definitely worth it. /p>p>What a perfect symbol. As it slowly reveals itself to me, I see more brightly every day how the treasure of my new life, and the wonderful people in it, are even deeper and richer from the moments spent waiting. It’s always interesting, often surprising, and definitely worth it./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.10/p>p>em>As you can imagine, I have many more photos of the moon than this. I hope you enjoy the ones I’ve selected here. Some of them were mentioned above, in this piece./em>/p>p>div idgallery-1 classgallery galleryid-4404 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/exhaling-1107/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/exhaling-1107-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4477 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/exhaling-1107-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/exhaling-1107-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/exhaling-1107.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4477> Exhaling as he falls to the ground – 2013.11.07 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moon-of-the-day-1/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4485 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4485> Taken 2013.11.06Featured Moon of The Day on 2013.11.08 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/with-venus-1106/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/with-venus-1106-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4476 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/with-venus-1106-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/with-venus-1106-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/with-venus-1106.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4476> The Moon and his lady, Venus – 2013.11.06 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/orange-purple-sunset-1105/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-sunset-1105-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4475 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-sunset-1105-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-sunset-1105-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-sunset-1105.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4475> 2013.11.05 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/orange-purple-up-close-1105/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-up-close-1105-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4474 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-up-close-1105-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-up-close-1105-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-up-close-1105.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4474> 2013.11.05 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/yellow-half-1025/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/yellow-half-1025-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4473 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/yellow-half-1025-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/yellow-half-1025-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/yellow-half-1025.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4473> 2013.10.25 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/orange-1025/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-1025-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4472 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-1025-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-1025-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-1025.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4472> It was REALLY this orange – 2013.10.26 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moonoftheday2/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moonoftheday2-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4483 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moonoftheday2-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moonoftheday2-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moonoftheday2.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4483> Moon of the Day – Taken 2013.10.19 – Featured as Moon of The Day on Instagram on 2013.11.10 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/bird-and-moon-1019/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/bird-and-moon-1019-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4471 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/bird-and-moon-1019-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/bird-and-moon-1019-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/bird-and-moon-1019.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4471> Sunrise – Bird on a wire – 2013.10.19 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/pink-sunset-1017/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-sunset-1017-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4469 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-sunset-1017-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-sunset-1017-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-sunset-1017.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4469> Sunset – 2013.10.17 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/brown-blanket-1017/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-1017-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4468 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-1017-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-1017-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-1017.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4468> Brown blanket – 2013.10.17 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/half-cut-off-1010/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-cut-off-1010-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4467 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-cut-off-1010-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-cut-off-1010-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-cut-off-1010.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4467> 2013.10.10 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/cut-in-half-1010/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cut-in-half-1010-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4466 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cut-in-half-1010-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cut-in-half-1010-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cut-in-half-1010.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4466> 2013.10.10 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/half-with-shadow/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-with-shadow-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4465 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-with-shadow-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-with-shadow-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-with-shadow.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4465> 2013.10.10 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/paper-moon-926/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/paper-moon-926-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4503 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/paper-moon-926-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/paper-moon-926-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/paper-moon-926.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4503> Paper Moon – 2013.09.26 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/harvest-moon-909/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-909-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4462 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-909-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-909-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-909.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4462> Harvest Moon – 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/harvest-moon-0918/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-0918-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4460 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-0918-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-0918-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-0918.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4460> 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/cloud-cover-moon-919/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cloud-cover-moon-919-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4459 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cloud-cover-moon-919-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cloud-cover-moon-919-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cloud-cover-moon-919.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4459> Sunset – 2013.09.19 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moon-glow-brown-918/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-brown-918-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4505 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-brown-918-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-brown-918-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-brown-918.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4505> Moon Glow – 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moon-glow-918/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-918-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4458 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-918-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-918-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-918.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4458> Moon glowing behind the clouds. 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/brown-blanket-918/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-918-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4457 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-918-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-918-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-918.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4457> 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/harvest-moon-918/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-918-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4456 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-918-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-918-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-918.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4456> 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/misty-moon-916/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/misty-moon-916-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4455 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/misty-moon-916-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/misty-moon-916-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/misty-moon-916.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4455> 2013.09.16 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/half-moon-913/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-moon-913-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4454 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-moon-913-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-moon-913-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-moon-913.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4454> 2013.09.13 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/cockeyed-913/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cockeyed-913-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4453 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cockeyed-913-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cockeyed-913-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cockeyed-913.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4453> 2013.09.13 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/spotted-moon-821/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/spotted-moon-821-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4452 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/spotted-moon-821-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/spotted-moon-821-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/spotted-moon-821.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4452> 2013.08.21 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moon-glow-821/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-821-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4504 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-821-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-821-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-821.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4504> Moon Glow – 2013.08.21 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/pink-cloud-moon-0821/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-cloud-moon-0821-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4451 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-cloud-moon-0821-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-cloud-moon-0821-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-cloud-moon-0821.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4451> Full Moon Sunset – 2013.08.21 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moon-cloud-821/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-cloud-821-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4450 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-cloud-821-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-cloud-821-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-cloud-821.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4450> 2013.08.21 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/peaking-out-821/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/peaking-out-821-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4449 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/peaking-out-821-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/peaking-out-821-300x300.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/peaking-out-821.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4449> Sunset Moon – 2013.08.21 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both /> /div>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life-lessons/ reltag>life lessons/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/moon/ reltag>moon/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photos/ reltag>photos/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-development/ reltag>self development/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/slowing-down/ reltag>slowing down/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4404 --> div idpost-4359 classpost-4359 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-death tag-doggies tag-loss tag-love tag-lucky tag-mourning tag-poetry-2 tag-vet> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/leaving-the-vet-alone/ relbookmark>Leaving The Vets’ Alone/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/leaving-the-vet-alone/ title6:40 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.26/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>He bent down with a few scraps of towelingbr />to wipe up an accidental puddle,br />bringing him eye levelbr />with one of my tail-wagging doggies./p>p>He patted her and smiled just a little,br />then murmured something to herbr />that I didn’t understand./p>p>He saw me watching and straightened up,br />still trying to smile just a little./p>p>He was gripping a sandwich baggiebr />with an empty little collarbr />zipped up inside./p>p>Our eyes met, and he knew I’d seen.br />I imagined murmuring some bit of kindnessbr />but my words felt zipped up inside me,br />so I just smiled back a little instead./p>p>He seemed uncomfortably torn betweenbr />leaving the vets’ alonebr />and desperately wanting to bebr />anywhere he could stopbr />this damn southern smiling./p>p>I saw the pain well up in his eyesbr />as he finally left,br />forgetting that puddle and those towels./p>p>I had nothing left to do,br />so I followed him out the door./p>p>When we got to our cars,br />he watched me struggle with my doggies,br />while I watched him,br />and struggled to find my words./p>p>We were both still trying to smile,br />but I looked away from his pain./p>p>I didn’t want him to seebr />that my smile of comfortbr />had changed to gratitudebr />for my own momentary fortune./p>p>And I didn’t want to think aboutbr />the devastation I’ll feel whenbr />I am leaving the vets’ alonebr />gripping my own sandwich baggiebr />with an empty little collarbr />zipped up inside./p>p>I climbed into my car,br />and held tightly to one of mybr />tail-wagging doggies,br />murmuring kindness to herbr />that she didn’t understand./p>p>When I looked up againbr />I saw him climbing into his car,br />still holding tightlybr />to what was left of his smile,br />and that sandwich baggiebr />with an empty little collarbr />zipped up inside./p>p>~ cj 2013.10.26/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fleaving-the-vet-alone%2F&titleLeaving+The+Vets%E2%80%99+Alone titleBookmark this post : Leaving The Vets’ Alone on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/death/ reltag>death/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/doggies/ reltag>doggies/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/loss/ reltag>loss/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/lucky/ reltag>lucky/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/mourning/ reltag>mourning/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/vet/ reltag>vet/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/leaving-the-vet-alone/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4359 --> div idpost-4290 classpost-4290 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-21anddone tag-divorce tag-flesh tag-hungry tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/last-pound-of-flesh/ relbookmark>Last Pound of Flesh/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/last-pound-of-flesh/ title4:59 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.12/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I have gone hungry already,br />and I will go hungry againbr />because you thieved from me,br />wrapping what you tookbr />in juicy liesbr />that you thicklybr />layered on me and then them,br />but mostly on you,br />buttering them up,br />so you could standbr />to eat them yourself./p>p>And now, you are getting thebr />last pound of fleshbr />you can take from me./p>p>I tape it shutbr />in bloody butcher paperbr />as I am forced to let youbr />stop by one last time,br />coldly sauntering upbr />to snatch itbr />off my nearly empty counter,br />as if it were nothing otherbr />than your given rightbr />to thieve my last morselbr />without paying a shekel of due./p>p>All your curdledbr />self-loathingbr />projected toward me,br />contorting the truthbr />so it looks like my faultbr />you’ve stolen from me,br />as if to convincebr />I should starve./p>p>It is just as well;br />My mouth is too dry to eatbr />and my lips are sealed shut,br />clamped down inbr />a teeth-grinding grimace,br />my gut churningbr />with anger and ache./p>p>I lose my appetitebr />as I remember those mealsbr />when my foolish heartbr />gorged on misplaced fatty trustbr />and sugar-rot love./p>p>By time I discoveredbr />your poisonous lies,br />you’d helped yourselfbr />to so muchbr />I had little leftbr />to protect me,br />so your hatred-sharp bladebr />forced me tobr />cut off some more./p>p>And now, here I am,br />hoping I don’t see you,br />as you snatch awaybr />that last heavy pound./p>p>I have gone hungry already,br />and I will go hungry again,br />but my gut wants to livebr />through this moment./p>p>So I insistently whisperbr />that this is the ransombr />I have to pay for my freedombr />and no matter how bloody,br />it must be done./p>p>And then I stand up,br />and I push myself forward./p>p>I cut off that lastbr />pound of flesh,br />what else can I do?br />And I lay it outbr />so you can take itbr />from me./p>p>And then I gatherbr />the strength I have left,br />and I cut my ties to you, too,br />a ruinous thief escapingbr />into a dark night of liesbr />greedily devouringbr />his ill-gotten treasure./p>p>And once you’ve takenbr />my last pound of fleshbr />leaving a severed messbr />in your wake,br />even though I am tiredbr />and trying to calm my empty gut,br />it will finally be quietbr />so I can rest here alone./p>p>I have gone hungry already,br />and I will go hungry again.br />But healing will comebr />and I will grow backbr />all you’ve taken from me./p>p>And when I have recoveredbr />from this bitter end to it allbr />I will rise upbr />to dine in the sweet peacebr />of my freedom,br />this last pound of fleshbr />a ransom I went hungry to pay,br />worth it to reclaimbr />my appetite for life./p>p>~ 2013.10.12/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Flast-pound-of-flesh%2F&titleLast+Pound+of+Flesh titleBookmark this post : Last Pound of Flesh on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 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stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/21anddone/ reltag>21anddone/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/flesh/ reltag>flesh/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/hungry/ reltag>hungry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/last-pound-of-flesh/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4290 --> div idpost-4284 classpost-4284 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-cleaning tag-consumption tag-life tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-way-to-be-free-of-the-mess/ relbookmark>A Way To Be Free Of The Mess/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-way-to-be-free-of-the-mess/ title1:29 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.12/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>It’s time to clean upbr />and put awaybr />everything that hasn’tbr />already run out or broken,br />so I can be freebr />of this mess./p>p>I always thinkbr />I’ll replacebr />what’s run out,br />and fix allbr />that is broken,br />as soonbr />as I find the time,br />or as soonbr />as I can afford itbr />again./p>p>But for now I cannotbr />because my lifebr />is a mess,br />and I am what’s broken./p>p>So while I clean upbr />and put awaybr />what I have today,br />overwhelmed by allbr />that is broken or gone,br />I begin to think of itbr />another way./p>p>If I fix and replenishbr />won’t I just have morebr />that isn’t broken or gonebr />to clean up and put away?br />And won’t I also have morebr />that can run out or break?/p>p>So maybe I won’tbr />fix whatever is brokenbr />or get more of whateverbr />is gone./p>p>Because if I don’tbr />for long enoughbr />until everythingbr />runs out or breaks,br />I won’t have to clean upbr />or put away any more,br />and I will be free of the mess./p>p>~ 2013.10.12/p>div 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.entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4284 --> div idpost-4236 classpost-4236 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-consumption tag-essay-2 tag-life tag-moments tag-motivation tag-self-discovery tag-self-worth tag-sunset> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/consuming-moments/ relbookmark>Consuming Moments/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/consuming-moments/ title5:58 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.09/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>The darkness consumed the last light of the day yesterday, as it exited in a mass of fiery yellow-orange clouds. The color spread everywhere across the sky, eventually turning pink, and then grey, while I captured what I could with my camera. I was riveted, as I often am, unable to take my eyes off it. But no matter how much I didn’t want to let its beauty out of my sight, I was unable to stop it, even for a moment, from continuing towards nightfall./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8146.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4253 alt20131008-IMG_8146 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8146-1024x682.jpg width640 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8146-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8146-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8146.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>I thought of how a sunset is the flaming out of a day. Its exits the stage of time, leaving behind its singular day in history, its unique exiting footprint, never to be exactly repeated. Sometimes it gracefully glows as it quietly departs. I imagine it royally blushing as if it can’t help itself./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8130.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8130 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8130-1024x682.jpg width640 />/a>/p>p>Other times it seems to huff out in a roiled, but playful, jumble of varied colors and clouds. On particularly moody days, it stubbornly scowls its grey disapproval. And then there are the exits like last night, joyous, and colorful; when it twirls off stage in an insistently flashy blaze of glory. It spreads its arms out in every direction, trying to make sure when it’s forced to go, it won’t soon be forgotten./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8258.jpg>br />/a>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8140.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8140 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8140-682x1024.jpg width400 />/a>/p>p>But no matter what its method, soon enough it is always consumed completely by an impatient night, which will not be deterred from arriving. The next morning, a fresh day that’s never been seen before, relentlessly pushes its own moments forward. I don’t know where it gets its energy, but it shows up filled with the juicy promise of time…time…where everything happens and anything can. It often arrives with its own glow, bursting out of its seams and rolling the night back….and then it immediately takes up the task of continuing the cycle, consuming itself moment by moment, as it marches across the stage to its own exit coming soon./p>p>Despite my efforts to be present, to live in some moment, I am unable to stop this helpless consumption of time. No amount of meditation, or conversely, cursing, makes me strong enough to grab onto even a single moment of it. Perhaps I can create an illusion for myself to the contrary, but the truth is, I cannot possess it for even a second. I am forced to consume the next, because this one has expired, and the next, and the next, until I am one day no longer aware of my consumption of moments…until I am no longer consuming those moments…and until, at some undefined time in the future, there may be no one remaining to consume them. Even then, moments will continue to consume themselves, relentlessly…just as they do now, as they do while I’m writing, as they do while you’re reading./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8288.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4265 alt20131008-IMG_8288 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8288-1024x682.jpg width640 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8288-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8288-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8288.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>br />I do not know when, or why, I started thinking of time in terms of moments being consumed instead of as simply ‘passing’. It feels more honest. What if I hoped it would create a new urgency in me, at a time when I found myself often hoping they’d hurry up and go away, wishing they’d eat themselves alive on their way out. For a long time, I struggled to care about so many of those moments, that perhaps changing my view of their disappearance was an attempt to compel myself to maximize each one of them, even the ones I don’t like when they’re here. I don’t remember the origin of this change in my view, but it has been in my mind this way for at least a few years. Sometimes thinking about it this way stays quietly in the recesses, and other times it fills every inch of my awareness with its insistent truths and frightening ramifications./p>p>a stylecolor: #ff4b33; line-height: 21.81818199157715px; font-size: 16.363636016845703px; hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8268.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8268 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8268-1024x682.jpg width640 />/a>br />As I stood there in the silence that surrounded me during the sunset last night, I will admit, I felt quite challenged and saddened by some of both the unexpected and expected moments my day had been filled with. But I was also humbled and grateful for some treasured moments when friends came forward in different ways, reached out, showed up at just the right moment, and gave me some of their own moments as an offering of connection and care. They made the rest of the moments more bearable./p>p>a stylecolor: #ff4b33; line-height: 21.81818199157715px; hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8241.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8241 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8241-1024x682.jpg width640 />/a>/p>p>The moments I played some new music, the moments I loved on my doggies…the moments my work went well…they are moments I loved. They are moments I understand deeply were served up and had to be consumed along with the others I wasn’t so fond of. And then the sunset had its own glorious moments, making up for what it could with a grand display and then making a most extraordinary exit, showing off its brilliance as it consumed its last moment on the way off stage./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8252.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8252 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8252-1024x682.jpg width640 />/a>/p>p>I spent the remaining moments, before I found my dreams last night, writing my previous piece about the bird of paradise in my garden, and reliving the sunset by looking at the pictures I took./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8222.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4259 alt20131008-IMG_8222 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8222-1024x682.jpg width320 height426 />/a>/p>p>In the background, though, on a deeper level, for some reason, I kept catching myself thinking about consumption in a variety of ways. It kept me up quite late, and when I began this piece today, I certainly intended to give my hands the space to pull what I was thinking about it out of my head, so I could look at it more tangibly, and perhaps get it off my mind./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8211.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-large wp-image-4258 alt20131008-IMG_8211 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8211-1024x682.jpg width640 height426 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8211-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8211-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8211.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>But what I wrote to start with is completely different than what you’re reading now. What you’re reading now didn’t show up until the moment I went to put what I thought was going to be an opening paragraph containing a brief explanation of why consumption has been on my mind. It was going to preface a list I wrote describing why I continually consume, why all of us do. Obviously that’s not how this piece turned out./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8190.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-large wp-image-4257 alt20131008-IMG_8190 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8190-1024x682.jpg width640 height426 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8190-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8190-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8190.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>I will save that list and my consumption musings for another moment in time. Instead I will trust that this is the right thing to post now, because what’s most important for me to wake up to, to process, to write down, grasp and sometimes share, seems to have a way of showing up for me at what usually turns out to be the right moment if I let it…just like my friends do./p>p>And often, once I get what I’m thinking about and want to say out of my head, I discover I understand it better and am able to accept letting go of whatever there’s no point in hanging onto, whatever I cannot solve. Hanging onto those things is like trying to hang onto my moments./p>p>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8185 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8185-1024x682.jpg width640 />/p>p>When I read where my writing unexpectedly took me today, I’m aware that I haven’t discovered anything new. I know I’m not communicating anything people don’t already know at the core of their existences. It’s not a new concept; but having a strong visual in my mind supports me on my own journey as I continue to try to accept, with all its ramifications, that time is a precious, non-renewable resource, marching moment by moment across a stage./p>p>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4255 alt20131008-IMG_8168 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8168-1024x682.jpg width640 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8168-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8168-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8168.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/p>p>Time is the most critical resource being consumed by each of us, and while I can’t do anything about this consumption, I do want to make the most of what moments I have./p>p>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-large wp-image-4254 alt20131008-IMG_8154 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8154-1024x682.jpg width640 height426 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8154-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8154-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8154.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/p>p>What if my moments line up in such a way, that I exit my life’s stage in a blaze of extraordinary glory? At the very least, I’d like to say Tata! in a most colorful way. And between now and then, I want to live in such a way that when I’m out of moments, I’ve left good memories behind for, and been valuable to, the people whose lives have intersected with mine. I want my arms to have reached out far enough in a meaningful way, that it’s not soon forgotten, just like I won’t soon forget the sunset from last night./p>p>~ cj 2013.10.09/p>p>em> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8258.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync alt20131008-IMG_8258 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8258-1024x682.jpg width640 height426 />/a>I hope the moments you consumed reading this, and looking at the photos were memorable for you. And speaking of friends, in case you didn’t already know, the moments of connections with my friends and the world around me are really the moments I cherish the most. I am always, always humbled when you take the time to read what I write and reach out to respond.br />/em>/p>p> /p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fconsuming-moments%2F&titleConsuming+Moments titleBookmark this post : Consuming Moments on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/consumption/ reltag>consumption/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/moments/ reltag>moments/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/motivation/ reltag>motivation/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-worth/ reltag>self-worth/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/sunset/ reltag>sunset/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/consuming-moments/#comments>7 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4236 --> div idpost-4219 classpost-4219 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-bird-of-paradise tag-divorce tag-empowerment tag-essay-2 tag-garden tag-healing tag-light tag-long-relationships tag-marriage tag-photos tag-recovery tag-relationship tag-self-discovery> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/bird-of-paradise/ relbookmark>Bird of Paradise/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/bird-of-paradise/ title4:39 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.09/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7116.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4221 alt20131007-IMG_7116 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7116-1024x682.jpg width640 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7116-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7116-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7116.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>A bird of paradise solar-powered light was one of the first things I bought when I reclaimed my garden, a particularly painful place for me. For several years, I avoided it because it made my heart ache and caused me to question whether me leaving my marriage and my previous life was misguided and mistaken. It was a place of regret, where I’d stumble in my conviction that this was the direction to go./p>p>At some point, I managed to realize that it didn’t matter whether I regretted it or not. It was what I had chosen, and there was no going back. And then I reminded myself over and over that when I chose to leave my marriage, I chose it because I couldn’t stand the darkness of what was going on in my life anymore. And what has happened since I’d left it was continued proof that I’d made the correct decision. Re-evaluating, looking back, was just keeping my face turned towards that darkness I had rightfully chosen to leave behind. I was facing away from the light I’d said I wanted to find./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7112.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4222 alt20131007-IMG_7112 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7112-682x1024.jpg height640 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7112-682x1024.jpg 682w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7112-200x300.jpg 200w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7112.jpg 800w sizes(max-width: 682px) 100vw, 682px />/a>/p>p>Eventually I began to turn around, look out, find myself. And although I would have never initially said it mattered, one of the most important parts of that process is turning out to be reclaiming my home, my space. It was and still is a brutally slow process. There have been so many setbacks, from little potholes to massive unexpected canyons along the way, that most days, including today, I’m still unsure if I’ll ever get past all of it./p>p>But even if I never get past all of it, avoiding places in my home and heart is going to narrow the chances of it. So as I can, I’ve been traversing what I find I’m avoiding. And at one point, that included my garden./p>p>This past spring, right after a grueling mediation and before my divorce was final, I decided it was time to give new life a fighting chance to blossom. I wanted to dig out the weeds that were choking everything in my life, and I decided the garden was the perfect symbolic place to do that. I wanted to sit in peace back there, and I hoped that doing so, would somehow bring me more peace in the rest of my life. And I enjoyed getting dirty and sweaty working it all out./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7113.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4223 alt20131007-IMG_7113 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7113-682x1024.jpg height640 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7113-682x1024.jpg 682w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7113-200x300.jpg 200w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7113.jpg 800w sizes(max-width: 682px) 100vw, 682px />/a>/p>p>One day while I was out there planting new plants, and setting up ways for them to get the water they needed, I was looking at the butterfly garden decoration my (now ex) husband had put in. I wasn’t ready to give it up, even thought it hurt to look at it. But I did decide I wanted a light to illuminate that area. It would take attention away from the butterfly, and it would make it brighter when I wanted to be still and relax./p>p>So I went shopping for one, and the bird of paradise solar light is the one I bought. It wasn’t an extravagant purchase, but I liked it because it was unique. A bird in paradise, I remember thinking; I hoped that description would eventually be true. And when I looked at the picture on the box, it gave me so much pleasure that I resisted throwing the box away, even after I’d installed the light./p>p>At the same time I’ve been getting past everything I discovered was going on, and all that’s happened since, I’ve been trying to transition to a new life. I’m hoping to starting an additional career soon, and I’ve got some hobbies I’m extremely passionate about, including music, writing, and photography./p>p>One of the things I’ve become fascinated with is night photography – leaving the eye of the camera open for so long, it eventually shows you what’s really there. And it usually shows you what there is to see in an unexpected, beautiful light. When I’m standing there, with the shutter wide open, waiting from moments to minutes for the camera to find what is there, I always think about how similar it is to what I’ve learned it’s important to do; keep my eyes open and truly look for that’s there, even when it’s not obvious at first. And I’ve discovered that often when I do see it, it shows up in an unexpected and often beautiful light./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7114.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4224 alt20131007-IMG_7114 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7114-682x1024.jpg height640 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7114-682x1024.jpg 682w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7114-200x300.jpg 200w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7114.jpg 800w sizes(max-width: 682px) 100vw, 682px />/a>/p>p>I don’t think about what’s inspiring me to take a picture. I see it, I take it, and then somtimes later I get more understanding of why I was drawn to it. Besides photographing in the dark, I love photographing known lights at night as well. The moon, streetlights, city lights, reflections off the water, building lights shining on other buildings, and most recently, spotlights at a local music festival….all of these have been showing up in my pictures. With the lights at night, I think it’s my photographic way of saying that seeking the light, facing it, leaving my eyes open towards it, is how I’m going to find my way through a dark part of my life./p>p>So back to my garden. I’ve tried a few times to take pictures of this bird of paradise solar-powered, take-my-space back garden light, but I just couldn’t get it right. And I didn’t want to stay back there long enough to truly see what there was to see, so I’d mostly given up. I saw it had turned on every night when I returned through the garden after taking sunset pictures. But I just let it go./p>p>That changed last night. Finally I was able to sit there long enough to find my way on the camera and to patiently wait for the pictures to reflect what I saw in that light./p>p>I’ve been divorced for six months today, and today is the last interaction I’m legally obligated to have with my (now ex) husband. What an interesting coincidence that, in the same way I’m learning how to capture the light with my camera, even when it’s dark, I’m figuring out how to face forward so I can find the light in my life. It’s unique and it’s beautiful, and just like that bird in paradise solar-powered lamp, it’s all and completely my own./p>p>~ cj 2013.10.08/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbird-of-paradise%2F&titleBird+of+Paradise titleBookmark this post : Bird of Paradise on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/bird-of-paradise/ reltag>bird of paradise/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/empowerment/ reltag>empowerment/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/garden/ reltag>garden/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/healing/ reltag>healing/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/light/ reltag>light/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/long-relationships/ reltag>long relationships/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/marriage/ reltag>marriage/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photos/ reltag>photos/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/recovery/ reltag>recovery/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/bird-of-paradise/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4219 --> div idpost-4199 classpost-4199 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-adversity tag-cold-front tag-poetry-2 tag-weather> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/cold-front/ relbookmark>Cold Front/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/cold-front/ title6:59 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.01/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/photo.jpg altcold front width300 classalignleft size-full wp-image-4200 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/photo.jpg 536w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/photo-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/photo-300x300.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 536px) 100vw, 536px />/p>p>When the clouds moved in,br />I wanted to wallow in,br />complain about,br />how suddenly chilly I was./p>p>I wasn’t prepared,br />it caught me unaware;br />I’d left my coat at home./p>p>When the cold descendedbr />I ached to whinebr />about my frosty fingers./p>p>They didn’t want to wigglebr />when I told them to./p>p>But then I looked up,br />past my bitter miserybr />and discoveredbr />the beautiful lightbr />that cold front brought with it./p>p>~ cj 2013.10.01/p>p>em>As always, there is more to this than meets the eye. Sometimes the weather going bad is perfectly beautiful if you can just lift your head to appreciate it. Last night, when this happened, was such a perfect moment to experience that weather, and be reminded of this lesson./em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fcold-front%2F&titleCold+Front titleBookmark this post : Cold Front on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/adversity/ reltag>adversity/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/cold-front/ reltag>cold front/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/weather/ reltag>weather/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/cold-front/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4199 --> div idpost-4101 classpost-4101 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-essay-2 tag-friendship tag-teamwork> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-sweet-piece-of-team-work/ relbookmark>A Fun Piece of Team Work/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-sweet-piece-of-team-work/ title3:50 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.09.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>My housemate and I hung out most of the weekend, running errands./p>p>When we started the day on Saturday, I was hyper aware that I never just hang with someone like that, running errands, and “having a day”. We’ve been living together since January, and I definitely consider him a very close friend. But we’ve mostly done our chores and taken care of things on our own until this weekend./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0702-export.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0702-export-1024x682.jpg altturtle in the road width500 classsize-large wp-image-4125 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0702-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0702-export-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0702-export.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0739-export.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0739-export-682x1024.jpg altdown to the wire width500 classsize-large wp-image-4128 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0739-export-682x1024.jpg 682w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0739-export-200x300.jpg 200w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0739-export.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 682px) 100vw, 682px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0693.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0693-1024x682.jpg altclouds in the air width500 classsize-large wp-image-4118 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0693-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0693-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>I will admit, I truly miss that kind of easy day-to-day do-things-together connection with someone, and I’m hoping we do it again. It made errands more enjoyable, and as it turned out, it unexpectedly gave me some fun memories, too./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0744-export.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0744-export-1024x682.jpg altwater in the park width500 classsize-large wp-image-4129 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0744-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0744-export-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0744-export.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>br />At one point, we went for a walk at Zilker, both motivating the other to get a workout. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/new-heart-rate-monitor.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/new-heart-rate-monitor.jpg altnew heart rate monitor width500 classsize-large wp-image-4104 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/new-heart-rate-monitor.jpg 800w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/new-heart-rate-monitor-300x224.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px />/a>br />He’d already helped me work through a decision about a heart rate monitor watch./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0747.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0747-1024x682.jpg altpurple wheat plant width500 classsize-large wp-image-4120 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0747-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0747-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>While we were walking, I showed him the other side of the Longhorn Dam. People fish with poles and nets there, and I’d had fun the last time I’d looked over that wall. I took a lot of photos, which thankfully doesn’t seem to bother him./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0806.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0806-1024x876.jpg altfisherman throwing his net width500 classsize-large wp-image-4105 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0806-1024x876.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0806-300x256.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0806.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0879.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0879-1024x872.jpg altnet in the air width500 classsize-large wp-image-4108 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0879-1024x872.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0879-300x255.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0879.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0821.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0821-1024x682.jpg alt20130921-IMG_0821 width500 classsize-large wp-image-4140 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0821-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0821-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0822_cropped.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0822_cropped-1024x689.jpg altnet hitting the water width500 classsize-large wp-image-4145 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0822_cropped-1024x689.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0822_cropped-300x202.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0822_cropped.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0855_cropped.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0855_cropped-1024x720.jpg altnet hitting the water width500 classsize-large wp-image-4144 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0855_cropped-1024x720.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0855_cropped-300x210.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0843.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0843-1024x923.jpg altnet swinging width500 classsize-large wp-image-4107 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0843-1024x923.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0843-300x270.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0843.jpg 1158w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/crawfish.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/crawfish.jpg altcrawfish he caught width500 classsize-large wp-image-4117 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/crawfish.jpg 612w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/crawfish-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/crawfish-300x300.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_09151.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_09151-1024x979.jpg altfisherman giving his catch away width500 classsize-large wp-image-4141 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_09151-1024x979.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_09151-300x287.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_09151.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/aa hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0940.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0940-1024x682.jpg altsteps width500 classsize-large wp-image-4122 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0940-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0940-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>Then he sat down on some steps I’d noticed. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_0985.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_0985-1024x988.jpg altBranch dangling, rock in the air width500 classsize-large wp-image-4111 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_0985-1024x988.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_0985-300x289.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_0985.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>I looked up and saw a branch dangling from a tree in the sun. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1163.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1163-1024x983.jpg altRock near the water width500 classsize-large wp-image-4113 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1163-1024x983.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1163-300x288.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1163.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>He picked up a rock and tried to knock the branch out. I was pretty sure it was up there on fishing line. I admired his persistence at attempting a task that seemed unlikely to succeed. I started taking pictures of the rocks mid-air. He found more rocks. /p>p>Then he suggested I take pictures of them hitting the water. I didn’t get what he meant at first; I didn’t see how I could get the tree and the water in the same shot, so I clarified. He just meant the water. He got bigger rocks. He told me when he was throwing. I started shooting the water splashes./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1164-2.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1164-2-1024x951.jpg altRock on impact width500 classsize-large wp-image-4114 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1164-2-1024x951.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1164-2-300x278.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1164-2.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1167.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1167-1024x872.jpg altlast splash width500 classsize-large wp-image-4116 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1167-1024x872.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1167-300x255.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1167.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>He managed to hit the branch eventually, which made it swing. I was able to get some cool sun-reflective pictures of the fishing line holding it up there. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1196_cropped.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1196_cropped.jpg altfishing line dangling width500 classsize-large wp-image-4143 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1196_cropped.jpg 800w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1196_cropped-257x300.jpg 257w sizes(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px />/a>/p>p>As you can see above, I got some great shots of the rocks mid-air, too, and some most excellent shots of the splash where the rocks hit the water./p>p>Eventually, he ran out of rocks, and we needed to continue our walk, which was the reason we’d come out there. I laughed at the holes left in the ground, where he’d picked up larger rocks./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1203.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1203-1024x682.jpg altrock holes width500 classsize-large wp-image-4124 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1203-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1203-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1202.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1202-1024x682.jpg altrock hole in the ground width500 classsize-large wp-image-4123 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1202-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1202-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>Pretty quickly, I realized what a gift that time was. It was completely unplanned, and it was an absolute memorable blast. I got to do something I loved (taking pictures) and got to try something new that would have been hard to do by myself (getting pics of the rocks mid-air and the water splashing). /p>p>We laughed, and I, for one, forgot about everything else for awhile./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1225.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1225-1024x682.jpg altIMG_1225 width500 classsize-large wp-image-4137 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1225-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1225-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>We worked together nicely as a team. I saw the stairs, he sat down to enjoy it. I saw the branch, he tried to hit it with the rocks. It didn’t matter whether he got the branch or not; it was just fun. He suggested the water splash pictures, and when I didn’t understand, he clarified nicely. He helped create the opportunity, while I took the pictures. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0786.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0786-1024x682.jpg altyellow flowers in a blue sky width500 classsize-large wp-image-4121 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0786-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0786-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>It was a nice experience to work fluidly with someone when both people were trying to make a difference, without a bit of thought about ego or getting credit. It was also completely unplanned with no need to control any of it. I’m in the middle of writing about how little control we actually have over our lives, so it was a timely experience. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0760-export-3.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0760-export-3-1024x965.jpg altbee in a flower width500 classsize-large wp-image-4132 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0760-export-3-1024x965.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0760-export-3-300x282.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0760-export-3.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>Yes, it was just for fun, but the wonderful experience of the teamwork, and the complete spontaneity made it quite memorable. The whole day, with all its moments, including this one, still has me smiling now, two days later as I’m looking through the pictures. I hope they’ve made you smile, too./p>p>~ cj 2013.09.23/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fa-sweet-piece-of-team-work%2F&titleA+Fun+Piece+of+Team+Work titleBookmark this post : A Fun Piece of Team Work on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/friendship/ reltag>friendship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/teamwork/ reltag>teamwork/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/a-sweet-piece-of-team-work/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4101 --> div idpost-4063 classpost-4063 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-beauty tag-essay-2 tag-flowers tag-love tag-rain tag-storms tag-survival tag-transition> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/golden-beauty-in-the-rain/ relbookmark>Golden Beauty In The Rain/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/golden-beauty-in-the-rain/ title6:56 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.09.20/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-3.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-3.jpg altyellow flower 3 width612 height612 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-4071 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-3.jpg 612w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-3-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-3-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px />/a>/p>p>These yellow flowers have shown up in my garden, growing wildly without my permission, without being planted there. They are far more beautiful than what I’d put in that spot. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-4.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-4.jpg altyellow flower 4 width612 height612 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-4070 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-4.jpg 612w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-4-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-4-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px />/a>/p>p>I’ve certainly learned that I miss beautiful moments in life if I always try to control what surrounds me, so I left them to do as they pleased./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-1.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-1.jpg altyellow flower 1 width612 height612 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-4073 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-1.jpg 612w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-1-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-1-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px />/a>/p>p>Over the past few weeks, they’ve rewarded me with a good deal of unexpected joy. I’ve headed out to my garden more often than I was, just to see them. Their sunny disposition is making a garden I still struggle with emotionally, a happier place to visit. I like to take pictures of them, and they seem to look their best when I show up with my camera in the waning light of the day./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-2.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-2.jpg altyellow flower 2 width960 height960 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-4072 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-2.jpg 960w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-2-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-2-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 960px) 100vw, 960px />/a>/p>p>This afternoon, it was raining hard. I found myself worrying about how they were doing, and then felt compelled enough to check on them. So carrying my umbrella, and my camera, I headed out to see./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0637-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0637-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0637-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4068 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0637-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0637-export-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0637-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>The rain has impacted them; I see that immediately. They are each bent, with their heads down for now, protecting what’s precious inside. I noticed their petals have some creases and folds, most likely from the pelting they’ve taken. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0665-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0665-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0665-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4064 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0665-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0665-export-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0665-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>The rainwater is dripping off them and soaking into the ground beneath, a gift they will appreciate tomorrow./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0648-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0648-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0648-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4066 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0648-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0648-export-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0648-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>And maybe it’s my imagination because I want this to be so, but they seemed more beautiful than usual, their pretty green backs holding them up on delicate, fuzzy green stems. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0652-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0652-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0652-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4065 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0652-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0652-export-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0652-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>I look closer, and stand back up smiling. I’m quite positive they’re shining more golden, colored by the weight of what they’ve gone through./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0643-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0643-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0643-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4067 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0643-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0643-export-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0643-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>I head back inside, because for now, there’s not much I or they can do, but hunker down. We cannot control the rain. And the truth is, they know and I know, the rain was needed, even though we’re both finding it a bit harsh to survive in./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0663-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0663-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0663-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4088 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0663-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0663-export-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0663-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>Maybe tomorrow, the sun will shine again, and we can begin to find uses for the gifts of this downpour. I will hope for them, and for myself, that we make the best of what we have./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_9539-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_9539-export-1024x682.jpg altIMG_9539-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4087 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_9539-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_9539-export-300x200.jpg 300w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_9539-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>But if it chooses to rain on, I know in my heart, at least for now, these unexpected beauties and I have what it takes to weather the storm./p>p>~ cj 2013.09.20/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fgolden-beauty-in-the-rain%2F&titleGolden+Beauty+In+The+Rain 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hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/flowers/ reltag>flowers/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/rain/ reltag>rain/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/storms/ reltag>storms/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/survival/ reltag>survival/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/transition/ reltag>transition/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/golden-beauty-in-the-rain/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4063 --> div idpost-4016 classpost-4016 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-accident tag-essay-2 tag-online-communities tag-photography tag-self-discovery tag-sharing> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/magnetically-drawn-to-sharing/ relbookmark>Magnetically Drawn To Sharing/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/magnetically-drawn-to-sharing/ title4:35 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.09.16/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-Shot-2013-09-16-at-4.34.03-PM.png>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-Shot-2013-09-16-at-4.34.03-PM.png altThe Sun Before it Set - 2013.09.16 width603 height600 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-4046 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-Shot-2013-09-16-at-4.34.03-PM.png 603w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-Shot-2013-09-16-at-4.34.03-PM-150x150.png 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-Shot-2013-09-16-at-4.34.03-PM-300x298.png 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 603px) 100vw, 603px />/a>/p>p>I am finding myself magnetically drawn to sharing pictures I took on Saturday evening of the two accidents I was trapped by, for an hour, on I-10. I want to share my thoughts on this magnetic, somewhat morbid, urge, although I haven’t decided whether or not to share the pictures. I am hoping by time I’m done writing this, I will have some clarity on the matter./p>p>May I tell you what happened? This may take awhile, but I hope you find it worth the time you’ll spend reading it. /p>p>I was driving from Austin to Houston, a trip which should have taken 3 hours, but took me 6.5 this time. I make the trip regularly, and I often catch myself paying attention to things other than exactly where I’m going. /p>p>I was in a creative space until right before these accidents, lolly-gagging and stopping along the way to take pictures. I was busy wondering what was going on inside of me that I’d created the foundations for around 6 poems and essays already on that trip, after creating another one at about 3am that morning. I’m always creative on Friday afternoon, so I was noticing that I was a day late. I was chewing on and processing a large life ah-ha that had unfolded in a text conversation with a close friend that afternoon, making my departure from Austin several hours late, but well worth the delay. And I was making the observation that none of the pieces that I’d just created drafts for were related to that afternoon’s ah-ha, despite realizing already what a pivotal ah-ha this was going to turn out to be. In summary, my day was pretty intense and my attention was quite distracted from my destination, before these accidents happened. /p>p>So now it was sunset, the time of day when, even more so than normal, my attention is absolutely, completely riveted on the sky above me, to the exclusion of nearly everything else that isn’t related somehow to it or its reflection./p>p>A minute before the accident, I’d pulled over on the side of the road to take a picture of the sky, as the sun was getting ready to set. It was already beautiful, and I knew it was going to be a good one. I was only pulled over for a few moments before I got back on the road. Very, very soon after I pulled back on the highway, I saw what turned out to be the tail end of a horrible car accident. I witnessed the remainder of the rollover and the car stopping. /p>p>I was suddenly aware of car parts, interior content, and debris flying all over the road. I was scared, but somewhere selfish inside me, I saw that I was going to be trapped by this and it would cause a worse delay in my arrival in Houston. So I followed the truck in front of me right off the road, down an embankment, and onto the frontage road. Then I stopped just past the car accident, where I didn’t think I’d be trapped by the ramifications of it. /p>p>Quite a few people ran to the car, and the police were there in record time. I did not go over there, and even right then, I knew why I didn’t. I’ve been the primary witness to more fatal car accidents than seems reasonable, and I felt the memories of every one of those sear painfully and immediately in my heart./p>p>Then it occurred to me to do what I always do…take pictures. So that’s what I did./p>p>I have spent a lot of thought cycles trying to figure out my obsession for taking pictures. I am not sure I’m completely clear, but I do know that, at least in part, my pictures are meant to bear witness and help me remember what I’ve done and where I’ve been. And surprisingly often, they serve unexpected purposes beyond what I think they’re going to. /p>p>Several realizations have already come from my picture taking on that trip. First, me pulling over may have kept me from being part of the first accident. There is no way to know. And it’s also crossed my mind that perhaps if I HAD been involved, the person who was in the accident would have been more or less impacted than they were. There is no way to know that either. /p>p>Second, my pictures are a disturbing combination of the chaos in front of me on the ground, and the beautiful sunset unfolding, a sunset absent of care about what was happening on that ground. I specifically avoided showing the traffic or the accident in the majority of those sunset pictures, as if joining the sky in a desperate attempt to ignore what was happening on the ground and my helplessness to alter its course. /p>p>I also wonder sometimes if my picture taking enhances what I’m experiencing, or conversely, helps me avoid being fully present. Repeated pictures of exactly the same thing show there was something far more than a desire to simply record it. Was I trying to force myself to stay focused?/p>p>I think in this case, it’s fairly accurate to conclude from the combination of my pictures, intermixed with repeated pictures of the same thing, that I was struggling to fully accept the realities and the possibilities of what was unfolding in front of me. I can see myself giving in to avoiding it, intermixed strongly with a determined attempt to continue facing it. /p>p>Third, because I think I need to see it in writing, I want to admit here that I didn’t see the full accident. I remembered pulling off the road for the pre-sunset picture, but I was baffled until last night about why I didn’t see the full accident. I should have; I’d been back on the road long enough. And I was absolutely close enough at the moment I DID begin seeing it, to have witnessed the entire thing./p>p>My pictures cleared up my confusion. My pictures showed me exactly what I was doing when I should have been facing forward. I was taking pictures in my rear view mirror of what I’d just pulled over to take pictures of a moment earlier…the sun beginning its descent behind me. Besides realizing what a close call that created for me, I am significantly dismayed right now at how proud I often am for seeing things others don’t. I am embarrassed at taking compliments, as if I have this talent. Perhaps I do, but the cost of that is missing far more important things I can make no excuse for missing. What a brilliant example of the dangers of looking behind for too long, and at important moments when we are best served facing forward./p>p>I’d like to return to sharing the events of that hour. I was taking pictures of the sky, taking pictures of the first accident. A policeman approached to ask what I was doing. I said “Watching.” Then after a little hesitation, I said “Taking pictures.” Then after a little more hesitation, I added “I have to.” He said “I wish you wouldn’t.” We looked at each other. I said “I wish I wouldn’t either.” Another moment. I added “I won’t take pictures while you’re getting the person out of the car.” He said “Okay”, looked at me a moment later, and then walked away. /p>p>I wanted to yell after him, ask him why they weren’t taking the person out of the car, why everyone was standing around, cleaning up the street and talking to each other. But I was too afraid to ask. I reasoned that if the person were dead, they wouldn’t be letting other cars and trucks crawl past the scene would they? /p>p>This drew my attention down the road, where I noticed that now there was a gap in the traffic jam caused by the first accident. Then I saw a man had driven down the wrong lane on the frontage road. He stopped in the middle of the road, jumped out and ran toward the policeman who was just talking to me, gesturing wildly towards that gap. The policeman got in his car immediately, racing down the road towards the gap. Soon, emergency vehicles were approaching from many directions. /p>p>At some point, another man pulled over on the frontage road, got out and donned his volunteer fireman apparel. I took pictures of him, too, while I worshipped his heroic willingness to approach the mess I imagined he was about to witness./p>p>As I zoomed in on that gap in the jam, I saw there was a second accident. A car was firmly under the body of a semi./p>p>Then I hesitated. I wasn’t sure what to record, what to witness, what I was willing to see. Part of me wanted to drive off, to run. I was in front of the first accident. I could escape. Part of me couldn’t move from what I was already watching; I was back to being nearly frantic because they still weren’t getting the person out of the vehicle from the first accident. And part of me needed to see what had happened down the road. That part won, for several reasons. So I got in my car and went back down the frontage road, now putting myself between the two accidents instead of past the first one. I’d trapped myself in the mess, when I could have escaped./p>p>The vehicle from the second accident was extremely damaged, too. The drivers’ side was completely collapsed, and by all rights, that person should have been injured. Instead, the young man was standing on the side of the road with the driver of the truck, talking to someone on the phone who probably cared deeply about him. He didn’t appear to have a scratch on him, although he was clearly shaken. I wonder if he realizes how another accident was so differently playing out just up the road from him. /p>p>A tow truck came and pulled the second car out from beneath the truck. The tow truck, the semi, the police, with the car driver, moved up towards the first accident, but everyone else was still blocked. Then they blocked the frontage road, right in front of me. And that’s when we all found out why no one was pulling the driver from the car. They were injured beyond transport by ambulance to a local hospital. A helicopter came right across that beautiful sunset-filled sky, landing right on the road. They quickly moved the driver to the helicopter, and it headed off in the other direction towards Houston within moments. I continued taking pictures./p>p>Another tow truck came. The drivers from the two tow trucks worked together to get that first accident’s vehicle on that second tow truck. It took some doing, but they got it. I continued taking pictures./p>p>People were free to go. I stayed behind and continued taking pictures. I zoomed in, I zoomed out. I was riveted, immobile. Eventually, I got in my car, compelled by knowing my friend was waiting for me in Houston, and compelled by my hatred of being trapped, which I suspected I would be by all the traffic now in front of me./p>p>The trip didn’t continue problem-free. Outside of Katy, a large number of emergency vehicles were coming down the frontage road. I was now in 6 lanes of traffic, and saw they were all slowing down. I could have exited right when I saw this, but I made the split second decision to stay put, convincing myself there was no way 6 lanes would all be blocked. They were. It took 45 minutes more to crawl 4 miles past another accident, which I was selfishly thankful was cleared by time I got to the place where it’d happened./p>p>Finally, finally, I got to the exit I was supposed to take. I took it…and was so busy being relieved that I distractedly turned the wrong way onto a 4 lane one way road. 4 lanes of headlights glaring at me. 4 lanes of people blaring their horns at me, likely familiar with people like me, not paying attention to where they’re going. I turned safely around, and managed to arrive where I was going, 6.5 hours after I’d left Austin./p>p>It’s been a bit odd since I arrived. That trip exhausted me. It upsets me still, and the pictures I took made it worse, even though I think I needed to see what was in them. At the same time, I feel quite fortunate because I see all the intersections in time and space that could have changed the outcome of this to something way beyond a 3.5 hour delay./p>p>So back to my desire to share these pictures. I do understand it, now that I’ve told this story, now that I’ve thought this through. It isn’t that I need the attention. I can find plenty of other, more pleasurable ways of getting that, if that’s what I seek. I’d rather make you smile than trouble your heart or bring tears to your eyes./p>p>I’m not particularly interested in shocking anyone. I’m guessing my general behavior and attitudes are enough to accomplish that anyways./p>p>I’m not inclined to warn others about what can happen to them if they make a mistake, nor am I in the mood to preach to others about how lucky they are that this wasn’t them. We all know that, don’t we. And we get our own reminders of it all the time, without me pointing it out./p>p>Maybe this story accomplishes a little bit of all of the above reasons…but I think the reason is really a combination of other things./p>p>I believe the reason I want to share them is the same reason I shared the stories of my marriage falling apart, my dad passing away, losing my grandma. I think, even though I wasn’t involved in these accidents, that I was still hurt, jarred, and frightened by them, because of my past, and because of these accidents. I am aware that I am grieving what I saw, with a background of grieving other losses./p>p>I have found it extraordinarily healing to share my stories. Besides finding my own truths by writing them down, I have found sharing lifts the weight of them off of me. /p>p>Perhaps I should convince myself it’s not appropriate to share them, but I am a shining example of crossing the boundaries of appropriate without always realizing, and largely without caring about them. Perhaps my selfish desire to find healing is greater than my concern for boundaries of appropriateness, but I know I am not alone in this. /p>p>When I reach out to others who’ve share their stories, reading them, telling them I care and I’m thinking of them, I can tell they are grateful that each of us who has done so, is a part of what is healing them, lifting the weight off them, too. /p>p>I want to be one of the collective voices that serve as examples of how healing it can be to reach out to a community, even when we don’t always know each of its members well. /p>p>I want to be an example of openness when something troubles me, whether or not I can understand or explain why it troubles me, and whether or not this level of sharing is always acceptable to others. /p>p>I often say that I think part of what makes us feel isolated, even with all this open communication technology, is that we tend to believe we are obligated to tell everyone everything is okay, when it is not always. /p>p>We seem to believe it conveys weakness to open up and admit, to reach out and share. When everyone responds to this perceived pressure by only sharing when things are good and seem positive, or by lying when they are not, we not only succeed in isolating ourselves, but we become a part of the reason others feel isolated, too. /p>p>It took me awhile to get to the bottom of my magnetic urge to share the pictures I’ve taken. But I realize now that I’m done writing this, that I am already helped, just by writing and then sharing this story, without sharing the pictures. And I hope if you’ve read this, that my example of being willing to process it, share it out loud, and admit seeking comfort from outside myself, can be an example to you and others in support of what I believe….That it helps us all to do the same./p>p>~ cj 2013.09.16/p>p>em>The picture I’m including here is the one I took in the moments before the accident, when I’d pulled off the road. Did taking this picture keep me from being in the accident? 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reltag>sharing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/magnetically-drawn-to-sharing/#comments>11 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4016 --> div idpost-3996 classpost-3996 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-empowerment tag-essay-2 tag-flowers tag-photography tag-self-discovery> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/being-themselves/ relbookmark>Blossoming Into Themselves/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/being-themselves/ title2:11 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.09.16/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/image.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/image.jpg altBlossoming width600 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-3997 srcsethttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/image.jpg 800w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/image-150x150.jpg 150w, http://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/image-300x300.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px />/a>All this unique beauty in these flowers, growing in the wild, blooming in the woods. /p>p>If I hadn’t come by, it’s likely as not, no one would have noticed them. If I hadn’t been watching, who would have taken their picture and shared it with others? I felt a bit proud, like I’d done them a favor. I felt like a steward, my duty fulfilled, by giving them worth./p>p>But only for a moment, until I walked away and glanced back to find them unaltered. They were still there, living exactly the same, even though I’d left./p>p>They didn’t question who they were, and they weren’t wondering who I wanted them to be. They didn’t ponder whether they’d pleased me or not. /p>p>It didn’t matter to them that I witnessed them. It mattered only to me, the person who was touched by what they were already being. /p>p>From the beginning, they’d blossomed on their own in the wild, wholly unique. And they will be exactly themselves, without apology or exception, for as long as they live, because that’s what they were born for. They will do this, in spite of, not because of, anyone…including me./p>p>So arrogant I was, believing my presence, my preference, my approval, gave their existence value./p>p>I was the one who received the gift by noticing them. They had already blossomed, perfectly and completely whole, without any gifts of recognition from me. /p>p>I am not their purpose, and it is not their path to do or be anything for me. /p>p>All this beauty in these flowers…they have a unique purpose to which they are perfectly suited. And because they have blossomed into themselves, that purpose knows exactly where to find them…growing in the wild, and blooming in these woods./p>p>~ cj 2013.09.16/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbeing-themselves%2F&titleBlossoming+Into+Themselves titleBookmark this post : Blossoming Into Themselves on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/empowerment/ reltag>empowerment/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/flowers/ reltag>flowers/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/being-themselves/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3996 --> div idpost-3994 classpost-3994 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-essay-2 tag-friendship tag-friendships tag-lesson tag-privilege> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-privilege/ relbookmark>My Privilege/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-privilege/ title12:36 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.09.16/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I heard Jacki Lyden on NPR say this to Dave Zirin yesterday:br />“Dave, thank you so much for joining us.”/p>p>Dave said this back:br />” My Privilege. Thank you.”/p>p>So different, isn’t it, from the usual ‘My Pleasure’?/p>p>‘My Privilege’ caught my attention. It made me smile./p>p>It made me think about all the times others deserve to hear ‘My Privilege’ from me, when they show up in my life, when our moments intersect. They deserve to hear this, if we’ve intersected for awhile, only once in awhile, only once./p>p>Hearing ‘My Privilege’ made me like Dave. It made me want to know him. /p>p>Most of all, it made me want my friends and loved ones to hear from me that it is My Privilege to know them. It is My Privilege that they have granted me mercy, given me answers, paid attention, spent their time, assisted me. It is My Privilege that they have shown me kindness, generosity, loyalty, patience, friendship, love./p>p>Thank you, Dave, on NPR. It was My Privilege to have this intersecting moment, where I had the moving experience of witnessing your grace and respect./p>p>~ cj 2013.09.16/p>p>em>Here’s a link to the story on NPR. It’s a piece on a large fine levied against one football player for hurting another football player on purpose. That football player didn’t treat the other player like it was His Privilege at all. /p>p>What a special piece of irony that this reporter’s interaction with the newscaster was so different from the fined football player’s interaction with the other football player./p>p>a hrefhttp://www.npr.org/2013/09/14/222525581/for-rich-nfl-players-do-fines-matter titleFor Rich NFL Players, Do Fines Matter? target_blank>For Rich NFL Players, Do Fines Matter? 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/friendship/ reltag>friendship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/friendships/ reltag>friendships/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/lesson/ reltag>lesson/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/privilege/ reltag>privilege/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-privilege/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3994 --> div idpost-3984 classpost-3984 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-breakup tag-divorce tag-heartbreak tag-love tag-marriage tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-matter/ relbookmark>I Matter/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-matter/ title7:33 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.08.20/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>It only took me a minute or two on the 17th to write a hrefhttp://bit.ly/cjexisting titleExisting target_blank>Existing/a>. I suppose it was ready to be said without much hesitation./p>p>But after I was done, I waffled back and forth for quite awhile before and after I posted it, trying to decide whether to use the word ‘exist’ as the core concept, or the word ‘matter’. And I’ve been thinking about it ever since./p>p>So here’s the piece again, only I’ve changed a few words so the core concept is ‘matter’. I made this new version, because existing and mattering are different. I made this new version, because mattering is more important to me./p>p>I Matterbr />***************br />You treated mebr />as if who I truly wasbr />didn’t matterbr />so completelybr />that who I truly wasbr />stopped matteringbr />when I was with you./p>p>When I left,br />you still treated mebr />as if I didn’t matterbr />so completelybr />that I found a waybr />to matter to myselfbr />instead./p>p>And now,br />all that you meant to mebr />when I was with youbr />has stopped mattering./p>p>~ cj 2013.08.20/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fi-matter%2F&titleI+Matter titleBookmark this post : I Matter on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/marriage/ reltag>marriage/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/i-matter/#comments>7 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3984 --> div idpost-3980 classpost-3980 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-breakup tag-divorce tag-heartache tag-love tag-marriage tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-self-discovery> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/existing/ relbookmark>Existing/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/existing/ title9:34 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.08.17/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>You treated mebr />as if who I truly wasbr />didn’t existbr />so completelybr />that who I truly wasbr />stopped existingbr />when I was with you./p>p>When I left,br />you still treated mebr />as if I didn’t existbr />so completelybr />that who I truly ambr />found a way tobr />come back fully./p>p>And now,br />all that you meant to mebr />when I was with youbr />has stopped existing./p>p>~ cj 2013.08.17/p>div 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/heartache/ reltag>heartache/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/marriage/ reltag>marriage/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/existing/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3980 --> div idpost-3928 classpost-3928 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-travel tag-warmth> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/arrivals/ relbookmark>Arrivals/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/arrivals/ title8:25 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.08.05/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Cold-platform standing,br />silent tears, stingingbr />from the brisk walk-by of him,br />him, like the others;br />misuse-me menbr />that I’ve given my heart tobr />for a lifetime of years,br />without their understandingbr />or mine./p>p>I let them go by as they’ve pleased,br />giving each one many chances,br />this trip, another trip,br />always the same,br />while I try to bracebr />against the freezing breezebr />of their coattailsbr />blowing past me,/p>p>leaving me,br />holding my tattered sign,br />leaving me,br />shrinking back into my lonely,br />leaving me,br />disappearing in the bustling silencebr />of being ignored./p>p>There they gobr />greeting another,br />or heading off on their own,br />while I comfort myselfbr />that this is stillbr />the right place to wait./p>p>What kind of girl would I bebr />if I chased him or the others,br />insisting they open their heartsbr />to travel with me?/p>p>It isn’t the first timebr />I’ve waited this way,br />believing I’ll be seen,br />if I wait long enough,br />turning my backbr />on other arrivalsbr />clambering for my attention./p>p>I keep my hope warmbr />telling myself this time,br />like all the others,br />was just a cold miss./p>p>My hope has always kept mebr />standing there,br />until today,br />until now,br />until this very moment,br />when I realize how nearbr />to freezing I am./p>p>As I vigorously rub the frostbr />from my heartbr />my attention is drawnbr />and my eyes are wide-openedbr />to a blinding truthbr />that’s been waitingbr />a lifetime for me to see;/p>p>I haven’t foundbr />my fulfilling connection,br />because I’ve beenbr />standing on a platformbr />that only brings inbr />steely cold arrivals;/p>p>misuse-me menbr />like him, and the othersbr />it’s taken me until nowbr />to turn my back on,br />smart enough finallybr />to let them,br />and their coattailsbr />breeze by./p>p>I am pleased to arrivebr />at this truth,br />still strong enoughbr />to head offbr />on a trip of my own,br />where I imagine finding him,br />not like the others,br />him, a warm, loving manbr />who has waited his own lifetimebr />and stands ready to travelbr />with an open-hearted girl like me./p>p>~ cj 2013.08.05/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Farrivals%2F&titleArrivals titleBookmark this post : Arrivals on Delicious >img loadinglazy 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url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/travel/ reltag>travel/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/warmth/ reltag>warmth/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/arrivals/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3928 --> div idpost-3921 classpost-3921 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-music-2 tag-austin tag-essay-2 tag-music> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/music-in-austin/ relbookmark>Music In Austin/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/music-in-austin/ title4:51 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.08.05/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/IMG_6085-export1.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/IMG_6085-export1.jpg altIMG_6085-export width600 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-3923 />/a>/p>p>I love how, when he moved, he became a somewhat transparent figure in this picture, fleeting, temporary…while his music equipment and the insistent beat stayed solid. /p>p>It struck me how much this moment was so much like Austin as a whole. The individual people making the music are temporary, fleeting. They play here, and we enjoy them, but it’s an ever-changing scene. /p>p>Yet, from the time our love for music swelled to a vibrant crescendo in Austin, weaving its insistent beat through the present, and likely forward to a future we can’t yet see, the association between Austin and music will likely stay solid./p>p>~ cj 2013.08.05/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttp%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fmusic-in-austin%2F&titleMusic+In+Austin titleBookmark this post : Music In Austin on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a 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srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttp://cjromb.com/music-in-austin/feed titleFollow this post : Music In Austin comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/category/music-2/ relcategory tag>Music/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/austin/ reltag>austin/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/tag/music/ reltag>music/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/music-in-austin/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3921 --> div idpost-3888 classpost-3888 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-book tag-childhood tag-death tag-escape tag-essay-2 tag-healing tag-reading tag-symmetry> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-fearful-symmetry/ relbookmark>My Fearful Symmetry/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/my-fearful-symmetry/ title8:51 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.08.02/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttp://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I used to buy so many books, ignoring the “why-aren’t-you-normal” questions from my now ex-husband about what I was going to do with yet another potentially unread treasure crowding our shelves. /p>p>How could someone who’s lived such a different life from mine, ever understand how books gave my heart a home from the moment I knew they existed? I hid in them, discovered from them, absorbed and consumed them. /p>p>Late at night, I sought safety from the angry outbursts of my family, by hiding in my safe closet and reading the same books over and over in the bare bulb light. /p>p>My reading was one of the few things I did that was approved of, and I gladly lived adventurously through Little Women, Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew. They were brave, and when I lived through them, I was brave, too./p>p>I went from a voracious reader to someone who read very little in the past 3 years. Each time I tried to focus on someone else’s words, it ripped me apart or the words bounced off the page, so I gave up. Perhaps I couldn’t take anything new in, until the old was gone enough to make proper room. I knew I did not want another’s words to accidentally open any more painful flood gates. I had all I could handle struggling against drowning in the ones I’d opened on my own./p>p>But I hadn’t abandoned words and books altogether. When my world broke apart a few years ago, instead of purchasing and reading books, I rediscovered writing. And when I couldn’t stand the pain of that, or I’d said all I could say in some moment, I’d wander aimlessly through bookstores so I could still be surrounded by the comfort of words nestled between all those wonderful covers. /p>p>One day, I began taking pictures of the titles that jumped out at me, a habit which continued for quite a time. An author’s careful choice of phrase, intended to entice a reader to a story, often also succinctly described that moment in my life. It always surprised me how the perfect titles found me. And taking pictures of them created another diary of where I was on my journey. /p>p>I went to the bookstore and took those pictures for awhile, but then I stopped going altogether. Instead, I involuted almost completely into myself, filling all the bandwidth I had for words, with my own outgoing stream. As I prolifically wrote over the past several years, I’ve wondered many times when the words might stop pouring out long enough to let more in. It seemed it would never happen. But recently, it’s begun to slow, and I am grateful for the space of quiet this morning, where something new has finally found a way through my door./p>p>I’ve just spent three weeks in the northern U.S. I’d gone up there to see my grandma again, and while I was there, she passed away. I stayed on, and indulged in some beautiful scenery and a deep level of introspection. I didn’t think I’d reached any conclusions, and as I traveled back home, I didn’t think much had changed for me. But when I arrived, I walked in the door to find out that even though nothing had changed, everything had, because something was different in my heart. /p>p>For the first time in too long, I am cleaning up my life. And while I’m at it, I’m cleaning up my house, too. I’ve begun caring about it and the time I have left, in a way I haven’t for years. I am acting on all those plans I’ve dreamed up and blown off. /p>p>And I’ve begun to open my heart. It is still deeply wounded, but I can see it healing or forming finally into scars I can live with. I have the energy and strength to face forward now, but didn’t realize how much better I was doing until, to my surprise, I picked up a novel today for the first time in years. It was a novel sitting in a pile with others I’d also surprised myself by purchasing a few months ago./p>p>The novel is called em>Her Fearful Symmetry/em>, and it’s by Audrey Niffenegger. It is immediately poetic, and there is something in the way the author describes her characters that reminds me of how one of my very best friends describes people. He is conservative and meticulously precise with his words. He would be a brilliant writer, and would charm the world with his words, as he charmed me, if it was the life he chose. This endeared me to her style immediately, as if I’d just come home to something deeply and beautifully familiar./p>p>The book opens with a focus on Elspeth, who is dying of cancer at 44, leaving behind Robert, a man who loves her dearly. He adores her details, her quirks, her habits, yet as is often the case, he doesn’t really know her at all. /p>p>The author, through Robert, describes all the feelings I have actively swirling in my own head and heart about my grandma, my dad, and my mom dying. She accomplishes this fully, in only a few pages, completely revealing that nothing I’ve felt is unique or uncommon. Yet her words make me believe I’m special, for having a sensitive heart that recognizes what she’s saying is true. /p>p>And in just a few chapters, before the story has taken more than an hour of my time, she’s also already left me longing, ever so slightly, for a love in my life like Robert. Such an extraordinary fete in the face of my adamant refusal to consider getting involved with anyone. She’s made me imagine an infinitely human man who will treasure my complex details enough to hold them gently, while loving the whole of my heart enough to squeeze me fiercely, knowing I’m strong enough to take it…a man who loves like Robert loves Elspeth./p>p>In short, she gave all the correct words to feelings about death and love I haven’t been able to express on my own yet, despite all the writing I do and I’ve done. /p>p>No doubt the experiences I’ve had over the past three weeks, and the efforts I’ve finally been making since I returned, have contributed to my feeling of well-being today. But this wonderful book has already done more than its share to help me accept my feelings about the deaths of my family and my marriage, and at the same time has given my heart a little hope for the fanciful feeling of falling in love. /p>p>I am so happy to have reading back in my life, and I can’t wait to read the next chapter in em>Her Fearful Symmetry/em>. 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/marriage/ reltag>marriage/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/missing/ reltag>missing/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/spent-moments/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6199 --> div idpost-6190 classpost-6190 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-change tag-life tag-moving tag-sean tag-surreal> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/surreal/ relbookmark>Surreal/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/surreal/ title2:16 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2017.02.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>seeking,br />thinking,br />deciding,br />planning,/p>p>closing,br />discarding,br />selling,br />purging,/p>p>visiting,br />hugging,br />sharing,br />promising, /p>p>preparing,br />packing,br />loading,br />cleaning,/p>p>and thenbr />comes now…/p>p>filled withbr />nothing leftbr />undone. /p>p>so one last look,br />more hugsbr />goodbye. /p>p>then leaving,br />driving,br />moving on. /p>p>so real.br />surreal. /p>p>2017.02.15/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/change/ reltag>change/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/moving/ reltag>moving/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sean/ reltag>sean/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/surreal/ reltag>surreal/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/surreal/#comments>6 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6190 --> div idpost-6185 classpost-6185 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-intentions tag-personal-development tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/best-intentions/ relbookmark>Best Intentions/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/best-intentions/ title1:14 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2017.01.07/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>We are,br />each of us,br />exactlybr />who we are,br />in spite ofbr />ourselvesbr />and who webr />try so hardbr />to be. /p>p>~ cj 2016.01.05/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbest-intentions%2F&titleBest+Intentions titleBookmark this post : Best Intentions on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/intentions/ reltag>intentions/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/personal-development/ reltag>personal development/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/best-intentions/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6185 --> div idpost-6183 classpost-6183 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-childhood tag-cold tag-frozen tag-love tag-relationship tag-skylark> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/skylark/ relbookmark>Skylark/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/skylark/ title1:11 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2017.01.07/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I wonder if you rememberbr />with the warmth that I do,br />how you and the skylarkbr />never failed to savebr />my heart and mebr />from the frozen,br />pitch black winterbr />the rest of my world was. /p>p>~ cj 2017.01.07/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fskylark%2F&titleSkylark titleBookmark this post : Skylark on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/childhood/ reltag>childhood/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/cold/ reltag>cold/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/frozen/ reltag>frozen/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/skylark/ reltag>skylark/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/skylark/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6183 --> div idpost-6176 classpost-6176 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-chirping tag-crickets tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/live-crickets/ relbookmark>Live Crickets/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/live-crickets/ title5:26 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2016.12.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Fifteen cents for a live cricket, caught in a pet store cage with other chirping crickets./p>p>A live cricket, unwittingly doomed to being bought by someone who has that necessary fifteen cents, on behalf of a bigger creature caught in another cage, who’s going to eat that live chirping cricket./p>p>I wonder if, after the exchange of this pittance for their chirping bodies, those crickets get excited in their new brown paper bag home, believing they’re finally free./p>p>Fresh Air! Light! Not so much constant chirping!/p>p>I am almost overwhelmed by a deep urge to buy them all, and set them free outside./p>p>I immediately know what I’d say, as I watched them hop away./p>p>Live Crickets, Live!/p>p>But I don’t do it./p>p>It isn’t for fear they’d get eaten anyway, out in the wild, or get squashed on the highway of cars speeding by./p>p>I don’t do it, because then I’d feel to blame for the next batch of chirpers purchased to replace the ones I’d set free./p>p>I don’t want to be part of that cycle, so I turn away./p>p>Just then, I hear a woman ask for some of those fifteen cent live chirping crickets. The woman’s daughter starts up her own chirping about the hungry snake caged at home waiting./p>p>I turn around, and whisper quite loudly “Live Crickets, Live!”, and wonder if they can hear me over everyone’s chirping./p>p>And then, instead of setting them free, I only set myself free, hoping I’m not unwittingly doomed like they are, to being eaten by something bigger, or squashed on the highway ahead./p>p>What else can I do? I settle for writing this, wondering again if anyone can hear me over everyone’s chirping./p>p>~ cj 2016.12.22/23/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Flive-crickets%2F&titleLive+Crickets titleBookmark this post : Live Crickets on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/chirping/ reltag>chirping/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/crickets/ reltag>crickets/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/live-crickets/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6176 --> div idpost-6174 classpost-6174 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-love tag-mistake tag-relationships tag-soulmate> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/mistaken-identity/ relbookmark>Mistaken Identity/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/mistaken-identity/ title4:57 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2016.12.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>You thought that I’d found my soulmate.br />My whole heart believed I had, too.br />But then you chose another,br />so I had to let gobr />of believing my soulmatebr />was you./p>p>~ cj 2016.12.23/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fmistaken-identity%2F&titleMistaken+Identity titleBookmark this post : Mistaken Identity on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/mistake/ reltag>mistake/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/soulmate/ reltag>soulmate/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/mistaken-identity/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6174 --> div idpost-6153 classpost-6153 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-writing> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/answers-questions/ relbookmark>Answers & Questions/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/answers-questions/ title7:32 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2016.09.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Every time you’ve come intobr />and exited my life,br />I’m left standingbr />at the freshly-locked doorbr />stunned and filledbr />with no answersbr />to any of my questions/p>p>you come close, get yours, then leavebr />while I stand open-mouthedbr />your words, my questionsbr />and my inevitable tearsbr />competing to choke me/p>p>this time, thoughbr />without an answer from youbr />i have all the answersbr />to any question i ever had/p>p>2016.09.15/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fanswers-questions%2F&titleAnswers+and+Questions titleBookmark this post : Answers & 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srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div> /div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>span>Comments Offspan classscreen-reader-text> on Answers & Questions/span>/span>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6153 --> div idpost-6136 classpost-6136 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-essay-2 tag-life tag-love tag-meaning> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-love/ relbookmark>I Love/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-love/ title11:45 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2016.01.11/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I chose, on purpose, during my darkest times, that love was the path I wanted to travel./p>p>I’ve chosen this over and over, even though choosing that wasn’t always easy. I knew how hard it would be. I knew I would lose as often or even more often, than I won./p>p>But I spent too much of my life around others who didn’t risk, who lived in fear, who didn’t know how to love./p>p>They were in constant pain, too. They weren’t avoiding pain by choosing to wall their hearts off. They just suffered another kind of constant pain, without any of the joy that love brings./p>p>I love with my whole heart, and when the love ends, no matter the reason it ends, I’m devastated with my whole heart, too./p>p>I just sink into both of them fully. There is a gift and a beauty in both the love and the pain./p>p>I wouldn’t want to live my life any other way, even when the moments of loss and pain make me feel like my heart is being ripped out./p>p>The moments of joy, and the amazing warmth of connection carry me through to the other side of my darkest moments, when I can reopen myself to new love again./p>p>And that love I lost? Those memories? They are still in my heart, waiting for me to heal, so I can enjoy them./p>p>Eventually the pain those memories bring up at first, gets replaced by the warm glow of the beauty they held when I was part of their moments./p>p>I want to look back on my life and no matter what else has happened and no matter what else I’ve done or not done, I want to be able to say “I loved deeply, and I was loved in return.”/p>p>~ cj 2016.01.11/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fi-love%2F&titleI+Love titleBookmark this post : I Love on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span 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height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-love/feed titleFollow this post : I Love comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div> /div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/meaning/ reltag>meaning/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-love/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6136 --> div idpost-6132 classpost-6132 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry tag-dear tag-death tag-love tag-missing tag-photo tag-poetry-2 tag-sophie-sue> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/torn/ relbookmark>Torn/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/torn/ title2:42 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2016.01.05/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/image.jpeg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/image-1024x1024.jpeg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6133 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/image-1024x1024.jpeg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/image-150x150.jpeg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/image-300x300.jpeg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>Torn in twobr />missing you. /p>p>~ cj 2016.01.05/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Ftorn%2F&titleTorn titleBookmark this post : Torn on 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stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttps://cjromb.com/torn/feed titleFollow this post : Torn comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div> /div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/dear/ reltag>dear/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/death/ reltag>death/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/missing/ reltag>missing/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photo/ reltag>photo/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sophie-sue/ reltag>sophie sue/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>span>Comments Offspan classscreen-reader-text> on Torn/span>/span>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6132 --> div idpost-6114 classpost-6114 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-poetry tag-flowers tag-heartbreak tag-love tag-moon tag-photos tag-poetry-2 tag-sophie tag-sunsets tag-time> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/heartbreak/ relbookmark>Heartbreak/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/heartbreak/ title11:26 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.12.11/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image.jpeg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image-1024x1024.jpeg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6116 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image-1024x1024.jpeg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image-150x150.jpeg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image-300x300.jpeg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>br />The greatest heartbreak of my life is thatbr />no matter how much time I am givenbr />to love what I love,br />it will never,br />can neverbr />be enough. /p>p>~ cj 2015.12.10/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1.jpeg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1-1024x1024.jpeg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6117 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1-1024x1024.jpeg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1-150x150.jpeg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1-300x300.jpeg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image1.jpeg 1080w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image2.jpeg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/image2-1024x1024.jpeg altimage width640 height640 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classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div> /div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/flowers/ reltag>flowers/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/moon/ reltag>moon/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photos/ reltag>photos/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sophie/ reltag>sophie/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sunsets/ reltag>sunsets/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/time/ reltag>time/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/heartbreak/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6114 --> div idpost-6151 classpost-6151 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-writing> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/goldilocks-and-the-three-heartbreaks/ relbookmark>Goldilocks and the three Heartbreaks/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/goldilocks-and-the-three-heartbreaks/ title4:55 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.09.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>One kind of heartbreak hurts so much I can’t see through my tears to write about itbr>Another kind of heartbreak isn’t worth the botherbr>The third kind of heartbreak is just the right amount to drive me straight to my paper with pen.br>Here I ambr>with my pour-age/p>p>2016.09.15/p>p>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fgoldilocks-and-the-three-heartbreaks%2F&titleGoldilocks+and+the+three+Heartbreaks titleBookmark this post : Goldilocks and the three Heartbreaks on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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title11:05 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.08.24/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I haven’t lived here in a long time./p>p>I *strong>haven’t/strong>* lived here in a long time.br />I haven’t lived here in a *strong>long time/strong>*. br />I haven’t lived *strong>here/strong>* in a long time.br />I haven’t *strong>lived/strong>* here in a long time.br />*strong>I/strong>* haven’t lived here in a long time.br />*strong>I haven’t lived here in a long time/strong>.*/p>p>I want to live where I am for a long time./p>p>I want to *strong>live/strong>* where I am for a long time.br />I *strong>want/strong>* to live where I am for a long time.br />I want to live *strong>where I am/strong>* for a long time.br />I want to live where I am for a *strong>long time/strong>*.br />*strong>I want to live/strong>* where I am for a long time.br />*strong>I want to live where I am for a long time/strong>.*/p>p>I haven’t lived for a long time,br />but I’ve wanted tobr />want to livebr />where I ambr />for a long time. /p>p>~ cj 2015.08.24/p>p>em>“You will always have some excuse not to live your life.”/p>p> –Chuck Palahniuk/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fwant-to-live%2F&titleWant+To+Live titleBookmark this post : Want To Live on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/rebuilding/ reltag>rebuilding/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/transition/ reltag>transition/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/want-to-live/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6097 --> div idpost-6087 classpost-6087 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-fear tag-love tag-mac tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/inside-me/ relbookmark>Inside Me/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/inside-me/ title10:16 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.08.18/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/image-1024x1024.jpg altPowder Mill Pond width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6091 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/image-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/image-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/image-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>div>When I am filledbr />with the largenessbr />and largessebr />of you,/p>p>intense,br />in my space,br />inside,/p>p>not even the skinniestbr />whisper of a space remainsbr />anywhere in mebr />for the fire of my fear,br />or the smoky smolderingbr />shadow of my doubt. /p>p>~ cj 2015.08.18/p>/div>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Finside-me%2F&titleInside+Me titleBookmark this post : Inside Me on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/fear/ reltag>fear/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/mac/ reltag>mac/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/inside-me/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6087 --> div idpost-6073 classpost-6073 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry tag-dream tag-heartbreak tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-storm> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/storm/ relbookmark>Storm/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/storm/ title12:38 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.07.12/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/image-683x1024.jpg altimage width640 height960 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6076 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/image-683x1024.jpg 683w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/image-200x300.jpg 200w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/image.jpg 1080w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>div>A bad dreambr />woke me this morning./p>p>In it,br />you announced,br />without yourbr />“hey there”br />kind warmth,/p>p>“We need to talk.” /p>p>My fear froze me,br />and my pounding heartbr />held me stillbr />in a placebr />I never want to be,br />listeningbr />to a strangerbr />dressed up as you. /p>p>The clouds that explodedbr />in the air behind your wordsbr />blackened my sky,br />and struck with suchbr />blinding forcebr />that it threwbr />my whole beingbr />helplessly forward, /p>p>bringing with itbr />the small miraclebr />of breaking mybr />fear frozen spell. /p>p>Once I wasbr />the smallest bit free,br />I fled to a placebr />where I hopedbr />this new stranger,br />full of swirling words,br />wouldn’t destroybr />what remained of me. /p>p>That’s where Ibr />found myself,br />wrapped in thebr />broken-hearted morningbr />of dream-damaged awake,br />a shaking survivorbr />of a violent fear storm. /p>p>~ cj 2015.07.12/p>/div>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fstorm%2F&titleStorm titleBookmark this post : Storm on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent 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post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/dream/ reltag>dream/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/storm/ reltag>storm/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/storm/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6073 --> div idpost-6056 classpost-6056 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-long-distance tag-love tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship-status tag-sunrise> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/glorious/ relbookmark>Glorious Hope/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/glorious/ title1:42 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.06.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/image-1024x683.jpg altimage width640 height427 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6057 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/image-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/image-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/image.jpg 1500w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>br />The sun still rosebr />on the day he and Ibr />had to say goodbye,br />confusing me. /p>p>She must not have seenbr />the painful stormbr />raging in my heart,br />or she would have hiddenbr />her shining facebr />behind blistery,br />broken-hearted clouds. /p>p>Or maybe she exactly knew,br />and showed up to remind mebr />that hope of a glorious dawnbr />was still fully alive…/p>p>…the kind that will fill the skybr />with all the colors of heart warmth,br />lighting every morningbr />of a life of daysbr />when he and I don’t havebr />to say goodbye anymore. /p>p>~ cj 2015.06.21/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fglorious%2F&titleGlorious+Hope titleBookmark this post : Glorious Hope on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/long-distance/ reltag>long distance/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship-status/ reltag>relationship status/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sunrise/ reltag>sunrise/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/glorious/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6056 --> div idpost-6048 classpost-6048 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-independence tag-limbo tag-love tag-need tag-poetry-2 tag-waiting> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/waiting/ relbookmark>Waiting/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/waiting/ title4:45 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.06.17/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Waitingbr />for no onebr />to come home./p>p>~ cj 2015.06.16/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/waiting-for-no-one.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync 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titleFollow this post : Waiting comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/independence/ reltag>independence/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/limbo/ reltag>limbo/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/need/ reltag>need/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/waiting/ reltag>waiting/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/waiting/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6048 --> div idpost-6036 classpost-6036 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-sky tag-sunset> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/witness/ relbookmark>Witness/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/witness/ title5:23 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.05.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150409-IMG_0518.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150409-IMG_0518-1024x1024.jpg alt20150409-IMG_0518 width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6038 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150409-IMG_0518-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150409-IMG_0518-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150409-IMG_0518-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>br />I would achebr />if a daybr />slipped into nightbr />without notice./p>p>So here I standbr />at the ready,br />hoping I ambr />prepared enoughbr />to bear witness forbr />whatever,br />if anything,br />appears./p>p>Always,br />almost always,br />I am delightedbr />by the sky’sbr />gifts of unique./p>p>Over,br />daily over,br />I acceptbr />that I will neverbr />fully capturebr />the glory,br />especially notbr />at days’ endings./p>p>How can I,br />when the world,br />my whole worldbr />so oftenbr />gets filled to the brimbr />with stunningly coloredbr />delicious magnificence?/p>p>But I must try.br />I am drawn,br />compelledbr />from my core./p>p>So here I am,br />my eye to my lens,br />waiting,br />patiently waiting,br />determined to dobr />my humble best./p>p>And then?br />The sun!br />There it is,br />burning throughbr />thick darkness,br />a force of fiery,br />a last momentbr />sneak appearance./p>p>Unstoppable brilliance,br />radiantly rallyingbr />before it hunkers downbr />under a goodnightbr />horizon./p>p>As I capturebr />whatever I can,br />my breath draws in sharply,br />and I am filled again,br />yet again,br />forever again,br />with the giddy wonderbr />of bearing witness tobr />such exquisitebr />gloriousbr />gorgeous./p>p>~ cj 2015.05.21/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150513-DSC_7716.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sky/ reltag>sky/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sunset/ reltag>sunset/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/witness/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6036 --> div idpost-6016 classpost-6016 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-frost tag-poetry-2 tag-words> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-poem-begins/ relbookmark>A Poem Begins/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-poem-begins/ title1:04 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.04.13/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a poem begins as a sensebr />of something off kilter,br />a moment bursting withbr />lost and confused,br />a deep need to havebr />some unfleshedbr />and often painful saybr />that my voice doesn’t darebr />speak out loud. /p>p>the words force their waybr />from my fingertips,br />tumbling out of hiding,br />immediate, insistent,br />jostling for position,br />organizing themselves as they go,br />until they are eachbr />satisfied with where they’ve lined up,br />and proud of what they stand forbr />in community with the others. /p>p>my eyes are compelled to read thembr />over and over,br />until I cannot missbr />what I was missing,br />until I’m worn out with so much morebr />than enough of my feelings,br />until the peace of knowingbr />they’ve done their bestbr />settles in./p>p>Then I leave them behindbr />to speak in my steadbr />so I can returnbr />to breathing again…/p>p>…until a poem begins./p>p>~ cj 2015.04.13/p>p>em>Inspired by this quote from Robert Frost/em>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/IMG_8201.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/IMG_8201.jpg altIMG_8201 width640 height471 classalignleft size-full wp-image-6017 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/IMG_8201.jpg 640w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/IMG_8201-300x221.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fa-poem-begins%2F&titleA+Poem+Begins titleBookmark this post : A Poem Begins 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classpost-6003 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry tag-breakup tag-endings tag-goodbye tag-heartache tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships tag-sunsets> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-magic-is-gone/ relbookmark>The Magic is Gone/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-magic-is-gone/ title12:40 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.04.12/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05181.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05181-1024x1024.jpg alt20150409-IMG_0518 width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6009 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05181-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05181-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05181-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>my breath catchesbr />behind the risingbr />lump in my throatbr />choking off allbr />my best words,br />leaving them stuckbr />and flailingbr />for air./p>p>I am helplessbr />to do anythingbr />but blurt and stammerbr />and spit outbr />the few that remain.br />And when they run out,br />I re-queue and repeatbr />them again./p>p>I struggle to thinkbr />on my feet,br />to movebr />and reach,br />trying my bestbr />to hold onbr />to every lastbr />meaningful thread./p>p>But there’s morebr />weighing on mebr />than I have strengthbr />to carry.br />I feel my kneesbr />fail my legs,br />and threaten tobr />buckle./p>p>All that gorgeous lightbr />fades so quicklybr />I have barely the timebr />to gasp and tear up./p>p>I utter wordsbr />I hope I never recall,br />and sink downbr />where I stood strongbr />just a sunset before./p>p>Then it ends,br />the magic is gone,br />and the darkbr />muscles in./p>p>~ cj 2015.04.12/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_0528.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_0528-1024x1024.jpg alt20150409-IMG_0528 width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-6010 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_0528-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_0528-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_0528-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05391.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/20150409-IMG_05391-1024x1024.jpg 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.entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/endings/ reltag>endings/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/goodbye/ reltag>goodbye/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartache/ reltag>heartache/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sunsets/ reltag>sunsets/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-magic-is-gone/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-6003 --> div idpost-5977 classpost-5977 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-21-and-done category-mm category-poetry tag-breakup tag-healing tag-heartache tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-miracle-of-healing/ relbookmark>The Miracle of Healing/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-miracle-of-healing/ title8:01 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.04.03/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I have to lookbr />quite closely nowbr />to find the seambr />where you carelesslybr />cut me to the bone./p>p>You cracked me wide open,br />letting my guts spill out,br />exposed to your toxic dirt./p>p>Still hungrybr />to hurt me,br />your greedy handbr />reached in to grabbr />what remainedbr />of my heartbr />nearly ripping it outbr />of my tender chest./p>p>Finally,br />somehow finished,br />you left me for deadbr />and sauntered off,br />seeking others./p>p>And although it tookbr />more than a littlebr />sweet time to heal,br />I’ve grown back together,br />stronger from your wounding./p>p>So here I am,br />alive and bursting with well,br />bearing eager witness tobr />the precious joy I foundbr />on my journeybr />back to life./p>p>Your poisonous selfishbr />no longer infects me,br />and finally,br />freely,br />I can feel lovebr />in another’s touch,br />without beingbr />painfully sensitive./p>p>Only a tinybr />pink ribbonbr />scarbr />remains./p>p>And sometimes,br />like today,br />it itches,br />but I am not bothered./p>p>Instead, I smile,br />and remember learningbr />as a little girlbr />that itching is just part ofbr />the miracle of healing./p>p>~ cj 2015.04.03/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fthe-miracle-of-healing%2F&titleThe+Miracle+of+Healing titleBookmark this post : The Miracle of Healing on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/21-and-done/ relcategory tag>21 And Done/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/healing/ reltag>healing/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartache/ reltag>heartache/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-miracle-of-healing/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5977 --> div idpost-5985 classpost-5985 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-breakup tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/take-good-care/ relbookmark>Take Good Care/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/take-good-care/ title7:03 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.04.03/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Take Good Care,br />I told you,/p>p>and I left,/p>p>becausebr />your heartbr />wasn’t there,/p>p>and you didn’tbr />take good carebr />of minebr />when it was./p>p>~ cj 2015.04.03/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/take-good-care/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5985 --> div idpost-5959 classpost-5959 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-hands tag-head tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-plea-from-management/ relbookmark>A Plea From Management/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-plea-from-management/ title4:54 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.03.30/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Dear heartbr />what are you feeling,br />that you’d beat my chestbr />with your fists like that,br />when he has yet to kiss me? /p>p>And oh my,br />then there’s you,br />Miss busy brain.br />I thought at least you’dbr />have some sense,br />but ’tis not appearingbr />even close to the case. /p>p>Instead you’ve spent daysbr />overheating your space,br />whirring and stirring thoughtsbr />of all he and I could dobr />and might be,br />as if you had some rightbr />to knock me off my own feetbr />like this,br />so soon,br />and without fair warning./p>p>I see how the two of youbr />have dragged the rest of mebr />unwittingly along,br />when I wasn’t looking. /p>p>Today I discoveredbr />you’d given me awaybr />through my eyes,br />making them spill overbr />with missing him tears,br />when we hung up the phone.br />Why would you do this to me?br />I’ve only been nearbr />the kindness in his eyesbr />a few times. /p>p>My eyes aren’t the only part of mebr />you’ve got under your spell,br />my heart and head.br />You’ve tingled my spine,br />and you’ve made my ears ring, too.br />Did you think I wouldn’t notice? /p>p>And more than once you’ve warmed,br />well,br />the two of you know quite wellbr />what you’ve warmed.br />And now that I’ve brought it up,br />you shrug my shoulders,br />and turn my cheeksbr />a blush bright shade of pink? /p>p>Since he showed up at my door,br />a momentary guestbr />meant to be herebr />for only a week,br />you’ve let my face,br />without a bit of restraint,br />nearly split from all thisbr />non-stop grinning./p>p>You started thisbr />while he was herebr />and you haven’t let up a bit,br />having a raucous partybr />laughing yourselves sillybr />when he calls./p>p>Where are you going?br />I’m not done talking to you yet.br />There’s more I needbr />to get off my chest./p>p>Once my palms got slightly sweaty;br />and I know you’re the ones behindbr />making my legs go rubbery weakbr />when he softly said goodbyebr />the other day./p>p>And heart,br />don’t be coy.br />I can see you trying to tripbr />my head into fallingbr />over my heels. /p>p>But then, worst of all?br />You’ve opened my mouthbr />and removed every filterbr />I had in place,br />leaving my words to spillbr />into his earsbr />nearly unhindered,br />wide open exposingbr />who I ambr />and what I already feelbr />for him. /p>p>Were you trying to be clever?br />Or are you really thisbr />hopelessly high school? /p>p>I’m wise to the two of you,br />and I’m begging youbr />to just settle down.br />I’d like to point out,br />in case you hadn’t noticed,br />that he doesn’t live here,br />and, like us,br />he’s starting life over. /p>p>There is no need tobr />overwhelm me,br />you two./p>p>Hm./p>p>I see./p>p>There’s no use in mebr />wasting my breath on you,br />is there./p>p>The evidencebr />proves quite clearlybr />that I’m not getting throughbr />to either one of you./p>p>It’s abundantly apparentbr />that neither of you carebr />a single witbr />that I’ve only just met him./p>p>How can I tellbr />you’re ignoring my pleas,br />my reckless heartbr />and defiant mind? /p>p>Because just now,br />while I’m pleading with youbr />to show some restraintbr />and take care of me,br />you mocked my authoritybr />by making my handsbr />write this poem. /p>p>~ cj 2015.03.26/30/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fa-plea-from-management%2F&titleA+Plea+From+Management titleBookmark this post : A Plea From Management on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/hands/ reltag>hands/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/head/ reltag>head/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-plea-from-management/#comments>6 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5959 --> div idpost-5942 classpost-5942 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-breakups tag-memories tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-will-miss/ relbookmark>I Will Miss/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-will-miss/ title1:10 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.02.25/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I will miss/p>p>The hikes that would have left us breathless,br />under the dark skies our eyes would have adjusted to;br />the planes we might have boarded,br />to exciting destinations eagerly awaiting our arrival. /p>p>I’ll missbr />the pictures we wanted to shoot,br />the music we’d listen and dance to,br />and all those wonderful things we were going tobr />learn from,br />and were excited to teach, each other./p>p>And, too, I’ll missbr />the holidays we would have shared,br />with our families,br />who would have met;/p>p>the delicious meals we wanted to cook for,br />and the treats we wanted to feed to, the other. /p>p>There will be silencebr />instead of the laughsbr />we’d have shared,br />and for sure would have treasured. /p>p>What funbr />all those blue skies,br />gorgeous sunsets,br />and sometimes stormy weather…br />cool summer swimsbr />and hot fires…br />oh what fun that all would have been. /p>p>I already missbr />the tantalizing tendernessbr />that was going to tingle our skin,br />and the rest of each other’s bodiesbr />we were eager to explore. /p>p>I’ve missed outbr />on the glancesbr />we’d have sharedbr />as we fell in love…/p>p>…all that giddy fun ofbr />the future we might have had,br />on the promise of a ridebr />you wanted me to just get onbr />and go with…/p>p>I will miss all of whatbr />could have beenbr />because of what happened instead. /p>p>And that I will not miss./p>p>~ cj 2015.02.25/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/breakups/ reltag>breakups/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/memories/ reltag>memories/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-will-miss/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5942 --> div idpost-5932 classpost-5932 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-21-and-done category-mm category-poetry tag-breakup tag-dignity tag-heartbreak tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships tag-self-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/never-ever/ relbookmark>Never Ever/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/never-ever/ title9:50 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.02.18/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>No one gets tobr />treat mebr />like you did,br />again,br />and over again. /p>p>Not even,br />especially not,br />never, ever again,br />you./p>p>~ cj 2015.02.18 /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/image.jpg altimage width500 height371 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5936 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/image.jpg 500w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/image-300x222.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px />/a>/p>div classshareinpost>ul 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p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/unknown.png>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/unknown.png altSublime width640 height640 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5928 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/unknown.png 640w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/unknown-150x150.png 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/unknown-300x300.png 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>Sublimebr />transportsbr />the night timebr />on criss-cross clouds,br />to a pastel platformbr />of peachy pink,/p>p>suspending timebr />for justbr />a momentbr />to gather the sunbr />and leave darknessbr />where I stand waiting, /p>p>anticipating it’sbr />serenely blushingbr />arrival, /p>p>both of us innocent,br />hopefulbr />of what is yet to be. /p>p>~ cj 2015.02.15/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sunset/ reltag>sunset/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/sublime/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5927 --> div idpost-5904 classpost-5904 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-music-2 category-poetry tag-music tag-piano tag-poetry-2 tag-sigh> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/sigh/ relbookmark>Sigh/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/sigh/ title2:12 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.02.05/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I sigh when I’m soothed,br />so softly satisfied. /p>p>I sigh, pulling inbr />needed breathbr />to ready for what’s next. /p>p>Or I sighbr />to shake awaybr />what I don’t need anymore,br />and maybe justbr />never did./p>p>I sigh when I’m smiling;br />I sigh when I’m resigned to my tears. /p>p>I sigh,br />tip over,br />sink into,br />just where I am./p>p>My sigh createsbr />space,br />a span,br />a breath,br />an expansion of time;br />a way to have a tad longer threadbr />to the moment I don’t want to let go,br />or to give me the air to push forward./p>p>Sometimes when I sigh,br />my lungs fill with beliefbr />that it’s exhaled from me for one reason.br />But when the sigh passes,br />and I breathe to the next,br />I see it was about somethingbr />quite contrary else./p>p>Often I sigh when I am out enjoying the sky.br />And perhaps I am only indulging in fancy,br />but there are moments my whole beingbr />feels the sky sighing with me./p>p>I am not sure why I’m sighing now.br />But whatever the next moment brings,br />I will be grateful for the sighbr />that gathered the breath of this one./p>p>~ cj 2015.02.05/p>p>This is just the inkling of a beginning of a new song./p>p>iframe loadinglazy width100% height450 scrollingno frameborderno srchttps://w.soundcloud.com/player?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F189657099&visualtrue&auto_playfalse&hide_relatedfalse&show_commentstrue&show_usertrue&show_repostsfalse>/iframe>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fsigh%2F&titleSigh titleBookmark this post : Sigh on Delicious >img loadinglazy 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#post-5904 --> div idpost-5895 classpost-5895 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-dancing tag-fear tag-life tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/far-better/ relbookmark>Far Better/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/far-better/ title3:04 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.01.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Far better it isbr />to trip and fall,br />then to feed fearbr />all your strength,br />leaving you too weakbr />to try dancingbr />to the music at all./p>p>~ cj 2015.01.21/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Ffar-better%2F&titleFar+Better titleBookmark this 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classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/dancing/ reltag>dancing/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/fear/ reltag>fear/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/far-better/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5895 --> div idpost-5879 classpost-5879 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-dogs tag-essay-2 tag-heartbreak tag-master tag-pain tag-sophie> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-am-her-master/ relbookmark>I Am Her Master/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-am-her-master/ title11:31 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2015.01.06/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>This isn’t a poem. It’s not even an essay, really. I haven’t written much lately, because I knew if I did, my tears would cloud my vision, and my whole chest would clench into a ball. I knew it would hurt to breathe, and I would hate the moments I spent doing it. It’s a good thing I don’t have to see to type, because I was right about how I would feel; I was spot on about what would happen if I opened up and let this out./p>p>I have been struggling for awhile over sweet Sophie Sue, my doggie. She’s been struggling ever since she was attacked by my other dog, Maggie. I ended up putting Maggie to sleep. Maggie’d had several strokes. She’d also gone blind and deaf. She’d been growling for a few weeks, and I will forever regret that I didn’t realize something was amiss sooner, before she did something horrible to Sophie Sue./p>p>I will admit, Maggie was always a troubled animal. I will also admit, that a selfish part of me felt like I gave her a good life in spite of it, and now I felt like Sophie and I deserved to just be able to hang out together, without all that trouble. /p>p>I had no idea what was in store for me, or for Sophie. It’s been a helluva ride. She got infected, her immune system went into overdrive, the sedation made underlying kidney disease bloom out in the open, she got constipated, and got an enema that made her poop blood for a week. She stopped eating, she was shaking and limping. Her veins started collapsing from too many IVs. I almost lost her; I came so very close. But then? I didn’t./p>p>Her kidney’s are failing, and no one knows how long she has. But she’s finally a little stable now, and certainly doing much better than she was. Her kidney blood numbers aren’t in normal range, but they’re better. I have no idea if this will go on for a day or a week or a few months. My world has narrowed to my daily care of her; pills and subcutaneous fluid…making sure she gets up, moves around, goes out, and enjoys when she’s awake. /p>p>It’s given me a lot of time to reflect, and staying here, hunkered down, has given me time to really get things in order for whatever is next in my life. I didn’t make next year’s plan at the end of the year like I usually do, because how can I? Should I plan based on having her? Or plan based on her being gone? /p>p>This situation has been a priceless lesson in appreciating limbo, in staying present to the moments I have. But still, my heart is broken, and I don’t want to think about what’s next. /p>p>This crisis also caused me to focus on my connections with others. It’s made me see clearly who’s in my corner, and who’s not. In the middle of all this, I leaned on someone I really needed to lean on, someone I considered close and important to me…only to discover in a way I could no longer ignore, how fragile the connection was – it couldn’t at all take the weight of my leaning./p>p>So in the end, on Christmas of all days, I decided to just step away from that person, letting the whole situation go the way it had been trying to go for awhile. I thought letting go would cause me paralyzing pain for awhile, but if there’s any blessing at all in this trying time, it’s that I was already in so much pain, it didn’t matter if I had to take on more. I’ve been so consumed with Sophie, and then so busy getting my life in some kind of moving-forward order, that I haven’t had the heart or head space to pay front and center attention to that situation or that pain. So by the time I’m through aching from all this, and through the other changes I’m making right now, I’m pretty sure I’ll be past mourning for the loss of that connection, too. It’s already been far easier to stay clear of than I’d imagined it would be, and I’m already feeling like I’ve dodged a bit of a pretty sure bullet by letting it implode when it did./p>p>So…back to the real content of this post…I haven’t been writing, because the pain of all this has been so intense that I’ve been running to my piano to soothe me instead./p>p>A few days ago, though, my vet said something to me that rattled me, unexpectedly, to my core. She said “Sophie sure is lucky to have you.” And since then, I can’t stop thinking: “Is she?”/p>p>And for SURE I didn’t want to write about that, but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep it in. I could feel it bubbling and oozing under the surface. I also knew writing about it wasn’t going to change a thing about it for me. In fact, the black and white of writing, has torn yet another piece off my already ripped up heart. I can’t focus on it, or let myself feel it fully enough to write a carefully crafted poem or essay, so this is what I’m putting out instead, and at least I’ve started getting it out./p>p>I hope you know, too, that I am always so grateful for those of you who take the time to read what I’m thinking about and sharing here, especially now./p>p>**********************************br />I am my doggie’s master. I own Sophie Sue. I’m in charge, in every meaningful way, of what happens to her each day, of what she eats, what medicine she takes, and what she does. I choose where she goes. Wittingly or un, I choose how much pain she tolerates, and for how long. My choices determine how safe she is in my car, my yard, my house, around other animals or people. /p>p>I have a good deal of power over how long she lives. I am in charge of choosing to put her to sleep or of choosing to keep her alive until nature makes that irreversible decision for me. She doesn’t get to decide anything much at all about her life, other than basic instinctual responses. /p>p>The truth is, I’ve always harbored some small delusion in the back of my head that somehow Sophie had chosen to be here, has picked me out as her special person, has graced me with her beautiful presence, when she could have graced another. That isn’t true, though, and I know it. I bought her; that’s why I have her. I bought her, after the breeder took her back from the people she’d originally sold her to. And she would have been the same with anyone else as she is with me, if they treated her well. I’ve always felt so honored to have her, but the truth is, she doesn’t have the ability to go anywhere, and she never has. She has to stay with me, because I own her. I am her master. /p>p>It doesn’t feel right to have power over another creature, especially now, and especially over her. /p>p>I’ve had many moments during her life when I’ve felt un-redeemably horrible about the things she’s had to bear because of my other dog’s attacks, and because of her immune disorder. I haven’t felt worthy many times, of having her in my life like I do./p>p>It hurts that I can’t ask her what she wants, or get her to tell me how she feels. I have to guess when it’s not clear. It aches every single moment when I know for sure she’s hurting. I can’t avert my eyes, I can’t avert my thoughts. When her ears are pulled back, or she limps, my mind, my heart, go to dark places of empathetic pain. The deepest parts of my heart drown in remorse-filled guilt over everything I’ve done wrong by accident or ignorance; guilt and pain I can’t shake when I’m awake or when I’m asleep. /p>p>I lose sleep worrying about each moment I can’t tell how she is. I constantly twist the worry over that big final decision I’m terrified I’ll have to make, into knots that torture my stomach. I let it grow so much mass that it turns into rocks weighing down my heart. It is so loud, that it threatens to drown out the joy of the moments I do have with her, and I have to constantly guard against it. /p>p>Should I let her go? I can’t make myself stop thinking about it. Why am I doing this to her? Am I “doing” something bad to her? And why can’t I stop thinking like this either?/p>p>I monitor everything she does. Is she wagging her tail? Sitting up in the car? Snuffling the bushes? Snoring without shaking? Is she having a good enough day today? She’s sleeping a lot more, and participating in her life a lot less. /p>p>Is she just going through a rough patch the past few months because of her age and all she’s been through recently? A rough patch she’ll come through if I’m patient? /p>p>After the vet said this, it crossed my mind that even if she comes through it, it’s not like she’s going to get to the other side of it, and exclaim “Wow, Mom, thank you for sticking with me! It was all worth the trouble!” She doesn’t get the reward for dealing with this. /p>p>I do. /p>p>Only me. /p>p>All me. /p>p>Two days ago, this hit me with a pummeling force. Glaring, brutal recognition came crashing in on me, and I can’t stop thinking about it. /p>p>This is for me. /p>p>What I’m doing to her, what she’s going through. /p>p>It’s for me./p>p>Not her. /p>p>What does she get for this? She gets to exist. But then my cruel brain reminds me that she doesn’t care if she exists. She doesn’t know. She is who she is each moment, because that’s just who she is. The beauty of her is how zen to the moment she is. She doesn’t plan or regret. She doesn’t set intention or have goals. She just has instincts. She exists. Until she doesn’t. And she doesn’t care when ceasing to exist happens, because she doesn’t understand what it means to exist. She just does it./p>p>When she wants the window down in my car, she paws the door, and it goes down. When she wants to pee, she goes outside. When she wants to be pet, she paws me. When she wants a door open, she paws the door. She eats when she’s hungry, and poops when it’s gone through her system. She doesn’t think about how her morning was. She doesn’t reflect on a particularly good bit of steak she just ate. /p>p>She’s not aware of yesterday or tomorrow. She’s not even really in touch with today. And she doesn’t care if she stops being here tomorrow or 3 months from now, at midday on a Tuesday. She simply cannot care./p>p>But I can. And I do. Desperately./p>p>I don’t know what to do about how I feel; I want her. I want her here. For me. She is my woobie, my buddy, my pal, my company in my silent house. I want to pet her and snuggle her and hang out with her and listen to her snore and hold onto her tail when she’s in the seat next to me, and see her round the corner looking for me. I want to look in her beautiful brown eyes, and laugh at where she sticks her face or how her ear curls against her little bed basket. /p>p>I want to take photos so I never forget, and she never leaves my sight. I want to post photos of her so my friends smile, and take her places so strangers smile. I want to see her wag her tail. I want to experience her looking for and finding me…and then plopping down nearby./p>p>I’m the one who will know if she isn’t here. I’m the one who will miss her with my whole broken heart. The quality of my life will be significantly reduced without her tail wagging and her sweet snoring and her soft snuggly heart-filled body covered in fur./p>p>As it turns out, I will do a lot to keep her in my life. I will take her to the vet nearly every day for almost 2 months. I will give her pills, and IVs and subcutaneous fluid. I will cook her lamb, and hamburger and noodles and rice. I will get her fajita meat and play-doh cookies. I will buy her a coat and diapers and training pads. I will make sure a heater is pointed on her, there is always food available, and her water bowl is always full./p>p>I will monitor her and medicate her, because I cannot stand when she suffers. I will compliment myself for hanging in there with her. I will be angry at myself when I make a mistake. I will sweat every little detail of her care and her condition. I will call a vet on Christmas Eve, at 10:30pm, when something’s gone wrong with her. And I will show up on Christmas morning so he can take care of what went wrong. /p>p>But are the vets really taking care of her? Well, I suppose they are. But now I’m being honest with myself. Who they’re really serving, by taking care of her, is me. She is my neurosis, my psychosis. I am not hers./p>p>I know when the vet said “She’s lucky she has you”, she meant it as a compliment. She appreciates how much I love Sophie and how much I want to see her get better. /p>p>But is Sophie really lucky she has me? Sometimes she limps. Sometimes she shakes. She’s pretty tired. Every day, twice a day, I stick a needle in the skin on her sweet back to leave a bubble of fluid under it. I stick no less than 10 assorted pills in the back of her mouth in a day./p>p>Of course she’s tolerant of it. Of course she doesn’t fuss about it. I anthropomorphize this and assign her the human traits of patient and sweet. I tell her she’s a good girl over and over, and caress her like she’s my child. But she doesn’t have a choice, does she. She can’t say “What do *I* get for what I’m going through, Mom?” She’s not going to whine and cry and say “Let me go, would you!?” /p>p>I want to thank her for the gift of her life being in my hands. I want to thank her when I have to stick a needle in her, or stuff a pill in her mouth. I am so grateful when I coax her to eat or come with me when I leave, and she does it. I appreciate that she is bearing all of this for me. /p>p>But she isn’t really doing that by choice, is she. She exists to please me, without a say in the matter. I am her master./p>p>I got her a collar when I first bought her. It said “Who rescued who?” That says it all. I didn’t rescue her. She rescued me. /p>p>All I can do for now, is take care of her as best as I can, so her tail wags as often as she can happily wag it. And I hope with my whole heart that I can master being a good master; the kind of master who will honor her for serving me by letting her go when being here for me hurts her more than she should have to bear./p>p>~ cj 2015.01.06/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fi-am-her-master%2F&titleI+Am+Her+Master titleBookmark this post : I Am Her Master on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/dogs/ reltag>dogs/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/master/ reltag>master/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/pain/ reltag>pain/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sophie/ reltag>sophie/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-am-her-master/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5879 --> div idpost-5858 classpost-5858 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry tag-heartbreak tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-safe> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/be-safe/ relbookmark>Be Safe/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/be-safe/ title4:48 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.12.01/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/IMG_7699.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/IMG_7699-1024x1024.jpg altIMG_7699 width500 height500 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5860 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/IMG_7699-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/IMG_7699-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/IMG_7699-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px />/a>Oh my heart’sbr />dearest pain,br />no need to worry,/p>p>I’m safer here,br />running far,br />driving fast,br />going wherebr />I’ve never been,br />and don’t yetbr />know the way./p>p>I’m safer herebr />on my own,br />worlds awaybr />from wherebr />you try to bebr />my make believebr />hero./p>p>I’m safer here,br />even whenbr />completely lost,/p>p>and I’m safer thanbr />I’ve ever beenbr />when I’m on,br />or I’ve beenbr />put out ofbr />your mind./p>p>Be Safe?/p>p>Tsk, tsk,br />no need to tell mebr />such a thing,br />and no need to worry,br />nor pretend you do./p>p>I’m doing exactlybr />what I needbr />for my heart and I tobr />Be Safe…/p>p>…from you./p>p>~ cj 2014.11.29/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbe-safe%2F&titleBe+Safe titleBookmark this post : Be Safe on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/safe/ reltag>safe/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/be-safe/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5858 --> div idpost-5847 classpost-5847 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-writing tag-breakup tag-heartbreak tag-limbo tag-music tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/leaving-limbo/ relbookmark>Leaving Limbo/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/leaving-limbo/ title4:05 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.12.01/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>iframe loadinglazy width100% height450 scrollingno frameborderno srchttps://w.soundcloud.com/player?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F178696627&visualtrue&auto_playfalse&hide_relatedfalse&show_commentstrue&show_usertrue&show_repostsfalse>/iframe>/p>p>This was never Limbo to me,br />and as my heart heals,br />I discover the will tobr />refuse thatbr />lie of a labelbr />I let you usebr />far too longbr />to describe howbr />you left mebr />holding and hangingbr />while I painfullybr />tried to bend backwards. /p>p>But I see how refusingbr />to give it this labelbr />or any other,br />does not makebr />getting out from under itbr />less awkward and clumsybr />or painfully real. /p>p>Whatever it wasbr />I am leaving this gamebr />even if I fall trying,br />even if I move so slowly,br />you hardly notice I’vebr />cleared this,br />until I’m finallybr />standing tallbr />on the other side ofbr />your unbending bar. /p>p>~ cj 2014.11.26 /p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/limbo/ reltag>limbo/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/music/ reltag>music/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/leaving-limbo/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5847 --> div idpost-5844 classpost-5844 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry tag-heartbreak tag-meat tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tender/ relbookmark>Tender/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tender/ title8:29 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.11.26/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>you cannotbr />cutbr />and cutbr />and cut,br />again andbr />over again,br />feastingbr />without regard,/p>p>and thenbr />expect tobr />come backbr />and find morebr />tender meatbr />to filet frombr />my raw naked bones. /p>p>~ cj 2014.11.25/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Ftender%2F&titleTender titleBookmark this post 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post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/meat/ reltag>meat/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tender/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5844 --> div idpost-5837 classpost-5837 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry tag-heartbreak tag-life tag-poetry-2 tag-stuck> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/still-stuck-sitting-still/ relbookmark>Still Stuck Sitting Still/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/still-stuck-sitting-still/ title8:13 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.11.26/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image-300x300.jpg altimage width300 height300 classalignleft size-medium wp-image-5841 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/image.jpg 2000w sizesauto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px />/a>so many things we could have said,br />I could have said. /p>p>so many ideas for how to get throughbr />this moment. /p>p>and yet,/p>p>we are still here,br />I am still here,br />still sitting here,br />here sitting still,br />still stuck and stunnedbr />into silence/p>p>not able to move. /p>p>~ cj 2014.11.25/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fstill-stuck-sitting-still%2F&titleStill+Stuck+Sitting+Still titleBookmark this post : Still Stuck Sitting Still on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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.entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5837 --> div idpost-5804 classpost-5804 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-blog-post-2 category-music-2 category-writing tag-blog-post tag-drowning tag-life tag-music tag-ocean tag-self-transformation tag-water tag-waves> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/waves/ relbookmark>Waves/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/waves/ title12:42 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.10.28/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Last Friday, I went to composition lessons. My teacher gave me a book. The idea was to listen to the CD, and learn to play the music, with a focus on noticing the patterns. Then the goal was to take some of the music I’ve composed, and see if I could change it into some of these patterns./p>p>She came up with this, after I shared how I’d started my very first composition…by taking a pattern from the end of a Mozart piece I was playing, and creating something new./p>p>Last Saturday, I accidentally double dosed myself with ADD meds. And likely coincidentally, last Saturday, I played piano for 8 hours. /p>p>I played some of the songs in the book, and I had a blast with them. But then, instead of doing something with one of the patterns, what happened instead, was I created this song. And while I was creating this song, I was doing a lot of other things I’ve never done before so purposefully. /p>p>Here are just a few of the new things from that day. I wrote music out for the first time ever. I purposefully created patterns. I strongly imagined what I wanted the music to be about, instead of playing and letting the music tell me what it was about./p>p>When I shared a rough iPhone recording with a girlfriend, and didn’t tell her what I’d imagined, she completely guessed and described exactly what was in my head. (She should get a gold star for that!)/p>p>The links here are better recordings than she suffered through. I used my Zoom recorder to create them, and they were created after a few more days of playing this song. /p>p>The song is still rough, but so are the waves. They are created in the moment, with an ocean of force behind them, washing over us. They’ll drown us if we’re not careful, but they can save us, too. They can carry us into the shore when we’ve gotten out too deep, if we don’t fight them./p>p>SLOWER VERSIONbr />iframe loadinglazy width100% height450 scrollingno frameborderno srchttps://w.soundcloud.com/player?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F174103902&visualtrue&auto_playfalse&hide_relatedfalse&show_commentstrue&show_usertrue&show_repostsfalse>/iframe>/p>p>FASTER VERSIONbr />iframe loadinglazy width100% height450 scrollingno frameborderno srchttps://w.soundcloud.com/player?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F174103898&visualtrue&auto_playfalse&hide_relatedfalse&show_commentstrue&show_usertrue&show_repostsfalse>/iframe>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6470.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6470-300x225.jpg altIMG_6470 width250 classalignleft size-medium wp-image-5807 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6470-300x225.jpg 300w, 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/blog-post-2/ relcategory tag>Blog Post/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/music-2/ relcategory tag>Music/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/blog-post/ reltag>blog post/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/drowning/ reltag>drowning/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/music/ reltag>music/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/ocean/ reltag>ocean/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-transformation/ reltag>self-transformation/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/water/ reltag>water/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/waves/ reltag>waves/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/waves/#comments>8 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5804 --> div idpost-5794 classpost-5794 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-gogordy tag-house tag-lonely tag-poetry-2 tag-rooms> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/lonely-has-to-sleep-elsewhere/ relbookmark>Lonely Has To Sleep Elsewhere/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/lonely-has-to-sleep-elsewhere/ title11:53 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.10.28/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6548-e1414514655482.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6548-e1414514655482-225x300.jpg altIMG_6548 width225 height300 classalignleft size-medium wp-image-5795 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6548-e1414514655482-225x300.jpg 225w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_6548-e1414514655482-768x1024.jpg 768w sizesauto, (max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px />/a>This past Friday,br />I moved into my smallest bedroombr />and gave my big roombr />to a weekend guest. /p>p>Too many roomsbr />to choose from./p>p>I could have slept inbr />one with a larger bed,br />but it was so neat in there.br />I didn’t want to mess it upbr />with me,br />and all that follows me./p>p>My smallest room reminds mebr />of my first apartment./p>p>I had a big green bedroom,br />much larger than my childhood room./p>p>And I had another tiny side roombr />with windows,br />and barely enough room for a bed./p>p>I never went in the big roombr />except when I passed out drunkbr />one night./p>p>And I have the fondest memoriesbr />of the sunny small one.br />It was even blue,br />like my little room is now,br />so that’s the one I chose./p>p>I thought “This bedbr />will be too small”,br />as I climbed inbr />when I’d had enough ofbr />my day./p>p>I slept there that night,br />and anotherbr />and the nextbr />and so on./p>p>It’s been four nights now,br />and my guest leftbr />after three./p>p>But I haven’t movedbr />back upstairs to thebr />big room,br />and I’m not going to./p>p>I’ve slept betterbr />on that bedbr />in my smallest roombr />than I have anywhere elsebr />in many years./p>p>That small room,br />that single bed,br />they are perfect./p>p>And given a moment of thought today,br />there’s no doubt about whybr />this has always suited me,br />thenbr />and now. /p>p>There is only enough roombr />for GoGordy,br />my doggies,br />and me. /p>p>Lonely has to sleep elsewhere./p>p>~ cj 2014.10.28/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Flonely-has-to-sleep-elsewhere%2F&titleLonely+Has+To+Sleep+Elsewhere 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size-large wp-image-5782 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image.jpg 1492w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>There you were, a curious spirit standing apart from the others, watching me. /p>p>When I noticed you, you came towards me immediately, bright eyes shining with hope. /p>p>We’d only just met, yet you chanced getting closer, wanting to catch my scent, wanting to trust I meant you no harm. /p>p>You tipped your head wondering, and then you leaned in, deciding to believe. /p>p>You made it easy to lean in too, and I couldn’t stop myself. I kissed your velvety sweetness and sighed. I stayed near, my eyes closed, my whole face grinning from breathing near you. /p>p>The two of us stood still in that sparkly sun moment, enjoying pure pleasure, learning each other. /p>p>I felt myself shimmer in all the best ways. /p>p>I knew, and I think you knew, too. There was nothing else I could do. I reached inside, and gently handed my heart to you. /p>p>I tipped my head with wonder at the curious spirits we both were, coming in close, full of bright hope, and trusting it was safe to fall in shimmery love. /p>p>After awhile, I had to turn from that sparkly sun moment. 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/horse/ reltag>horse/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-think-you-knew/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5781 --> div idpost-5711 classpost-5711 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry category-writing tag-care tag-friends tag-healing tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships tag-self-transformation tag-self-worth> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-am-2/ relbookmark>I Am/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-am-2/ title1:29 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.08.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image1.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image1-1024x1024.jpg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5762 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image1-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image1-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image1-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>Take Care,br />he wrote./p>p>I am,br />I replied./p>p>Finally,br />I am,br />I thought./p>p>Finally,br />starting now,br />I hopebr />I am./p>p>Then, I addedbr />Thank you./p>p>I added itbr />but I don’t know why./p>p>Perhaps it will bebr />a final tip of the hatbr />to my heart killing habitbr />of pain-denial polite,br />formed flawlesslybr />by a lifetime ofbr />failing tobr />Take Carebr />of me./p>p>Then,br />from my heartbr />I did think/p>p>Thank you./p>p>Thank Youbr />to the hearts who dobr />Take Carebr />of mine/p>p>They carried mebr />to the moment whenbr />he wrote/p>p>Take Care,/p>p>and I wasbr />able to saybr />from mybr />finally healing heart/p>p>I am./p>p>And from now on,br />I will,br />I must,br />I am resolved to/p>p>always/p>p>Take Carebr />of who/p>p>I am./p>p>~ cj 2014.08.15/p>p>em>Thank you Christine, Cynthia, Mary Jane and Amy for your care this week. 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tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/care/ reltag>care/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/friends/ reltag>friends/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/healing/ reltag>healing/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-transformation/ reltag>self-transformation/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-worth/ reltag>self-worth/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>span>Comments Offspan classscreen-reader-text> on I Am/span>/span>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5711 --> div idpost-5703 classpost-5703 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-music-2 tag-essay-2 tag-language tag-piano tag-resolve tag-self-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/resolve/ relbookmark>Resolve/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/resolve/ title11:33 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.08.10/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>iframe loadinglazy width100% height450 scrollingno frameborderno srchttps://w.soundcloud.com/player?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F162539229&visualtrue&auto_playfalse&hide_relatedfalse&show_commentstrue&show_usertrue&show_repostsfalse>/iframe>/p>p>Resolve./p>p>Such a perfect fit./p>p>conflict, solution, strength, determination, grit/p>p>a noun, a verb, a new favorite word I’ve added to my growing list of powerful words I’ve fallen in love with/p>p>It’s not likely a coincidence that it followed on the heels of the last word I fell in love with – matter./p>p>This song showed up at a moment in my life when I’m realizing I’m going to need a lot of resolve to resolve who I want to be with where I’ve come from and what I’ve been through./p>p>I can hear my composition lessons showing up in it./p>p>I can hear my life in it, too./p>p>…the pull to resolve something discordant into something more harmonious, without losing its interesting element./p>p>Such a perfect fit./p>p>Resolve./p>p>~ cj 2014.08.10/p>p>em>I’ve also created a Facebook page for my piano compositions. a hrefhttp://bit.ly/fbcjplays target_blank>em>http://bit.ly/fbcjplays/em>/a>/em>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Screenshot-2014-08-10-11.15.08.png>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-full wp-image-5705 altScreenshot 2014-08-10 11.15.08 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/music-2/ relcategory tag>Music/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/language/ reltag>language/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/piano/ reltag>piano/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/resolve/ reltag>resolve/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-transformation/ reltag>self-transformation/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/resolve/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5703 --> div idpost-5695 classpost-5695 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-21-and-done category-mm category-poetry tag-breakups tag-divorce tag-heartbreak tag-marriage tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/disregarded-matter/ relbookmark>Disregarded Matter/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/disregarded-matter/ title11:12 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.08.07/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140522-IMG_0214.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140522-IMG_0214-1024x682.jpg alt20140522-IMG_0214 width640 height426 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5700 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140522-IMG_0214-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140522-IMG_0214-300x200.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>There are two kinds of people who don’t matter enough to themselves.br />One of them gives a whole heart away without regard to the cost.br />The other treats that person’s heart with the same disregard./p>p>What a pain-filled matter love becomes for that disregarded heart./p>p>~ cj 2014.08.06/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fdisregarded-matter%2F&titleDisregarded+Matter titleBookmark this post : Disregarded Matter on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/21-and-done/ relcategory tag>21 And Done/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/breakups/ reltag>breakups/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/marriage/ reltag>marriage/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/disregarded-matter/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5695 --> div idpost-5664 classpost-5664 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry tag-heartbreak tag-love tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-same-sky/ relbookmark>The Same Sky/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-same-sky/ title3:33 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.27/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image-1024x1024.jpg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5666 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image.jpg 1912w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>You are alive,br />growing,br />a leaf,br />a branch,br />a ring at a time,br />stubbornly rootedbr />in an earth ofbr />your choosing. /p>p>I see nowbr />that I wasbr />but a colorful streakbr />of dusk-time funbr />splaying and twistingbr />through the same sky,/p>p>changingbr />from whitebr />to yellowbr />to pink,/p>p>helplesslybr />spinning,br />crying,br />look at mybr />colorful love,/p>p>trying to touch you,br />giving my allbr />to distract youbr />from falling darknessbr />neither of usbr />wanted to face. /p>p>I entered,br />then exitedbr />your life,/p>p>my heart-lightbr />dissipating,/p>p>my colorful lovebr />disappearingbr />from your sight,br />imperceptiblybr />at first,br />but thenbr />unmistakably./p>p>the essence of whatbr />I was to you,br />a light showbr />for a moment of life,br />fading into nothingbr />that really matteredbr />to the whole ofbr />your groundedbr />lifetime. /p>p>Oh for mebr />to have stayed,br />but that isn’tbr />what the worldbr />could give me./p>p>I am not a tree,br />and you do not wantbr />to be with a trail of colorbr />that streaks through the airbr />on wings made of clouds. /p>p>When night fellbr />it was clearbr />the best we had donebr />was make each otherbr />more beautifulbr />and interestingbr />for the momentbr />we were inbr />the same sky. /p>p>~ CJ 2014.07.27/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image1.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image1-1024x1024.jpg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5667 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image1-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/image1-150x150.jpg 150w, 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-same-sky/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5664 --> div idpost-5632 classpost-5632 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry category-writing tag-breakup tag-heartbreak tag-life tag-loss tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-time tag-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-moment/ relbookmark>A Moment/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-moment/ title3:49 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a momentbr />when a thing was saidbr />and another was felt/p>p>time stopped/p>p>so an ear could hearbr />and an eye could see/p>p>so a heart could openbr />firmly and fully/p>p>and let what is truebr />in that momentbr />and perhaps always wasbr />soak all the waybr />into the middle/p>p>let everything thenbr />and everything nowbr />soak in/p>p>let all that could neverbr />and all that would neverbr />and all that wasn’t waiting tobr />be/p>p>soak deeplybr />into the middle/p>p>where there wasbr />no time left/p>p>where it wasbr />no longer timebr />to ignore/p>p>the moment had come./p>p>it was a painful moment./p>p>it was a perfect momentbr />for a door to closebr />finally and firmly/p>p>salty and floodedbr />lost in a momentbr />but not for long/p>p>because a moment laterbr />when eyes adjustedbr />it was clearbr />the door closedbr />finally and firmlybr />wasn’t trapping a heartbr />inside walls/p>p>that closed doorbr />had finally and firmlybr />left behindbr />a dark world of waiting./p>p>and now in a momentbr />new ears could hearbr />new eyes could seebr />a new pathbr />flooded with lightbr />flooded with allbr />that was perfectbr />in that moment/p>p>a heart opened upbr />to all it could feelbr />was waiting to be/p>p>and it was in that momentbr />as a heart opened upbr />finally and fullybr />ready for allbr />that was waiting to be/p>p>it was in the momentbr />time started again./p>p>~ cj 2014.07.23/p>p>em>I’ve written two versions of this piece. Here is the other version: a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/2014/07/23/a-longer-moment/ target_blank>A Longer Moment/a> /em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fa-moment%2F&titleA+Moment titleBookmark this post : A Moment on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/loss/ reltag>loss/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/time/ reltag>time/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/transformation/ reltag>transformation/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-moment/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5632 --> div idpost-5590 classpost-5590 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-mm category-poetry category-writing tag-breakup tag-heartbreak tag-live tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships tag-time tag-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-longer-moment/ relbookmark>A Longer Moment/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-longer-moment/ title3:45 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a moment/p>p>a momentbr />when a thing was said/p>p>when a thing was saidbr />and another was felt/p>p>when a thing was saidbr />and another was feltbr />time stopped/p>p>time stoppedbr />so an ear could hear/p>p>time stoppedbr />and an eye could see/p>p>time stoppedbr />so a heart could open/p>p>time stoppedbr />firmly and fullybr />so a heart could openbr />and let what is true/p>p>let what is truebr />in that moment/p>p>what is truebr />and perhaps always was/p>p>let what is truebr />soak in all the way/p>p>soak all the waybr />into the middle/p>p>let everything thenbr />soak into the middle/p>p>and everything nowbr />soak in/p>p>all that could neverbr />and all that would neverbr />and all that wasn’t waiting tobr />be/p>p>soak deeplybr />into the middlebr />where it wasbr />no longer time/p>p>into the middlebr />where there wasbr />no time left/p>p>to ignorebr />the moment had come./p>p>it was a painful momentbr />it was a perfect momentbr />for a door to closebr />finally and firmly/p>p>finally and firmlybr />salty and flooded/p>p>salty and floodedbr />lost in a moment/p>p>lost in a momentbr />but not for long/p>p>not for long becausebr />a moment later/p>p>a moment laterbr />when eyes adjustedbr />it was clear/p>p>a moment laterbr />it was clearbr />the door closedbr />finally and firmly/p>p>the door closedbr />wasn’t trapping a heart /p>p>it wasn’t trapping a heartbr />inside walls/p>p>it was clearbr />that closed doorbr />had finally and firmlybr />left behindbr />a dark world of waiting./p>p>and now in a momentbr />new ears could hear/p>p>in a momentbr />new eyes could seebr />a new pathbr />flooded with light/p>p>a new path floodedbr />with all that was perfectbr />in that moment/p>p>in that momentbr />a heart opened up/p>p>opened upbr />to all it could feel/p>p>to all it could feelbr />was waiting to be/p>p>and it was in that momentbr />as a heart opened upbr />finally and fullybr />ready for allbr />that was waiting to be/p>p>it was in that momentbr />time started again./p>p>~ cj 2014.07.23/p>p>em>I wrote a shorter version of this piece. 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/mm/ relcategory tag>MM/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/live/ reltag>live/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/time/ reltag>time/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/transformation/ reltag>transformation/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-longer-moment/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5590 --> div idpost-5575 classpost-5575 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-heartbreak tag-love tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/impossible-destiny/ relbookmark>Impossible Destiny/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/impossible-destiny/ title5:13 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>There is so much distancebr />between where I am,br />and where I dream of being. /p>p>And I may never get there. /p>p>But maybe,br />but maybe,br />you’ll hold mebr />for tonight. /p>p>So I can dreambr />I’m there again /p>p>and maybe,br />and maybe,/p>p>hold tight to how it felt,br />with so little distancebr />between where I wasbr />and you./p>p>~ cj 2014.07.21/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fimpossible-destiny%2F&titleImpossible+Destiny titleBookmark this post : Impossible Destiny on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/impossible-destiny/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5575 --> div idpost-5573 classpost-5573 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-family tag-love tag-pain tag-poetry-2 tag-recovery tag-shame> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/gender-relations/ relbookmark>Genderational Relations/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/gender-relations/ title5:09 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>A lifetime of men who couldn’t see who I was /p>p>because a lifetime of womenbr />blinded them and shamed their broken hearts/p>p>because another lifetime of menbr />couldn’t see who they were/p>p>and on and on it goes /p>p>while I lie awake in the darkbr />so alone/p>p>wondering about the womenbr />my shame has leftbr />my own boy blind to/p>p>because a lifetime of men couldn’t see who I was. /p>p>~ cj 2014.07.21/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fgender-relations%2F&titleGenderational+Relations titleBookmark this post : Genderational Relations on Delicious >img 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srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/family/ reltag>family/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/pain/ reltag>pain/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/recovery/ reltag>recovery/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/shame/ reltag>shame/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/gender-relations/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5573 --> div idpost-5560 classpost-5560 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-gordy tag-home tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/truly-home/ relbookmark>Truly Home/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/truly-home/ title5:04 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.07.10/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a year ago todaybr />I stood in my brother’sbr />driveway,br />barely able tobr />stand waitingbr />to see you comebr />round the corner. /p>p>be safe,br />but hurry, hurrybr />nearly hoppingbr />up and down,br />cuz I didn’t wannabr />wait anymore. /p>p>then suddenly,br />just like that,br />no more waiting./p>p>my childhood friend,br />my heart’s companion,br />there you were,br />curly red hair,br />shining in the sun,br />big wide grinbr />squeezing your eyesbr />nearly closed./p>p>there you truly were,br />standing next to your truck,br />standing next to me. /p>p>a bridge instantlybr />built in our eyesbr />spanning our livesbr />between years ago,br />tears ago,br />scuffed up recess,br />and that moment of now,br />when we feltbr />simply beside ourselvesbr />together again. /p>p>I was so tired that nightbr />but wide-eyed awake./p>p>I couldn’t sleepbr />especiallybr />not in that chairbr />stuffed fullbr />with memories of my dadbr />who had diedbr />a mere year before. /p>p>no matter howbr />comfortable it wasbr />to recline,br />there was no peacebr />in it for me. /p>p>and there you werebr />unbelievably lyingbr />in the same roombr />with no spacebr />for anyone elsebr />in the worldbr />on that couch /p>p>but maybe me?/p>p>if barely that. /p>p>but I trustedbr />you’d make room for mebr />I trustedbr />if I came to you,br />you wouldn’t let mebr />fall over the edge/p>p>so in the dark of the nightbr />I snuck overbr />and found your armsbr />wide openbr />and your heartbr />pounding like mine. /p>p>my well placed trust,br />my heart sweetly cared for,br />you held me tightlybr />in that skinny spacebr />even after sleepbr />won you over./p>p>and now wide-eyed awakebr />and scuffed up againbr />from our recessbr />I wish I could saybr />wait wait /p>p>I’m in no hurrybr />for thatbr />year-ago nightbr />to be over /p>p>I am simplybr />beside myself withbr />my heart stuffed fullbr />of our memories/p>p>standing herebr />nowhere nearbr />standing next to you/p>p>with no way to crossbr />that beautiful bridge/p>p>to that dark nightbr />in a skinny spacebr />and those heart poundingbr />moments safe in your arms,br />where for once in my lifebr />I knew what it felt likebr />to be truly home. /p>p>~cj 2014.07.10/p>p>em>Ode To A Grown Up Gordy/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Ftruly-home%2F&titleTruly+Home titleBookmark this post : Truly Home on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/gordy/ reltag>gordy/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/home/ reltag>home/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/truly-home/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5560 --> div idpost-5494 classpost-5494 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry category-writing tag-dreams tag-life tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-sky tag-wings> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/on-a-wing-and-a-dare/ relbookmark>On A Wing And A Dare/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/on-a-wing-and-a-dare/ title7:01 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.06.22/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2-1024x1024.jpg alt20140616-IMG_5314-2 width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5529 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140616-IMG_5314-2.jpg 2000w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>br />I cried out to the sky one beautiful evebr />how do I get from this heavy momentbr />to the one where I’ve made my dreams true,br />when so much debris is piled on my path?/p>p>The sky sighed, oh dear, my troubled angel,br />why fight your way to earth-grounded dreamsbr />with rusty tools, digging, and a broken-down plow,br />when you can lift up your eyes to dreams that live highbr />and breathe in the air like you’ve been blessed to do./p>p>Climb onto my wings and trust I know wherebr />your highest dreams wait. They are ready for youbr />once you choose to look up and dare to believebr />you don’t need to dig; you can fly./p>p>~ cj 2014.06.22/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545-1024x1024.jpg alt20140618-IMG_5545 width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5537 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/20140618-IMG_5545.jpg 2000w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fon-a-wing-and-a-dare%2F&titleOn+A+Wing+And+A+Dare titleBookmark this 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classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>How to Avoid Getting Burned:/p>p>Reduce your sensitivity, orbr />Reduce your exposure./p>p>Sounds easy,br />Feels impossible./p>p>~ cj 2014.06.20/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fhow-to-avoid-getting-burned%2F&titleHow+To+Avoid+Getting+Burned titleBookmark this post : How To Avoid Getting Burned on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li 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in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-transformation/ reltag>self-transformation/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sensitivity/ reltag>sensitivity/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/how-to-avoid-getting-burned/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5485 --> div idpost-5463 classpost-5463 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-poetry tag-damage tag-essay-2 tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships tag-storms tag-trees tag-uprooted> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/uprooted/ relbookmark>Uprooted/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/uprooted/ title5:20 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.06.17/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>What isn’t planted deeply enough, tended to with plenty of loving care, and carefully sheltered from possible harm, is ripe for uprooting or being blown away in the winds of a storm. /p>p>How much can be weathered may not be obvious before it gets hit, but there’s no mistaking the damage from what was missing once the storm has come through. /p>p>Only foolish hearts leave what they love exposed to the elements, ignoring the warnings of weather, while banking on luck to survive. /p>p>~ CJ 2014.06.17/p>p>a 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this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/damage/ reltag>damage/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/storms/ reltag>storms/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/trees/ reltag>trees/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/uprooted/ reltag>uprooted/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/uprooted/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5463 --> div idpost-5424 classpost-5424 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 category-poetry category-writing tag-essay-2 tag-life tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-self-discovery tag-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/staying-still-in-front-of-a-hill/ relbookmark>Staying Still In Front Of A Hill/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/staying-still-in-front-of-a-hill/ title6:11 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.05.27/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2.jpg alt20140522-IMG_0129-2 width1000 height1000 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5430 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2.jpg 2000w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-2-1024x1024.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px />/a>br />I am staying still in the dark silence,br />alone,br />looking at nothing but an up hill,br />covered by an empty sky./p>p>After so much disappointment,br />I am not sure I believe anymorebr />what I’ve always believed;br />that what matters,br />what’s beautiful in life,br />must live just on the other side of where I am now; /p>p>and that I will absolutely find it,br />if only I have the strength to let go of my fear,br />if only I have the will to keep searching./p>p>It is so very late,br />and I have grown tired of all this hunger,br />and the loss I’ve suffered on my journey. /p>p>I am sick of working this hardbr />to reach what I think is the top of a hill,br />only to find myself wiped out,br />and staring angrily at so much waste,br />or incredulously at yetbr />another blasted hill./p>p>So I hesitate.br />Who can blame me?br />Me, full of let’s go and always on the move;br />I stay still where I am.br />I am weary./p>p>And this feels like such a big hill, why now?/p>p>I hesitate.br />And I keep hesitating./p>p>I stay still for so long, I fear I can not move again.br />I stay still for so long, I suspect I’ve given up.br />I stay still and I waitbr />and I wait. /p>p>What else is there to dobr />when I am this weary and so lost? /p>p>I stay still and quiet in the dark,br />and I am afraid of this,br />but I will confess,br />I start to prefer staying still/p>p>I stay still and quiet in the dark,br />and although I am afraidbr />of what will become of mebr />if this is true,/p>p>I will confess,br />that I begin to prefer staying still/p>p>…so I stay still and I watch./p>p>I stay still for so long,br />that my eyes adjust,br />and I begin to see in the dark. /p>p>Do I see?…I blink…I do see! /p>p>Is it possible?br />What matters, what’s beautiful,br />is right here, all around me?/p>p>How did I miss this?br />But Wait.br />What if I am playing a game on myself?br />What if there’s not really beauty,br />What if I’m choosing to believe I’ve found what matters,br />because it is easier than moving again./p>p>I am not sure what to do with these thoughts,br />so I stay still some more./p>p>I stay still for so long,br />that my heart opens to the possibilitybr />that the reason it’s beautiful where I am,br />the reason I think what matters is right here,br />is specifically because that’s what I’ve decided to believe./p>p>If I believe it’s beautiful, it is.br />If I believe I have what matters all around me, I do.br />My happiness doesn’t depend on anythingbr />other than deciding to find meaning and beauty,br />to truly love, exactly where I ambr />even when I’m standing in front of a big old hill./p>p>I have finally, finally foundbr />what I’ve been searching for all this time,br />by staying still until I acceptedbr />what was always right there for me to see;br />that what matters is what I decide matters./p>p>As I stand here, in the silencebr />alone,br />it doesn’t seem so dark anymore./p>p>And I even think I have the strength to move. /p>p>So I have decided to climb the hill in front of me after all.br />But not as before, because I was searching.br />Not as before, because I believed I had nothing where I was,br />but instead, because I have nothing to lose./p>p>I already have what matters under my feet,br />in my heart and all around me,br />because that’s where I’ve decidedbr />to find beauty in my life./p>p>Up the hill I go,br />without all the weight of that longing.br />Up the hill I go,br />just for the grand adventure of seeingbr />what’s on the other side./p>p>Hey, maybe I’ll get lucky,br />and find another beautiful hillbr />to stay still in front of for awhile./p>p>~ cj 2014.05.27/p>p>em>Here’s the uncropped wide version of the same photo/em>br />a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129.jpg alt20140522-IMG_0129 width1000 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5431 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129.jpg 3000w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140522-IMG_0129-1024x682.jpg 1024w sizes(max-width: 3000px) 100vw, 3000px />/a>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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div classentry-content> p>Jazz is all about musical improvisation. Only one mistake is possible, and that mistake is made when the players fail to take a next step, play the next bar, find that next beat that blends the step taken just before, into the one chosen next./p>p>Great jazz and perfect improvisation are created by taking whatever is played by another, or by ourselves, and making the very best of it, even when it’s tricky to do. It is not created by stopping the show, or by standing back and pointing it out as something negative. Nor is it created by running away from it, or roasting it in the harsh light of judgment. /p>p>Whatever has happened, whatever has been done, it is all made perfectly correct by how it is treated, by how it is incorporated into the experience./p>p>If we want a beautifully unique piece of music, or a richly textured life-path full of wisdom, the ideal choice is to take what we’ve judged doesn’t fit; what we weren’t expecting or didn’t want, what wasn’t in our plan, and find a way to shine a favored light on it. /p>p>If we give every surprise a chance to perform as the perfect pivot point, an exquisitely wonderful turn of events, in a way it wouldn’t have been able to do if we’d pushed it off to the side and dismissed it, or spent our time hating its existence, there won’t be any mistakes for us to regret, and we’ll see there’s nothing to forgive. /p>p>Creativity is beautifully employed when we open the space in front of ourselves and others around us, to focus on the fun of designing what’s next, in light of what’s already been played. /p>p>And the sooner we perfect the skill of improvising, the more time we’ll have to dance to the mistake-free jazzy music we’re making out of the surprising way life inevitably plays out. /p>p>~ cj 2014.05.27/p>p>em>It isn’t lost on me that improv is often comedic in nature – isn’t that what humor is all about?…doing something fun with what wasn’t fully expected. And who wants to listen to a boring, predictable piece of music, jazz or otherwise. 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classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/forgiveness/ reltag>forgiveness/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/improvisation/ reltag>improvisation/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/jazz/ reltag>jazz/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/music/ reltag>music/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/how-to-have-a-jazzy-life/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5410 --> div idpost-5391 classpost-5391 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 category-writing tag-choices tag-essay-2 tag-life tag-love tag-photography tag-relationships tag-sunset> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go/ relbookmark>Should I Stay or Should I Go?/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go/ title10:33 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.05.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10.jpg altimage width2000 height2000 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5393 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10.jpg 2000w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image10-1024x1024.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px />/a>/p>p>Such a quandary; when to stay put and sit in peace to wait, and when to leave, because too much reasonable time has passed. /p>p>It is my single greatest challenge, especially when it’s something my heart cares deeply about. Is the best yet too come? Or am I being a fool watching life go by?/p>p>I’ve been punished greatly for waiting too long, and I’ve missed out on special moments for leaving too soon. /p>p>The night I took this photo, I was pondering this very topic, as the sunset faded to blue and grey. /p>p>I decided to go, but then, as I was putting my cameras and tripods away, I looked one more time at the horizon. And that’s when I saw the most beautiful rose colored clouds appear, just below some gently feathered grey ones. I was grateful I’d waited and looked./p>p>Tonight I stayed out a little longer than I normally do, too, and again, I was rewarded. /p>p>Those two nights? Perhaps I can add two more tick marks in favor of waiting, because of them. But beautiful as they were, I am no closer to solving my quandary. /p>p>When to stay put, and when to pack it up and move on; I’m not sure I’ll have the answer before my own sun goes down. /p>p>Perhaps it doesn’t matter, as long as my time is filled with beautiful moments that my heart cares deeply about. And perhaps that’s what hope is all about – that whether i stay or choose to go, I keep on believing the best is yet to come. /p>p>~ cj 2014.05.21/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11.jpg altimage width2000 height2000 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5394 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11.jpg 2000w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/image11-1024x1024.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px />/a>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fshould-i-stay-or-should-i-go%2F&titleShould+I+Stay+or+Should+I+Go%3F titleBookmark this post : Should I Stay or Should I Go? on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://digg.com/submit?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fshould-i-stay-or-should-i-go%2F&titleShould+I+Stay+or+Should+I+Go%3F&bodytext%0D%0A%0D%0ASuch+a+quandary%3B+when+to+stay+put+and+sit+in+peace+to+wait%2C+and+when+to+leave%2C+because+too+much+reasonable+time+has+passed.+%0D%0A%0D%0AIt+is+my+single+greatest+challenge%2C+especially+when+it%27s+something+my+heart+cares+deeply+about.+Is+the+best+yet+too+come%3F+Or+am+I+being+a+fool+watching+life+go+by%3F%0D%0A%0D%0AI%27ve+been+punished+gr titleDigg this post : Should I Stay or Should I Go? 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--> /div>!-- #post-5256 --> div idpost-5240 classpost-5240 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 tag-essay-2 tag-focus tag-lightning-bolt tag-photography tag-present tag-reminder tag-self-development tag-storm tag-transformation> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/lightning-bolt-reminder/ relbookmark>Lightning Bolt Reminder/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/lightning-bolt-reminder/ title1:53 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.05.14/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>There I was, on my back deck last night, commenting to the sky about the lack of a visible moonrise… okay fine… I’ll admit, I was complaining … and while I was at it, I’d brought up and was swirling around how hard it was to get good lightning shots the previous night… (it was REALLY hard!) Anyway…I was doing this while I was taking photos of what WAS there last night./p>p>It was actually pretty interesting as well, even before what happened next. But admittedly, I was doing far more complaining than focusing and being grateful for what was there./p>p>Mother Nature in her own unique way, apparently decided it was time for my pissy attitude to change, so this lightning bolt is what she showed up with. /p>p>Not only was it time for me to stop whining about the past (even if it WAS only the previous night). I also apparently needed to be reminded (once again), that there is ALWAYS something interesting and beautiful and wondrous going on around me, even when it’s not what I initially thought I was going to see, hear, or experience. /p>p>I’m a lot more likely to notice it and find value and happiness in it, if I’m open to focusing on and appreciating the present, rather than wasting my energy and time complaining about what happened before or isn’t going according to my desires./p>p>Over the past month I’ve really been gaining an appreciation for the things that fall apart, or don’t go according to my plans. Nothing like the metaphor of a lightning bolt as a shocking reminder, eh? And what I really treasured is not only did she ‘fork’ over the lightning bolt, I was lucky enough to capture it with my camera. Perhaps looking at it next time I’m complaining will make me sit ‘bolt upright’ and pay attention. (I couldn’t resist the groaner puns.)/p>p>~ cj 2014.05.13/p>p>div idattachment_5241 stylewidth: 2010px classwp-caption alignleft>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync aria-describedbycaption-attachment-5241 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2.jpg altLightning Bolt Reminder width2000 height2000 classsize-full wp-image-5241 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2.jpg 2000w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/20140513-IMG_8812-2-1024x1024.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 2000px) 100vw, 2000px />/a>p idcaption-attachment-5241 classwp-caption-text>Lightning Bolt Reminder/p>/div>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/focus/ reltag>focus/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/lightning-bolt/ reltag>lightning bolt/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/present/ reltag>present/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/reminder/ reltag>reminder/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-development/ reltag>self development/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/storm/ reltag>storm/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/transformation/ reltag>transformation/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/lightning-bolt-reminder/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5240 --> div idpost-5235 classpost-5235 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry category-writing tag-fear tag-life tag-lights tag-photography tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/light/ relbookmark>Light/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/light/ title10:42 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.05.08/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>One light came on,br />as another 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classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttps://cjromb.com/light/feed titleFollow this post : Light comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/fear/ reltag>fear/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/lights/ reltag>lights/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/light/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5235 --> div idpost-5212 classpost-5212 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-essay-2 tag-life tag-today> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/what-today-wants/ relbookmark>What Today Wants/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/what-today-wants/ title6:58 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.05.06/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Blocked? Am I blocked if I have nothing to say about what happened in my head, in my heart, in my life, today? /p>p>Perhaps using my words is not what today had in mind. /p>p>Maybe today has heard enough of my voice lately, and wants to hear my music or watch me take photos instead. /p>p>Or today may want me to spend it with friends, catching up with their lives and they mine./p>p>What if today is exhausted from all the busy in my head, and simply wants nothing more than to be a day lived in silence…/p>p>…A day spent resting and reflecting…a span of 24 short hours, that I use to remember how beautiful it is to be alive breathing./p>p>I am not very good sometimes at listening to what today wants to be. But I am getting better at this with every new today that shows its face. /p>p>So after awhile spent considering it, I’ve decided today feels like it’s quite set as one I soak in for what it is, without saying a thing about it at all. At least not for today. /p>p>(PS Don’t let on that I wrote this. I’m gonna pretend I’m blocked…for today 🙂 )/p>p>~ cj 2014.05.06/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fwhat-today-wants%2F&titleWhat+Today+Wants titleBookmark this post : What Today Wants on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/today/ reltag>today/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/what-today-wants/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5212 --> div idpost-5145 classpost-5145 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 tag-dark tag-essay-2 tag-life tag-moon tag-photography> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/finding-my-way-in-the-dark/ relbookmark>Finding My Way In The Dark/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/finding-my-way-in-the-dark/ title4:35 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.04.17/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9724.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9724.jpg altBlood Moon Total Eclipse - 2014.04.15 (9724) width600 height600 classalignleft size-full wp-image-5146 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9724.jpg 1000w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9724-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9724-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px />/a>br />Finding my way in the dark…/p>p>Such an appropriate metaphor for me right now./p>p>This photo is a single long exposure of the Blood Moon total lunar eclipse on 2014.04.15. /p>p>To do this, I put my camera on the manual bulb setting, start the exposure, cover the lens, move the camera, take my hand off the lens, move the camera again…etc…I do it all in one shot, no adjustment editing allowed. /p>p>The game for me is to get it as even as possible exposure-wise and as even as possible moving across the frame. I have to keep the target in focus, too…all without being able to see what I’m doing through the viewfinder. /p>p>In other words, I’m finding my way in the dark. /p>p>Usually I have to move pretty quickly, too. And sometimes there are ‘extra special challenges’…In this case, the manual focus on my lens broke that day! /p>p>I’m not perfect; as you can see, the left-most instance of the moon isn’t as light as the rest. But I’m definitely getting better at doing this with moon photos./p>p>I’m not perfect at this in my life either, but hopefully I’m getting better at finding my way in the dark there too, even when I have to move quickly, and even if there are extra special circumstances./p>p>~ cj 2014.04.17/p>p>em>Here are a few other examples from that night of me playing around with the moon…/em>/p>p>div idattachment_5147 stylewidth: 1010px classwp-caption alignleft>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9726.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync aria-describedbycaption-attachment-5147 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9726.jpg altBlood Moon Total Eclipse - 2014.04.15 - Leaving a Trail width600 height600 classsize-full wp-image-5147 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9726.jpg 1000w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9726-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9726-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px />/a>p idcaption-attachment-5147 classwp-caption-text>Leaving a Trail/p>/div>/p>p>div idattachment_5148 stylewidth: 1010px classwp-caption alignleft>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9745.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync aria-describedbycaption-attachment-5148 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9745.jpg altBlood Moon Total Eclipse - 2014.04.15 - Olive the Moon width600 height600 classsize-full wp-image-5148 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9745.jpg 1000w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9745-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9745-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px />/a>p idcaption-attachment-5148 classwp-caption-text>“Olive” the Moon/p>/div>/p>p>div idattachment_5149 stylewidth: 1010px classwp-caption alignleft>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9722.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync aria-describedbycaption-attachment-5149 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9722.jpg altBlood Moon Total Eclipse - 2014.04.15 - Skipping Ahead width600 height600 classsize-full wp-image-5149 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9722.jpg 1000w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9722-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/20140415-IMG_9722-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px />/a>p idcaption-attachment-5149 classwp-caption-text>Skipping Ahead (time of shot is actually 3:20am, not 2:20am)/p>/div>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Ffinding-my-way-in-the-dark%2F&titleFinding+My+Way+In+The+Dark titleBookmark this post : 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cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I am /p>p>a moment of sweet pitybr />in a parking lotbr />on a Saturday night;/p>p>a half day ofbr />homeworkbr />with a friendbr />who’s learningbr />what I used to love;/p>p>a place to staybr />the night before a racebr />I am not attending;/p>p>a stranger’s homebr />for a month,br />but only to sleepbr />after long daysbr />he’s spent workingbr />in town,/p>p>and then /p>p>on the way out,/p>p>nice to meet you,br />thank you,br />goodbye,/p>p>and good luckbr />with your endeavorbr />to be a destination again./p>p>I ambr />a neighborbr />called to discussbr />where to put a fencebr />I don’t want,br />so I am safebr />from intersectingbr />with her angry dogs./p>p>And /p>p>I ambr />a meal onbr />a weeknightbr />where I am askedbr />why he should explain,/p>p>when it was mebr />who caused the collisionbr />by mistaking myselfbr />for a destinationbr />in his life./p>p>How did I miss that/p>p>I ambr />no one’s destinationbr />like I used to bebr />when I was youngbr />and loved. /p>p>I becamebr />no one’s destinationbr />when I couldn’t takebr />the pain anymorebr />of beingbr />the favored destinationbr />for somebody else’sbr />damage./p>p>I didn’t realizebr />my refusalbr />would changebr />my entirebr />construction./p>p>How did I miss thisbr />when everyone elsebr />clearly sees/p>p>I ambr />an intersectionbr />in the lot…br />with their fence…br />at that restaurant…/p>p>…even in my own empty home./p>p>I ambr />an intersection,br />for them,br />for him,br />for you./p>p>And nothing goodbr />comes from stoppingbr />for longbr />in the middle ofbr />one of those./p>p>~ cj 2014.04.13/p>p>em>I went to a book reading this week. After the reading, I asked the poet who’d read, how long she worked on her poems. Two, three months, she said. (It showed. They were rich, textured, beautiful!)/p>p>Not 10 minutes, not an hour, or at most, half a day like mine./p>p>She says she is not shy about getting them out there, and then revising them later. /p>p>When I was writing this, many other ideas for writing about intersections and destinations were colliding in my brain before I’d even published it. When that starts happening, normally I just save the piece in draft and don’t publish it, thinking I’ll come back to it later. /p>p>But intersecting with her this week has inspired me to go ahead and publish this. I’ll save the other ideas for another piece or I’ll edit this one later./p>p>Thanx for caring enough to read what I write. 🙂 I’m glad my world has intersected with yours.br />/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fintersection%2F&titleIntersection titleBookmark this post : Intersection on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/intersection/#comments>9 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5096 --> div idpost-5071 classpost-5071 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-essay-2 tag-kindness tag-life tag-patience tag-photography tag-self-development tag-self-worth> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/giving-me-permission/ relbookmark>Giving Me Permission/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/giving-me-permission/ title6:52 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.31/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I take photos of things other than the sky; I do! But for now, I like taking sky photos best. /p>p>So I let myself take them, as much as I want, whenever I want. /p>p>It is my gift to me, to try to make amends for all the years I spent denying me. /p>p>The truth is, I almost always give myself permission to do what I like, even when I don’t understand why I’m doing it…perhaps ESPECIALLY then. I rarely try to manage it, or push myself into doing something I don’t want to do./p>p>What I’ve learned by doing this, is that if I give in to myself kindly and authentically enough, if I silence my own naysayer, eventually what I’m truly up to inside, reveals itself./p>p>And that’s when I get the important gift of understanding me and learning my own value./p>p>I trust that if I give myself permission like this enough, I will never fall into the hole of an unhappy life full of denying me again./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.29/p>p>em>Plus, I’ll have a bunch of sky photos, and maybe even some bad-ass photography skills!/em>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image13.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image13-1024x1024.jpg altimage width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-5076 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image13.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image13-150x150.jpg 150w, 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/div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Back thenbr />it was easy to convince myselfbr />that I mattered./p>p>But contrary evidencebr />presented itselfbr />over and overbr />that I didn’t./p>p>So when I couldn’tbr />convince myself anymore,br />I walked awaybr />from all that mattered to me./p>p>And now,br />not that it mattersbr />anymore,br />to anyone,br />maybe not even me,br />it’s pretty easy tobr />convince myselfbr />that I don’t./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.30/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fmattering%2F&titleMattering titleBookmark this post : Mattering on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/belonging/ reltag>belonging/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/mattering/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5064 --> div idpost-5007 classpost-5007 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-death tag-dying tag-family tag-friends tag-life tag-love tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/being-present/ relbookmark>Being Present/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/being-present/ title3:54 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.27/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/IMG_2774.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-full wp-image-5009 altIMG_2774 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/IMG_2774.jpg width1024 height683 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/IMG_2774.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/IMG_2774-300x200.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>br />Although it seems there’s much to attend to,br />while being present for the one who is leaving,/p>p>there’s not a thing to attend to that matters as muchbr />as being present to the one who is leaving./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.26/p>hr />p>For a moment, I thought this was all I had to say on the matter. And it is, of course, perfectly fine to stop reading right here. But I couldn’t stop here, because when I thought I was done, it turns out I’d only just started. /p>p>You see, when I thought I was done, it suddenly became very important to me that you and anyone else who reads this knows: It was not by accident that I used “being present for” in the first part, and “being present to” in the second./p>p>Perhaps it seems trivial. The wording is quite similar; and it would be easy to interchange them:br />‘being present for’br />‘being present to’/p>p>…but they are quite different in my heart. /p>p>To me, ‘being present for’ is what one does for another. When a loved one is dying, and leaving us behind, there seems no end to what needs attending. We care, we show up. And even though we may be completely lost inside, because they are leaving, we make ourselves extremely busy being present for them. It doesn’t feel like there is much else we can do./p>p>But when I think of ‘being present to’ someone who is dying, I imagine needs ceasing to exist, or at least my notice of them. All that attending busy-ness loses its importance. I picture becoming an empty vessel with a wide open space inside, where someone I care about feels welcome and heard. Being present to them is honoring all that they’ve been, and all that they are in that moment, as they are doing the hard work of leaving. It feels like a deep understanding in me that, even when they are gone, they will always be a part of me and everyone they’ve touched. I want to allow myself to experience the essence of them, even when I am afraid, or I’m not sure I can stand the pain of it./p>hr />p>I meant to end this piece after I explained my different meanings for those two phrases. But then, for fun, I looked up the etymology of the word “present”. Perhaps it is just late, far past any reasonable bedtime, but each variation, and how they could all mix together, felt profoundly beautiful and rich in symbolism; perfect for writing about right here, while I’m writing about being present. /p>p>So I continued…./p>p>A ‘present’ can be a noun, an object, a ‘gift’. Pronounced another way, it is the act of giving something to another. /p>p>I smiled when I thought “I can present a present.”/p>p>And I can present myself to someone to be present for them./p>p>Or I can give them the gift, the present, of being present to them./p>hr />p>And then I realized, I wasn’t done with what was on my mind, so I tried being present to this moment of writing. And I gave in to where my mind wanted to go…back to the memory of the night I learned how to be truly present to another. Even though I tried not be present to it, that’s really what this piece wants to be about./p>p>So here it is…here is the heart of it./p>p>When my dad was dying, at first I was very busy being present for him. I wanted to fix this; I wanted to help like I had so many other times. At least I could make him comfortable by attending to his needs. I felt like doing something was what I had to offer, and I did as much as I could. But very quickly, I understood, I wasn’t going to be able to fix this. He was really leaving me. Suddenly all this attending didn’t really matter that much. I felt empty. And lost./p>p>Later, in the dark of that night, heart-sick, sitting in the chair next to him, watching him breathe, I tried something different, because there wasn’t anything to do for him. I tried to put myself in his place. What was it like to be in his bed, in his wasted, broken body, having to do this hard work of leaving? How would he find the strength? What was he feeling, what was he thinking? Was he aware, and was he afraid? /p>p>I crawled into bed with him to get close, because I wouldn’t have many more chances to be near him. And then I saw his eyes were open! /p>p>Hi Dad, I love you./p>p>I love you, too, he said. /p>p>Am I your favorite daughter?/p>p>I’ve asked this question for years. He’d usually say some version of “You’re my only daughter.” So I’d press him. But am I your FAVORITE daughter? Sometimes the answer was “Sometimes”. Eventually I could get him to at least say “Of course, don’t be ridiculous.” Occasionally, he’d give in and say “Sure”, like he did when I was a little kid, and he wanted me to stop bothering him./p>p>But this time, for the first and only time ever, he quietly answered/p>p>Yes./p>p>I made sure I was looking straight into his eyes when I was talking to him, even though he was looking at the ceiling. /p>p>Once I felt able to hold back my tears, I continued./p>p>I am sorry this is happening to you. I wish I could fix this, Dad. Is there anything I can do for you? /p>p>He was quiet for a long time…so long that I leaned way in his face to make sure he was still awake. And breathing./p>p>No, he finally said. /p>p>He went quiet again, and I thought he was done talking./p>p>But then he saidbr />You’re here, and that’s enough./p>p>He was right. I WAS there; I was completely present to him. And I understood in that moment, being present to him was exactly enough./p>p>I stayed there, looking in his eyes. I thought about all that he’d hoped his life would be. And I thought about all he’d been through…growing up in the depression, going to war, his serious illnesses, his broken back, how he’d beaten cancer…twice. I thought about all that he’d sacrificed for me and my brothers, the demons he’d fought, the weaknesses he hated in himself. I thought about his disappointments, his fears, the forever heartbreak of losing his wife so young. I thought about what a smart man he was, what a savant he was with words, how meticulous and fastidious he was, how kind he was to everyone who took care of him. I thought about all the things he liked, camping, fishing, being with his brothers, hearing from mine. All that he was flooded into me, and I understood him. I felt the heart, the essence of him. And I truly, finally, let go of everything I thought I needed…closure, his understanding, answers, apologies. All of it./p>p>I had no idea how long we’d been looking at each other like that. He’d been unreachable in the past day or so, even with his eyes open. But I spoke again, hoping he’d at least hear me./p>p>Thank you, Dad. Thank you so much for everything. /p>p>A long pause./p>p>You’re welcome./p>p>Awhile later, when part of me hoped he was now sleeping, I saidbr />I’ll never forget you./p>p>You’d better not, came the reply./p>p>I laughed a little, and I kissed his forehead./p>p>I saidbr />I’m tired, can I sleep here with you for a little while?br />Such a long pause this time./p>p>And thenbr />Oh, sure./p>p>In that moment, I realized he was present to me as well. /p>p>For the rest of the time he was leaving, I tried to be as present to him as I could. I absorbed everything I could about him, I held his hand and quietly looked in his eyes as often as I could. I tried to make sure he knew I was completely there as far as I could go on his journey with him./p>p>Like I’ve said before in other things I’ve written, he was holding my hand so tight that last night, it hurt. And when I got up to get his meds (be present for him, attend to him), I let go of his hand. And that’s when he left me, and living without him here began./p>p>I am so grateful that I slowed down and really talked to him, held his hand, looked in his eyes, tried to be present to him. His gift of accepting that from me, the memory of those last days with him, is still a part of me, even though he’s gone./p>hr />p>As I finish this up, I finally see what I was meant to see from writing this piece. My Dad wasn’t the only one who got a present when I was present to him. I did./p>p>I got the rich gift of those last days, and I got the gift of knowing how to be present to another. /p>p>It isn’t always easy, when it seems there is much to be ‘present for’, much to attend to, to every day. But now, because of the gift of that time, I remember more than I did before, that there is nothing to attend to that matters as much as being present to those who are a part of me, while they are living./p>p>Being present to another is honoring all that they’ve been, and all that they are in that moment, as they do the hard work of living. I want to allow myself to experience the essence of them, even though sometimes I am afraid, or it is painful. Those who are close to me have touched me deeply, and they will always be a part of me. The gift I want to give them in return is to be an empty vessel with a wide open space inside where they feel welcome and heard by me…I want to be present to them. /p>p>And, although I have more I want to write about the gifts of “being present to”, ’tis enough for now, because I have other things to which I must attend. 🙂/p>p>~ cj 2014.03.27/p>p>em>P.S. Here’s the etymology I found for “present”/p>p>a hrefhttp://www.etymonline.com/index.php?termpresent target_blank>http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?termpresent/a>/p>p>present (adj.)br />c.1300, “existing at the time,” from Old French present “evident, at hand, within reach;” as a noun, “the present time” (11c., Modern French présent) and directly from Latin praesentem (nominative praesens) “present, at hand, in sight; immediate; prompt, instant; contemporary,” from present participle of præesse “be before (someone or something), be at hand,” from prae- “before” (see pre-) + esse “to be” (see essence). Meaning “being there” is from mid-14c. in English. As a grammatical tense, recorded from late 14c.br />present (v.) Look up present at Dictionary.combr />c.1300, “introduce (someone or something) formally or ceremonially;” also “make a formal presentation of; give as a gift or award; bestow,” from Old French presenter (11c., Modern French présenter) and directly from Latin praesentare “to place before, show, exhibit,” from stem of praesens (see present (adj.)). From late 14c. as “exhibit (something), offer for inspection, display;” also, in law, “make a formal complaint or charge of wrongdoing.” From c.1400 as”represent, portray.” Related: Presented; presenting.br />present (n.1) Look up present at Dictionary.combr />“this point in time” (opposed to past and future), c.1300, “the present time,” also “act or fact of being present; portion of space around someone,” from Old French present (n.) from Latin praesens “being there” (see present (adj.)). In old legalese, these presents means “these documents.”br />present (n.2) Look up present at Dictionary.combr />c.1200, “thing offered, what is offered or given as a gift,” from Old French present and Medieval Latin presentia, from phrases such as French en present “(to offer) in the presence of,” mettre en present “place before, give,” from Late Latin inpraesent “face to face,” from Latin in re praesenti “in the situation in question,” from praesens “being there” (see present (adj.)), on the notion of “bringing something into someone’s presence.”br />/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbeing-present%2F&titleBeing+Present titleBookmark this post : Being Present on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent 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Stumblers/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://twitter.com/home/?statushttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbeing-present%2F titleTweet this post : Being Present on Twitter >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttps://cjromb.com/being-present/feed titleFollow this post : Being Present comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/death/ reltag>death/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/dying/ reltag>dying/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/family/ reltag>family/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/friends/ reltag>friends/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/being-present/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-5007 --> div idpost-4983 classpost-4983 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 category-writing tag-childhood tag-children tag-friendship tag-photography tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/dirty-girls/ relbookmark>Dirty Girls/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/dirty-girls/ title3:13 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I absolutely loved watching this scene play out Saturday morning at a restaurant where I was eating breakfast and talking with one of my best friends. (Pictures at the bottom)/p>p>These two little girls were in a play area outside the window. From a distance, the one looked pretty girly. Pink parasol, pink shirt, little skirt. Even her nails were painted to match. /p>p>The other girl, not so much. She was sitting right in the dirt, up against the fence in her tomboy clothes. She wasn’t really paying much attention to the other girl’s efforts to get that parasol open all the way. Instead, she seemed to be watching the other kids in the playground. /p>p>When you look a little closer, you can see the parasol girl wasn’t just dressed pretty. She was also pretty filthy and scraped up, muddy legs, bruises, dirty shoes. The other girl was drinking something and had an unattended dribble of it on her face./p>p>The girls were hanging peacefully in the same space, but they weren’t really talking to each other. I didn’t know if they knew each other before that morning, but it seemed like they did./p>p>Eventually the little parasol girl mostly succeeded, and propped that parasol on her shoulder. The other girl looked up at her. The parasol girl showed her something or said something, and then she walked away. /p>p>The little girl sitting in the dirt didn’t try to go with the parasol girl. Instead, she just watched her leave. And then she cocked her head a little more towards the rest of the playground, going back to watching all the other kids. /p>p>Maybe she was busy with something else inside her head, or maybe she didn’t have the heart to deal with whatever teasing might happen if she went over to play with the others. Maybe she just liked watching from where she was./p>p>I looked like that kind of little girl, sitting in the dirt. /p>p>I never owned a pink parasol. I did have dolls and Barbies. But they spent most of their time in the trees, waiting for rescue from emergencies only one of those Tonka trucks I wanted to play with could handle. /p>p>I didn’t paint my nails, I chewed them, even when they were full of dirt. I chewed and picked my lip, too. My shins were filthy, scraped, bruised and scabbed looked like that parasol girl’s, but they were as skinny as toothpicks. And most of the time, I wouldn’t let anyone see them. /p>p>I had a hard time sitting still, so I don’t know how long I would have sat in that dirt. But my head was always full of thinking, and I didn’t often get too close to any of the rest of the girls. When I did, I was always looking for the kind of girl who didn’t notice how dirty and beat up her shins were. I was always hoping for the kind of little girl who would take a break from the rest of the kids to come over and hang out peacefully in my space, even if she was doing her own thing./p>p>And I wouldn’t have even minded her having a pink parasol, cuz that hang-onto handle would have been handy helping the Tonkas rescue those useless dolls from their tree-stranded tragedies./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.23/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image7.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image7-1024x1024.jpg altopening parasol width640 height640 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4980 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image7.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image7-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image7-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image3.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image3.jpg altblocking her face width640 height590 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4976 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image3.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image3-300x276.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image5.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image5.jpg altpropped parasol width640 height831 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4978 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image5.jpg 788w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image5-230x300.jpg 230w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image4.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image4.jpg altshowing off her parasol width640 height870 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4977 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reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/dirty-girls/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4983 --> div idpost-4965 classpost-4965 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/no-bone-picking/ relbookmark>No Bone Picking/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/no-bone-picking/ title7:10 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.21/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I’m not close enough to your bonesbr />to even notice if there’s meatbr />to pick off them./p>p>You’re not my kind of dish anyway.br />I like the sweet,br />the salty, the creamy.br />I love to savor and enjoy./p>p>I don’t get near the tough cuts,br />and I run so fastbr />from anything that smells rotten now,br />that I’m never close to those kinds of bonesbr />for long enough to notice what’s there./p>p>So if there’s meat being picked off your bones,br />perhaps someone a little closer to homebr />should be suspect./p>p>May I offer you a mirror?br />And then, as I was saying,br />I must run./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.21/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fno-bone-picking%2F&titleNo+Bone+Picking titleBookmark this post : No Bone Picking on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 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Bone Picking on Twitter >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttps://cjromb.com/no-bone-picking/feed titleFollow this post : No Bone Picking comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/no-bone-picking/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4965 --> div idpost-4880 classpost-4880 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/waving-goodbye-and-crying/ relbookmark>Waving Goodbye And Crying/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/waving-goodbye-and-crying/ title6:54 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.20/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>When we were little, we’d leave my grandma and grandpa’s house, and they’d stand in the doorway, waving goodbye, always smiling./p>p>My whole childhood, it was my grandpa and grandma, waving goodbye to my mom and dad and us kids, all of us grinning like crazy./p>p>But then my mom died, and then my grandpa died, too. I was left with the memory of the last time I’d waved goodbye to them. /p>p>And for the rest of the years, it was my dad, and my grandma. And for the rest of the years, waving goodbye wasn’t a time for smiling. /p>p>My dad didn’t like my grandma. She was mean to him for marrying my mom. So they didn’t visit each other anymore after my grandpa died, even though they lived very close. They’d waved goodbye to each other forever and pretended they didn’t care. But I saw them both at least every year./p>p>em>Waving Goodbye To My Dad/em>br />Each time I visited my dad, he did the same thing my grandma and grandpa always had. He stood in the doorway and waved goodbye when I left. Sometimes he even did this when I went to visit my grandma for the day. We’d make a joke about it, but inside, I wasn’t smiling./p>p>But my Dad wasn’t like my grandma; he was soft and couldn’t hide it. When I left to travel back home, he always cried when he was waving goodbye. /p>p>When I was a little girl, I’d found him near death twice, so for the rest of his life, I was afraid every time I waved goodbye, I’d never see him again. So even grown up, I always cried, too./p>p>Some years ago, I went through all of his life things with him, helped him pack up, sell his home, and move into a new place. It was time, but when we pulled away from his house, my childhood home, it was so hard to wave goodbye to it, that we both cried./p>p>I visited him for several years after that. He was happy in his new place, for the first time in all the years since my mom had died, and although I was sad when I waved goodbye, it was a little easier not to cry. /p>p>But then, the year after I’d broken my own back, he broke his, too. And he needed me. So I went up there five times, taking care of him, rescuing him, checking up on him. He was so sick that year, with one thing after another, that it took all I had in me to squelch my anguish, and wave goodbye each time I left. The time I had to leave him in the nursing home for rehab was nearly unbearable. But I had to go, and there was nothing for me to do, so I promised him I’d see him again, and my whole heart hoped hoped I was telling the truth./p>p>I’d cry for days, even after I was home, filled with good reasons for being afraid I’d never see him again. /p>p>At the end of that year, he was doing better when I visited him. And when I left, he hugged me goodbye, and whispered in my ear “Thank you; you saved my life.” That time, we both cried so hard, we couldn’t even wave./p>p>Almost two years ago now, my worst fear came true, in the midst of so many other of my worst fears coming true. I got a call that my dad was dying. So my son and I went to be with him, to take care of him. He held my hand so tight at the end it hurt. We said I love you to each other as much as we could. And when he died, I told him I’d miss him forever. /p>p>In the viewing room, when I got to see him that last time, I played piano for him, and for me. And then, for both of us, I waved goodbye one last time./p>p>em>Waving Goodbye To My Grandma/em>br />Then, there was only my grandma./p>p>My grandma wasn’t easy to love, but as I got older, her and I grew closer. I taught her it was okay to say I love you, and I miss you. And when I visited, and I left, she would wave goodbye. One time, she even cried./p>p>A few years ago, she couldn’t see anymore, and she kept on falling. So not long before my Dad died, she move into a new place./p>p>I visited her there the day of my dad’s funeral with the rest of the family. It was the first time I’d seen her that visit, because I’d been with my Dad. She asked if I could come back alone, but I couldn’t. We had to get on the road; we’d been gone so long. So I waved goodbye, and I promised I’d come back, and like with my dad, my whole heart hoped I’d told the truth./p>p>So many things happened the year my Dad died, and I didn’t get to see her again until the next June. It took a long time sitting there with her, before she knew who I was. She asked when I was going to come back, but she forgot what I said. She remembered to wave goodbye just a little, though. And she smiled, but I knew what was coming, and I cried./p>p>I didn’t want that to be the last time I waved goodbye to her, so I went back a month later. She had just turned 102. I’m not sure she knew me, but she touched my face and my hair. She thanked me for saying happy birthday. When I left, though, I’m not sure she even knew I’d been there./p>p>Two days later, I held her hand, too, just like I’d held my Dad’s. I told her I’d love her, and I’d miss her forever. And then she wasn’t there to wave goodbye anymore, either./p>p>So now there is no one to stand in the doorway for me, waving goodbye to the child I was and the grownup I am. There is no one to visit and no one to cry or smile, missing me when I leave. I am not afraid I won’t be able to wave goodbye one more time, because they are already gone. I am left with “I love you” and “I miss you” forever in my heart. /p>p>em>Waving Goodbye To My Son/em>br />And now it is only me, and my beautiful son./p>p>When he visits, I hug him as hard as I can. I’ve lost him before, but I don’t want to lose him again, now that he’s back in my life. I tell him I love him, and I can’t wait til the next time. Oh, my, how I treasure the man that he is. /p>p>I am like my grandma. And I am like my dad, too. I try not to be afraid I won’t see him again, but he’s all I’ve got. So sometimes I am. /p>p>And when we part, my son and I, because I’ve spent my whole life waving goodbye and crying, that’s what I do./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.20/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fwaving-goodbye-and-crying%2F&titleWaving+Goodbye+And+Crying titleBookmark this post : Waving Goodbye And Crying on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/waving-goodbye-and-crying/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4880 --> div idpost-4875 classpost-4875 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry category-writing tag-photography tag-poetry-2 tag-sky> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-best-ever/ relbookmark>The Best Ever!/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-best-ever/ title12:14 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.20/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Nearly every day,br />often more than once,br />I stand outsidebr />with my camerabr />pointed at the sky./p>p>I’m taking photosbr />of everythingbr />I possibly can./p>p>Sometimes there’sbr />so much beauty,br />I need two cameras!/p>p>And at least oncebr />every time,br />but probablybr />a hundred times,br />my whole heartbr />is filled with awebr />and whispers,br />or says out loudbr />and sometimesbr />shoutsbr />This is The Best Ever!/p>p>I can only imaginebr />how many timesbr />I’ve written, said,br />shared, thoughtbr />some variation of…/p>p>…this is amazing,br />insane, crazy,br />gorgeous, ridiculous,br />beautiful,intense,br />stunning,spectacular,br />amazing, stellar,br />wild, perfect,br />incredible/p>p>There has neverbr />been a betterbr />sunsetbr />sunrisebr />moonsetbr />moonrisebr />cloud groupingbr />sky glowbr />storm/p>p>Ever./p>p>Maybe I’ve said thatbr />as many timesbr />as there are stars!/p>p>All of my friendsbr />most of my acquaintancesbr />and plenty of strangersbr />have heard this from me, toobr />because they all need to know./p>p>I try to water it downbr />just a littlebr />so they don’tbr />stop believing me,/p>p>so I’ll saybr />This isbr />“one of”br />The Best Ever…/p>p>but it’s my little secretbr />how many are includedbr />in that group calledbr />“The Best Ever”./p>p>A few timesbr />I’ve thoughtbr />I’m going to stay inbr />and work,br />sleep,br />hang out,br />or be inside somewherebr />doing other things,br />because I was, after all,br />just out therebr />with my camera pointing upbr />at another sky that wasbr />The Best Ever./p>p>If it’s all greybr />Or conversely,br />when there’s not a cloudbr />to be seen anywhere,br />I’ll look out and trybr />my very best to convince mebr />to do something elsebr />because surely it won’t bebr />The Best Everbr />today./p>p>And that moon?br />Well, every month,br />he does the same thingbr />doesn’t he.br />He wanes and waxes,br />goes half and fullbr />and starts over as new./p>p>I try to believebr />I’ve already capturedbr />The Best Ever moon, too./p>p>But I know better,br />because when I look throughbr />all the photos I havebr />of sunsets, sunrises,br />moonsets and moonrises,br />cloud groups,br />sky glows, and storms,/p>p>I clearly seebr />no matter what time of daybr />or what was in the sky/p>p>every single momentbr />was completely unique/p>p>just like every single momentbr />of my life./p>p>So whenever Ibr />try to tell myselfbr />just stay in,br />I go out./p>p>And it’s alwaysbr />the right thing to dobr />because tonight’s sunsetbr />and just now,br />the moonrise?/p>p>Yep,br />once again, it wasbr />The Best Ever!/p>p>~ 2014.03.20/p>p>em>I would have posted The Best Ever here, but you can see the problem with that, right!?/p>p>Instead, you can see some of my sky photos on Instagram: a hrefhttp://instagram.com/cjromb titleInstagram - CJROMB target_blank>http://instagram.com/cjromb/a>br />or on Facebook a hrefhttp://facebook.com/OverMyHeadPhotos titleFacebook - OverMyHeadPhotos target_blank>http://facebook.com/OverMyHeadPhotos/a>/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fthe-best-ever%2F&titleThe+Best+Ever%21 titleBookmark this post : The Best Ever! on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on 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classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sky/ reltag>sky/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/the-best-ever/#comments>9 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4875 --> div idpost-4858 classpost-4858 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-healing tag-poetry-2 tag-recovery tag-self-development> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/there-is-no-such-thing/ relbookmark>There Is No Such Thing/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/there-is-no-such-thing/ title11:11 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.18/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I’m not broken enough anymorebr />to believe I can fix me,br />by fixing what is broken in you./p>p>I’m not lost enough anymorebr />to believe I’ll find my waybr />by telling you how to headbr />where I think you should go./p>p>It’s not that I’ve fixed myselfbr />And it isn’t that I’ve found my way/p>p>Instead, I’ve finally learnedbr />the only way to get overbr />being broken and lostbr />is to stop believingbr />that anyone,br />including me,br />is./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.18/p>div 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classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/healing/ reltag>healing/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/recovery/ reltag>recovery/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-development/ reltag>self development/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/there-is-no-such-thing/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4858 --> div idpost-4821 classpost-4821 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-abuse tag-mean tag-poetry-2 tag-self-discovery tag-teachers> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/mean-teachers/ relbookmark>Mean Teachers/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/mean-teachers/ title10:44 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.14/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>The most meaningfulbr />lessons I’ve learnedbr />from mean teachers /p>p>are the onesbr />they didn’t meanbr />to teach me./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.14/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fmean-teachers%2F&titleMean+Teachers titleBookmark this post : Mean Teachers on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/abuse/ reltag>abuse/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/mean/ reltag>mean/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/teachers/ reltag>teachers/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/mean-teachers/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4821 --> div idpost-4839 classpost-4839 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-writing> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/living-to-laugh/ relbookmark>Living to Laugh/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/living-to-laugh/ title2:14 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.03.12/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Somewhere in 2009 or 2010, I saw the YouTube video “Jizz in My Pants”. My (now ex) husband and I had gone to dinner at my son’s place, and my son shared this video with us. It’s the silliest video; have you seen it? OMG, I laughed sooo hard!/p>p>iframe loadinglazy width560 height315 src//www.youtube.com/embed/4pXfHLUlZf4 frameborder0 allowfullscreen>/iframe>)/p>p>By then, over a million people had watched it, and the response video “Puke In My Mouth.” /p>p>iframe loadinglazy width560 height315 src//www.youtube.com/embed/DJsQcnB6GC0 frameborder0 allowfullscreen>/iframe>)/p>p>When I saw this video, I was going through a pretty intense, unhappy time in my life. I was working a ridiculous number of hours (80-96!) trying to save a business structure and a marriage that couldn’t be saved. I was hyper aware that this was the first time I’d laughed about anything in awhile. Me, not laughing. Holy crap, what had happened to me? My own laughter felt so awkward, it kept ringing in my ears; I couldn’t stop thinking about it./p>p>The very next day I suddenly realized the brilliance of that video, of Lonely Island, of comedic ventures in general! FAR more people agreed on what’s funny, than they agreed on pretty much anything else. At a minimum, they at least agreed they liked to laugh!/p>p>That’s the day I decided Laughter was the intersection of humanity I wanted to play in. At least if I got run over, I’d go down with a grin on my face./p>p>It took me quite a few years to extricate myself from the unhappy place I was in. I went through some pretty nasty bouts of anger, sobbing heartbreak, desperation and stay-in-bed depression between then and now as I dug in deep to sort my life out. But once I started processing all that, I found when I WAS laughing, it was pure and complete. I noticed I was child-like unaware of anything in those moments, except the hilarity. As long as I was laughing, it didn’t matter whether I’d created it for myself or found it somewhere else./p>p>I genuinely, whole-heartedly laugh a LOT now; I’m guessing it’s fairly obvious from a small amount of time on my Facebook page, or interacting with me. I truly don’t mind laughing alone at all. In fact I stood outside in the dark tonight laughing at a photo I’d taken of the moon that looks like a silly face. It’s okay if I’m the only person who thinks something is funny, too, but it’s far more fun when I’m not the only one laughing! /p>p>There was a piece on a hrefhttp://trbq.org/ titleThe Really Big Questions target_blank>The Really Big Questions/a>, which aired on NPR tonight. The show was about people sharing with others. (I’m not sure which podcast contains what I’m referring to, but they were both wonderful…well worth listening to!)/p>p>a hrefhttp://trbq.org/trbq-podcast-3-the-joy-is-in-the-giving/ titleThe Joy Is In The Giving target_blank>The Joy Is In The Giving/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://trbq.org/trbq-podcast-4-sharing-with-strangers/ titleSharing With Strangers target_blank>Sharing With Strangers/a>/p>p>They’ve done experiments where they share money with people. One group is supposed to buy things for themselves. The other group is supposed to buy things for others. Then they survey them to see who’s the happiest. The people who have bought something for others report being the happiest. People who share have a higher sense of happiness and satisfaction in general. Money isn’t what I want to share with people, though. Instead, what I wanna share with people who cross my path is a smile. If we have a laugh? Even better! If I had a part in someone else laughing? I light up from head to toe when they tell me about it. And, to my core, I appreciate and value the people who make me laugh./p>p>The day I found a hrefhttps://www.facebook.com/georgehtakei target_blank>George Takei’s page on Facebook/a>, he became an instant hero for me. Surely you’ve seen it? I haven’t been to it yet without laughing about…well, without laughing about nearly everything ON it!/p>p>What a treat to find such an excellent role model, and what a fun article someone wrote about him on Your Tango! a hrefhttp://www.yourtango.com/2014209910/oh-my-10-reasons-we-love-adore-george-takei-lgbt titleOh My - 10 Reasons We Love George Takei target_blank>http://www.yourtango.com/2014209910/oh-my-10-reasons-we-love-adore-george-takei-lgbt/a> That’s where I found my sparkly new, favorite quote. It PERFECTLY sums up what I think about life and laughter:/p>p>em>“It’s really hard to hate someone for being different when you’re too busy laughing together.”/em> ~ George Takei/p>p>It gets to live in my heart right next to another daily repeated favorite I’ve been using to measure against whatever’s going on in my life: “Anything or anyone that does not bring you alive, is too small for you.” ~ (David Whyte – Sweet Darkness) – (To see a copy of this poem, go here: a hrefhttp://kathleenflenniken.com/blog/?p1642 titleSweet Darkness - David Whyte target_blank>http://kathleenflenniken.com/blog/?p1642/a>)/p>p>To me, when I’m laughing is when I feel most definitively alive./p>p>Thank you George, for the gift of laughter you’ve given millions of people, and for how much you’ve inspired me in the process./p>p>~ cj 2014.03.12/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/living-to-laugh/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4839 --> div idpost-4797 classpost-4797 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-healing tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-relationships tag-self-development> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/whole-enough/ relbookmark>Whole Enough/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/whole-enough/ title9:10 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.02.09/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I am not whole in the waybr />I view you to be. /p>p>I cannot yetbr />sitbr />stillbr />and allow/p>p>simply being /p>p>to wash over me. /p>p>Although I can,br />I do not like to standbr />on my own,br />isolated,br />uncomfortable,br />alone. /p>p>I do not like it,br />even though I receive gifts from itbr />every time.br />Gifts are therebr />when I experience and accept,br />and gifts are therebr />when I wiggle, squirm, cry, rebel. /p>p>I am uncomfortably easybr />with those who are searchingbr />in the way I am that day./p>p>And when I dare to look,br />I cannot missbr />how deliberatelybr />I sometimes choosebr />to be with thosebr />who declare it all foolish,br />because they won’t dare to look./p>p>I am not yet ablebr />to get all I need from inside myselfbr />even though I see it is there,br />just on the other side of now. /p>p>But in those momentsbr />when I am not angry with mebr />for failing to be whole,br />I am slowly falling in lovebr />with who I am discoveringbr />myself to be. /p>p>I am richly textured and openly colorful.br />I am often fearless and chase wildly afterbr />any chance to learn and experience, /p>p>even when it aches deeplybr />and especially whenbr />it might make me laughbr />until my sides ache. /p>p>I am starting overbr />unexpectedly,br />and I am learningbr />to embrace itbr />with gusto./p>p>I am alive,br />and full of hope. /p>p>I am trying my bestbr />every momentbr />of each day to bebr />present andbr />whole. /p>p>And yet,br />I feel unsteady,br />and I apologize for my clumsinessbr />at life, /p>p>because I have all that,br />I am all that,br />and I am clearly on my way…./p>p>but I don’t feel wholebr />like I view you to be. /p>p>I do see it right there, though,br />just on the other side of now,br />because I am at least whole enoughbr />to know these two things: /p>p>No one is completely whole,br />even when I view them to be./p>p>And I am whole enough for nowbr />because I know this. /p>p>~ cj 2014.02.09/p>div classshareinpost>ul 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/healing/ reltag>healing/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-development/ reltag>self development/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/whole-enough/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4797 --> div idpost-4794 classpost-4794 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-21-and-done category-poetry tag-bed tag-divorce tag-heartbreak tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/that-was-easy/ relbookmark>That Was Easy/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/that-was-easy/ title10:44 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.02.04/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Such a simple answerbr />to the coldnessbr />on that side of the bed. /p>p>I have a heated mattress pad. /p>p>This morning it occurred to mebr />to switch that side of it on,br />and then slide my hand over there,br />imagining the heat comesbr />from someone I deeply love,br />someone who’s onlybr />momentarily missing. /p>p>I did that. /p>p>I didn’t have to wait very long./p>p>Now the coldness is gone. /p>p>~ cj 2014.02.04/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/21-and-done/ relcategory tag>21 And Done/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/bed/ reltag>bed/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/that-was-easy/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4794 --> div idpost-4791 classpost-4791 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-brave tag-clouds tag-poetry-2 tag-sky tag-video> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/brave/ relbookmark>Brave/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/brave/ title3:55 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.02.02/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/trim.8AA68B44-32E8-4958-924B-0E964F5A4468.mov>Click to see short video clip of blue sky, white cloud, tree-filled stills./a>/p>p>It’s easy for me to be brave, when my chin is up, and I’m looking at the sky. /p>p>~ cj 2014.02.02/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbrave%2F&titleBrave titleBookmark this post : Brave on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync 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classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/brave/ reltag>brave/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/clouds/ reltag>clouds/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sky/ reltag>sky/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/video/ reltag>video/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/brave/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4791 --> div idpost-4787 classpost-4787 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 tag-clouds tag-heart tag-photography tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/sincerely/ relbookmark>Sincerely/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/sincerely/ title2:13 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.02.02/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/image.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/image-1024x682.jpg altimage width640 height426 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4788 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/image-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/image-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/image.jpg 1800w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>br />Blown away by the moment this breeze blew through./p>p>~ cj 2014.02.02 /p>p>(photo taken on 2014.01.31)/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li 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span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/clouds/ reltag>clouds/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heart/ reltag>heart/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/sincerely/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4787 --> div idpost-4770 classpost-4770 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-writing tag-instagram tag-life tag-life-lessons tag-photo tag-self-awareness> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/big-and-little/ relbookmark>Big and Little/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/big-and-little/ title1:46 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.01.29/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140125-IMG_6720.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140125-IMG_6720-682x1024.jpg alt20140125-IMG_6720 width640 height960 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4771 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140125-IMG_6720-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140125-IMG_6720-200x300.jpg 200w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140125-IMG_6720.jpg 2000w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>It’s surprisingly hard to tell the difference between what’s big and what’s little in some moment. /p>p>Figuring it out is a matter of gaining perspective, getting some distance or passing time. (Photo from 2014.01.25)/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbig-and-little%2F&titleBig+and+Little titleBookmark this post : Big and Little on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/instagram/ reltag>instagram/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life-lessons/ reltag>life lessons/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photo/ reltag>photo/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-awareness/ reltag>self-awareness/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/big-and-little/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4770 --> div idpost-4758 classpost-4758 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-childhood tag-damage tag-friend tag-friendship tag-heart tag-love tag-punishment> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/good-boy/ relbookmark>Good Boy/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/good-boy/ title4:35 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.01.26/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>frightened boybr />kneeling in obediencebr />until your freckled knees bledbr />while they committed their sinsbr />to your tender bare flesh/p>p>biting your lipsbr />and hating your tearsbr />and headingbr />rightbr />straightbr />to hellbr />everybr />singlebr />timebr />for doubting God’s planbr />and their right to hurt you./p>p>over and over they lashed youbr />you damn little bratbr />filling your sassy mouthbr />with lava-grit soapbr />and pulling your earsbr />until you shut-the-hell-upbr />with that begging for mercybr />and listened for oncebr />to the righteous wrongsbr />of their anger/p>p>you sacrificial black lambbr />you’d better just take the whippingsbr />they judged you had comingbr />and let them pummel you into pietybr />with their insatiable blame./p>p>they were forced to slap you in secretbr />and shame you in publicbr />because how could you be so naughtybr />you hardened heart heathenbr />that you deserved thisbr />for making them hatebr />their own wretched lives/p>p>and then look what you didbr />you little man-babybr />you lost control of yourselfbr />when they made you wait/p>p>why didn’t you gobr />when they told you tobr />and where did you come up withbr />such a piss poor excuse/p>p>all you have to saybr />for your sorry self isbr />that for oncebr />for just a few momentsbr />you dared to forget and have fun?/p>p>how stupid could you have possibly been./p>p>how many times do they have to beat some sense into youbr />beforebr />youbr />catch onbr />that you’d better never let that happen againbr />you bad bad boy./p>p>you swear you don’t know the reasonsbr />your prayers go unansweredbr />but you promisebr />with everything you havebr />forever and everbr />to try harder next time./p>p>And by God,br />you’re a man of your word,br />so you’re going to spendbr />everybr />momentbr />of the life you were givenbr />if that’s what it takesbr />to learn how to bebr />that good boybr />and that good manbr />they know damn good and wellbr />you’ll never be./p>p>and that’s where you arebr />my childhood friend,br />when I find you againbr />a long lifetime later/p>p>kneeling under the weightbr />of everyone else’s woundsbr />while your own heart bleedsbr />from paying for all those sinsbr />you’ve learned the hard waybr />must somehow be your faultbr />waiting patiently forbr />some sign of forgivenessbr />for all you couldn’t possibly have done wrong./p>p>and trying every moment,br />just like you promisedbr />to be thatbr />good boybr />they’ve damaged you so muchbr />you don’t even realize /p>p>youbr />alreadybr />alwaysbr />were./p>p>~ cj 2014.01.26/p>p>em>My lifetime later friend,br />I will hold you in my heartbr />with everything I havebr />forever and everbr />because that is all you will let me dobr />to make up for what has gone wrong./p>p>You are the most “good boy” manbr />I have ever met.br />And I am gratefulbr />that for once, you dared to forgetbr />and chose me to have fun with,br />even if only for a moment./p>p>I can never forgive thembr />for what they did to youbr />and I hope someday you heal enoughbr />from a lifetime of the punishing damagebr />they did to your tender heartbr />that you can believebr />you deserve to be always loved.br />/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fgood-boy%2F&titleGood+Boy titleBookmark this post : Good Boy on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent 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target_blank hrefhttp://twitter.com/home/?statushttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fgood-boy%2F titleTweet this post : Good Boy on Twitter >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttps://cjromb.com/good-boy/feed titleFollow this post : Good Boy comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/childhood/ reltag>childhood/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/damage/ reltag>damage/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/friend/ reltag>friend/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/friendship/ reltag>friendship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heart/ reltag>heart/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/punishment/ reltag>punishment/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/good-boy/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4758 --> div idpost-4733 classpost-4733 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-color tag-colorblind tag-photography tag-self-awareness tag-vision> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/color-blind/ relbookmark>Color Blind/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/color-blind/ title9:28 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.01.18/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/we-do-not-see-things-the-way-they-are.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/we-do-not-see-things-the-way-they-are.jpg altwe do not see things the way they are width450 height450 classalignleft size-full wp-image-4750 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/we-do-not-see-things-the-way-they-are.jpg 450w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/we-do-not-see-things-the-way-they-are-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/we-do-not-see-things-the-way-they-are-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 450px) 100vw, 450px />/a>/p>p>I spent a little time last year with a friend who was colorblind. /p>p>“That’s a sad affliction”, I’d think, while I was photographing a gorgeous cloudless sky. /p>p>“I hate that he’s missing out on the beautiful colors of this”, I’d feel, when I’d take a picture of a bright yellow flower./p>p>I became rather fascinated with his colorblindness, I will admit. I realized he didn’t know what he was missing, but I wondered endlessly about what he DID see. /p>p>We talked a good deal about it; my curiosity was a bit incessant. He was open to telling me about it, and each time it came up, we had a willing, interesting exchange. /p>p>When I witness skies like the ones in the photos below, my heart twinges for someone who is blind to the colors I see. But I did begin to see patterns and shapes faster, because of those conversations, and that’s added dimension to the colors I saw before./p>p>When I was thinking about being colorblind, it occurred to me that there is much we don’t see, don’t even know about. /p>p>I am rather fascinated with how people, including me, miss so much about our world and the people in it. I know I can be quite blind to my own true colors. /p>p>I will admit that when I realize I am seeing things differently than another, or I begin to see something I didn’t see before in myself, my curiosity is strongly piqued. /p>p>What a joy when I find another who’s open to having a willing, interesting exchange. When someone is unwilling to have that exchange, so we can learn about each other, my heart twinges for what is missed./p>p>I’m grateful to my friend for the conversations about colorblindness. I notice things I didn’t see before. I appreciate everyone in my life who engages in conversations about things I’m not seeing or want to see, too. It’s added a rich dimension to my life that has definitely enhanced the color of it./p>p>~ cj 2013.01.17/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140116-IMG_3612.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140116-IMG_3612-1024x682.jpg alt20140116-IMG_3612 width640 height426 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4734 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140116-IMG_3612-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140116-IMG_3612-300x200.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8179.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8179-1024x682.jpg alt20131008-IMG_8179 width640 height426 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4266 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8179-1024x682.jpg 1024w, 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/color/ reltag>color/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/colorblind/ reltag>colorblind/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-awareness/ reltag>self-awareness/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/vision/ reltag>vision/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/color-blind/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4733 --> div idpost-4719 classpost-4719 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-blog-post-2 category-writing tag-blog-post tag-choice tag-happiness tag-holiday tag-new-year tag-positive-living tag-self-development tag-self-worth> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/pos-itive-sayings/ relbookmark>POS-itive Sayings/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/pos-itive-sayings/ title4:54 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2014.01.02/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140101-IMG_8495.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140101-IMG_8495-1024x805.jpg alt20140101-IMG_8495 width640 height503 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4720 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140101-IMG_8495-1024x805.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/20140101-IMG_8495-300x236.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>“It’s hard to be satisfied with life if you’re not satisfied with yourself.”/p>p>When you read it, it seems so simple, so true. Impossible to take action on, yet ridiculous if one doesn’t get its obvious message – quit being dissatisfied with yourself. It begs the question – should I be dissatisfied for being dissatisfied with myself? What are all these self-help books for, if I’m already satisfactory?/p>p>After I got done thinking that about this particular saying, something bigger crossed my mind. What crossed my mind is that it doesn’t matter how many of these I see or read or print or share with my friends or write about, if nothing tangibly changes for them or for me./p>p>We can read all we want about letting go of anger, fear and sadness, loving ourselves, taking risks, opening up, etc. but until we change our minds and take tangible action, until we actually just LET go of the fear, sadness, and anger, until we HONOR ourselves, GIVE ourselves A BREAK, LOVE ourselves, RISK getting hurt, OPEN our hearts, STAND our ground, NOTHING is different. /p>p>Or maybe we DO change, because as another saying goes “The only thing that is constant is change.” Maybe what happens is that we go down one of two paths./p>p>On the first path, maybe our opinion of ourselves goes down. We judge ourselves even worse than we judged ourselves before. We participate in our own isolation and feelings of low self-worth because not only are we angry, fearful, sad, closed, alone, and down-trodden, we must like it that way, right? That’s what we say to ourselves, because otherwise, wouldn’t we be DOING something? I mean here’s everything we NEED, and we’re not budging an inch. What is WRONG with us, doomed to live around all these happy people when the world WE live in sucks. And it’s trying to actively kill us with all this positive stuff we can’t seem to ever be fully on board with?!/p>p>OR/p>p>Maybe each one of these is another brick in a road, another light on our path, another member of a swelling choir, a beautiful chorus enlightening us, waking us up, filling us with the air of love and life so that when we’ve heard enough, we finally open our own mouths and join the swell of the song, moving forward, taking a chance, hoping those around us will keep us from going over the cliff edge. Perhaps we become the example that helps the next person who’s been spending time reading success stories, happy sayings, self-help books, talking to their friends, listening to positive podcasts, or printing out and pinning up happy sayings, like /p>p>“It’s hard to be satisfied with life, if you’re never satisfied with yourself.”/p>p>In the last 48 hours, although I think the decision has largely been coming for awhile, I chose which path I am now going to stay on. I might trip and get trampled or get a sock stuffed in my off-tune-singing mouth, but I’m on it./p>p>Happy New Year to anyone and everyone who reads this. 🙂/p>p>~ cj 2014.01.02/p>p>em>P.S. pos-itive – I separated pos out of positive because POS also means Piece of Sh*t. haha. I made myself giggle with that one…soooo easily entertained.br />P.S.S. – Yes, I’m sure I’ll still be writing pain-ridden, suicide-sounding, desperately heartbroken poems and essays…cuz writing them makes me happy. 🙂/em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fpos-itive-sayings%2F&titlePOS-itive+Sayings titleBookmark this post : POS-itive Sayings on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/blog-post-2/ relcategory tag>Blog Post/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/blog-post/ reltag>blog post/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/choice/ reltag>choice/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/happiness/ reltag>happiness/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/holiday/ reltag>holiday/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/new-year/ reltag>new year/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/positive-living/ reltag>positive living/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-development/ reltag>self development/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-worth/ reltag>self-worth/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/pos-itive-sayings/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4719 --> div idpost-4685 classpost-4685 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-photography-2 tag-essay-2 tag-photos tag-sunset> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/simply-rich/ relbookmark>Simply Rich/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/simply-rich/ title12:53 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.12.22/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Such a beautiful sunset, rich in simplicity. A few sweet details, more than enough to make it memorable./p>p>It was what I needed most…pure, clean, easy to be present for./p>p>I focused on what it was giving me, literally and figuratively. /p>p>And I let it move me through, from where I was then, to where I am now, grateful for its simple, colorful company at the end of a day I’m not entirely sad has set./p>p>~ cj 2013.12.22/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131221-IMG_5868-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-large wp-image-4686 alt20131221-IMG_5868-export srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131221-IMG_5868-export-1024x682.jpg width640 height426 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131221-IMG_5868-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131221-IMG_5868-export-300x200.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131221-IMG_5958-export.jpg>img 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photos/ reltag>photos/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/sunset/ reltag>sunset/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/simply-rich/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4685 --> div idpost-4641 classpost-4641 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-photography-2 category-poetry category-writing tag-caring tag-cold tag-ice tag-photos tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/shattered/ relbookmark>Shattered/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/shattered/ title3:50 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.12.09/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1988.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-medium wp-image-4642 alt20131208-IMG_1988 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1988-300x200.jpg width300 height200 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1988-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1988-1024x682.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px />/a>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2009.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2009-300x200.jpg alt20131208-IMG_2009 width300 height200 classalignleft size-medium wp-image-4656 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2009-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2009-1024x682.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px />/a>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1993.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-medium wp-image-4654 alt20131208-IMG_1993 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1993-300x200.jpg width300 height200 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1993-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_1993-1024x682.jpg 1024w sizesauto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px />/a>/p>p>Beautiful,br />but so very coldbr />when I touched it./p>p>Misleading,br />it turned outbr />to be nearly hollow./p>p>Everythingbr />inside itbr />drained outbr />as soon as Ibr />tipped it a little./p>p>I took some photosbr />so I would remember,br />then shattered it,br />and went in searchbr />of somethingbr />solidbr />and warm./p>p>~ cj 2013.12.09/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2044.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2044-1024x682.jpg alt20131208-IMG_2044 width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4655 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2044-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/20131208-IMG_2044-300x200.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>em>/p>p>This is a block of ice that I pulled out of a little gulley created by the rain in a tarp. It was frozen on the outside, but still full of icy cold liquid on the inside. It was heavier than I expected, so I accidentally poured it all over myself as I was setting it up on the ledge. Icy cold, and now a perfect analogy. /em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fshattered%2F&titleShattered titleBookmark this post : Shattered on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/photography-2/ relcategory tag>Photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/caring/ reltag>caring/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/cold/ reltag>cold/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/ice/ reltag>ice/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photos/ reltag>photos/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/shattered/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4641 --> div idpost-4606 classpost-4606 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-21-and-done category-poetry category-writing tag-bleeding tag-divorce tag-heartache tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-relationships tag-wounds> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/bleeding/ relbookmark>Bleeding Freedom/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/bleeding/ title1:39 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.12.03/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I picked at myself,br />mercilesslybr />digging ragged nailsbr />deep into my flesh,br />an endless cyclebr />of scratches and scabsbr />and scars./p>p>I needed something,br />anything,br />to dig into mebr />deeper than you did./p>p>I made everything bleed,br />little places,br />small cuts,br />secret soresbr />you could not see,/p>p>and gaping gashesbr />you callously ignored,br />even when they turnedbr />everything whitebr />to unbleachable red./p>p>I tried to protectbr />my sensitive skinbr />with an armor of anger,br />but it was too softbr />to defend mebr />from yourbr />heartless slashings./p>p>And when it all stungbr />more than I could bear,br />I fled from you,br />stifling my sobsbr />in triangular corners,br />while you judgedbr />my salty tearsbr />to be unworthy lies./p>p>You busied yourselfbr />handing downbr />searing sentencesbr />that compelled mebr />to be who I couldn’t./p>p>My painful pleasbr />fell foreverbr />on the deaf earsbr />of a man-boy whosebr />helpless pitybr />for his momma’sbr />manipulative tearsbr />and unreasonable reasonsbr />had long agobr />weathered his skinbr />into impenetrablebr />callousness./p>p>All those yearsbr />covering the soresbr />we ripped in me,br />unable to resistbr />new wounding orbr />fend offbr />toxic infection./p>p>I served my timebr />as best I could,br />my skin tearingbr />and wearing so thinbr />there was littlebr />left to gouge,/p>p>until one daybr />stinging frombr />a nasty gashbr />I knew would kill mebr />if I stayedbr />in this filth,/p>p>I crawled intobr />my corner,br />unable to stiflebr />my oceanbr />of salty sobs./p>p>I hid in that dark,br />digging mybr />ragged nailsbr />into what was leftbr />of my flesh,br />trying to makebr />something,br />anythingbr />dig into mebr />worse than you had./p>p>And like a miracle,br />I found a waybr />to make the tiniest cut,br />with such perfect precision,br />that itbr />finallybr />bled out my heart,/p>p>and freed me./p>p>~ cj 2013.12.03/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbleeding%2F&titleBleeding+Freedom titleBookmark this post : Bleeding Freedom on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent 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Stumblers/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://twitter.com/home/?statushttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbleeding%2F titleTweet this post : Bleeding Freedom on Twitter >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttps://cjromb.com/bleeding/feed titleFollow this post : Bleeding Freedom comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/21-and-done/ relcategory tag>21 And Done/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/bleeding/ reltag>bleeding/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartache/ reltag>heartache/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/wounds/ reltag>wounds/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/bleeding/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4606 --> div idpost-4580 classpost-4580 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-mirror tag-poetry-2 tag-self tag-transition> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/looking-glass/ relbookmark>Looking Glass/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/looking-glass/ title8:22 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.28/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Ah, it’s been such a long timebr />since I’ve seen you here.br />How are you?br />How have you been?/p>p>Oh, good, good.br />Just fine.br />Going well.br />In fact, thingsbr />are lookingbr />magnificently up./p>p>I feign earnestbr />and glance upwardbr />as if magnificentlybr />were actually up therebr />shining down on me./p>p>I must be going nowbr />I chirp./p>p>I hear this comebr />from my mouth,br />as I begin to slide awaybr />averting my eyesbr />to the sidebr />so I don’t catch myself./p>p>The Chirp & Slidebr />I think.br />I should make up a dance.br />and off my thoughts race,br />beating me out the door./p>p>But I won’t let me go./p>p>I stand in my waybr />and lean straight intobr />my own line of sight./p>p>And then I continue to speakbr />while glaringbr />rightbr />atbr />me./p>p>Oh, is this so?br />Do tell me more.br />What have you been up to?br />I’m curious wherebr />you’ve been keeping yourself./p>p>I looked for a spell,br />but couldn’t find you./p>p>Well, that’s the question,br />isn’t it.br />What have I been doing?/p>p>I begin to thinkbr />I’ve cornered myself,br />which makes abr />prickly sweat rise./p>p>I don’t want to liebr />like I’ve been doingbr />for so long./p>p>So I pause./p>p>And I decidebr />I’ll tell the truth./p>p>Why not?br />I shrug.br />There’s a good chancebr />I won’t hear,br />or if I do,br />most likelybr />I won’t care./p>p>You see…br />here’s the thing…/p>p>…I squirm.br />…I clear my throat./p>p>yes, yes, do go on./p>p>Well,br />I’ve been so very busybr />spending nearly every momentbr />for quite some time now,br />especially it seemsbr />again latelybr />just doing whatbr />little I can…/p>p>And then I quickly whisper…/p>p>…(not to give up.)/p>p>I try not to slouchbr />as if some dignitybr />will help this along/p>p>and then,br />while I stand therebr />helplessly failingbr />to contain myself,br />some foolish braverybr />blurts out the rest…/p>p>…but I’m very oftenbr />nearly certainbr />and to be honestbr />unspeakably frightenedbr />that it’s going to takebr />far more to stop myselfbr />from itbr />than I have left to give./p>p>And then I fleebr />from the truthbr />I just toldbr />while I’m still frozenbr />in the looking glassbr />eyes widebr />mouth open,br />from the shock ofbr />the truth I just heardbr />coming from me./p>p>Perhaps I shouldn’tbr />have asked./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.28/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Flooking-glass%2F&titleLooking+Glass titleBookmark this post : Looking Glass on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on 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classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/mirror/ reltag>mirror/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self/ reltag>Self/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/transition/ reltag>transition/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/looking-glass/#comments>8 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4580 --> div idpost-4575 classpost-4575 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-lonely tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-cant-do-this-alone/ relbookmark>I Can’t Do This Alone/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-cant-do-this-alone/ title3:39 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.27/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I thought I’d do anythingbr />to be happy with you,br />rather than being Alone. /p>p>What I really want, though,br />is just to be happy, /p>p>and there’s nothingbr />I can do Alonebr />to be happy with you./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.27/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fi-cant-do-this-alone%2F&titleI+Can%E2%80%99t+Do+This+Alone titleBookmark this post : I Can’t Do This Alone on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 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idpost-4556 classpost-4556 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-children tag-friends tag-life tag-play tag-poetry-2 tag-wish> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-wish-for-you/ relbookmark>My Wish For You/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-wish-for-you/ title2:30 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/IMG_6226-export.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/IMG_6226-export-682x1024.jpg altSisterhood at Zilker width400 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4557 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/IMG_6226-export-682x1024.jpg 682w, 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/children/ reltag>children/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/friends/ reltag>friends/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/play/ reltag>play/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/wish/ reltag>wish/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-wish-for-you/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4556 --> div idpost-4547 classpost-4547 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-clouds tag-journeys tag-life tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/peace-filled-grace/ relbookmark>Peace Filled Grace/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/peace-filled-grace/ title2:19 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.15/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131114-IMG_8161.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131114-IMG_8161-1024x682.jpg alt20131114-IMG_8161 width600 classalignleft size-large wp-image-4548 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131114-IMG_8161-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131114-IMG_8161-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/20131114-IMG_8161.jpg 1500w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>Peace-filled grace carries you gentlybr />across my evening sky./p>p>A glow shines from your colorful heart,br />soft, undeniable./p>p>Shaped in each momentbr />by what can be seen,br />and by what never will,br />you appear,br />as you float by,br />to be at ease with it all./p>p>No worry about the coming dark,br />even though, for now,br />you’re on your own./p>p>Soon enough,br />my eyes will lose sight of you,br />and I cannot know what is nextbr />on this journey for you./p>p>Maybe you’ve been here before,br />and you’ve come back nowbr />to show me how to travelbr />with peace-filled gracebr />and a colorful glow in my heart,/p>p>…at ease with it all,br />even when I’m on my own,br />and I cannot know what is nextbr />on this journey for me./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.15/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fpeace-filled-grace%2F&titlePeace+Filled+Grace titleBookmark this post : Peace Filled Grace on Delicious >img 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srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/clouds/ reltag>clouds/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/journeys/ reltag>journeys/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/peace-filled-grace/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4547 --> div idpost-4540 classpost-4540 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-affection tag-connection tag-friendship tag-love tag-proposal tag-relationship tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-proposal/ relbookmark>My Proposal/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-proposal/ title1:46 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.13/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>No one else is going to let us carry on, like this, together,br />so let’s just carry on together, like this, without them./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.13/p>div 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reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-proposal/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4540 --> div idpost-4522 classpost-4522 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-lonely tag-poetry-2> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-am-lonely-tonight/ relbookmark>I Am Lonely Tonight/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-am-lonely-tonight/ title10:09 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.11/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I am lonely tonight,br />will you stand here for me?br />So I can sketch you in colorsbr />of the sunset and sea./p>p>I’ll tell you a storybr />or write a breaking heart poembr />if you’ll sit here with mebr />so I’m not all alone./p>p>I’ll share some sweet chocolatebr />and pour us glasses of winebr />so we can raise a fond toastbr />while you’re make-believe mine./p>p>Let’s wait until dark,br />before we walk on my land,br />so you won’t see my tearsbr />while you’re holding my hand./p>p>I’ll find some matchesbr />and get candles litbr />while we pad our talesbr />with interesting bits./p>p>I’ll laugh at your jokesbr />and always show you a smilebr />I’ll be who you want,br />if you’ll stay for awhile./p>p>I’ll make a firebr />And we’ll watch it burnbr />While I open my heartbr />for little return./p>p>I’ll play my pianobr />in the glowing red light.br />This song is called Longing,br />and it’s perfect tonight./p>p>I’ll invite you upstairsbr />to my deck for the viewbr />Then quietly askbr />May I lay down with you?/p>p>I’ll look shyly awaybr />so you can’t awkwardly seebr />how I dread lonely nightsbr />spent with no one but me./p>p>I’ll prove that I’m worthy,br />while I continue to grin,br />if you’ll kiss my mouthbr />and forgive me my sin./p>p>I’ll give myself upbr />and get down on my kneesbr />And I’ll let you touch mebr />however you please./p>p>The release that I give youbr />will soothe you to sleep,br />and you can rise in the dawn,br />with no promise to keep./p>p>As you drift off to dreambr />you’re holding me tight,br />while I lay awake achingbr />Cuz I am still lonely tonight./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.11/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fi-am-lonely-tonight%2F&titleI+Am+Lonely+Tonight titleBookmark this post : I Am Lonely Tonight on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent 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type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-essay-2 tag-life-lessons tag-moon tag-photography tag-photos tag-self-development tag-self-discovery tag-slowing-down> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/ relbookmark>My Man In The Moon/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/ title3:31 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.11.10/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1020.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1020.jpg alt2013.10.20 - Won Moon of the Day on 2013.11.10 width450 height450 classalignleft size-full wp-image-4470 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1020.jpg 640w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1020-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1020-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 450px) 100vw, 450px />/a>br />What I felt when I took this photo is still with me when I look at it now./p>p>First thing in the morning, the sun was rising while the full moon was setting. The sunrise was beautiful to be sure, and for a moment, I felt torn between the two. But only for a moment./p>p>I admire the sun and all the beautiful performances it puts on, dancing across the day stage of the sky, playing with the clouds from sunrise to sundown. But I can’t look directly at it without being blinded. I can’t see in the glare, so I miss things. And if I stay too long in it, I get burned. I end up connecting with the clouds instead of the source of their light, because I know I can never get close to it. /p>p>When faced with the choice, it didn’t take long to reason it out. I knew I’d have more time with the sun that day. And I quickly realized I’d have far more opportunities for sunrises than I would for moments where the full moon was departing at the same time like this./p>p>So…the moon. Ah, the moon; I’d made my decision. I turned to face him, a mysterious man I’ve always been attracted to, but with whom I’d only recently made friends. He has a singular, striking beauty. And there he was in that moment, showing his wide open face. /p>p>You’d think he put on a fairly standard show each month, colors limited by his outside light source, because he gives off none of his own. I always imagined him as having just a few faces, a few phases. Up at night, down in the morning. Once in awhile I’d see him in the middle of the day, and call him Paper Moon. But I wouldn’t let myself ponder his presence. ‘Thumbnail Moon’ was my nickname for him when he was crescent. Sure, I’ll admit, when he was full a few times? I let my guard down, and howled at Barton Springs Pool, with the others that loved him./p>p>If I looked at him for more than a few moments, I always found myself filled with the ache of longing for something I’d likely never experience. I was envious of the fortunate few who got to approach him in the past and jealous of the even fewer who got to touch. It made my heart pound to imagine, so I resisted these thoughts, and I put him out of my mind./p>p>But in my new life, I am committed to the pleasure of focusing on what attracts me. And one night, there he was. So I looked. And I gave in to my attraction./p>p>By learning how to take photos when he’s around, I slowly started getting to know him. And for the past few months, I’ve been indulgently enthralled with him. Perhaps you’ll understand why, and see what a perfect fit he is for my life, if I spend the time telling you who he is to me, and what I’ve learned from him./p>p>There is so much more to him than I imagined. Even though he’s closer to me, he’s not as predictable as the sun. He doesn’t blind me by shining in my face. Instead, he plays a gentle game, always delightfully fun. And I find it deliciously tantalizing that he’s going to require some time to get to know. /p>p>Maybe he doesn’t get to be the one who determines when it’s day or night, but he rises and sets on his own terms. /p>p>And while he’s at it, he changes what he looks like, too. /p>p>Sometimes he’s out in the middle of the day, split in half and seemingly transparent. /p>p>Other times he glows so bright at night, I can turn off my headlights on the last few roads home and still see my way clearly, despite the shadows he casts through the trees. /p>p>I like when he seems to wrap clouds around himself like a warm brownish blanket. /p>p>A few days ago, he looked like he was exhaling as he was falling to the ground. /p>p>I enjoy him when he’s misty mysterious, barely showing his face, and appearing in spurts in my photos, as if he’d hopped across the sky. /p>p>I even love him when he’s moody, scowling behind dark clouds. And of course I understand completely when he disappears during a storm. /p>p>And more than anything, my heart skips a beat, when I catch him, as I did in this photo. There he was, kissing the sky goodbye, sneaking out like a blushing lover, in the first light of dawn./p>p>One of the things I love about the moon is that I can see not only who he is, but what else he illuminates with his gentle glow. Sometimes it takes a bit to see what he’s willing to show me, but if I look long enough with my eye, or my camera, it always appears. What shows up is always interesting and often quite surprising. /p>p>I value how, most of the time, he uses his light to enhance other things around him, rather than overpowering them. He doesn’t force his way through things, or burn what stands in his way. In fact, often his light makes ordinary things shine with a unique beauty I wouldn’t have noticed they had, without him highlighting it for me./p>p>Occasionally he’s so bright, he washes out the surrounding stars, and I can’t see much else. But I love those moments, too, because he shares the stage with other things that walk out in front of him, using his brightness to create silhouettes of things like clouds or birds. And it grants me an opportunity to play along, because I can put what I’d like to see in front of him…branches, or maybe buildings…and I can see just their shape./p>p>I photographed him once recently, when he politely shared the sky with Venus. They looked like they were walking together towards the horizon, illuminating everything around them on their way out. What a gentleman he was; he let her go first. I grinned at that thought./p>p>Getting to know him has opened up a beautiful new world for me. At first, I thought perhaps I would read about him to learn more; I like to learn. But isn’t he, by revealing his mysteries slowly teaching me not to race to the destination? By learning by observing him, I can enjoy the journey. /p>p>Then I thought perhaps I would start a journal to analyze him; I like to understand. Where does he rise in the sky, what does he look like each time, when does he show his face? I like answers. But why analyze him and take away all the mystery? /p>p>So I decided to just leave things as they are, to go at their own pace. Like I’m learning to appreciate in other areas of my life, I’m going to sit back and appreciate the mystery of him. I will delight in the memorable moments, like I had taking the photo at the top of this post…moments when he gently, slowly, patiently and sometimes surprisingly, reveals himself and his world to me./p>p>May I say more about the photo at the top of this piece? I’d gotten up early to see him leave with the rise of the sun. I was pretty sure he was going to be there, because I’d had the delightful surprise of seeing him there the previous day. And there he was. Sure he’s mysterious, but I told myself perhaps he couldn’t resist an encore, knowing how much I’d enjoy seeing him again./p>p>It became an easy choice to turn my back on the sun. I stood facing him, with all my attention. I held my breathe, hoping with my whole heart the bird flying all around would do me the favor of crossing his handsome face before he set. As you can see he did, and fully prepared, I took his picture. And then I took more, enjoying each moment I had with him immensely, as he gracefully and quietly said goodbye for the day, allowing the sun to finish blazing its way onstage./p>p>That was a treat of a morning I won’t soon forget. Right at midnight last night, I found out this photo is the second one of my moon photos that won a Moonlight of The Day feature on Instagram. While I was sitting there basking in the fun glow of it, the brightness of the parallels between my life and the moon rose in my awareness like a full moon coming up over the horizon./p>p>I realized that while I’m slowly getting to know the moon, and learning how to photograph him, that I’m also learning the value of slowing down and paying attention to other things in my life that I’m attracted to and care about. Doing this in both areas is revealing things to me that I was moving too fast before to see./p>p>Waiting patiently for revelations, coming to slow understandings…learning, for the first time, how to walk, or even just stand still in the face of it, instead of running all the time…the graceful beauty, the gentle intimacy, the warmth without getting burned…the explorations that are possible when there is no fear of a harsh light glaring down…have all been extraordinary parts of the path I’ve been on lately./p>p>And I’ve been stunned by the generosity of others willing to reflect light in the way the moon does, so I am able to see existing silhouettes or have an opportunity to create my own. Those moments, these lessons, that generosity, like the moment I took this photo, are unforgettable. /p>p>My Man In The Moon has been gently and beautifully revealing what’s there for me to see. When I believe, and I patiently wait, it’s definitely worth it. /p>p>What a perfect symbol. As it slowly reveals itself to me, I see more brightly every day how the treasure of my new life, and the wonderful people in it, are even deeper and richer from the moments spent waiting. It’s always interesting, often surprising, and definitely worth it./p>p>~ cj 2013.11.10/p>p>em>As you can imagine, I have many more photos of the moon than this. I hope you enjoy the ones I’ve selected here. Some of them were mentioned above, in this piece./em>/p>p>div idgallery-1 classgallery galleryid-4404 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/exhaling-1107/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/exhaling-1107-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4477 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/exhaling-1107-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/exhaling-1107-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/exhaling-1107.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4477> Exhaling as he falls to the ground – 2013.11.07 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moon-of-the-day-1/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4485 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-of-the-day-1.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4485> Taken 2013.11.06Featured Moon of The Day on 2013.11.08 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/with-venus-1106/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/with-venus-1106-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4476 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/with-venus-1106-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/with-venus-1106-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/with-venus-1106.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4476> The Moon and his lady, Venus – 2013.11.06 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/orange-purple-sunset-1105/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-sunset-1105-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4475 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-sunset-1105-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-sunset-1105-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-sunset-1105.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4475> 2013.11.05 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/orange-purple-up-close-1105/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-up-close-1105-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4474 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-up-close-1105-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-up-close-1105-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-purple-up-close-1105.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4474> 2013.11.05 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/yellow-half-1025/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/yellow-half-1025-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4473 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/yellow-half-1025-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/yellow-half-1025-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/yellow-half-1025.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4473> 2013.10.25 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/orange-1025/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-1025-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4472 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-1025-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-1025-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/orange-1025.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4472> It was REALLY this orange – 2013.10.26 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moonoftheday2/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moonoftheday2-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4483 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moonoftheday2-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moonoftheday2-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moonoftheday2.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4483> Moon of the Day – Taken 2013.10.19 – Featured as Moon of The Day on Instagram on 2013.11.10 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/bird-and-moon-1019/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/bird-and-moon-1019-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4471 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/bird-and-moon-1019-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/bird-and-moon-1019-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/bird-and-moon-1019.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4471> Sunrise – Bird on a wire – 2013.10.19 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/pink-sunset-1017/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-sunset-1017-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4469 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-sunset-1017-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-sunset-1017-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-sunset-1017.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4469> Sunset – 2013.10.17 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/brown-blanket-1017/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-1017-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4468 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-1017-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-1017-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-1017.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4468> Brown blanket – 2013.10.17 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/half-cut-off-1010/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-cut-off-1010-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4467 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-cut-off-1010-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-cut-off-1010-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-cut-off-1010.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4467> 2013.10.10 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/cut-in-half-1010/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cut-in-half-1010-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4466 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cut-in-half-1010-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cut-in-half-1010-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cut-in-half-1010.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4466> 2013.10.10 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/half-with-shadow/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-with-shadow-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4465 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-with-shadow-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-with-shadow-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-with-shadow.jpg 640w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4465> 2013.10.10 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/paper-moon-926/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/paper-moon-926-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4503 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/paper-moon-926-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/paper-moon-926-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/paper-moon-926.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4503> Paper Moon – 2013.09.26 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/harvest-moon-909/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-909-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4462 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-909-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-909-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-909.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4462> Harvest Moon – 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/harvest-moon-0918/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-0918-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4460 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-0918-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-0918-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-0918.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4460> 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/cloud-cover-moon-919/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cloud-cover-moon-919-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4459 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cloud-cover-moon-919-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cloud-cover-moon-919-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cloud-cover-moon-919.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4459> Sunset – 2013.09.19 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moon-glow-brown-918/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-brown-918-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4505 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-brown-918-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-brown-918-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-brown-918.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4505> Moon Glow – 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moon-glow-918/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-918-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4458 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-918-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-918-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-918.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4458> Moon glowing behind the clouds. 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/brown-blanket-918/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-918-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4457 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-918-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-918-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/brown-blanket-918.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4457> 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/harvest-moon-918/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-918-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4456 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-918-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-918-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/harvest-moon-918.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4456> 2013.09.18 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/misty-moon-916/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/misty-moon-916-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4455 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/misty-moon-916-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/misty-moon-916-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/misty-moon-916.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4455> 2013.09.16 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/half-moon-913/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-moon-913-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4454 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-moon-913-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-moon-913-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/half-moon-913.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4454> 2013.09.13 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/cockeyed-913/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cockeyed-913-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4453 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cockeyed-913-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cockeyed-913-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/cockeyed-913.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4453> 2013.09.13 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/spotted-moon-821/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/spotted-moon-821-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4452 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/spotted-moon-821-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/spotted-moon-821-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/spotted-moon-821.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4452> 2013.08.21 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moon-glow-821/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-821-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4504 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-821-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-821-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-glow-821.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4504> Moon Glow – 2013.08.21 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both />dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/pink-cloud-moon-0821/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-cloud-moon-0821-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4451 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-cloud-moon-0821-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-cloud-moon-0821-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/pink-cloud-moon-0821.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4451> Full Moon Sunset – 2013.08.21 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/moon-cloud-821/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-cloud-821-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4450 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-cloud-821-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-cloud-821-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/moon-cloud-821.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4450> 2013.08.21 /dd>/dl>dl classgallery-item> dt classgallery-icon landscape> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/peaking-out-821/>img loadinglazy decodingasync width150 height150 srchttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/peaking-out-821-150x150.jpg classattachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail alt aria-describedbygallery-1-4449 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/peaking-out-821-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/peaking-out-821-300x300.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/peaking-out-821.jpg 612w sizesauto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px />/a> /dt> dd classwp-caption-text gallery-caption idgallery-1-4449> Sunset Moon – 2013.08.21 /dd>/dl>br styleclear: both 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span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life-lessons/ reltag>life lessons/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/moon/ reltag>moon/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photos/ reltag>photos/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-development/ reltag>self development/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/slowing-down/ reltag>slowing down/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-man-in-the-moon/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4404 --> div idpost-4359 classpost-4359 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-death tag-doggies tag-loss tag-love tag-lucky tag-mourning tag-poetry-2 tag-vet> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/leaving-the-vet-alone/ relbookmark>Leaving The Vets’ Alone/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/leaving-the-vet-alone/ title6:40 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.26/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>He bent down with a few scraps of towelingbr />to wipe up an accidental puddle,br />bringing him eye levelbr />with one of my tail-wagging doggies./p>p>He patted her and smiled just a little,br />then murmured something to herbr />that I didn’t understand./p>p>He saw me watching and straightened up,br />still trying to smile just a little./p>p>He was gripping a sandwich baggiebr />with an empty little collarbr />zipped up inside./p>p>Our eyes met, and he knew I’d seen.br />I imagined murmuring some bit of kindnessbr />but my words felt zipped up inside me,br />so I just smiled back a little instead./p>p>He seemed uncomfortably torn betweenbr />leaving the vets’ alonebr />and desperately wanting to bebr />anywhere he could stopbr />this damn southern smiling./p>p>I saw the pain well up in his eyesbr />as he finally left,br />forgetting that puddle and those towels./p>p>I had nothing left to do,br />so I followed him out the door./p>p>When we got to our cars,br />he watched me struggle with my doggies,br />while I watched him,br />and struggled to find my words./p>p>We were both still trying to smile,br />but I looked away from his pain./p>p>I didn’t want him to seebr />that my smile of comfortbr />had changed to gratitudebr />for my own momentary fortune./p>p>And I didn’t want to think aboutbr />the devastation I’ll feel whenbr />I am leaving the vets’ alonebr />gripping my own sandwich baggiebr />with an empty little collarbr />zipped up inside./p>p>I climbed into my car,br />and held tightly to one of mybr />tail-wagging doggies,br />murmuring kindness to herbr />that she didn’t understand./p>p>When I looked up againbr />I saw him climbing into his car,br />still holding tightlybr />to what was left of his smile,br />and that sandwich baggiebr />with an empty little collarbr />zipped up inside./p>p>~ cj 2013.10.26/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fleaving-the-vet-alone%2F&titleLeaving+The+Vets%E2%80%99+Alone titleBookmark this post : Leaving The Vets’ Alone on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/death/ reltag>death/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/doggies/ reltag>doggies/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/loss/ reltag>loss/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/lucky/ reltag>lucky/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/mourning/ reltag>mourning/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/vet/ reltag>vet/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/leaving-the-vet-alone/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4359 --> div idpost-4290 classpost-4290 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry category-writing tag-21anddone tag-divorce tag-flesh tag-hungry tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/last-pound-of-flesh/ relbookmark>Last Pound of Flesh/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/last-pound-of-flesh/ title4:59 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.12/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I have gone hungry already,br />and I will go hungry againbr />because you thieved from me,br />wrapping what you tookbr />in juicy liesbr />that you thicklybr />layered on me and then them,br />but mostly on you,br />buttering them up,br />so you could standbr />to eat them yourself./p>p>And now, you are getting thebr />last pound of fleshbr />you can take from me./p>p>I tape it shutbr />in bloody butcher paperbr />as I am forced to let youbr />stop by one last time,br />coldly sauntering upbr />to snatch itbr />off my nearly empty counter,br />as if it were nothing otherbr />than your given rightbr />to thieve my last morselbr />without paying a shekel of due./p>p>All your curdledbr />self-loathingbr />projected toward me,br />contorting the truthbr />so it looks like my faultbr />you’ve stolen from me,br />as if to convincebr />I should starve./p>p>It is just as well;br />My mouth is too dry to eatbr />and my lips are sealed shut,br />clamped down inbr />a teeth-grinding grimace,br />my gut churningbr />with anger and ache./p>p>I lose my appetitebr />as I remember those mealsbr />when my foolish heartbr />gorged on misplaced fatty trustbr />and sugar-rot love./p>p>By time I discoveredbr />your poisonous lies,br />you’d helped yourselfbr />to so muchbr />I had little leftbr />to protect me,br />so your hatred-sharp bladebr />forced me tobr />cut off some more./p>p>And now, here I am,br />hoping I don’t see you,br />as you snatch awaybr />that last heavy pound./p>p>I have gone hungry already,br />and I will go hungry again,br />but my gut wants to livebr />through this moment./p>p>So I insistently whisperbr />that this is the ransombr />I have to pay for my freedombr />and no matter how bloody,br />it must be done./p>p>And then I stand up,br />and I push myself forward./p>p>I cut off that lastbr />pound of flesh,br />what else can I do?br />And I lay it outbr />so you can take itbr />from me./p>p>And then I gatherbr />the strength I have left,br />and I cut my ties to you, too,br />a ruinous thief escapingbr />into a dark night of liesbr />greedily devouringbr />his ill-gotten treasure./p>p>And once you’ve takenbr />my last pound of fleshbr />leaving a severed messbr />in your wake,br />even though I am tiredbr />and trying to calm my empty gut,br />it will finally be quietbr />so I can rest here alone./p>p>I have gone hungry already,br />and I will go hungry again.br />But healing will comebr />and I will grow backbr />all you’ve taken from me./p>p>And when I have recoveredbr />from this bitter end to it allbr />I will rise upbr />to dine in the sweet peacebr />of my freedom,br />this last pound of fleshbr />a ransom I went hungry to pay,br />worth it to reclaimbr />my appetite for life./p>p>~ 2013.10.12/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Flast-pound-of-flesh%2F&titleLast+Pound+of+Flesh titleBookmark this post : Last Pound of Flesh on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 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stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/21anddone/ reltag>21anddone/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/flesh/ reltag>flesh/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/hungry/ reltag>hungry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/last-pound-of-flesh/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4290 --> div idpost-4284 classpost-4284 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-cleaning tag-consumption tag-life tag-poetry-2 tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-way-to-be-free-of-the-mess/ relbookmark>A Way To Be Free Of The Mess/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-way-to-be-free-of-the-mess/ title1:29 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.12/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>It’s time to clean upbr />and put awaybr />everything that hasn’tbr />already run out or broken,br />so I can be freebr />of this mess./p>p>I always thinkbr />I’ll replacebr />what’s run out,br />and fix allbr />that is broken,br />as soonbr />as I find the time,br />or as soonbr />as I can afford itbr />again./p>p>But for now I cannotbr />because my lifebr />is a mess,br />and I am what’s broken./p>p>So while I clean upbr />and put awaybr />what I have today,br />overwhelmed by allbr />that is broken or gone,br />I begin to think of itbr />another way./p>p>If I fix and replenishbr />won’t I just have morebr />that isn’t broken or gonebr />to clean up and put away?br />And won’t I also have morebr />that can run out or break?/p>p>So maybe I won’tbr />fix whatever is brokenbr />or get more of whateverbr />is gone./p>p>Because if I don’tbr />for long enoughbr />until everythingbr />runs out or breaks,br />I won’t have to clean upbr />or put away any more,br />and I will be free of the mess./p>p>~ 2013.10.12/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fa-way-to-be-free-of-the-mess%2F&titleA+Way+To+Be+Free+Of+The+Mess titleBookmark this post : A Way To Be Free Of The Mess on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/cleaning/ reltag>cleaning/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/consumption/ reltag>consumption/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/life/ reltag>life/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-way-to-be-free-of-the-mess/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4284 --> div idpost-4236 classpost-4236 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-consumption tag-essay-2 tag-life tag-moments tag-motivation tag-self-discovery tag-self-worth tag-sunset> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/consuming-moments/ relbookmark>Consuming Moments/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/consuming-moments/ title5:58 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.09/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>The darkness consumed the last light of the day yesterday, as it exited in a mass of fiery yellow-orange clouds. The color spread everywhere across the sky, eventually turning pink, and then grey, while I captured what I could with my camera. I was riveted, as I often am, unable to take my eyes off it. But no matter how much I didn’t want to let its beauty out of my sight, I was unable to stop it, even for a moment, from continuing towards nightfall./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8146.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4253 alt20131008-IMG_8146 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8146-1024x682.jpg width640 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8146-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8146-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8146.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>I thought of how a sunset is the flaming out of a day. Its exits the stage of time, leaving behind its singular day in history, its unique exiting footprint, never to be exactly repeated. Sometimes it gracefully glows as it quietly departs. I imagine it royally blushing as if it can’t help itself./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8130.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8130 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8130-1024x682.jpg width640 />/a>/p>p>Other times it seems to huff out in a roiled, but playful, jumble of varied colors and clouds. On particularly moody days, it stubbornly scowls its grey disapproval. And then there are the exits like last night, joyous, and colorful; when it twirls off stage in an insistently flashy blaze of glory. It spreads its arms out in every direction, trying to make sure when it’s forced to go, it won’t soon be forgotten./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8258.jpg>br />/a>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8140.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8140 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8140-682x1024.jpg width400 />/a>/p>p>But no matter what its method, soon enough it is always consumed completely by an impatient night, which will not be deterred from arriving. The next morning, a fresh day that’s never been seen before, relentlessly pushes its own moments forward. I don’t know where it gets its energy, but it shows up filled with the juicy promise of time…time…where everything happens and anything can. It often arrives with its own glow, bursting out of its seams and rolling the night back….and then it immediately takes up the task of continuing the cycle, consuming itself moment by moment, as it marches across the stage to its own exit coming soon./p>p>Despite my efforts to be present, to live in some moment, I am unable to stop this helpless consumption of time. No amount of meditation, or conversely, cursing, makes me strong enough to grab onto even a single moment of it. Perhaps I can create an illusion for myself to the contrary, but the truth is, I cannot possess it for even a second. I am forced to consume the next, because this one has expired, and the next, and the next, until I am one day no longer aware of my consumption of moments…until I am no longer consuming those moments…and until, at some undefined time in the future, there may be no one remaining to consume them. Even then, moments will continue to consume themselves, relentlessly…just as they do now, as they do while I’m writing, as they do while you’re reading./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8288.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4265 alt20131008-IMG_8288 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8288-1024x682.jpg width640 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8288-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8288-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8288.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>br />I do not know when, or why, I started thinking of time in terms of moments being consumed instead of as simply ‘passing’. It feels more honest. What if I hoped it would create a new urgency in me, at a time when I found myself often hoping they’d hurry up and go away, wishing they’d eat themselves alive on their way out. For a long time, I struggled to care about so many of those moments, that perhaps changing my view of their disappearance was an attempt to compel myself to maximize each one of them, even the ones I don’t like when they’re here. I don’t remember the origin of this change in my view, but it has been in my mind this way for at least a few years. Sometimes thinking about it this way stays quietly in the recesses, and other times it fills every inch of my awareness with its insistent truths and frightening ramifications./p>p>a stylecolor: #ff4b33; line-height: 21.81818199157715px; font-size: 16.363636016845703px; hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8268.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8268 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8268-1024x682.jpg width640 />/a>br />As I stood there in the silence that surrounded me during the sunset last night, I will admit, I felt quite challenged and saddened by some of both the unexpected and expected moments my day had been filled with. But I was also humbled and grateful for some treasured moments when friends came forward in different ways, reached out, showed up at just the right moment, and gave me some of their own moments as an offering of connection and care. They made the rest of the moments more bearable./p>p>a stylecolor: #ff4b33; line-height: 21.81818199157715px; hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8241.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8241 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8241-1024x682.jpg width640 />/a>/p>p>The moments I played some new music, the moments I loved on my doggies…the moments my work went well…they are moments I loved. They are moments I understand deeply were served up and had to be consumed along with the others I wasn’t so fond of. And then the sunset had its own glorious moments, making up for what it could with a grand display and then making a most extraordinary exit, showing off its brilliance as it consumed its last moment on the way off stage./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8252.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8252 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8252-1024x682.jpg width640 />/a>/p>p>I spent the remaining moments, before I found my dreams last night, writing my previous piece about the bird of paradise in my garden, and reliving the sunset by looking at the pictures I took./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8222.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4259 alt20131008-IMG_8222 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8222-1024x682.jpg width320 height426 />/a>/p>p>In the background, though, on a deeper level, for some reason, I kept catching myself thinking about consumption in a variety of ways. It kept me up quite late, and when I began this piece today, I certainly intended to give my hands the space to pull what I was thinking about it out of my head, so I could look at it more tangibly, and perhaps get it off my mind./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8211.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-large wp-image-4258 alt20131008-IMG_8211 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8211-1024x682.jpg width640 height426 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8211-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8211-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8211.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>But what I wrote to start with is completely different than what you’re reading now. What you’re reading now didn’t show up until the moment I went to put what I thought was going to be an opening paragraph containing a brief explanation of why consumption has been on my mind. It was going to preface a list I wrote describing why I continually consume, why all of us do. Obviously that’s not how this piece turned out./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8190.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-large wp-image-4257 alt20131008-IMG_8190 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8190-1024x682.jpg width640 height426 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8190-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8190-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8190.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>I will save that list and my consumption musings for another moment in time. Instead I will trust that this is the right thing to post now, because what’s most important for me to wake up to, to process, to write down, grasp and sometimes share, seems to have a way of showing up for me at what usually turns out to be the right moment if I let it…just like my friends do./p>p>And often, once I get what I’m thinking about and want to say out of my head, I discover I understand it better and am able to accept letting go of whatever there’s no point in hanging onto, whatever I cannot solve. Hanging onto those things is like trying to hang onto my moments./p>p>img decodingasync classalignleft alt20131008-IMG_8185 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8185-1024x682.jpg width640 />/p>p>When I read where my writing unexpectedly took me today, I’m aware that I haven’t discovered anything new. I know I’m not communicating anything people don’t already know at the core of their existences. It’s not a new concept; but having a strong visual in my mind supports me on my own journey as I continue to try to accept, with all its ramifications, that time is a precious, non-renewable resource, marching moment by moment across a stage./p>p>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4255 alt20131008-IMG_8168 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8168-1024x682.jpg width640 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8168-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8168-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8168.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/p>p>Time is the most critical resource being consumed by each of us, and while I can’t do anything about this consumption, I do want to make the most of what moments I have./p>p>img loadinglazy decodingasync classalignleft size-large wp-image-4254 alt20131008-IMG_8154 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8154-1024x682.jpg width640 height426 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8154-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8154-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8154.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/p>p>What if my moments line up in such a way, that I exit my life’s stage in a blaze of extraordinary glory? At the very least, I’d like to say Tata! in a most colorful way. And between now and then, I want to live in such a way that when I’m out of moments, I’ve left good memories behind for, and been valuable to, the people whose lives have intersected with mine. I want my arms to have reached out far enough in a meaningful way, that it’s not soon forgotten, just like I won’t soon forget the sunset from last night./p>p>~ cj 2013.10.09/p>p>em> a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8258.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync alt20131008-IMG_8258 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131008-IMG_8258-1024x682.jpg width640 height426 />/a>I hope the moments you consumed reading this, and looking at the photos were memorable for you. And speaking of friends, in case you didn’t already know, the moments of connections with my friends and the world around me are really the moments I cherish the most. I am always, always humbled when you take the time to read what I write and reach out to respond.br />/em>/p>p> /p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fconsuming-moments%2F&titleConsuming+Moments titleBookmark this post : Consuming Moments on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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--> div idpost-4219 classpost-4219 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-bird-of-paradise tag-divorce tag-empowerment tag-essay-2 tag-garden tag-healing tag-light tag-long-relationships tag-marriage tag-photos tag-recovery tag-relationship tag-self-discovery> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/bird-of-paradise/ relbookmark>Bird of Paradise/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/bird-of-paradise/ title4:39 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.09/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7116.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4221 alt20131007-IMG_7116 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7116-1024x682.jpg width640 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7116-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7116-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7116.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>A bird of paradise solar-powered light was one of the first things I bought when I reclaimed my garden, a particularly painful place for me. For several years, I avoided it because it made my heart ache and caused me to question whether me leaving my marriage and my previous life was misguided and mistaken. It was a place of regret, where I’d stumble in my conviction that this was the direction to go./p>p>At some point, I managed to realize that it didn’t matter whether I regretted it or not. It was what I had chosen, and there was no going back. And then I reminded myself over and over that when I chose to leave my marriage, I chose it because I couldn’t stand the darkness of what was going on in my life anymore. And what has happened since I’d left it was continued proof that I’d made the correct decision. Re-evaluating, looking back, was just keeping my face turned towards that darkness I had rightfully chosen to leave behind. I was facing away from the light I’d said I wanted to find./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7112.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4222 alt20131007-IMG_7112 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7112-682x1024.jpg height640 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7112-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7112-200x300.jpg 200w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7112.jpg 800w sizes(max-width: 682px) 100vw, 682px />/a>/p>p>Eventually I began to turn around, look out, find myself. And although I would have never initially said it mattered, one of the most important parts of that process is turning out to be reclaiming my home, my space. It was and still is a brutally slow process. There have been so many setbacks, from little potholes to massive unexpected canyons along the way, that most days, including today, I’m still unsure if I’ll ever get past all of it./p>p>But even if I never get past all of it, avoiding places in my home and heart is going to narrow the chances of it. So as I can, I’ve been traversing what I find I’m avoiding. And at one point, that included my garden./p>p>This past spring, right after a grueling mediation and before my divorce was final, I decided it was time to give new life a fighting chance to blossom. I wanted to dig out the weeds that were choking everything in my life, and I decided the garden was the perfect symbolic place to do that. I wanted to sit in peace back there, and I hoped that doing so, would somehow bring me more peace in the rest of my life. And I enjoyed getting dirty and sweaty working it all out./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7113.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4223 alt20131007-IMG_7113 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7113-682x1024.jpg height640 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7113-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7113-200x300.jpg 200w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7113.jpg 800w sizes(max-width: 682px) 100vw, 682px />/a>/p>p>One day while I was out there planting new plants, and setting up ways for them to get the water they needed, I was looking at the butterfly garden decoration my (now ex) husband had put in. I wasn’t ready to give it up, even thought it hurt to look at it. But I did decide I wanted a light to illuminate that area. It would take attention away from the butterfly, and it would make it brighter when I wanted to be still and relax./p>p>So I went shopping for one, and the bird of paradise solar light is the one I bought. It wasn’t an extravagant purchase, but I liked it because it was unique. A bird in paradise, I remember thinking; I hoped that description would eventually be true. And when I looked at the picture on the box, it gave me so much pleasure that I resisted throwing the box away, even after I’d installed the light./p>p>At the same time I’ve been getting past everything I discovered was going on, and all that’s happened since, I’ve been trying to transition to a new life. I’m hoping to starting an additional career soon, and I’ve got some hobbies I’m extremely passionate about, including music, writing, and photography./p>p>One of the things I’ve become fascinated with is night photography – leaving the eye of the camera open for so long, it eventually shows you what’s really there. And it usually shows you what there is to see in an unexpected, beautiful light. When I’m standing there, with the shutter wide open, waiting from moments to minutes for the camera to find what is there, I always think about how similar it is to what I’ve learned it’s important to do; keep my eyes open and truly look for that’s there, even when it’s not obvious at first. And I’ve discovered that often when I do see it, it shows up in an unexpected and often beautiful light./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7114.jpg>img decodingasync classalignleft wp-image-4224 alt20131007-IMG_7114 srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7114-682x1024.jpg height640 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7114-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7114-200x300.jpg 200w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/20131007-IMG_7114.jpg 800w sizes(max-width: 682px) 100vw, 682px />/a>/p>p>I don’t think about what’s inspiring me to take a picture. I see it, I take it, and then somtimes later I get more understanding of why I was drawn to it. Besides photographing in the dark, I love photographing known lights at night as well. The moon, streetlights, city lights, reflections off the water, building lights shining on other buildings, and most recently, spotlights at a local music festival….all of these have been showing up in my pictures. With the lights at night, I think it’s my photographic way of saying that seeking the light, facing it, leaving my eyes open towards it, is how I’m going to find my way through a dark part of my life./p>p>So back to my garden. I’ve tried a few times to take pictures of this bird of paradise solar-powered, take-my-space back garden light, but I just couldn’t get it right. And I didn’t want to stay back there long enough to truly see what there was to see, so I’d mostly given up. I saw it had turned on every night when I returned through the garden after taking sunset pictures. But I just let it go./p>p>That changed last night. Finally I was able to sit there long enough to find my way on the camera and to patiently wait for the pictures to reflect what I saw in that light./p>p>I’ve been divorced for six months today, and today is the last interaction I’m legally obligated to have with my (now ex) husband. What an interesting coincidence that, in the same way I’m learning how to capture the light with my camera, even when it’s dark, I’m figuring out how to face forward so I can find the light in my life. It’s unique and it’s beautiful, and just like that bird in paradise solar-powered lamp, it’s all and completely my own./p>p>~ cj 2013.10.08/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fbird-of-paradise%2F&titleBird+of+Paradise titleBookmark this post : Bird of Paradise on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/bird-of-paradise/ reltag>bird of paradise/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/empowerment/ reltag>empowerment/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/garden/ reltag>garden/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/healing/ reltag>healing/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/light/ reltag>light/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/long-relationships/ reltag>long relationships/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/marriage/ reltag>marriage/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photos/ reltag>photos/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/recovery/ reltag>recovery/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/bird-of-paradise/#comments>5 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4219 --> div idpost-4199 classpost-4199 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-adversity tag-cold-front tag-poetry-2 tag-weather> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/cold-front/ relbookmark>Cold Front/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/cold-front/ title6:59 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.10.01/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/photo.jpg altcold front width300 classalignleft size-full wp-image-4200 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/photo.jpg 536w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/photo-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/photo-300x300.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 536px) 100vw, 536px />/p>p>When the clouds moved in,br />I wanted to wallow in,br />complain about,br />how suddenly chilly I was./p>p>I wasn’t prepared,br />it caught me unaware;br />I’d left my coat at home./p>p>When the cold descendedbr />I ached to whinebr />about my frosty fingers./p>p>They didn’t want to wigglebr />when I told them to./p>p>But then I looked up,br />past my bitter miserybr />and discoveredbr />the beautiful lightbr />that cold front brought with it./p>p>~ cj 2013.10.01/p>p>em>As always, there is more to this than meets the eye. Sometimes the weather going bad is perfectly beautiful if you can just lift your head to appreciate it. Last night, when this happened, was such a perfect moment to experience that weather, and be reminded of this lesson./em>/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fcold-front%2F&titleCold+Front titleBookmark this post : Cold Front on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1749px 0px classimage-32 width32 alttwitter/> span classhead>Tweet about it/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a rel_self hrefhttps://cjromb.com/cold-front/feed titleFollow this post : Cold Front comments>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 width32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/adversity/ reltag>adversity/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/cold-front/ reltag>cold front/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/weather/ reltag>weather/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/cold-front/#comments>4 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4199 --> div idpost-4101 classpost-4101 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-essay-2 tag-friendship tag-teamwork> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-sweet-piece-of-team-work/ relbookmark>A Fun Piece of Team Work/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-sweet-piece-of-team-work/ title3:50 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.09.23/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>My housemate and I hung out most of the weekend, running errands./p>p>When we started the day on Saturday, I was hyper aware that I never just hang with someone like that, running errands, and “having a day”. We’ve been living together since January, and I definitely consider him a very close friend. But we’ve mostly done our chores and taken care of things on our own until this weekend./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0702-export.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0702-export-1024x682.jpg altturtle in the road width500 classsize-large wp-image-4125 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0702-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0702-export-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0702-export.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0739-export.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0739-export-682x1024.jpg altdown to the wire width500 classsize-large wp-image-4128 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0739-export-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0739-export-200x300.jpg 200w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0739-export.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 682px) 100vw, 682px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0693.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0693-1024x682.jpg altclouds in the air width500 classsize-large wp-image-4118 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0693-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0693-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>I will admit, I truly miss that kind of easy day-to-day do-things-together connection with someone, and I’m hoping we do it again. It made errands more enjoyable, and as it turned out, it unexpectedly gave me some fun memories, too./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0744-export.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0744-export-1024x682.jpg altwater in the park width500 classsize-large wp-image-4129 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0744-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0744-export-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0744-export.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>br />At one point, we went for a walk at Zilker, both motivating the other to get a workout. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/new-heart-rate-monitor.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/new-heart-rate-monitor.jpg altnew heart rate monitor width500 classsize-large wp-image-4104 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/new-heart-rate-monitor.jpg 800w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/new-heart-rate-monitor-300x224.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px />/a>br />He’d already helped me work through a decision about a heart rate monitor watch./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0747.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0747-1024x682.jpg altpurple wheat plant width500 classsize-large wp-image-4120 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0747-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0747-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>While we were walking, I showed him the other side of the Longhorn Dam. People fish with poles and nets there, and I’d had fun the last time I’d looked over that wall. I took a lot of photos, which thankfully doesn’t seem to bother him./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0806.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0806-1024x876.jpg altfisherman throwing his net width500 classsize-large wp-image-4105 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0806-1024x876.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0806-300x256.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0806.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0879.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0879-1024x872.jpg altnet in the air width500 classsize-large wp-image-4108 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0879-1024x872.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0879-300x255.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0879.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0821.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0821-1024x682.jpg alt20130921-IMG_0821 width500 classsize-large wp-image-4140 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0821-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0821-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0822_cropped.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0822_cropped-1024x689.jpg altnet hitting the water width500 classsize-large wp-image-4145 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0822_cropped-1024x689.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0822_cropped-300x202.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0822_cropped.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0855_cropped.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0855_cropped-1024x720.jpg altnet hitting the water width500 classsize-large wp-image-4144 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0855_cropped-1024x720.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0855_cropped-300x210.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0843.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0843-1024x923.jpg altnet swinging width500 classsize-large wp-image-4107 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0843-1024x923.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0843-300x270.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0843.jpg 1158w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/crawfish.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/crawfish.jpg altcrawfish he caught width500 classsize-large wp-image-4117 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/crawfish.jpg 612w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/crawfish-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/crawfish-300x300.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_09151.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_09151-1024x979.jpg altfisherman giving his catch away width500 classsize-large wp-image-4141 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_09151-1024x979.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_09151-300x287.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_09151.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/aa hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0940.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0940-1024x682.jpg altsteps width500 classsize-large wp-image-4122 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0940-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0940-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>Then he sat down on some steps I’d noticed. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_0985.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_0985-1024x988.jpg altBranch dangling, rock in the air width500 classsize-large wp-image-4111 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_0985-1024x988.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_0985-300x289.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_0985.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>I looked up and saw a branch dangling from a tree in the sun. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1163.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1163-1024x983.jpg altRock near the water width500 classsize-large wp-image-4113 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1163-1024x983.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1163-300x288.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1163.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>He picked up a rock and tried to knock the branch out. I was pretty sure it was up there on fishing line. I admired his persistence at attempting a task that seemed unlikely to succeed. I started taking pictures of the rocks mid-air. He found more rocks. /p>p>Then he suggested I take pictures of them hitting the water. I didn’t get what he meant at first; I didn’t see how I could get the tree and the water in the same shot, so I clarified. He just meant the water. He got bigger rocks. He told me when he was throwing. I started shooting the water splashes./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1164-2.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1164-2-1024x951.jpg altRock on impact width500 classsize-large wp-image-4114 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1164-2-1024x951.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1164-2-300x278.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1164-2.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1167.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1167-1024x872.jpg altlast splash width500 classsize-large wp-image-4116 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1167-1024x872.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1167-300x255.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1167.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>He managed to hit the branch eventually, which made it swing. I was able to get some cool sun-reflective pictures of the fishing line holding it up there. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1196_cropped.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1196_cropped.jpg altfishing line dangling width500 classsize-large wp-image-4143 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1196_cropped.jpg 800w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1196_cropped-257x300.jpg 257w sizes(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px />/a>/p>p>As you can see above, I got some great shots of the rocks mid-air, too, and some most excellent shots of the splash where the rocks hit the water./p>p>Eventually, he ran out of rocks, and we needed to continue our walk, which was the reason we’d come out there. I laughed at the holes left in the ground, where he’d picked up larger rocks./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1203.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1203-1024x682.jpg altrock holes width500 classsize-large wp-image-4124 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1203-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1203-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1202.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1202-1024x682.jpg altrock hole in the ground width500 classsize-large wp-image-4123 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1202-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1202-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>Pretty quickly, I realized what a gift that time was. It was completely unplanned, and it was an absolute memorable blast. I got to do something I loved (taking pictures) and got to try something new that would have been hard to do by myself (getting pics of the rocks mid-air and the water splashing). /p>p>We laughed, and I, for one, forgot about everything else for awhile./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1225.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1225-1024x682.jpg altIMG_1225 width500 classsize-large wp-image-4137 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1225-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_1225-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>We worked together nicely as a team. I saw the stairs, he sat down to enjoy it. I saw the branch, he tried to hit it with the rocks. It didn’t matter whether he got the branch or not; it was just fun. He suggested the water splash pictures, and when I didn’t understand, he clarified nicely. He helped create the opportunity, while I took the pictures. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0786.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0786-1024x682.jpg altyellow flowers in a blue sky width500 classsize-large wp-image-4121 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0786-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0786-300x200.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>It was a nice experience to work fluidly with someone when both people were trying to make a difference, without a bit of thought about ego or getting credit. It was also completely unplanned with no need to control any of it. I’m in the middle of writing about how little control we actually have over our lives, so it was a timely experience. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0760-export-3.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0760-export-3-1024x965.jpg altbee in a flower width500 classsize-large wp-image-4132 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0760-export-3-1024x965.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0760-export-3-300x282.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130921-IMG_0760-export-3.jpg 1200w sizes(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px />/a>/p>p>Yes, it was just for fun, but the wonderful experience of the teamwork, and the complete spontaneity made it quite memorable. The whole day, with all its moments, including this one, still has me smiling now, two days later as I’m looking through the pictures. I hope they’ve made you smile, too./p>p>~ cj 2013.09.23/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fa-sweet-piece-of-team-work%2F&titleA+Fun+Piece+of+Team+Work titleBookmark this post : A Fun Piece of Team Work on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/friendship/ reltag>friendship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/teamwork/ reltag>teamwork/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/a-sweet-piece-of-team-work/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4101 --> div idpost-4063 classpost-4063 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-beauty tag-essay-2 tag-flowers tag-love tag-rain tag-storms tag-survival tag-transition> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/golden-beauty-in-the-rain/ relbookmark>Golden Beauty In The Rain/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/golden-beauty-in-the-rain/ title6:56 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.09.20/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-3.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-3.jpg altyellow flower 3 width612 height612 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-4071 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-3.jpg 612w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-3-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-3-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px />/a>/p>p>These yellow flowers have shown up in my garden, growing wildly without my permission, without being planted there. They are far more beautiful than what I’d put in that spot. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-4.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-4.jpg altyellow flower 4 width612 height612 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-4070 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-4.jpg 612w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-4-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-4-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px />/a>/p>p>I’ve certainly learned that I miss beautiful moments in life if I always try to control what surrounds me, so I left them to do as they pleased./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-1.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-1.jpg altyellow flower 1 width612 height612 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-4073 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-1.jpg 612w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-1-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-1-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px />/a>/p>p>Over the past few weeks, they’ve rewarded me with a good deal of unexpected joy. I’ve headed out to my garden more often than I was, just to see them. Their sunny disposition is making a garden I still struggle with emotionally, a happier place to visit. I like to take pictures of them, and they seem to look their best when I show up with my camera in the waning light of the day./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-2.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-2.jpg altyellow flower 2 width960 height960 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-4072 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-2.jpg 960w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-2-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/yellow-flower-2-300x300.jpg 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 960px) 100vw, 960px />/a>/p>p>This afternoon, it was raining hard. I found myself worrying about how they were doing, and then felt compelled enough to check on them. So carrying my umbrella, and my camera, I headed out to see./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0637-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0637-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0637-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4068 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0637-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0637-export-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0637-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>The rain has impacted them; I see that immediately. They are each bent, with their heads down for now, protecting what’s precious inside. I noticed their petals have some creases and folds, most likely from the pelting they’ve taken. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0665-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0665-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0665-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4064 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0665-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0665-export-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0665-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>The rainwater is dripping off them and soaking into the ground beneath, a gift they will appreciate tomorrow./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0648-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0648-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0648-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4066 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0648-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0648-export-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0648-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>And maybe it’s my imagination because I want this to be so, but they seemed more beautiful than usual, their pretty green backs holding them up on delicate, fuzzy green stems. /p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0652-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0652-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0652-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4065 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0652-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0652-export-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0652-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>I look closer, and stand back up smiling. I’m quite positive they’re shining more golden, colored by the weight of what they’ve gone through./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0643-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0643-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0643-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4067 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0643-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0643-export-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0643-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>I head back inside, because for now, there’s not much I or they can do, but hunker down. We cannot control the rain. And the truth is, they know and I know, the rain was needed, even though we’re both finding it a bit harsh to survive in./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0663-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0663-export-1024x682.jpg alt20130920-IMG_0663-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4088 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0663-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0663-export-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130920-IMG_0663-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>Maybe tomorrow, the sun will shine again, and we can begin to find uses for the gifts of this downpour. I will hope for them, and for myself, that we make the best of what we have./p>p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_9539-export.jpg>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_9539-export-1024x682.jpg altIMG_9539-export width640 height426 classaligncenter size-large wp-image-4087 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_9539-export-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_9539-export-300x200.jpg 300w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_9539-export.jpg 1200w sizesauto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px />/a>/p>p>But if it chooses to rain on, I know in my heart, at least for now, these unexpected beauties and I have what it takes to weather the storm./p>p>~ cj 2013.09.20/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/golden-beauty-in-the-rain/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4063 --> div idpost-4016 classpost-4016 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-accident tag-essay-2 tag-online-communities tag-photography tag-self-discovery tag-sharing> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/magnetically-drawn-to-sharing/ relbookmark>Magnetically Drawn To Sharing/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/magnetically-drawn-to-sharing/ title4:35 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.09.16/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-Shot-2013-09-16-at-4.34.03-PM.png>img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-Shot-2013-09-16-at-4.34.03-PM.png altThe Sun Before it Set - 2013.09.16 width603 height600 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-4046 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-Shot-2013-09-16-at-4.34.03-PM.png 603w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-Shot-2013-09-16-at-4.34.03-PM-150x150.png 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-Shot-2013-09-16-at-4.34.03-PM-300x298.png 300w sizesauto, (max-width: 603px) 100vw, 603px />/a>/p>p>I am finding myself magnetically drawn to sharing pictures I took on Saturday evening of the two accidents I was trapped by, for an hour, on I-10. I want to share my thoughts on this magnetic, somewhat morbid, urge, although I haven’t decided whether or not to share the pictures. I am hoping by time I’m done writing this, I will have some clarity on the matter./p>p>May I tell you what happened? This may take awhile, but I hope you find it worth the time you’ll spend reading it. /p>p>I was driving from Austin to Houston, a trip which should have taken 3 hours, but took me 6.5 this time. I make the trip regularly, and I often catch myself paying attention to things other than exactly where I’m going. /p>p>I was in a creative space until right before these accidents, lolly-gagging and stopping along the way to take pictures. I was busy wondering what was going on inside of me that I’d created the foundations for around 6 poems and essays already on that trip, after creating another one at about 3am that morning. I’m always creative on Friday afternoon, so I was noticing that I was a day late. I was chewing on and processing a large life ah-ha that had unfolded in a text conversation with a close friend that afternoon, making my departure from Austin several hours late, but well worth the delay. And I was making the observation that none of the pieces that I’d just created drafts for were related to that afternoon’s ah-ha, despite realizing already what a pivotal ah-ha this was going to turn out to be. In summary, my day was pretty intense and my attention was quite distracted from my destination, before these accidents happened. /p>p>So now it was sunset, the time of day when, even more so than normal, my attention is absolutely, completely riveted on the sky above me, to the exclusion of nearly everything else that isn’t related somehow to it or its reflection./p>p>A minute before the accident, I’d pulled over on the side of the road to take a picture of the sky, as the sun was getting ready to set. It was already beautiful, and I knew it was going to be a good one. I was only pulled over for a few moments before I got back on the road. Very, very soon after I pulled back on the highway, I saw what turned out to be the tail end of a horrible car accident. I witnessed the remainder of the rollover and the car stopping. /p>p>I was suddenly aware of car parts, interior content, and debris flying all over the road. I was scared, but somewhere selfish inside me, I saw that I was going to be trapped by this and it would cause a worse delay in my arrival in Houston. So I followed the truck in front of me right off the road, down an embankment, and onto the frontage road. Then I stopped just past the car accident, where I didn’t think I’d be trapped by the ramifications of it. /p>p>Quite a few people ran to the car, and the police were there in record time. I did not go over there, and even right then, I knew why I didn’t. I’ve been the primary witness to more fatal car accidents than seems reasonable, and I felt the memories of every one of those sear painfully and immediately in my heart./p>p>Then it occurred to me to do what I always do…take pictures. So that’s what I did./p>p>I have spent a lot of thought cycles trying to figure out my obsession for taking pictures. I am not sure I’m completely clear, but I do know that, at least in part, my pictures are meant to bear witness and help me remember what I’ve done and where I’ve been. And surprisingly often, they serve unexpected purposes beyond what I think they’re going to. /p>p>Several realizations have already come from my picture taking on that trip. First, me pulling over may have kept me from being part of the first accident. There is no way to know. And it’s also crossed my mind that perhaps if I HAD been involved, the person who was in the accident would have been more or less impacted than they were. There is no way to know that either. /p>p>Second, my pictures are a disturbing combination of the chaos in front of me on the ground, and the beautiful sunset unfolding, a sunset absent of care about what was happening on that ground. I specifically avoided showing the traffic or the accident in the majority of those sunset pictures, as if joining the sky in a desperate attempt to ignore what was happening on the ground and my helplessness to alter its course. /p>p>I also wonder sometimes if my picture taking enhances what I’m experiencing, or conversely, helps me avoid being fully present. Repeated pictures of exactly the same thing show there was something far more than a desire to simply record it. Was I trying to force myself to stay focused?/p>p>I think in this case, it’s fairly accurate to conclude from the combination of my pictures, intermixed with repeated pictures of the same thing, that I was struggling to fully accept the realities and the possibilities of what was unfolding in front of me. I can see myself giving in to avoiding it, intermixed strongly with a determined attempt to continue facing it. /p>p>Third, because I think I need to see it in writing, I want to admit here that I didn’t see the full accident. I remembered pulling off the road for the pre-sunset picture, but I was baffled until last night about why I didn’t see the full accident. I should have; I’d been back on the road long enough. And I was absolutely close enough at the moment I DID begin seeing it, to have witnessed the entire thing./p>p>My pictures cleared up my confusion. My pictures showed me exactly what I was doing when I should have been facing forward. I was taking pictures in my rear view mirror of what I’d just pulled over to take pictures of a moment earlier…the sun beginning its descent behind me. Besides realizing what a close call that created for me, I am significantly dismayed right now at how proud I often am for seeing things others don’t. I am embarrassed at taking compliments, as if I have this talent. Perhaps I do, but the cost of that is missing far more important things I can make no excuse for missing. What a brilliant example of the dangers of looking behind for too long, and at important moments when we are best served facing forward./p>p>I’d like to return to sharing the events of that hour. I was taking pictures of the sky, taking pictures of the first accident. A policeman approached to ask what I was doing. I said “Watching.” Then after a little hesitation, I said “Taking pictures.” Then after a little more hesitation, I added “I have to.” He said “I wish you wouldn’t.” We looked at each other. I said “I wish I wouldn’t either.” Another moment. I added “I won’t take pictures while you’re getting the person out of the car.” He said “Okay”, looked at me a moment later, and then walked away. /p>p>I wanted to yell after him, ask him why they weren’t taking the person out of the car, why everyone was standing around, cleaning up the street and talking to each other. But I was too afraid to ask. I reasoned that if the person were dead, they wouldn’t be letting other cars and trucks crawl past the scene would they? /p>p>This drew my attention down the road, where I noticed that now there was a gap in the traffic jam caused by the first accident. Then I saw a man had driven down the wrong lane on the frontage road. He stopped in the middle of the road, jumped out and ran toward the policeman who was just talking to me, gesturing wildly towards that gap. The policeman got in his car immediately, racing down the road towards the gap. Soon, emergency vehicles were approaching from many directions. /p>p>At some point, another man pulled over on the frontage road, got out and donned his volunteer fireman apparel. I took pictures of him, too, while I worshipped his heroic willingness to approach the mess I imagined he was about to witness./p>p>As I zoomed in on that gap in the jam, I saw there was a second accident. A car was firmly under the body of a semi./p>p>Then I hesitated. I wasn’t sure what to record, what to witness, what I was willing to see. Part of me wanted to drive off, to run. I was in front of the first accident. I could escape. Part of me couldn’t move from what I was already watching; I was back to being nearly frantic because they still weren’t getting the person out of the vehicle from the first accident. And part of me needed to see what had happened down the road. That part won, for several reasons. So I got in my car and went back down the frontage road, now putting myself between the two accidents instead of past the first one. I’d trapped myself in the mess, when I could have escaped./p>p>The vehicle from the second accident was extremely damaged, too. The drivers’ side was completely collapsed, and by all rights, that person should have been injured. Instead, the young man was standing on the side of the road with the driver of the truck, talking to someone on the phone who probably cared deeply about him. He didn’t appear to have a scratch on him, although he was clearly shaken. I wonder if he realizes how another accident was so differently playing out just up the road from him. /p>p>A tow truck came and pulled the second car out from beneath the truck. The tow truck, the semi, the police, with the car driver, moved up towards the first accident, but everyone else was still blocked. Then they blocked the frontage road, right in front of me. And that’s when we all found out why no one was pulling the driver from the car. They were injured beyond transport by ambulance to a local hospital. A helicopter came right across that beautiful sunset-filled sky, landing right on the road. They quickly moved the driver to the helicopter, and it headed off in the other direction towards Houston within moments. I continued taking pictures./p>p>Another tow truck came. The drivers from the two tow trucks worked together to get that first accident’s vehicle on that second tow truck. It took some doing, but they got it. I continued taking pictures./p>p>People were free to go. I stayed behind and continued taking pictures. I zoomed in, I zoomed out. I was riveted, immobile. Eventually, I got in my car, compelled by knowing my friend was waiting for me in Houston, and compelled by my hatred of being trapped, which I suspected I would be by all the traffic now in front of me./p>p>The trip didn’t continue problem-free. Outside of Katy, a large number of emergency vehicles were coming down the frontage road. I was now in 6 lanes of traffic, and saw they were all slowing down. I could have exited right when I saw this, but I made the split second decision to stay put, convincing myself there was no way 6 lanes would all be blocked. They were. It took 45 minutes more to crawl 4 miles past another accident, which I was selfishly thankful was cleared by time I got to the place where it’d happened./p>p>Finally, finally, I got to the exit I was supposed to take. I took it…and was so busy being relieved that I distractedly turned the wrong way onto a 4 lane one way road. 4 lanes of headlights glaring at me. 4 lanes of people blaring their horns at me, likely familiar with people like me, not paying attention to where they’re going. I turned safely around, and managed to arrive where I was going, 6.5 hours after I’d left Austin./p>p>It’s been a bit odd since I arrived. That trip exhausted me. It upsets me still, and the pictures I took made it worse, even though I think I needed to see what was in them. At the same time, I feel quite fortunate because I see all the intersections in time and space that could have changed the outcome of this to something way beyond a 3.5 hour delay./p>p>So back to my desire to share these pictures. I do understand it, now that I’ve told this story, now that I’ve thought this through. It isn’t that I need the attention. I can find plenty of other, more pleasurable ways of getting that, if that’s what I seek. I’d rather make you smile than trouble your heart or bring tears to your eyes./p>p>I’m not particularly interested in shocking anyone. I’m guessing my general behavior and attitudes are enough to accomplish that anyways./p>p>I’m not inclined to warn others about what can happen to them if they make a mistake, nor am I in the mood to preach to others about how lucky they are that this wasn’t them. We all know that, don’t we. And we get our own reminders of it all the time, without me pointing it out./p>p>Maybe this story accomplishes a little bit of all of the above reasons…but I think the reason is really a combination of other things./p>p>I believe the reason I want to share them is the same reason I shared the stories of my marriage falling apart, my dad passing away, losing my grandma. I think, even though I wasn’t involved in these accidents, that I was still hurt, jarred, and frightened by them, because of my past, and because of these accidents. I am aware that I am grieving what I saw, with a background of grieving other losses./p>p>I have found it extraordinarily healing to share my stories. Besides finding my own truths by writing them down, I have found sharing lifts the weight of them off of me. /p>p>Perhaps I should convince myself it’s not appropriate to share them, but I am a shining example of crossing the boundaries of appropriate without always realizing, and largely without caring about them. Perhaps my selfish desire to find healing is greater than my concern for boundaries of appropriateness, but I know I am not alone in this. /p>p>When I reach out to others who’ve share their stories, reading them, telling them I care and I’m thinking of them, I can tell they are grateful that each of us who has done so, is a part of what is healing them, lifting the weight off them, too. /p>p>I want to be one of the collective voices that serve as examples of how healing it can be to reach out to a community, even when we don’t always know each of its members well. /p>p>I want to be an example of openness when something troubles me, whether or not I can understand or explain why it troubles me, and whether or not this level of sharing is always acceptable to others. /p>p>I often say that I think part of what makes us feel isolated, even with all this open communication technology, is that we tend to believe we are obligated to tell everyone everything is okay, when it is not always. /p>p>We seem to believe it conveys weakness to open up and admit, to reach out and share. When everyone responds to this perceived pressure by only sharing when things are good and seem positive, or by lying when they are not, we not only succeed in isolating ourselves, but we become a part of the reason others feel isolated, too. /p>p>It took me awhile to get to the bottom of my magnetic urge to share the pictures I’ve taken. But I realize now that I’m done writing this, that I am already helped, just by writing and then sharing this story, without sharing the pictures. And I hope if you’ve read this, that my example of being willing to process it, share it out loud, and admit seeking comfort from outside myself, can be an example to you and others in support of what I believe….That it helps us all to do the same./p>p>~ cj 2013.09.16/p>p>em>The picture I’m including here is the one I took in the moments before the accident, when I’d pulled off the road. Did taking this picture keep me from being in the accident? 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reltag>sharing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/magnetically-drawn-to-sharing/#comments>11 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-4016 --> div idpost-3996 classpost-3996 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-writing tag-empowerment tag-essay-2 tag-flowers tag-photography tag-self-discovery> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/being-themselves/ relbookmark>Blossoming Into Themselves/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/being-themselves/ title2:11 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.09.16/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/image.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/image.jpg altBlossoming width600 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-3997 srcsethttps://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/image.jpg 800w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/image-150x150.jpg 150w, https://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/image-300x300.jpg 300w sizes(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px />/a>All this unique beauty in these flowers, growing in the wild, blooming in the woods. /p>p>If I hadn’t come by, it’s likely as not, no one would have noticed them. If I hadn’t been watching, who would have taken their picture and shared it with others? I felt a bit proud, like I’d done them a favor. I felt like a steward, my duty fulfilled, by giving them worth./p>p>But only for a moment, until I walked away and glanced back to find them unaltered. They were still there, living exactly the same, even though I’d left./p>p>They didn’t question who they were, and they weren’t wondering who I wanted them to be. They didn’t ponder whether they’d pleased me or not. /p>p>It didn’t matter to them that I witnessed them. It mattered only to me, the person who was touched by what they were already being. /p>p>From the beginning, they’d blossomed on their own in the wild, wholly unique. And they will be exactly themselves, without apology or exception, for as long as they live, because that’s what they were born for. They will do this, in spite of, not because of, anyone…including me./p>p>So arrogant I was, believing my presence, my preference, my approval, gave their existence value./p>p>I was the one who received the gift by noticing them. They had already blossomed, perfectly and completely whole, without any gifts of recognition from me. /p>p>I am not their purpose, and it is not their path to do or be anything for me. /p>p>All this beauty in these flowers…they have a unique purpose to which they are perfectly suited. 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classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/ relcategory tag>Writing/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/empowerment/ reltag>empowerment/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/flowers/ reltag>flowers/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/photography/ reltag>photography/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/being-themselves/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3996 --> div idpost-3994 classpost-3994 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-essay-2 tag-friendship tag-friendships tag-lesson tag-privilege> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-privilege/ relbookmark>My Privilege/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-privilege/ title12:36 am relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.09.16/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I heard Jacki Lyden on NPR say this to Dave Zirin yesterday:br />“Dave, thank you so much for joining us.”/p>p>Dave said this back:br />” My Privilege. Thank you.”/p>p>So different, isn’t it, from the usual ‘My Pleasure’?/p>p>‘My Privilege’ caught my attention. It made me smile./p>p>It made me think about all the times others deserve to hear ‘My Privilege’ from me, when they show up in my life, when our moments intersect. They deserve to hear this, if we’ve intersected for awhile, only once in awhile, only once./p>p>Hearing ‘My Privilege’ made me like Dave. It made me want to know him. /p>p>Most of all, it made me want my friends and loved ones to hear from me that it is My Privilege to know them. It is My Privilege that they have granted me mercy, given me answers, paid attention, spent their time, assisted me. It is My Privilege that they have shown me kindness, generosity, loyalty, patience, friendship, love./p>p>Thank you, Dave, on NPR. It was My Privilege to have this intersecting moment, where I had the moving experience of witnessing your grace and respect./p>p>~ cj 2013.09.16/p>p>em>Here’s a link to the story on NPR. It’s a piece on a large fine levied against one football player for hurting another football player on purpose. That football player didn’t treat the other player like it was His Privilege at all. /p>p>What a special piece of irony that this reporter’s interaction with the newscaster was so different from the fined football player’s interaction with the other football player./p>p>a hrefhttp://www.npr.org/2013/09/14/222525581/for-rich-nfl-players-do-fines-matter titleFor Rich NFL Players, Do Fines Matter? target_blank>For Rich NFL Players, Do Fines Matter? 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/friendship/ reltag>friendship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/friendships/ reltag>friendships/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/lesson/ reltag>lesson/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/privilege/ reltag>privilege/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-privilege/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3994 --> div idpost-3984 classpost-3984 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-breakup tag-divorce tag-heartbreak tag-love tag-marriage tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-relationships> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-matter/ relbookmark>I Matter/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-matter/ title7:33 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.08.20/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>It only took me a minute or two on the 17th to write a hrefhttp://bit.ly/cjexisting titleExisting target_blank>Existing/a>. I suppose it was ready to be said without much hesitation./p>p>But after I was done, I waffled back and forth for quite awhile before and after I posted it, trying to decide whether to use the word ‘exist’ as the core concept, or the word ‘matter’. And I’ve been thinking about it ever since./p>p>So here’s the piece again, only I’ve changed a few words so the core concept is ‘matter’. I made this new version, because existing and mattering are different. I made this new version, because mattering is more important to me./p>p>I Matterbr />***************br />You treated mebr />as if who I truly wasbr />didn’t matterbr />so completelybr />that who I truly wasbr />stopped matteringbr />when I was with you./p>p>When I left,br />you still treated mebr />as if I didn’t matterbr />so completelybr />that I found a waybr />to matter to myselfbr />instead./p>p>And now,br />all that you meant to mebr />when I was with youbr />has stopped mattering./p>p>~ cj 2013.08.20/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fi-matter%2F&titleI+Matter titleBookmark this post : I Matter on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) 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classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartbreak/ reltag>heartbreak/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/marriage/ reltag>marriage/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationships/ reltag>relationships/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/i-matter/#comments>7 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3984 --> div idpost-3980 classpost-3980 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-breakup tag-divorce tag-heartache tag-love tag-marriage tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-self-discovery> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/existing/ relbookmark>Existing/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/existing/ title9:34 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.08.17/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>You treated mebr />as if who I truly wasbr />didn’t existbr />so completelybr />that who I truly wasbr />stopped existingbr />when I was with you./p>p>When I left,br />you still treated mebr />as if I didn’t existbr />so completelybr />that who I truly ambr />found a way tobr />come back fully./p>p>And now,br />all that you meant to mebr />when I was with youbr />has stopped existing./p>p>~ cj 2013.08.17/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fexisting%2F&titleExisting titleBookmark this post : Existing on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/breakup/ reltag>breakup/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/divorce/ reltag>divorce/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/heartache/ reltag>heartache/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/marriage/ reltag>marriage/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/self-discovery/ reltag>self discovery/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/existing/#comments>1 Comment/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3980 --> div idpost-3928 classpost-3928 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-poetry tag-love tag-poetry-2 tag-relationship tag-travel tag-warmth> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/arrivals/ relbookmark>Arrivals/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/arrivals/ title8:25 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.08.05/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>Cold-platform standing,br />silent tears, stingingbr />from the brisk walk-by of him,br />him, like the others;br />misuse-me menbr />that I’ve given my heart tobr />for a lifetime of years,br />without their understandingbr />or mine./p>p>I let them go by as they’ve pleased,br />giving each one many chances,br />this trip, another trip,br />always the same,br />while I try to bracebr />against the freezing breezebr />of their coattailsbr />blowing past me,/p>p>leaving me,br />holding my tattered sign,br />leaving me,br />shrinking back into my lonely,br />leaving me,br />disappearing in the bustling silencebr />of being ignored./p>p>There they gobr />greeting another,br />or heading off on their own,br />while I comfort myselfbr />that this is stillbr />the right place to wait./p>p>What kind of girl would I bebr />if I chased him or the others,br />insisting they open their heartsbr />to travel with me?/p>p>It isn’t the first timebr />I’ve waited this way,br />believing I’ll be seen,br />if I wait long enough,br />turning my backbr />on other arrivalsbr />clambering for my attention./p>p>I keep my hope warmbr />telling myself this time,br />like all the others,br />was just a cold miss./p>p>My hope has always kept mebr />standing there,br />until today,br />until now,br />until this very moment,br />when I realize how nearbr />to freezing I am./p>p>As I vigorously rub the frostbr />from my heartbr />my attention is drawnbr />and my eyes are wide-openedbr />to a blinding truthbr />that’s been waitingbr />a lifetime for me to see;/p>p>I haven’t foundbr />my fulfilling connection,br />because I’ve beenbr />standing on a platformbr />that only brings inbr />steely cold arrivals;/p>p>misuse-me menbr />like him, and the othersbr />it’s taken me until nowbr />to turn my back on,br />smart enough finallybr />to let them,br />and their coattailsbr />breeze by./p>p>I am pleased to arrivebr />at this truth,br />still strong enoughbr />to head offbr />on a trip of my own,br />where I imagine finding him,br />not like the others,br />him, a warm, loving manbr />who has waited his own lifetimebr />and stands ready to travelbr />with an open-hearted girl like me./p>p>~ cj 2013.08.05/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Farrivals%2F&titleArrivals titleBookmark this post : Arrivals on Delicious >img loadinglazy 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url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-1452px 0px classimage-32 altrss /> span classhead>Subscribe to the comments on this post/span>/a>/li>/ul>div classclean>/div>/p>/div> /div>!-- .entry-content --> div classentry-utility> span classcat-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/poetry/ relcategory tag>Poetry/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/love/ reltag>love/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/poetry-2/ reltag>poetry/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/relationship/ reltag>relationship/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/travel/ reltag>travel/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/warmth/ reltag>warmth/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/arrivals/#comments>3 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3928 --> div idpost-3921 classpost-3921 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay category-music-2 tag-austin tag-essay-2 tag-music> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/music-in-austin/ relbookmark>Music In Austin/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/music-in-austin/ title4:51 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.08.05/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>a hrefhttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/IMG_6085-export1.jpg>img decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/IMG_6085-export1.jpg altIMG_6085-export width600 classaligncenter size-full wp-image-3923 />/a>/p>p>I love how, when he moved, he became a somewhat transparent figure in this picture, fleeting, temporary…while his music equipment and the insistent beat stayed solid. /p>p>It struck me how much this moment was so much like Austin as a whole. The individual people making the music are temporary, fleeting. They play here, and we enjoy them, but it’s an ever-changing scene. /p>p>Yet, from the time our love for music swelled to a vibrant crescendo in Austin, weaving its insistent beat through the present, and likely forward to a future we can’t yet see, the association between Austin and music will likely stay solid./p>p>~ cj 2013.08.05/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fmusic-in-austin%2F&titleMusic+In+Austin titleBookmark this post : Music In Austin on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a 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classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-cat-links>Posted in/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/writing/essay/ relcategory tag>Essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/category/music-2/ relcategory tag>Music/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classtag-links> span classentry-utility-prep entry-utility-prep-tag-links>Tagged/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/austin/ reltag>austin/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/essay-2/ reltag>essay/a>, a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/tag/music/ reltag>music/a> /span> span classmeta-sep>|/span> span classcomments-link>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/music-in-austin/#comments>2 Comments/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-utility --> /div>!-- #post-3921 --> div idpost-3888 classpost-3888 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-essay tag-book tag-childhood tag-death tag-escape tag-essay-2 tag-healing tag-reading tag-symmetry> h2 classentry-title>a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-fearful-symmetry/ relbookmark>My Fearful Symmetry/a>/h2> div classentry-meta> span classmeta-prep meta-prep-author>Posted on/span> a hrefhttps://cjromb.com/my-fearful-symmetry/ title8:51 pm relbookmark>span classentry-date>2013.08.02/span>/a> span classmeta-sep>by/span> span classauthor vcard>a classurl fn n hrefhttps://cjromb.com/author/cjromb/ titleView all posts by cjromb>cjromb/a>/span> /div>!-- .entry-meta --> div classentry-content> p>I used to buy so many books, ignoring the “why-aren’t-you-normal” questions from my now ex-husband about what I was going to do with yet another potentially unread treasure crowding our shelves. /p>p>How could someone who’s lived such a different life from mine, ever understand how books gave my heart a home from the moment I knew they existed? I hid in them, discovered from them, absorbed and consumed them. /p>p>Late at night, I sought safety from the angry outbursts of my family, by hiding in my safe closet and reading the same books over and over in the bare bulb light. /p>p>My reading was one of the few things I did that was approved of, and I gladly lived adventurously through Little Women, Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew. They were brave, and when I lived through them, I was brave, too./p>p>I went from a voracious reader to someone who read very little in the past 3 years. Each time I tried to focus on someone else’s words, it ripped me apart or the words bounced off the page, so I gave up. Perhaps I couldn’t take anything new in, until the old was gone enough to make proper room. I knew I did not want another’s words to accidentally open any more painful flood gates. I had all I could handle struggling against drowning in the ones I’d opened on my own./p>p>But I hadn’t abandoned words and books altogether. When my world broke apart a few years ago, instead of purchasing and reading books, I rediscovered writing. And when I couldn’t stand the pain of that, or I’d said all I could say in some moment, I’d wander aimlessly through bookstores so I could still be surrounded by the comfort of words nestled between all those wonderful covers. /p>p>One day, I began taking pictures of the titles that jumped out at me, a habit which continued for quite a time. An author’s careful choice of phrase, intended to entice a reader to a story, often also succinctly described that moment in my life. It always surprised me how the perfect titles found me. And taking pictures of them created another diary of where I was on my journey. /p>p>I went to the bookstore and took those pictures for awhile, but then I stopped going altogether. Instead, I involuted almost completely into myself, filling all the bandwidth I had for words, with my own outgoing stream. As I prolifically wrote over the past several years, I’ve wondered many times when the words might stop pouring out long enough to let more in. It seemed it would never happen. But recently, it’s begun to slow, and I am grateful for the space of quiet this morning, where something new has finally found a way through my door./p>p>I’ve just spent three weeks in the northern U.S. I’d gone up there to see my grandma again, and while I was there, she passed away. I stayed on, and indulged in some beautiful scenery and a deep level of introspection. I didn’t think I’d reached any conclusions, and as I traveled back home, I didn’t think much had changed for me. But when I arrived, I walked in the door to find out that even though nothing had changed, everything had, because something was different in my heart. /p>p>For the first time in too long, I am cleaning up my life. And while I’m at it, I’m cleaning up my house, too. I’ve begun caring about it and the time I have left, in a way I haven’t for years. I am acting on all those plans I’ve dreamed up and blown off. /p>p>And I’ve begun to open my heart. It is still deeply wounded, but I can see it healing or forming finally into scars I can live with. I have the energy and strength to face forward now, but didn’t realize how much better I was doing until, to my surprise, I picked up a novel today for the first time in years. It was a novel sitting in a pile with others I’d also surprised myself by purchasing a few months ago./p>p>The novel is called em>Her Fearful Symmetry/em>, and it’s by Audrey Niffenegger. It is immediately poetic, and there is something in the way the author describes her characters that reminds me of how one of my very best friends describes people. He is conservative and meticulously precise with his words. He would be a brilliant writer, and would charm the world with his words, as he charmed me, if it was the life he chose. This endeared me to her style immediately, as if I’d just come home to something deeply and beautifully familiar./p>p>The book opens with a focus on Elspeth, who is dying of cancer at 44, leaving behind Robert, a man who loves her dearly. He adores her details, her quirks, her habits, yet as is often the case, he doesn’t really know her at all. /p>p>The author, through Robert, describes all the feelings I have actively swirling in my own head and heart about my grandma, my dad, and my mom dying. She accomplishes this fully, in only a few pages, completely revealing that nothing I’ve felt is unique or uncommon. Yet her words make me believe I’m special, for having a sensitive heart that recognizes what she’s saying is true. /p>p>And in just a few chapters, before the story has taken more than an hour of my time, she’s also already left me longing, ever so slightly, for a love in my life like Robert. Such an extraordinary fete in the face of my adamant refusal to consider getting involved with anyone. She’s made me imagine an infinitely human man who will treasure my complex details enough to hold them gently, while loving the whole of my heart enough to squeeze me fiercely, knowing I’m strong enough to take it…a man who loves like Robert loves Elspeth./p>p>In short, she gave all the correct words to feelings about death and love I haven’t been able to express on my own yet, despite all the writing I do and I’ve done. /p>p>No doubt the experiences I’ve had over the past three weeks, and the efforts I’ve finally been making since I returned, have contributed to my feeling of well-being today. But this wonderful book has already done more than its share to help me accept my feelings about the deaths of my family and my marriage, and at the same time has given my heart a little hope for the fanciful feeling of falling in love. /p>p>I am so happy to have reading back in my life, and I can’t wait to read the next chapter in em>Her Fearful Symmetry/em>. I bet it will continue to renew my hope that I can return to my own symmetry, after several years of fearing I never would./p>p>~ cj 2013.08.02/p>div classshareinpost>ul classsocialwrap row>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank hrefhttp://delicious.com/post?urlhttps%3A%2F%2Fcjromb.com%2Fmy-fearful-symmetry%2F&titleMy+Fearful+Symmetry titleBookmark this post : My Fearful Symmetry on Delicious >img loadinglazy decodingasync srchttp://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/images/blank.gif height32 stylebackground: transparent url(http://cjromb.com/wp-content/plugins/share-and-follow/default/32/sprite-32.png) no-repeat;padding:0;margin:0;height:32px;width:32px;background-position:-198px 0px classimage-32 width32 altdelicious/> span classhead>Bookmark on Delicious/span>/a>/li>li classiconOnly>a relnofollow target_blank 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